Thursday, June 28, 2012

Listening to signs...

I got turned down for the supervisor position today. I didn't want the spot in the first place; it's a goddamn relief to have that nonsense past now, but it brings up conflicting feelings anyway that make me grumpy. About how I'm not management material. About how my interpersonal skills could use some work. About how I don't take enough initiative.

The irony is that this criticism ends up being less than constructive (well, to "them" if they really knew me), because it highlights areas of my personality that I have become OK with. I'm never going to run a Fortune 500, or even a general store probably. I don't wish to shift my personality during the day to kowtow to some company's idea of a corporate culture. That's not what blows my skirt up. This opinion will shut some doors for me, I know...I'm pretty sure I'm OK with that. I'll find windows somehow.

Then I get a text from Husby letting me know that the Asheville relocation package came today. YES!

I am so sick of saying "IF we move when the lease runs out..." This weekend is going to be all about prepping for the move, credit be damned! Time to make things happen for me, the real me.

Image from here.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Taking Stock

Outside: an overcast holding pattern...but at least it stopped raining. There was some serious flooding in the Riverside/San Marco areas.

Inside: the word on the sup position, but I'm expecting a "thanks but no thanks".

Wearing: hilarious when your office is cold enough to warrant long sleeves, but your state isn't...i'm in a mock turtle today for probably the last time til frickin' October...we crank back up to 90s here tomorrow.

Creating: lists, lists, and more lists...

Reading: between hitting old issues of Our State and the first issue of Taproot again. 2nd issue was much better than the first, so I'm giving SOIL another shot.

Going: maybe RAM on Saturday, then organizing, purging the apartment.

My Asheville relocation package comes in the mail this week and that I can make some more headways on the different lists that didn't get addressed last weekend. The kitchen's still clean and I'm working hard to keep it that way; but there's more, much more to be done to organize us for the move and make our living sitch better. Once Debby goes out to sea, I'll put Husby back to work on it too...this storm has been hell on his head and my knees.

I'm so used to being disappointed where the move is concerned, that I'm letting my credit keep me negative about the possibility of it. And that's just silly, when there's a chance we could get into an apartment or house by having Mom J. cosign, just as a guarantor. I need to educate myself on that.

Image from here

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Drought where now?

Gratuitous local moron shot. The driver did not want to discuss the mishap with First Coast News. Shocker.

It's a challenge staying dry in Florida this week, but we're managing. For a bit there, it looked like the St. John's River was going to be ornery, but it turned out that Black Creek was the main bitch for N FL where Debby was concerned. They closed I-10 between I-75 and US 90 because of standing water, and that's newsworthy...usually it's only the back roads near the creeks that get hit. And boy, did they...the local news is eating it up with fresh-from-college journalists in raincoats standing knee-deep in front of half-flooded homes, trying to get interviews with idiots who haven't evacuated. Can't believe I ever wanted to get into journalism.

I brought out an old-school planner (like those Day Runners people used in the '90s before everything went on iPhones), and have been making lists and crossing things off again for the first time in years. In addition to the silly sense of accomplishment it produces, my head feels more organized and it's translating to other areas of my life. I went through that kitchen on Saturday like a cleaning machine, and it's still looking pristine. I finished Dr. Ornish's Spectrum and using ideas from that and Bob Greene's Best Life, have overhauled my food intake. It dawned on me (we're talking ridiculously bright lightbulb over my head here, folks) that I could use one of those online food journal programs on my Kindle, so I re-signed up on My Fitness Pal, and have ACTUALLY been tracking my food and exercise. It's proving to be quite a useful tool.

I ordered the Asheville relocation package.

My arthritis in my knees has still been bitchy. I think it's related to barometric pressure (thank you, Debby), plus the strain of working out on Sunday @ the Y. I only did 3 miles on recumbent bike (good clip) and 1.5 miles on the elliptical, but it's been months again, so my arse was officially kicked. I'm planning to shift my work schedule earlier once I get turned down for that sup position (that's not pessimism, it's realism...i don't have the interpersonal skills they're looking for), so I can work out again in the evenings. I complained about how busy it is after work there, but the plain fact is I worked out MUCH more when I was doing it after work.

Image from here.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Feeling like me again, only better

Kinda neat how the NC trip is working its way into my head. I'm actually making lists so I don't forget things as they come to me. I'm recognizing that with the OT gone, the budget needs to shift; so this weekend is going to be dedicated to several projects, so that that won't sting so much. I'm updating my planner with pages that will allow me to organize my life better. Something clicked after we got back from NC, and I'm only now recognizing the benefits...

My legs, especially the knees, are still aching's hard to sit still. The Advil ain't getting the job done. I'm quite angry by this development and determined to do something about it.

There will be both indoor and outdoor projects this weekend. I want to sweat myself dry and get my hands dirty.

Image from here.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Taking Stock

We've apparently entered a quiet period here @ chez Madrone.

Editors note: I love when I write stuff like that and then proceed to write a blog post that could be its own book.....what I mean is I'm kinda Winnie the Pooh in his thotful spot this week.

I guess it makes sense...lots of farming blogs get quiet this time of year because they're so busy, and I'm a farming blogger wannabe. Of course, my quiet has nothing to do with planting and everything to do with.......yea, I'm still working that out.

We traveled last week. We brought the cat, which was more of a trial than I let myself believe initially. She's a good enough sport once she settles in, but it brought home how we want to update her shots so that boarding her is an option next time. This was a 6-day, away-from-home trip, and it's just not fair to leave her to her own devices that long, even with someone checking in on her. My brother would've done so if I'd asked, but I really didn't want to leave her. The biggest issue, I think, was the amount of "other animal" smells at Les's folks' house (3 cats, 1 dog), but we kept her sequestered and she survived (and by some miracle, our niece didn't get scratched or bit.....that child thinks all animals are on this earth to tolerate her love).

We visited his family first. They're sad, struggling a bit with Dad J. gone, and Husby is on the outs with one of his sisters, which meant there was a large elephant in the room sometimes. Mom J. managed to catch the shingles recently, so she's feeling lousy on top of the grief. We were there from Wednesday night to Saturday midday, and then we traveled to Charlotte to visit my mom and sis. We took the scenic route via Spartanburg, because I was determined to see that city and sniff it out; and I'm so glad we did, because there are elements of that town that don't exactly blow my skirt up.

So I got to Charlotte wishing we had time to hit Asheville, since we were up there, and Lil Sis (gods bless her!) was open to the idea, even though it meant waiting til afternoon to head up there, cuz Mom had to work in the morning. We got on the road about 3PM on Sunday, got into town right at dinnertime, had a nice meal, walked just a bit, saw some amazing views from the Grove Park Inn (LS has been there before for a conference), and then headed back to Charlotte.

That trip was intimidating on several levels, that I'm still trying to sort out in my head. Yes, I idealize the heck out of Asheville, and thankfully, it didn't exactly crash to Earth following my visit...I adore it more now, if that's possible; it's still amazingly beautiful up there, and it's obvious that we'd be comfortable around the types of people that live there. If Asheville opened a Birkenstock and broomstick skirt factory up there, people would lose their freakin''s blatantly granola, so much so that I'm surprised the tourists aren't more wigged out by it. But they probably stick to the Grove Park and Biltmore areas and leave downtown to the locals.

So I think my main apprehensions are twofold.
  • It finally made the move real...I realized that if I moved us up there, instead of using Columbia or Charlotte or Spartanburg as a stepping stone, then maybe I'd have to learn to live in the present and settle down a bit, instead of always wantingwantingwanting to be elsewhere. And that's a notion that requires more thought, meditation, etc....because I think Asheville/Hendersonville is nudging its way to the top of the list, and this year ain't slowing down any.
  • The second point was the realization of how my weight affects my life. I've been s...l...o...w...l...y...getting that clue more and more this year; but between LS's 3-story walk-up and the hilly expanse of Asheville's downtown, my knees took a beating...we've been back 2 days and I'm still using the Aspercreme. It was very, VERY sobering. I do not want to be taking meds for joint pain my whole life. I hate needing 5 minutes to catch my breath after 2 friggin' flights of stairs. I do not want my arthritis to get worse. And I don't want to shorten my life.
So I'm a little pensive this week, as we get back to normal after all that travel. We drove home Tuesday and have been stumbling around a bit ever since.

Outside: Florida...I did NOT miss the humidity while we were gone. We ate outside in Charlotte; it was ridiculously pleasant while we were there.

Inside: Had my panel interview yesterday for the supervisor position...I have no idea how I feel about that.

Wearing: jeans, polo, frankenstein shoes...

Creating: ROFLMAO...but I will be trolling the web for a nice vest pattern to cast on with the nifty yarn Mom and LS brought back from Ireland....

Reading: Dr. Ornish's Spectrum, old issues of Real Simple and Our State (thanks Mom!)

Going: nowhere.....too much to do at home.

I can clean the crap out of the house this weekend and plant something.

Image from here.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Interview Day

How I think others see me in a job interview.....

We're traveling this weekend. Stay safe, y'all!

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Taking Stock

Seriously, how is it Thursday already?

I'm working OT, but not that much. It shouldn't shred me the way it does, render me mute and incompetent at the end of the day. I'm editing websites, for gosh sakes; ain't exactly brain surgery. I get home and my brain is weary. I watch a little tube, try to read, and fall in the sack by 11. I haven't picked up yarn in 3 months.

I'm trying for another promotion. I expect almost nothing. I'm calling it "applying for rejection" to those close to me. I know I'm not the ideal candidate for the boss who makes the decisions, but I am ideal. It's not really possible to find someone else in-house who's as knowledgeable about the position as I am. So we wait and see.......

Outside: Summer has arrived here in Florida. The daily rains are a blessing that start in the afternoon and stretch into the evening. We fall asleep to the gentle rumbling of thunder and the wonderful rushing sound of rain. It's flooding in spots, and the locals start to bitch, and those of us who listen to the earth give thanks.

Inside: people getting chatty...time to put on iPod...

Wearing: the most comfortable pants on the planet.

Creating: sigh...

Reading: The Spectrum and The Dragon Reborn

Going: 1 week til SC/NC! I HATE leaving the cat.....may still bring her with us and just deal with the consequences...

Caught myself thinking like a farmer yesterday. I'm driving home on I-95 in a serious, 40mph-with-the-hazards-on downpour, and my thoughts are wandering, and I think about how this Florida rain is great for the aquifers, but must be hell for the if I had a regular garden, I'd be worrying about flooding, and if I had raised beds, I'd be worrying about the plants sinking and drowning...what's the remedy, portable hoops? These thoughts made me happy, because I'm still at the point in my life where I can read and learn about these things before they happen, rather than trial by fire (or deluge, as the case may be). 

I hate how the OT fries my brain, and I'm determined to get a handle on it. I wanted to send Jenna a Congratulations card, but time ran out on me, so I'm settling for an email and donation. Her bravery blows my mind. I pray I can turn my work ethic into something similar someday. I know I have it in me, just gotta narrow down my focus to what makes me happiest and how I can use that happiness to my advantage in life.

Image from here.