Monday, December 31, 2007


I can't be the only person who's completely bitter about having to work today...

See, it's not just New Years' Eve here at WSP (my company - which has a real name, but since I'm planning to whine about them here, will be referred to in initials)'s month end, which is the end of a billing cycle, and it's the end of the fiscal year, so there's significant pressure placed on us to get as many sites done as possible before 5 p.m. today. The third thorn in our side is an account which the company acquired in June, but whose sites we only started working on 2 weeks ago. The reason for this is twofold: they kept sending back our proofs with changes, and I'm pretty sure our higher-ups dragged their feet on the account in general, because we were also knee-deep in the acquisition of another company at the time. The upshot was 800 sites landing in our queues right before Christmas. Happy friggin' holidays. We have 150 sites left and they're still insisting on double edits for the damn things. I really don't want to be here.

I know, I know, I should be grateful I have work at all...the company's numbers for the 2nd half of this year were abysmal, to the point of scary (as in, crap, do I need to be looking for work?!?!). me something to think about, going into the new year. Writing fresh resolutions today...the last couple of years, those have been getting written around Samhain, the Celtic New Year, but then we lost Jordan right before Thanksgiving, and I decided 2007 as a whole needed a write-off.

Knee's doing better, the anti-inflammatory meds are working, which makes it harder to take it easy; but I'm determined to baby the sucker for a full 2 weeks. Although given my size, I should probably wear the brace whenever I walk distances now, until I drop some of the weight. Better safe than sorry...or rather, I'm already sorry enough for what I've done to my body with this extra weight. Yeah, yeah, I know my determination is a combination of reading Dad's hospital file again, plus New Years' Eve...still, you gotta have hope.

Friday, December 28, 2007


What an invigorating feeling, to be getting back to normal...guess I've been decompressing from the holiday, plus we didn't have my usual breakfast stuff in the house. Don't realize what a slave to routine you are until you're deprived of your daily Eggos with PB&J and your usual flavor of coffee...but I think that's one of the reasons I'm rallying today. Weird. Then I got to work and realized I have a pinch of PTO left over when there's a potential for me to work 8½ frickin' hours tomorrow, so to pacify me, my team leader asked that I work 4 instead. I'll take it. The thought of spending an entire day here on a Saturday was depressing the crap out of me, regardless of what my hours have been this week. Besides, we're not going to make goal; we're only halfway there and deadline's Monday night.

Knee's hopefully nothing more than a soft-tissue injury, like a strained ligament; finally went to my doc. Have to baby it for a couple of weeks, wear a brace, continue RICE with an anti-inflammatory, etc. So naturally I'm itching to exercise, can't stand the fact that this very likely could've been prevented if my body had ::ehem:: less pounds on it. Well, screw it; if I can't exercise the knee, I'll exercise everything but. A month of that isn't going to lopside anything, and god knows I need the habit.

This weekend will be for making lists and getting the house back in order (heh, like it ever was in order to begin with). Pretty as the tree is, it needs to come down soon; but maybe I'll pull a strand or two of lights off for around the house...might spruce things up a bit. The apartment's getting that "packed to the ceiling" feeling again...time for a purge. And there's a Michael's gift card burning a hole in my wallet :)

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Post-Christmas blahs

Warning: LONG post...grab a bathroom break, freshen your coffee...

We're past the holiday and in that fuzzy state between Christmas and New Years...the holiday itself was such a weird mix of happy and sad, that I'm not sure how I'm feeling now. A little tired, a little work-weary...can't complain about the hours really; when push comes to shove, it'll be 40 just like any other work week. A project fell into our laps right before Christmas, which the higher-ups would love completed by the end of the fiscal year, which is, yup, you guessed it: New Years' Eve. There's lots of pressure, it's a very dry (read: BORING) project, which if thought about too hard produces a "this TOTALLY sucks!!!" whinyness, thus the post-Christmas blahs.

Certainly doesn't have to do with a lack o' gifties...I had myself quite a nice some hand looms and a pile of knitting and crochet supplies, a new outfit that fits wonderfully (the MominLaw has developed a gift for buying me clothes in spite of my size, without my having to be there to try it on); some DVDs and books, and I treated myself to a pair of casual ankle boots/sneaks that are way comfy. The stuffed Lorax from LilSis was the best treat of all! He's my favorite Dr. Seuss character and environmentalist! Yes, folks, 38 years old and my best giftie was a little orange dude with a huge mustache who's shaped like a rugby ball.

I understand what killed Dad finally...not that I can put it into words yet. Well, these next two paragraphs kind of illustrate to the contrary...Mom gave me his hospital file, and try as I might have to put it off til later, I skimmed the whole thing when I got home from her place Christmas Day. In another day or two, I'll make some notes for myself with the help of my Gray's Anatomy, and then get the file back to her, because I could tell she was having a little trouble relinquishing it the other day, as it's our only copy. I have some anger to release toward the doctors for dumbing things down for us so much during those 2 days (like standing around scratching their heads and calling it a catastrophic event, when they could've told us the truth, that the several aneurysms in his body were suffering fatal compromise, his left ventricle was operating at about 15% capacity, and his heart just couldn't sustain life anymore), but I realize there's absolutely nothing to be gained from calling people fucking assholes 7½ months after the fact, so I'll find a way to release that rage. So much frustration though...I know all 4 of us (Mom, Meara, Cyril, and I) probably have 4 very different memories of those 2 days, given the as-yet-unexperienced level of grief and stress, but I never heard the words "aortic dissection" pass anyone's lips unless they were talking about 1982...and the fact remains that one of the things that the file tells us is that by mid-afternoon that Friday (he went in Thursday night, passed at noon on Saturday), the docs thought his aorta around the graft was showing compromise, so even if he wasn't already suffering from multi-system organ failure, his heart would've blown and taken him. And the testaments to his strength are right there on paper...we were communicating with him, looking him in the eyes and seeing coherence, when he was already hitting a blood sugar in the high 300s in the afternoon that Friday.

I even get why they could never operate to try to fix his issues...the cardiac system is a very large and dependent system, dependent on itself, that is. Only when they first discovered the problems/weaknesses could they have had a chance at repairing them, because once multiple areas become compromised, it becomes much more dangerous to attempt repair. Can't fix the carotid if the left ventricular artery is also in trouble, can't fix the heart if there's abdominal aortic aneurysms looking for an excuse to blow...and I also accept that there's an excellent chance he was afraid to go under the knife again. He probably couldn't see past the fear, to the advances that have been made in modern medicine since 1982; all he saw was time he'd be out of work, time spent immobile, time spent unable to help his family, not getting how he'd be helping his family by undergoing any procedures. 1982 must've been terrifying for him, only 42 years old and laid flat for 3 months, afraid to sneeze because the pain would nearly knock him unconscious. I don't condone his fear, but I know him, so I'll understand it.

This verbal diarrhea brought to you by Baptist Heart Hospital, who remind you that if you actually want the truth from your doctors, threaten litigation upfront. I don't know what else I could've done. Cyril was our large, formidable spokesperson at times, since he'd cosigned Dad's living will and been living with them for a year; but there were several times when I was looking Stapleton (Dad's cardiologist) in the face and telling him I was medical-terminology-savvy and could he please educate me further as to what was going on, and I got lip service. I got "we're as stumped as you are." And they knew. The time stamps on their dictation are testament to their knowledge. But unless you're actually wearing scrubs, they're not going to take you seriously, I guess. It's an unfair assumption that makes me livid, makes me want to go to med school and major in cardiology. Doubt I'll go that far, but there's got to be something I come away from this with, besides anger.

Wait, I already know I'm coming away with more; I got to the end of that file on Christmas night and felt a great sense of relief and was so much more tangible an understanding than when I read his autopsy file - that sucker produced more questions than answers. But his hospital file illustrates what was happening as it was happening, and I finally understood. I can stop bargaining, hop over depression, and try my hand at acceptance. Sounds easy, don't it? Don't worry, I know better.

So we press on, and hold tightly to the good memories and to ourselves. A new year creeps toward us, and there are plans to be made. Finances be damned, we're going to start trying for kids in February, so there's work to be done.

Monday, December 24, 2007


Such a strong holiday in our culture. I'm glad that I have this time to figure out the parts I believe, the parts I'd like to celebrate, and how to pull the two together in a way that educates us and our kids without confusion, while at the same time allowing us to create our own family tradition.

Since we traveled to SC this weekend, there was no time to celebrate Yule in the pagan sense. Saturday night his folks went to a party and we kids hung out (we kids being 20-something Ashley, 30-something Allan and Kara, their 17-month-old Kylie, and Les and I), and since we only visit about 4 times a year, it's not like I would've wanted to drag the ole cauldron and candles up was good to spend time with them. They all know I'm a witch and accept it fine, but sometimes there are more important or appropriate things than making sure a ritual is done when the moon's in conjunction with whatever. I don't think that makes me a fair-weather witch...I honor my faith and beliefs year-round in my life actions. On the flip side, I considered myself a Christian when the only effort I was making at church was Christmas and Easter. Faith is a heck of a lot more than how you act on December 25th.

It was a hard weekend, but a good visit. The cleaning lady came Sunday while it was raining, so there were some times there where it just felt like there were way too many people in the house and no easy means of escape. But Mom J and I bonded over cookie dough, Dad J. was all lit up over his new job, a lateral move within the SC State Department of HHS, writing and approving grants; Kara remained civil most of the time, and the baby was once again a wonderful education to look after. Feeding that age while they're teething is an exercise in patience, and it reminded me of how I used to feed Meara (holding both her hands at the wrists with my left hand while I shoveled it in with my right)...knew that wouldn't fly with Kylie though, she's a very willful critter, and I'm not enough of a fixture in her life for that kind of change to be acceptable (read: she'd have freaked and let me know it). Being raised by 4 people instead of 2 is making her quite clingy right'd think that that would give her more stability, but the people who should be her center points aren't doing their jobs well at all, so she's left at loose ends as to who to turn to at times. Les and I both wish we could do more, while at the same time experience relief that we're removed from the situation by distance.

I'm glad to be home, there's presents under the tree, money in our pockets, and the promise of a nice time tomorrow with Mom, Cyril, and Meara. My knee's still not great, but I can't do anything about that until at least Wednesday, so nothing to do but press on. I'm stuck at work til 8ish, so the husby's making dinner and we'll relax tonight. I'm feeling lucky and happy.

Friday, December 21, 2007



Bonus landed on my desk late Thursday afternoon, cleverly disguised in company Christmas card. Not as much as we need, of course, but it'll do. It means a comfortable trip to SC, gifts for those we hadn't bought for yet, and a pinch left over for bills. It means paying the car loan on time, and actually buying a nice gift for my mom. I'm very happy.

Three hours left to work, and then we escape to the wilds of SC, where you can hear the birds, the air tastes a pinch cleaner, and my niece plays innocently with little clue of how tightly wound the house she lives in is...I know Les is bumming a tad that we won't be there ON Christmas day this year (his first time ever missing that), but by the same token, we're both a little relieved this is a short visit. The place is a pressure cooker, and will continue to be so, until his LilSis and her baggage get an adult-sized clue and move the hell out.

Heck, I'm only bringing one knitting project, because I'm figuring on doing a quick shop Saturday morning with Les, and then spending the rest of the day helping Mom J. cook. I'm going to try and stay away from the booze and just spread a little joy. If May taught me anything, it's the importance of the relationships we have, while we have them (of course, I say that and I've barely talked to my own mom in like, 2 reason, just letting life get in the of those things; easy to say, a whole other story putting into practice...we only neglect the ones we love).

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Home stretch

Seriously, can the weekend take longer to get here? So. In. Holiday. Mode. Got gifts to wrap, baking that ain't getting done, epic piles of laundry...i don't have time for this work thing! But there's still a glimmer of hope for a Christmas bonus from my company, so I guess I'll hold out patience for one more day. Half day tomorrow, then we're heading out. Tonight I'll organize clothes and pack. Saturday I'll do laundry and help with food, hopefully get in some of my own baking so I can leave them with some treats since not everyone's getting gifts. We won't know until we're up there whether a) we're coming back Sunday or Monday, and b) whether Les is staying for the holiday. Since we haven't any means to celebrate it with each other, so to speak, and don't care much about the religious ramifications of not celebrating it, we're not missing anything by not being together necessarily. His family's going through a significant bit of tension and it might do them some good to have him around for a bit; we'll see...Tuesday we'll hang with my fam, then I work a half day on Wednesday and things get back to semi-normal.

I learned this season about how I'd like my pantry stocked, how I'd always like to have certain things on hand to throw together this or that on a whim. I like having a full cookie jar, though I need to investigate healthier recipes. I like making my own bread, and having fruit and veggies handy. Such simple things. So easy to neglect when it's just you and a husband...I'd never think of keeping the larder as bare as we do if there were a small person in the house with us. Ridiculous double standard.

I want to frog the virgin wool scarf and use all that yarn for knitting soakers. I want to always have a pair of socks on the needles. I want to knit a sweater for Husby and mittens and gauntlets for myself. I want to take more pictures and rearrange the dining room. These are things that are doable.

As a Celt, I try to take stock around Samhain, write resolutions, look forward and back. But we lost Jordan right before Thanksgiving, which rounded out 2007 as a suck year in my book. So I'm doing some looking forward as we hit the end of the year, but for once, it's for small, realistic goals that do right by me and my little family. I see what real debt is, and it'll give me the clarity of focus necessary to never let things get this bad again. I feel my body reacting in its small ways to the extra weight, and it'll give me the motivation to get stronger. We'll take care of Fig better, because we don't ever again want to feel the level of guilt associated with Jordan's loss. People may not necessarily change, but we do have the capacity to learn.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Looks like I'll live

Man, colds suck! They're just the most miserable things. You're laying there, breathing through your mouth because there's a No-Thru-Traffic sign on your nose, and your ears and throat are connected by this throbbing pressure and you think to yourself, I'm never going to feel better...and you're not even trying to be melodramatic, but that's how it feels, and if you were a whinier person, you might groan aloud...

But give it a week (that feels like a month)...and thank the dear lord for the extra antibiotics in the house, because I'm convinced it's why I'm feeling better so quickly...and I'm perking up considerably and ready to get baking again, and just in time, because there's how many days til Christmas? I can't even gauge it according to when the blasted holiday hits, because we're heading up to SC Friday afternoon, will be there until Sunday night or Monday morning, then I work a full day on Monday, Christmas Eve :( Tuesday we'll meander over to Mom's for a slightly strange Christmas. I say slightly strange because, will be. Once we kids hit adulthood, Dad stopped putting forth much effort where holidays were concerned; the exception being the years he was in the mood to do the train set. It was all on Mom and Meara, bless them both...I haven't done Christmas with my side of the family in probably 10 years! (which means I baled on them when Meara was only about 14, so we won't dwell long on that) So I have a feeling we'll be missing him more than is logical, considering he wasn't into the holidays. As if there's logic in grief...didn't think I'd miss him as much as I am...just plain doesn't make sense to miss him around Christmastime, because he just couldn't stand any holiday where presents were involved. But there it is; he's gone, I want him back, and not having him here sucks. I'm thinking of giftwrapping a box of Mallomars for him.

Thankfully none of us on either side of the family can afford much Christmas this year. That's depressing the crap out of Mom J., who really oughta have "Born to Shop" tattooed somewhere on her person; but hopefully I can spread enough sunshine while we're there to keep things festive. Hell, if I have to wear a sandwich board that reads "It's All about Family" while I'm there, I'll do it. Our gifts this year are handmade, secondhand, or culled from our own belongings, and it feels good somehow; and infinitely easier than plowing through a mall or department store searching for the latest gadgets. I liked looking around at stuff on Black Friday, and sure, some items have merit (the alarm clock that rolls off your end table and away from you, so that you have to crawl out of bed and chase the sucker down, thus waking you up, is ingenious), but for the most part you find yourself saying things like, yeah, it's cute, but do I really need a voice-activated R2-D2? If it'll fetch me beer and clean the cat box, maybe, but otherwise...

So since my cold's almost gone, my knee got worse...I try hard not to subscribe to Murphy's Law type of thinking, but sometimes I's been stiff for about 2 weeks now, I think (should look back over my posts); and yesterday tried icing it down again, elevating after work, you know, the stuff you're supposed to do when you sprain naturally it was worse when I woke up this morning. I have a brace, but last time I wore the silly thing was about 75 pounds ago, so I think an upsize is in order...toes haven't turned blue yet or anything, but I'm probably doing more harm than good. I'm thinking bursitis, but really I haven't a clue; that assumption is from Internet research and the fact that it doesn't hurt so much as it's definitely stiff and bordering on unreliable. The pain comes if I try to crouch down at all or kneel on it, and when I tried to get up from that position the other day in the grocery store, I had an "oh shit, this is gonna require coordination" if I need any incentive to feel fat and useless around the holidays...

Monday, December 17, 2007

Ho, ho, ::sniff:: ho...

Blocked ears. Stuffy dose. Nice voice, kind of Kathleen Turner meets Polly Draper with a little Debra-Winger-in-Made-in-Heaven thrown in...that movie reference is so friggin' obscure, the only other person on the planet who may get it is my LilBro...grabbing more cough syrup at lunchtime...and Drixoral...and maybe a stiff drink...

Turned the heel on Broadripple...started and frogged another pair twice this weekend, couldn't decide on a pattern and was trying patterns with too much complexity for my foggy head...but did fall in love with the colors of the Sock Garden from KnitPicks (a mix of pinks and purples with some hyacinth thrown in) that I was using, so whatever does get made from that may go to me as well :) Dirty job, but somebody has to do it...was REALLY nice putting my big handmade hat on this morning to keep my wet head from giving me pneumonia...only getting up to 50-something today...I'd enjoy it more if I could hear out of both ears...

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Grab some cheese...

Cuz I feel a whine coming on...

See, I rarely get sick. Got a great immune system. Love it. Call it mommy training (when I was a kid, I didn't think mommies got sick). Husby gets a bug seemingly every quarter; I was going on 2 years with nary a sniffle. I think I've become a carrier...I catch stuff at work, feel no symptoms, and bring it home to him. Can't wait to see how that works when we have kids bringing bugs home to us. So I'm kind of like a guy when it comes to being under the weather...I don't take it well, turn whiny, grumpy, snap at people with zero provocation and wish I could shove the words back from whence they came (geez, what's with the flowery prose?)...anyhoo, I think I have tonsillitis and it sucks. I recognize it because for reasons that baffle, I became prone to tonsillitis since coming to Jacksonville, have had it at least half a dozen times in the last 8...10 years. NEVER had it as a kid, which certainly lends a smidge of credence to the argument that I'm more susceptible thanks to living in close quarters with a smoker, but hey, what're you gonna do? So my mood's gone a little ears are blocked and my sore throat stretches up to my left ear, I'm exhausted, have no patience for work (yeah, i know, nothing new there), and just wanna be home either a) knitting in my chair with something soft wrapped around my head so the ear thing quits bugging me, or b) sacked out in our WONDERFULLY comfortable bed. However, I have 4 hours of work left, and my idiotic company decided THIS year to stop having any PTO roll over, so if you don't use it, you lose it, so my boss has been meticulously making sure we use as much as we can that we have stored up, but the upshot is having very little time off now going into the end of the year...

So, ok, wah...taking Les's antibiotics in the hopes they'll nip this sucker in the bud fast, and Advil seems to take the edge off the pain, but naturally since talking strains my voice, my boss would love for me to train as many people as I can in one of the tools it Friday yet?

Been plunking away on the Broadripple sock and the strap of the Cascade bag...the strap feels like it's taking FOREVER, but I'm planning to do it a bit long to be safe, plus so there can be an excess bit stitched in (unless I can figure out how to pick up stitches where I'm attaching it and join it, maybe kitchener style?). It's funny how I work things out in my head while I'm writing this stuff...the grafting idea is definitely a lightbulb, and probably how the average pattern would describe attaching a strap like that. Then it'll be my first attempt at machine felting, and I'm thinking of lining it too...grabbed a piece of cardboard from the back of a legal pad today to set aside for a potential bottom (to be covered in the liner material), and I'll have to hit the fat quarter sale bin at Joann's or troll my pals' fabric collections for something to line it with. The sock is so easy and fun, it's causing delusions of aptitude...thinking of starting a 2nd pair in the KnitPicks pink and purple self-striping for Lil Sis using my #2s...

Must go blow dose...3 hours to go...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


See, one of my baking issues is my attempts to substitute ingredients without doing my homework...and my tendency to do this with a) a new recipe, and b) a group of people rather than just myself, or me and Husby. I made a gingerbread cake last night for the first time, for the Holiday shindig my team's doing today. Fudged it in 2 significant spots...
1) Recipe called for shortening, which I never have on hand (can't stand the stuff), so I subbed with half butter, half vegetable oil.
2) Only had half the molasses called for on hand, so added corn syrup as well.

That second one's the worrier...have a feeling it'll take from the ginger flavor and make it too sweet. Hopefully I can encourage the whipped cream on top and hide my looks terrific; hope that fools people...

7 months today...I seem to have slid back into denial a bit, because it just doesn't f*ing make sense that he's gone.

Sharing Husby's antibiotics in the hopes of nabbing the tonsillitis before it gets ugly...tried Airborne last night too, with surprisingly positive effects, though it tasted like effervescent ass...

P.S. Gingerbread edible, complimented even! Wasn't too sweet, but I think it had less zing with less molasses, so would try not to make that mistake again. A touch crumbly, but that's par for the course with gingerbread, ain't it? I'll check the Southern Living cookbook for alternatives on that front.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Rather be knitting...

Didn't like handknit cap on top of tree...have replaced it with little purple and gold stuffed dragon...

Don't wanna be at work...yeah, what's new, I know...wah, wah...very little work to do here, so kicking myself for not bringing my knitting...

Made the idiotic comment to Christy exactly a week ago, that I hadn't had a cold in like, 2 years...tempting fate, I know...woke up this morning with sore left tonsil...recognize it b/c I've been prone to tonsillitis in my adult life...seems to be waning, but if it turns into anything, I'm going to be significantly pissed. Already feeling a pinch off my game, because my right knee has developed a stiffness out of nowhere in the last week...

grumble, grumble...

Weather's frickin' gorgeous, supposed to get up to 79 today. I wanna go home and lie under my Christmas tree.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Love my digicam :)

Unitarian tree...couldn't find the star for the top, so there's a handknit cap there instead

The approaches...

Take. The friggin'. Picture. Already.

Sacked out in my catch-all corner...

15 shopping days...

If Charles M. Schulz was bemoaning the commercialism of Christmas with his Charlie Brown special back in 1965, then he must be spinning in his grave this year. Certainly I'm more prone to resentment this year since our financial sitch is dictating such a frugal holiday, but it's definitely more than that. The blatant TV advertising tactics of retail establishments have me ashamed to be an American. The greedy little cuss on TV who wants to stay up just 5 more minutes so she and Mom can pick some more things out of the Toys R Us Big Book doesn't strike me as cute, and I think it's sending a piss-poor signal to kids by illustrating that level of avarice as ok because it's the holiday. And what's with the jewelry ads?! I think Christmas is beating Valentine's Day this year for the number of diamonds being hawked...and all I can think when I see those, is if I don't need diamonds 11 months out of the year, what makes December so different? If we were to win Lotto tomorrow, I can't see my views changing a whole lot in this regard...I feel so much better about knitting Lilsisinlaw a pair of socks this year than getting her the usual gift card for a DVD or something. It's just hard to understand the level of unfettered purchasing that's encouraged, especially when you think about the number of devout Christians out there who can't afford to eat, let alone indulge in some holiday cheer. Trust me, this ain't a witch vs. JC thing; it's about knowing and encouraging knowledge in the value of a buck.

Sleep patterns sucked this weekend. I realized I tucked my grief into a corner and shut it down for a while. Unfortunately realized this after dream upon dream where Dad was alive, but comatose, so there was the elation that he was still with us coupled with the fear that we were going to lose him—basically like living the last 40 hours of his life all over again. I'd wake up unsure whether he was gone or not. I think the shutting down occured after Jordan, because the anger and guilt that accompanied his passing was just more than I could bear at the time. So I did some thinking, some writing, and some crying; and plan to be more cognizant of what's going on in my head in the coming days.

Tree's up! Pictures tonight hopefully. It needs more ornaments. Using the random wrap as a tree skirt :) Finished Lilsisinlaw's socks! Gotta update Ravelry...also frogged a fingerless gloves project because I started 'em way too small, and started Broadripple socks in that yarn instead. It's working up nicely, and the pattern's perfect for my needs: repetitive, but not so boring that I lose interest. Still don't really trust myself with anything too complex...

Friday, December 07, 2007



Well, would be if I weren't at work, and destined for hours of training in a tool I'm already fairly proficient at...

Found a blog last night ( from Yellowknife in the NW Territory. Now that's snow! That's "we ain't f*ckin' around" snow! It's helping keep my mood light; we'll see if that still works this weekend, when the weather's supposed to be frickin' gorgeous (high 70s, no rain...personally, I'd be happier with high 40s).

My whole body hurts from female stuff, but I took something and am beginning to rally. Did something to my knee too, but if it doesn't actually hurt (just stiff and swollen), is it worth whining about? Probably not.

Les is hoovering the banana bread, so I'll do some more baking this weekend, finish Lilsisinlaw's sock, and we're getting that tree up!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Are we there yet?

Coffee. NOT! Working! Damn hormones.

Thursday and already my mind is on the weekend, things I'd love to get accomplished. I think it's an open weekend, meaning no real attachments or crap planned. In December, even for closet cases like us, that can be a rare thing. Next Friday is the company Christmas party, which we haven't decided on yet (they're advertising karaoke.....::shudders::......maybe we can hit the free food and get out before anyone grabs a mike...), and that Sunday is Flash your Stash with the KB gang, and the weekend after that is SC. Holy crap! This weekend I'd love to get the tree up, finally get the books to Chamblin's, and lay out on paper how the frick we're gonna make Christmas work. Then there's bringing in the aloe plants and cooker, downsizing Figaro's litter boxes, tossing the bikes, and every other little thing that I've talked about lately and blown off for one reason or writing down what I'm planning to plant in the spring, making a true list of my containers, what they're good for, what I'll need to buy, how the planting may lay out time-wise, and how I can accommodate the fact that there's an excellent chance that when I'm wanting to do this, I won't even have a porch to do it on (because they sent out a flyer recently letting us know that everyone's getting screened-in in the near future, which means probably tearing our entire porch down, because it's a poster child for wood rot and has a substantial crack in the concrete slab) know...small stuff like that...

In my defense, it's been a weird week; anything that takes me out "on a school night" leaves me a shade off-kilter for a day or so...add raging PMS to that, and I probably shouldn't be out in public for long periods of time. My body develops an internal hum, and I don't react well to change, like someone asking me a frickin' question. Probably a good thing the caffeine doesn't feel like it's up to par this morning, or else I'd really be flying. But there's a snap in the air, which puts a spring in my step, so I press nose to grindstone and mark time 'til the weekend.

I'm actually in a really decent holiday mood this year...taking a lighthearted unitarian view, where the spirit of the season is what counts, everybody's entitled to their beliefs about what went down this time of year, so screw it and pass the eggnog! One of the local stations changed to all-Christmas music after Thanksgiving, and I can listen to it for the most part without wanting to impale anyone with a plastic icicle...with the exception of Paul McCartney's "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime"...that melody gets on my last nerve, always has. There are paper snowflakes on my desk at work, and I made a cream cheese banana bread last night that kicked butt. It's the little things...

Dad still sneaking up on me...he's in the back of my head usually, but then something microscopic occurs to pull him to the front...and we're talking microscopic: yesterday it was seeing Fels Naptha soap on a shelf in the grocery store (which he used, along with Lava, after a heavy-duty day in the garage), and before that, it was seeing the word "dungaree" in a word game. Cyril and I used to get the giggles because Dad called jeans dungarees. How the hell can he be gone? I am at peace with it, in the sense that his visit with me on Halloween served as Neosporin for the sucking chest wound that was my grief (waxing metaphoric again), but we still don't REALLY know what killed him, so I have a feeling I'm going to hit Bargaining again really soon (in the five stages) and go searching for answers. Was going to grab his hospital file last time I visited Mom, but I forgot...but what I really want is his cardiologist's file.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Status quo

Been a little wired lately. Think it's hormonal.

Had a really nice visit with Christy last night, my best friend from high school. She's developed a side business of jewelry making that is truly showcasing her eye for color and depth for intricate work. Her pieces are breathtaking stonework in silver and gold with an emphasis on beading. Her prices reflect her admiration for the good stuff, which makes them hard sellers in places like St. Augie, where her show was, but I just know she'd do well if she could find an outlet where she lives in East Hampton. We talked about me building her a website. She gifted me a pair of earrings last night that I just adore, and I really wish I could've come away with more.

Money sitch is manageable, which is such a relief. I know our credit's taking a beating with the bank account being the way it is, but with no way to remedy that just yet, there's no point in worrying about it. Man, I love Paxil. You do not sweat the small stuff on Paxil.

35 degrees F this morning :) Nuff' said.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Doing right by me

Went for a walk today. Call the papers.

Talk about mental. I think it's easier for me to go for a walk when there's a purpose behind it. I went to the store, recycled plastic bags, and bought a Sunday paper, loaf of bread, and donuts. The fact that I went the long way to get there and kept a good clip is secondary somehow.

Dawned on me this afternoon that the aching I've had in my knees all week was gone, and I'd gotten sun on my face.