Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Autumn Color Week: Green

So all I ever see around here is green, so I ain't giving you green leaf pictures...instead I'm posting a wishful-thinking pic in the hopes I'll be wearing these things soon. The snood I made last spring, and the scarf was a gift from the MIL from her trip to Scotland this past summer.

Keeping this short, because work is harder to take when the humidity has vamoosed, so I'm ornery...I ache for cooler days, colder nights, and I'm living in the future again, dreaming of Charlotte and a yard to plant things. At least I'm finally feeling more like it's autumn, about time since tomorrow's October.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Autumn Color Week: Yellow

Yeah, OK, i'm a day late...and technically I ain't posting yellow.

Looks pretty, don't it? Don't be fooled...just the view of the retention pond behind my apartment. I liked the way the sunset shined off the fountain. The right pic below: I was trying to catch the moon rising over the pines. I'm working with a simple point-and-click Canon PowerShot A460.

Dawned on me while driving home tonight that one reason we don't see the leaves change down here is because the northeast corner of Florida has mainly three kinds of trees: pine, palm, and live oak. Four if you count the crepe myrtle that abounds in the landscaped business districts. Live oak is a remarkably hardy tree with small leaves, very different from the oaks you see up north. Live oaks are those sprawling trees that you see in pictures of the old South, their tall branches reaching across streets draped in Spanish moss, so that it's like you're driving down some arboreal tunnel...they're a valued tree down here, their limbs supported with wire and lumber when they grow beyond their own strengths...we have a Treaty Oak downtown that has a boardwalk you can frickin' walk's the damnedest thing to witness.

Ironically, the tree in the forefront of that left-hand pic is some kind of maple...

So I finally took the camera out of its case tonight, because there's suddenly an oh-so-subtle lightness in the air, a slight change in temp and humidity that promises an almost-fall-like forecast the next couple of days...I may not get my colored leaves this year, but I'm going to be more present in the seasonal change. As I transported laundry tonight, I watched the sunset shine off sea oats, and the moon rise above the pines.

Also switched out the top graphic...would love to find something autumn-y, but haven't yet, so you get of those pics where you say afterward, holy crap, I nailed it without red eye or anything! Looks innocent, don't she? Again, don't be fooled. Sweet when she wants to be, but also enjoys flying around the house when you're trying to sleep, screwing with the vertical blinds, and rarely comes when you call her. Saw another cat outdoors tonight and mused that if we ever lost her, if she ever got out of the apartment, the "Lost" posters would have to say "Doesn't necessarily answer to Figaro".

Monday, September 28, 2009

Manic Monday

Have no business posting right now...enough work at work to keep me busy for 3 days...and just overheard that our paychecks took another hit this period. I really want to make it to 10 years at this job, but survival will dictate starting the search early, I think.

Mom's move went smoothly...think she probably spent too much on gratitude food for Les and I, but those expenses naturally come up in moving anyway (not like you can easily cook when you're in limbo like that), so I'm trying not to feel too guilty about it. Movers showed up just after 8 a.m. and were gone from the new place before noon. Punctuated how we'll definitely need to save for movers when our time comes...Mom's new place is right down the street, so we had her almost completely unpacked by 4 p.m. Of course, I hope not to be in the same shape as I am now when the time comes, but I do hope to have a small person to tend to, so it just makes sense. Speaking of shape, even with the movers, holy crap, does my body hurt! Went to her old place Sunday and cleaned, and that I'm feeling today in my hands. Then we did lunch and hopped to Home Depot and PetSmart for some necessities...nice, relaxing day after the craziness. Then I went home and lay like a numb lump for the rest of the evening.

I miss Autumn, will be trying to get in the spirit more this week. No point today, we're getting up in the 90s, but the rest of the week will be milder. Patience.

Friday, September 25, 2009


So we had an assignment for work that asked us to suggest how other departments could improve, so that overall productivity, quality, and customer satisfaction could improve...

I'm leaving this part off the memo, because I still value my job, but I'm so frustrated I had to stick it why not here!

If only Operations management could see how much an incentive pay system hurts productivity rather than encourages it, then perhaps we could increase Customer Satisfaction.

I don’t have an answer to that last one. If I did, I’d be in management, banging my head against the wall at a higher level than I do now. But recession or no recession, until Copywriters and Designers are given the time necessary to build quality sites, sites that don’t have to be sent back two and three times before making it through Quality, thus negating the productivity factor in the process, our departments will continue to work in a circle while management scratches their heads.

ahhh...thank goodness it's Friday...

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Life goes on

It's been a week. Finally feeling like me again. Wanted to hold off and add pictures, but that's just not a habit I've been able to embrace yet.

Hormone imbalance, my's basic cause and effect. When I eat healthy foods, I feel good. When I eat crap, my metabolism and mood plummet. I turned another corner recently, probably from watching Biggest Loser or something (first eps of a new season deal strongly with how you're shortening your life if you're morbidly obese), and I'm starting to remember the downsides of what I'm putting into my body. If I inhale Peppermint Patties at bedtime, I'll wake up with a blood sugar headache. If I grab a quick bite out at lunch that translates to 2,000 mg of sodium in one sitting (yeah, pulled that one just yesterday - yuck!), my increased blood pressure will also give me a headache. It's like 40 was a magic number for my body, and I'm really seeing how I need to change.

Not pregnant, and that's the other reason I think my hormones are pretty OK on their own...being on the damn things sends me 'round the bend. It's like I was back in college or Fort Myers (my Prozac and Risperdal days)...spent the last 2 weeks screwing up at work, high on life or deeply depressed and frustrated, and boy did my paycheck reflect it (ouch!). The damn hormones made me far more bipolar than I've ever naturally been.

Meantime, been turtling a bit, letting myself heal...knitting at MIL's sock and brainstorming for xmas/solstice gifts for others, enjoying the new TV season...have had new shows to watch every night this week, which is nice, as some of the newbies have potential in my book ("Mercy" stood out last night...The Forgotten and NCIS:LA were OK.....and while I normally wouldn't watch fluff like "Eastwick," the casting of Paul Gross as the male lead combined with Matt Dallas as Rebecca Romijn's boy toy has piqued my interest, or my vicarious libido, sufficiently).

Samantha: "He's supposed to be my ideal."
Molly Ringwald, Sixteen Candles

::sigh:: then...anybody seen autumn, because it sure ain't here. Muggy and high 80s during the day, because it's been threatening to rain and not doing so. I don't know yet when I'm going to find the time in October to get us up to SC for an inlaws visit, but I do know I'll be itching to drive a little further, see some leaves turning. I ache for the Carolinas these days, but that also has to do with my unhappiness at my job.

This weekend is all about helping Mom move into her new apartment, slightly larger, better layout...organizing Friday afternoon/evening, transporting some stuff; Saturday, moving; Sunday, cleaning...should be a sweaty blast :P

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Ever. So. Slowly. Rallying...

Made a point of reading blogs this morning, and it's helping my mood...when you can't motivate yourself, a peek into how others live can bring inspiration.

Definitely need to start putting pics on this sucker. No wonder I can count my readers on one hand. This has always been just a journal for me, I'm not trying to inspire folks, but still...

I'm ok, nothing new here, the depression...just knocks your wind out every time. You wander along thinking you're fine, and you are, but if circumstances align to make you not ok for a piece, then WHAM, and didja get the license number of that thing? I stared at dirty dishes last night and couldn't lift a finger. I wandered the apartment at times, because there wasn't enough on TV to hold my interest and I couldn't bring myself to knit. You're lost in your body, and the map stores are closed. Lonely business. Josh Groban's HILarious guest stint on Glee helped last night, and I slept hard, so maybe my body's taking the steps it needs subconsciously. Consciously, I'm wearing my meditation goddess earrings today. I'm treating myself to a half-price Vivianno at Starbucks. And maybe, just maybe, some knitting or fabric touching or dish cleaning will occur later.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Keeping it short

You know that part in Home Alone, when Macauley Culkin runs screaming around the house with his arms flailing over his head....?

That's where I'm at. So I'll keep this short. It's been a shitty week, and I'm pretty sure the progesterone negates what little Paxil is in my system, because the way my moods have been swinging, I may as well be back in college...except I'm a 40-year-old married person, so I can't ride my bike at 1 a.m. any more or enjoy the endorphin rush of slamming my wrist into something...I should be grateful. Knitting, Husby...I have things at my disposal now that help me ride out the worst of it. Still, I'm stretched pretty damn tight this week. So I look forward once again...Pagan Pride this weekend, maybe the farmer's market. The little things.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Then again...

Jordan: I mean, how would you like going from unbelievably horny to clinically depressed 6 times a day?
Dr. Cox: Gimme a break, willya, I can knock that out on the way to work.
Paraphrased from Scrubs

After Toby has spouted a meaningless diatribe...
Will: Toby, either get Andie to marry you, or kill yourself.

Paraphrased from The West Wing

Jumped on my mood swing this morning and haven't stopped yet...was regular mopey when work started, and the black mood has thwarted rather ably the happy feelings my music was giving me. We've got a meeting tomorrow to discuss how we can do our jobs better, to improve customer satisfaction. I couldn't give less of a crap. How about a little employee satisfaction?

Something wonderful happened this week...

I'm able to listen to music again.

Sure, I've listened to music in the last 2+ years, but I haven't been able to enjoy old favorites, like Josh Groban, Enya, etc. without it shredding me inside. Dads' passing made music too beautiful to bear for some reason, and I certainly couldn't listen to my old faves at work without the danger of getting weepy...

Turned a corner last spring when Mom and I went to the Kelly Clarkson concert at Universal Mardi Gras, and it's been building ever since. When I realized I couldn't afford the iPod just yet, I dug out the old MP3 player, added some stuff, and brought it to work. Not only can I listen again without it shredding me (there are one or two notable exceptions to this, which I quickly pass over), it's making work bearable, and that I definitely need. I'm really bitter and frustrated these days.

1ww...been practicing positive thinking...the suck part is the progesterone may make my cycle late, so it's harder to determine when I should start throwing away money on pregnancy tests...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Stopping by blog on a Sunday evening...

Whose words these are, I think I know.
My brain's awake and so they flow.
You will not see me moping here,
While the work week looms and my moods swing low.

My hormone imbalance has become clear,
As my mood's actually great these days, full of cheer.
I'm motivated and energized by artificial means,
Which I'll enjoy as the end of the 2-week-wait nears.

Am I pregnant? I certainly hope so,
But if not, I'm ready to change and grow,
So the next month will bring opportunity and grace,
While I eat better, exercise,...and Starbucks...just say no.

The living room is lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And dreams of motherhood as I drift to sleep,
And dreams of motherhood as I drift to sleep.


So glad that Garrison Keillor's stroke was minor. That man has such a gift. I may not listen to his radio show every week, but his writing inspires me and reminds me that I still have a writer inside of me. Gods, please watch over him and his family. I love to hear about his sandy-haired, gap-toothed daughter.


Concentrating on sock #1 for xmas, but still brainstorming about other things to was a homebody weekend, no funds for exploring, so helped Mom a bit yesterday, because she's moving in 2 weeks to a new apartment and next weekend, she'll attend her 50th high school reunion in CT, so time is precious...


That Robert Frost rip-off eluded to a book I discovered earlier today...Jillian Michaels had a PBS special, of all things, on this morning plugging the book she put out earlier this year. It's got me all over's about changing your metabolism in response to possible hormonal deficiencies or other health issues. The first $22 I can grab this week, I'll be buying that sucker. I can't live like this any longer; it's the key to my infertility.


In a seriously good place, thank goodness. Really bitter about my company, how they treat us, take advantage of us, but like Dad used to say, you can stand on your head for as long as necessary to reach your dreams (OK, I'm paraphrasing, as the guy was a bit broken down by life and didn't voice his dreams as much as I do, but you get the idea...), so with 11 months left til my hopeful escape from this god-forsaken city, I'm planning a budget, starting savings accounts to get our life in order, and just overall, setting things in motion to get us there. Feels damn good.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Still surviving

Going back to work after a break is never easy...definitely helps that today's Friday.

I'm on the third tier of the "let's spawn a human inside Melanie" plan. It's giving me more energy, but I also noticed myself snapping at the Husby last night. Gotta work on that.


Looking forward to the weekend...

Looking forward to rereading MommaZen's most recent entry...reminds me that I have some mother in me even if...

When editing regular sites, I can listen to my MP3 player...when editing mods, not so much.

Christy's bridesmaid dress arrived! It's too big! I'm hoping it'll need to be altered big time by the time we hear wedding bells...she's not doing the deed until October 2010. Of course, I'm also hoping to have pushed a small human out of my loins by then, so all bets really are off.

Hard to believe I've been on the planet 40 years...thankfully, the introspection has turned and it's got me thinking about the myriad of goals I still want to reach for, instead of depressed at the time that's gone by. I have herbs to plant, cabinets to refinish, slipcovers to sew...I want Charlotte next year...I want my next birthday to be in the Blue Ridges...I want to rent a little house next year and put up real curtains...I want...

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Well, I'm 40. Feels pretty OK. How unusual :)

Yesterday was nice, I'm glad I didn't try to pack too much into the day. Hanna Park was gorgeous, and thanks to back to school, nearly deserted. Goofed around in the water, got whomped by a wave and burned both knees on the floor of the sea, gathered shells, and by some miracle, Les didn't get sick from being out. It's the most basic thing, his sensitivity...the heat outside causes all your blood vessels to expand to adapt to the change, but when you're a chronic headache sufferer, that can slam you hard. We stayed out about an hour, then went home and relaxed, showered, etc. I let him nap to recoup, and I pampered...took a bubble bath and shower, painted my nails. Then we went out to dinner at PF Chang's, and I grabbed a slice to go from Cheesecake Factory - the two restaurants are across the drive from each other at St. Johns.

This morning I meandered awake and enjoyed said slice of Lemoncello cake for breakfast :)

Today will be serious laundry, a pinch of shopping, some knitting, and getting back into work mode. Tidying, puttering...I'm feeling really good.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009


Did an online survey this morning and was quite pleased to still be able to say honestly that I was 39...I wasn't borneded until 9:56 p.m. :)

Bob Evans breakfast was delicimous...we're taking a powder before venturing out to Hanna Park for a dip and a walk...I went to sleep last night knowing that DeLeon Springs wasn't going to happen today...didn't want to expend the gas or car time. So we're going for a quick beach excursion, then back home to clean up before heading to St. Johns Town Center for wandering and dinner...

Woke up pretty ornery, but I'm rallying. Funny how these things ebb and flow...

Reading blogs has me thinking more about handmade Xmas gifts...Salt and Chocolate is making bucket bags for holding gifts...the concept is so simple and utilitarian, it's inspiring me. I may have to get back into work mode soon (:P), but my evenings are going to be spent pawing through my fabric stash and brainstorming...woman cannot live on socks alone. Besides, those suckers get boring quick. I've tucked into a new pattern for one of the pairs of Mom and MIL Xmas socks and it's coming along, but I'm feeling, more and more, the need to pull out the sewing machines and play. I have two, an old Singer my Mom gifted me that runs great, and a much newer model that the MIL gifted me that has a bobbin tension problem that can probably be remedied with a little patience and a tiny screwdriver. I want to get into small quilting projects, so I'm thinking of starting with coasters, placemats, etc.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Day before 40

Crappy dreams last night, but I'm rallying. Nice to have a couple more days off from work. Yesterday was a complete bust. I'm finding that letting those days happen, while relaxing, also feeds depression. Definitely would've been better if I'd planned it. Don't try to understand.

As I near tomorrow, some fairly mundane ideas are popping up in the ole cranium, like: I finally getting too old for my cauliflower bangs (yeah, have a feeling that ship sailed years ago, but I think they look good on me, so I pretend I don't care what other people think...)?

Dragging Husby to DeLeon Springs tomorrow, I's an hour and a half away, but I think it'll be worth it...72-degree swimming, maybe some tubing or kayaking, a little hiking. There's a make-your-own-pancake house on site that we may have to try just for the novelty of it. For my birthday, I'd rather be in the Blue Ridges, but it'll do.

Friday, September 04, 2009

Friday before VACAY!!

Woohoo! I appear to be rallying as the morning progresses and the latte slides into my system. There's too much work to be crammed into today, and I'm doubting my bra will last the whole workday before I pull an escape act, but the biological clock is back in action and I'm looking forward to my break. Maybe more later...

Thursday, September 03, 2009

To Do:

1. Open a box or two.

2. Drag Husby to Deleon Springs on Tuesday.

3. Turn 40.

Still needs a little work...


Brought my raincoat today. No need to whack me over the head with misery, I get a clue pretty quickly. We're supposed to have rain for the next week basically...the flooding was frickin' unreal yesterday, so I can only imagine what the week holds.

Definitely learning moderation though...had a glass of wine last night (yes, Irish relatives, that's one glass, singular...), and realized that was all I needed after that grueling day. Ok, yes, it was a Melanie-sized glass...we have wedding wine glasses and matching water goblets...I choose to use the water goblets as wine glasses :) but still impressive.

I'm so stressed out lately, my biological clock has hit the snooze button. This doesn't amuse me, so I'm trying to chill today. Working at my own pace, and if they balk, I'll take my lumps when they come, but I definitely need to chill. So far, it's working; I'm feeling better today, not so down...I was a moody mess when I got home last night.

The upcoming 6 days off will go by too quickly if I'm not careful, so I'm planning a day trip or two, and making some notes today of things I'd like to get accomplished. Yes, yes, I'll be relaxing too, but we Lyons' kind of have to plan our relaxing...a sad condition, but we feel so much better about ourselves afterward. Don't try to understand it, it comes from a pretty buttoned-down place.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009


"My shoe is off, my foot is cold, I have a bird I like to hold..."
Paraphrased from One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish by Dr. Seuss

Feet cold...I don't watch enough Weather Channel apparently, or I would've brought my trusty raincoat to work. Floridians don't swear by raincoats, believe it or not, because half the time it's too muggy to wear them comfortably, but we're short on umbrellas right now in my fam...can't believe I didn't grab it on the way out this morning.

Did lunch out during Noah's flood. Drove the Nissan through a pond at the entrance to McD's that I'm certain is the deepest I've ventured that vehicle yet. Cut through the hospital parking lot on the way back b/c I rightly assumed the drainage would be better through there. No use though, slogging through that rain with my wimpy umbrella means enjoying the rest of my workday soggy from the waist down and craving a glass of wine, a wood-burning fire, a woobie, and a good book. Thank goodness for the shawl I keep in my desk, it's saving me from air-conditioning pneumonia as I write. I'm starting to dry off, but the wet jeans odor remains. Yay.

One week til my birthday...let the midlife crisis commence! Time to find myself a 20-year old construction worker and buy a sports car. Just kidding, of course, trying not to be too pensive about the big 4-0 as it draws near...I have enough depressing me in my life lately. Work's a bitch on wheels and I'm looking forward to my break more each day.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

And don't get me started....

I really kind of hope we can scare up the dough for an iPod for me...I'm starting to enjoy listening to music again (finally), and my current modes just don't fly. My old MP3 player doesn't hold a charge, and when I try to listen to an online radio station, my computer balks after a while and freezes up enough to where I have to reboot. And yes, folks, I work for a website design company. Never let it be said that a requisite for editing websites is that you need a fully functioning computer. The way this company cuts corners is really starting to irk me. Right now, the entire QC department is having trouble loading sites and saving, because the latest upgrade on our Javascript programming may not have been entirely on the up and up. And don't get me started about the pirated copy of Photoshop I have on my work computer...

If you're not already convinced that our society is a few loaves short of a bakery and that religion, organized or otherwise, is a topic that encourages a monumental level of hysterical bloviating, then I urge you to Google Phillip Garrido's blog and take a gander at the comments after his last post before being jailed. While I have no problem with him rotting in jail for his crimes, the level of vitriol displayed by that cross-section of the public is amusing at first, but quickly becomes unnerving. Makes me want to steer clear of religion altogether, and carry a slingshot for when I see folks on soapboxes. And don't get me started about those eye-for-an-eye nutjobs...

Took me forever to wind down last night, but I slept better. Finding it ironic that I'm amusing myself by rereading my Kathy Reichs books, which deal pretty heavily in death, but I'm avoiding something that could help my sleep brand-spankin'-new copy of the Pagan Book of Living and Dying. And don't get me started on how I need to put the books down and get knitting on Christmas presents...

My baking has been failing lately...last couple of batches of cookie bars mediocre at best. Can't decide if it's the margarine I'm using or if I fudged it somehow in my hormone-induced stupor. Probably the sucks to invest the ingredients in a new recipe only to have it go south on you. The banana bars are headed for the trash tonight, I think, and I'll try something new. Since I really don't want to invest the money or floor space on a treadmill right now, I'm making a wish list in my head of kitchen supplies we could indulge in...guess I'm running out of "don't get me starteds"...can't think of one for the cooking. Besides, my beef stew went over great, and I was reminded of the ease it creates to have that kind of stuff around when I prepped my ridiculously simple lunch this morning...

I'm taking Tuesday through Thursday off next week...would've tried for the whole week, but didn't have the PTO. Nothing planned really, will depend on cash flow the next week. My pay decrease starts this next check...yay. I'm going to drag us out to some state parks, just haven't scoped stuff on the web in a week. I'm ready for this break. I need a recharge badly; my apathy is pretty high lately.