Friday, February 29, 2008

Seriously hooked

I spent the better part of yesterday (and yes, I was at work) plowing through SouleMama's archives, which resulted in me hitting the library for embroidery, quilting, and machine sewing how-to's...we'll see where this inspiration takes me. I'm so glad it's Friday. I always seem to miss the yearly Library purge, otherwise known as the Jacksonville Book Sale, so may hit that first thing tomorrow. Otherwise, the weekend stretches before me, full of possibility.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


I'm hooked on this lady:

Hooked on her creativity, her kids, her pictures...seriously stirring something. I'm in a rut this week; been eating too much fast food, doing very little at night, and letting things pile up. Husby makes noise about how it's his fault too, but the plain truth is that when he's hurting, the last thing he wants to think about is rotating the dishes or running a vacuum over the carpet. I should probably crack the whip a little more, not enable him so's a work in progress.

So I went into today wanting to work harder, wanting to dig out of said rut, and I happen along this lady's blog. She's been at it for going-on 3 years, so I couldn't plow through her archives in an afternoon, but man, what delightful reads. Great New England pics too; they're from Portland, Maine. I think I may have to go home and tear apart the bedroom, unless I jump right back onto the computer when I get home and read more of her archives.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Status quo

Switching to all decaf this week is hitting me about as you'd expec::snorkzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz:: Determined to make a clean break of it for now though, because this week we start trying...

Kitchen's a does that happen so quickly? Last night was laundry, all 6 friggin' loads of it, so tonight will be kitchen, maybe some cooking.

Husby was awakened this morning by contractors pounding on our sliding glass door; they're starting the new porch! Thank goodness I moved the brunt of the aloe to the front this past weekend. He still had to deal with one bike, the charcoal cooker, and one seriously large aloe, which are probably now eating what's left of my space in the dining area. Can I go home now and reorganize please? Work's not keeping me awake...

Never picked up the needles this past weekend...been a touch off my game, but I tend to rally early in the week, so there's hope...I need to get cooking again, get some more stuff in the freezer. I'm looking for a wheat bread recipe that's not quite so dense (though I have a feeling that has to do with how many times you let it rise, and ideal rising environment, which believe it or not is harder to control in Florida, because there's really only two settings: indoors=chilly and dry thanks to A/C or outdoors=oppressive) Rising just doesn't work as well in a 200F oven though, so I'm thinking of closing the vents in the walk-in closet in the bedroom and creating a makeshift rising theater...will keep you posted. And I'm thinking oatmeal cookies...I like having something to grab from the cookie bin, so might as well give it the illusion of being healthy.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Muggy Friday

78F in February...short sleeves and sweating...frickin' unnatural...this state sucks you in, gets you used to the low cost of living, thus preventing you from leaving...I'm not a happy Yankee...

But it's Friday and payday, and that's always a boost...

Saw the stork outside our apartment office again today...little bastard's a week early...

Gas prices blow...

Panera bagels rule...

Felt that sock in the gut this morning when I remembered Dad was gone...haven't had that in a while...probably the hormones...

They're working multiple buildings, remodeling the porches, so I'll be moving all the aloe to the front this weekend and spending some money on topsoil and containers finally...moving charcoal cooker and bike indoors, so there goes my dining area again...ah well...been a couple of weeks since my last "reorganization"...about time to shake things up again...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Doing 'bout yourself?

Man, my little black hormonal cloud was overhead yesterday! I had chocolate chip cookies for lunch and decided that the 7 PMS dwarfs' names were Sleepy, Achy, Grumpy, Dopey, Hungry, Fatty, and Bitchy. Rounded off the day by spending 2 HOURS at Wal-Mart to procure 5 freakin' pills. Went to bed at 10, and so glad I did, because today's considerably better, rather sunny inside and out.

I'm on a path that dips and winds through the woods. I must choose my steps deliberately, for there are areas where footing is uncertain or where tree roots threaten to trip me up. Becoming present in the journey, that's the key. If you're always looking ahead, you don't see those tree roots in your path. And I'm one of those folks who falls spectacularly, cartoonishly, arms and legs flying. I've expended so much energy looking ahead in my life. That's fine to a point, but when it's the only place you live, you miss so much.

Man, I'm in a good place today :)

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Monday, February 18, 2008

Mood swings are a blast

Took me 2 solid days to realize that the price I'd been given for the Clomid HAD to be too high, that the dingbat tech hadn't heard me say generic...sure enough, generic is a price range we can live with. Cannot believe it took me til Sunday for that to dawn on me...that's one (of several) frustrating things about decreasing meds, when other folks notice you're changing, be it mood swinging, flakiness, or something equally embarassing, and you think you're doing just fine. Quite disconcerting. Anyway, elaboration on that epiphany on MJ Health.

Knitting this week will try to focus on Broadripple...seems kind of rude to tell Husby he can have those socks and then promptly relegate the sucker to SSS. I'm still working Beach of course, and picking up the cowl again, because that's an easy knit that I'd rather not draw out til next winter.

Took back the library books I was done itching for some fiction, but I'm pretty finicky about that genre, so may take a wander through Good Reads for ideas before I wander the stacks. Focusing otherwise on the budget books and Yoga Body, Buddha Mind. Polished off the taxes yesterday with ease, which will decrease our bank debt nicely...not home-free yet, but getting there. SO glad I did it online; I'd never heard of the retirement savings credit before yesterday, wish there was a way to declare that sucker retro! Got all the way through H&R Block's Tax Cut with a disc I got in the mail, only to realize they try to charge you $19.95 to file after you're finished. Glad I did that though, because then I went online to, filed through one of those free subcontractors, and got the same total.

So nice to be feeling better again! Knees a lot less achy, heck, whole body a lot less achy. Going to focus on yoga and Bean work this week, because I seem to be having trouble getting my lazy butt out of the house to workout lately, and since that stuff can be done in the bedroom, I'm out of excuses again :)

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Doing a LOT better

Yesterday's wakeup call has passed. Woke up this morning slowly, but as I moved around, I realized there were things I wanted to do today, small but very important things. I bailed on socializing with the knitting gang this morning, and instead have been culling information from some of my library books. Also pulled out Oprah and Bob Greene's Make the Connection, because there are few real differences between it and his current Best Life Diet, so why should I spend the money on those? Fell asleep thinking about mindfulness, and that's exactly how I ate breakfast this morning...I noticed when I wasn't being mindful, how my bites were bigger and I didn't take so long to chew. I always eat at my desk after I get to work in the morning, and then wonder why I'm hungry by 10:30...going to take the time to stop and eat at home this week, and leave the damn TV off in the mornings.

Even a weight loss of 10% would help me conceive and create a healthier baby, so I'm focusing on my food, my food intake, and my activity level, how I can improve on all three this week without depriving myself or causing myself inordinate pain. Man, it's nice to be feeling good again!

Friday, February 15, 2008


I'm so sick of 11th-hour wake-up calls...I know I've been really scattered of late, but when you spend enough time in denial and then learn the truth about something, it just rankles. See MJ Health for explanation on that burst of thought.

I won't be trying for the promotion; I asked my team leader about the responsibilities involved, and bored though I may rave about this job, I know I wouldn't be happy at hers. there....Lil Sis home this weekend, yay!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Yummy Chocolatey Thursday

We don't do much for Valentine's other than a nice box of Russell Stover's for me :) (which will switch to free trade candy hopefully next year) and maybe flowers if we're flush at the time...never was much of a fan of the holiday for all the normal reasons that a young unattached female wouldn't like it (it's overly commercial nobody loves me or will ever love me for that matter I must be really fat and ugly to not have anyone so f*ck it), but since I'm married now, and it's a made-up holiday anyway, we keep it simple...

My cup runneth over at work a sack of candy from a designer, there's more candy at the front of our aisle, and my boss (the one whose wife started this year in Summerland) gave seemingly everyone on the Operations floor a single long-stemmed rose. That's gotta be a way to help him heal, cuz Valentine's usually causes nary a ripple in this place...reminded me that Dad's 9-month mark blew right past me this week, and the bittersweet ache that produced wraps around me like a hug.

I'm feeling better. The relief of that, coupled with the abundance of my favorite food today, has me smiling and opening up again. It's been a turtley week or three. We had a freeze last night, but the temps will be Florida pleasant during the day for the next week, looks like. May have to get out walking...

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


Lil Sis had been at her promotion less than a month, heck I think less than 2 weeks, when she received a nibble from the 2nd largest PR firm in Orlando. When stuff like that happens, all you can do is thank Murphy for the life lesson and then punch him in the crotch.

Here I am, pondering starting a family, trying to figure out how to ask the company if they'd be open to me working my 30 to get my bennies and then also working from home part-time, trying to ask that without giving away my hand (I get that it's not worth broaching with the company until I actually get PG, but it's an example of how I'm planning, how things are working in my head at present) naturally my boss puts in her 2-weeks' notice. Her job is about the only thing, besides my job, that I'm truly qualified for at this place; my tenure and experience would give the other key player in the race for her post a run for her money. So am I being premature in being worried, how I could get the job only to have to tell them that it really needs to be only a 9-month gig? That's not fair to the company certainly, but then again, it could take us awhile to even get pregnant; so am I being hasty in my concern? Probably what'll happen is I'll try for it anyway, for the experience. And of course that brings up another point, if I mentioned or the higher-ups got word that I'm trying to get pregnant and they decided against me based on that, how is that fair to me? It's a thinker...if you see Murphy, tell him I'm looking for him, willya?

Separating yarn, knitting, planning and cooking real meals this's a domestic week at Chez Johnson. I've been grazing like a cow with a tapeworm for some reason, so I'm dipping back into Bob Greene's Best Life Diet concepts and giving the whys behind said eating a think.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Thoughts of a Tuesday

When you drink your first sip of coffee in the morning, and you're feeling bleary eyed and grumpy still, and the first sip somehow clears your head a bit, opens your eyes wider, and your first thought is "oh yeah, that's the stuff...," that's not a sign of any problem, is it?

Ah, just joking...mine's half-decaf nowadays, I think I'm in good shape.

I'm accommodating my battyness while I wean, by sticking to simple projects. Last night I found my knitting chair amidst the piled-up library books and did just a bit of knitting on Beach between my laundry excursions. Straight stockinette isn't boring when it's all your brain can handle at the moment. Also separated more yarn; the pile of Vanna's Choice that I procured from Michie was half new, half mixed, so I'm separating the mixed back for Beach. It's a mysteriously calming project.

Going to attempt to purge this blog of the whinyness, saving my medical bitching for the MJ Health blog. Trying to refocus on the gardening I'd like to do, the books I'm reading, and my ever-present love of the sticks and fiber. I found a nice piece of wood in the garage at Mom's, that I'm going to use to make a loom of sorts, by taking 2 of the plastic looms I got for Xmas and securing them to either end. Stay tuned...

Monday, February 11, 2008

Fresh start....again.....and again.....

Not a bad thing tho'...just dawned on me how mind over matter can certainly play a part in how well Mondays go...go into Monday asking the gods to help you through it without killing someone vs. going into it thinking of it as yet another fresh Anne of Green Gables would say, "a new day with no mistakes in it yet," could significantly alter how nice a day you end up having.

Weekend was ok...I always berate myself for not getting enough done, but clearly my body was telling me to take it easy, because I got a significant nap in on Saturday, and after helping Mom out with small tasks on Sunday, my body was seriously exhausted again. Still achy, but I think the Paxil increase is helping, so I'll do it for at least a month before decreasing again (she said begrudgingly).

So this week will be mainly domestic stuff...trying out more meals with freezer capability, getting laundry done, cleaning...I separated some yarn on Saturday and am tooling along on the Beach sweater for myself in taupe with a white top probably. I feel a bout of startitis sneaking in...want to cull my stash for decent (read: wool or cotton) yarn to start a baby blanket...the one I started months ago was 100% acrylic, but I'm ripping it out in favor of something less flammable. Going to try to get some exercising in too...I found a nice library book on combining meditation and yoga, that I think will be ideal for working out my aches.

Thursday, February 07, 2008


Thank the gods for a husband with access to the good stuff...I feel like the Tin Man, can't sit still for too long without everything going stiff. Can't stand that movie, but the analogy is dead-on. Increasing Paxil back up to 30, hoping for pinch of relief. Probably doesn't help that I've stopped the BP med and potassium at the same time, but it can't be helped; so I'm just going to lay off the extra salt, drink more juice, and suck it up.

The weekend creeps toward us, and it's a payday, not that that means much; but it's worth it to make a list or two, so the money doesn't run through our fingers like sand under water. I'm going over to Mom's this weekend, under the guise of doing laundry, but what I'll really be doing is starting to assess the garage. We're going to need a storage space for a lot of it, that's a given; there's plenty of "I'll use it eventually" where the garage is concerned. She's exasperated with Lil Bro, because he can't even keep his own rooms clean, never mind helping her chip away at what's left of Dad's in the house, but I'm betting Lil Bro won't be upset with me helping, because I'm barely going to want to throw anything away too. Whoa, in fact, I'd love to take some of those cabinets off her hands now...not that I have the room for them anywhere in my place, but it'd be neat to have more cabinets, maybe in the dining area. When Lil Bro and I get homes of our own with garages or carports, we'll be seriously bargaining with each other for Dad's tools, circular saws, drill, etc., and of course Lil Sis will want some stuff too. (Not trying to diminish her wants, I'm just doubting she'll be standing off with us saying she wants the radial arm saw in her apartment, for example...) Then again, at the rate the little creep is going financially, she's own a house before Cyril or I do. ::grr...sigh:: That's my financial frustration talking...Lil Sis is not really Lil Creep...she's actually all warm and fuzzy and strong n' stuff; I admire her ability to keep her finances under control. I mean, yes, there's plenty I can blame on my emotional issues and lack of medication dictating my financial decisions back in the day, but there's also plenty that can be blamed on laziness, lack of willpower, irresponsibility, etc. Well, at least I can be a symbol of how not to go about financial things, because now it feels like we're digging out of debt with a teaspoon and somebody keeps shoving a tablespoon of dirt back in, every time I toss some out.

But I digress...there's a Target gift card, two actually, burning holes in my wallet, so I'm hitting their garden center this weekend too and finally buying topsoil and seeds. I put one aloe out front and even though he doesn't get direct sunlight, he doesn't seem any worse for the wear, so I'll put another one out there this weekend, free up a pinch more room on the porch for my container gardening. That task will get a list too, because I'd love to get some protective mesh for the plants, but need to price it online first, and I need to actually decide what my first attempts will be: herbs, veggies, or both. Also need to do some more cooking this weekend; it was fantastic having choices at our fingertips this week!

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

I think I can, I think I can...

Quite a bit better today, not overwhelmingly achy like it was yesterday. Plus got permission to break my Paxil in half, which will help me wean more gradually.

Finished the's funny looking, but I'm hoping a tumble through the wash will change that. Searching for smaller patterns and/or patterns that give more math to the process, because I have a feeling I'm making the leg holes too small, though of course, that's something that's hard to gauge too, until there's a small person to try it out fact, can I go do that? Work just ain't doing it for me today. Don't these people realize I have to go exercise and knit?

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Thoughtful Tuesday

Updated MJHealth...the OB appointment was illuminating, and I needed to get my thoughts on paper, so to speak. Feeling quite thoughtful today, plus the fatigue from med withdrawal has me quieter.

Weather's outrageous...I don't know whether to be bitter or blissful about it. Supposed to hit the low 80s today. Should help me relax, taking in that beautiful weather at lunchtime, plus it's dropping 10 degrees later in the week, but I'm still resisting the urge to drive to Pennsylvania and beat that little bastard groundhog to a pulp for his inaccuracy.

Found this little gem when I was looking for the weather. Wow. Some people really shouldn't breed. Willing to bet this story hits CNN's website by lunchtime.

Fat Tuesday. I'm feeling it. Too damn achy. All the more reason to exercise; sitting still makes me stiff, which makes me feel worse. Really hate my job right now, only for that reason, being trapped in a cube in front of a screen. The job itself has taken a turn for the better with that new project, and there's potential for finally getting to work with more common products like Adobe Photoshop and Macromedia Dreamweaver. But sitting still really sucks. Gonna go walk around the building.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Another manic Monday...

Heh. Probably a double meaning there. Off lithium and weaning off Paxil (relax, people; the doc appointments are this week)...I'm probably going to talk to my primary about weaning slower off the Paxil, and of course, if both docs say it's ok to stay on it, I'll give that opinion thought...but what it comes down to, is I don't want my hopeful child going through withdrawal. It hurts like hell; the body aches settled in late last's slowing me down, has me popping something pain-relief-wise everyday...and I don't want a baby to experience that if he/she doesn't have to. There are them who will say it's a toss-up between selflessness and stupidity on my part, so rest assured, the philosophy is a work-in-progress. But I'm heartened by how I've been handling things so far; I think it's an indication of growth, that I have actually learned how to handle myself better. I really recognize when I'm starting to fly, and I'm taking steps to tone down or rein in when that happens. Strengthened my relationship with a co-worker last week, when I apologized for sounding so impatient with her, when she was asking basic questions during a meeting. I'm a huge proponent of asking questions at work; designers are lousy at it and push material through on websites based on assumptions. Then we get the site at the QC level, and can't understand what the frick the client was trying to say, because the salesperson spelled it phonetically or something. I'll never forget one website for a remodeling/home improvement company...they had a table of services and one of the bullets was Corner Sports. Took me about 5 minutes of Googling and turning it around in my head to realize they probably meant Cornice Boards. Keeps the job interesting, lemme tellya...but the point is I was snapping at her hypocritically, and it wasn't even my place to speak up; I wasn't running the meeting, she wasn't even frickin' asking me at the time. I saw what had happened and emailed her, and we talked more about it the next day. I will not hide or live with regret anymore when I screw up; I'll address it and learn from it.

But I digress. Today's my OB appointment and I see my primary on Wednesday. The knee's a lot better, but given the strain a small person will put on joints, I'm going to lean hard for some kind of testing on that knee, to see if anything can be done to reinforce it...will also talk braces with her, because the store-bought ones are too damn small, and I want to start walking again without fear. The cycling is a nice change of pace, but it's a cheat...practically anaerobic for all the good it's doing my cardiovascular system. And I'm asking her about exercising, if there's anything I should absolutely be steering away from, like squats, until the knee is totally healed or repaired, and I've lost some weight.

Decent weekend...didn't get much accomplished Saturday, but sure made up for it Sunday. Made a meatloaf (finally! damn thing burned a bit tho') and a big crock pot of chili to help get us through the week mealwise...will make cookies tonight and plan something chicken-related for later in the week, for variety and as a switch from all that red meat. Chili came out decent, thanks to Husby's help with the spices. I like it spicy, but he doesn't, so I was just too prudent with the cumin and cilantro...

Friday, February 01, 2008

Blissful, yummy Friday

I'm feeling really damn good. Training accomplished for the most part and another nibble from HR (at the same frickin' time naturally)...I'm feeling secure in my job, and in this blasted economy, that really counts for something. We had a bill come due a pinch earlier than normal, which puts us in a bind that requires some juggling, but Les and I discussed it last night and came up with 2 viable alternatives (with a third as a last resort). It's silly to feel such accomplishment about basic marital teamwork, but when you've spent far too many years letting things slide to the point of "there's-no-decent-food-in-the-house-and-if-I-eat-frickin'-PB&J-once-more,-I'm-going-to-flip-out-and-run-naked-through-the-neighborhood," it's the little things that boost morale.

Need to focus. I took a pinch of "help" this morning, because I could tell my intestinal yeast was up...I get blinding headaches behind my left ear when that's occuring...and I guess having less lithium and Paxil in my system is causing an interesting difference in my reaction to said med. I'm stuck at work and high as a kite. Should make for an interesting Friday >:)

This weekend, I'll plunge into my library reading, knit, make some lists, reorganize the worktable area...took the aloes back outside, so I have my space back. Watch the Super Bowl, mainly for the commercials, the Puppy Bowl, and maybe a decent excuse to enjoy a beer. I always have such big plans for the weekends; really should make some reasonable lists of what I'd like to accomplish, so I'm not disappointing myself later. Was just thinking how I told my cousin Jim and my friend Christy that I'd remodel or create websites for offer to Jim was unsolicited, so it's only me I'm disappointing, and Christy's half terrified of opening her jewelry business to that level anyway, but it's those rememberings that get me pissed at myself on Sunday nights, regardless of how much I've actually accomplished in that particular weekend. I really can't wait until we have MS Home & Student '07 in our computer...I'll be a list maniac when that sucker's installed!