Friday, December 29, 2006

Random website weirdness

Kind of punchy today...

Coupon for a place that offers weight loss programs:

Print this coupon to receive 4 weeks free at the end of your program.

Now, I know I'm being too literal here, but if you've reached the end of your program, aka: reached your weight loss goal, then what do you need 4 free weeks for? Is it a special promotion for anorexics in training?

Seaford, NY restaurant offering Roast Long Island Duck

I get that they're trying to promote local farm products, but when I saw Long Island, all I could think is pigeon or seagull, depending on the season.

Tired still...SO, SO ready for a 3-day weekend, which is pretty sad considering I just got off a 6-day weekend. Does it count if you spend it with family? This holiday had just enough drama where I still feel like I'm coming down from the visit. Tomorrow's Cache the Stash party with the bitches should help...we're all bringing our stashes outta the mothballs and doing some comparing and trading. Hope some of my acrylic finds a new home.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Christmas: big, furry thing that it is...

Never really got in the spirit this year. That's a tough one to accept; never had any trouble in the past. Maybe it is time to celebrate Solstice formally as a family (Les and I, plus future urchins), and then do Christmas with his family separate. I don't know. I mean, sure, as I've grown older, it's gotten harder to fetch up the excitement of years past, but I've always managed it with music, church, or a wander through a mall. I did get a bonus, not as much as I deserved, but enough to get gifts for everyone. This year though, something wasn't there, and I find I'm a little empty. Which is weird, because as Christmases go from a material standpoint, Les and I made out like bandits. He got not 1, but 2 new woobies, plus a fat Best Buy giftcard, the DVD box set of the Dungeons & Dragons cartoons, and other goodies. We both got clothes: 2 new sweaters for him, both suitably manly enough where I won't be borrowing them unless it's an emergency :), and 2 new outfits for me, one classy, one cashe. I got an MP3 player, the Weekend Knitting book, a bunch of cosmetic/bath and body stuff, and a four-pack of candles specifically geared toward fertility (no hint there!). Luckily those were from his sis, not his folks; that would've been a bit weird. Got to spend some quality time with my 5-month-old niece, which was terrific, but also a big reminder of why we're moving to Columbia rather than say, Aiken. Les's mom is a 2nd mom to Kylie, picking up the slack whenever Kara needs her to, while simultaneously resenting how much Kara uses her kindness. Meanwhile Kylie lacks stability and fusses more, besides being a colicky baby to begin with. I don't know why it bugs me so much; probably just the ole biological clock making me wish I could give them both a stern talking-to without it backlashing all over me, but as I'm the childless one, I know I have absolutely no business sticking my nose in, and in Kara's case, it would fall on deaf ears anyway. But they so enable each other, and it's a vicious cycle that I'd rather not be around when it explodes all over them.

Every family has its own blend of tension and drama though, so it was quite nice to get home last night. The apartment is still in the running for disaster-area status, but the complex maintenance guy came by right before Christmas and looked the closet over, said he'd order the necessary parts.

Only drank a little this weekend, kept it totally under control, and luckily still don't really have the taste for it. That'll kick back in the minute I start eating healthy. Went to the doc (OB/GYN) last week and got all my test results. Nothing drastic, but they certainly could be better. My fasting blood sugar is borderline, meaning one doctor might call it normal while another might see it as a precursor for gestational diabetes. And my hormone levels are normal, but I have PCOS. That stands for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, and is far too broad a term in my opinion, so I'm just calling it what it is: a cyst apiece on my ovaries. Certainly what caused my skipping 2 months this year, and definitely a fertility concern. So I'm going to lose at least 20 pounds and see her in April; she was all set to put me on fertility meds now, but it's just not time yet. I'll investigate it, if necessary, after the move. The really good news: Les's results were totally normal! Between his chronic pain issues and a cyst of his own, there was a question there; but now the ball's in my court, so to speak.

With nothing holding me back but me, I found myself looking at food a little differently this past weekend. I certainly wasn't going to try any lifestyle changes on such a significant food holiday, but while I was eating my weight in orange pecan cookies, I was also enjoying green beans and salad more; they tasted better somehow. This week as I get settled, I'll start walking again and thinking about other forms of exercise that don't make me want to slit my wrists, and I'll get out the cookbooks. Man, I wish I had a bike! Ours are rusting away on the porch :( maybe after the college, even though I had a car, I biked almost everywhere because I lived on campus and it was certainly easier than hunting for a parking space.

Exhausted today for some reason...must be reacclimating or something. Looking forward to relax time tonight. Made a hat this past weekend, started a wrap, 86d the mittens in favor of a scarf that I'm thinking of sending to a family friend, sock in slo-mo, SSS ignored as usual. Knitting will be sporadic next week or so as I plow into some serious organizing/cleaning/purging in the apartment.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Where's the damn snow?

Yeah, ok, wasn't likely to get it in Florida...but did we have to get this blankety-blank warm front right on Christmas week?

Was watching Prancer this weekend, plus Mom just sent a cute online Christmas card of a couple of mice sledding in a walnut shell...I do miss snow sometimes. There's a disadvantage to seeing things from an adult's point of view though. Is it considered self-deprecating or sardonic for me to imagine jumping onto a sled on a thick, high bluff of snow and ice, like we used to have on Above All, where it would blow and freeze in sections several feet thick, and instead of sliding down a hill, having the sled slowly sink down to the grass under the weight of my big bod. I don't get upset, just allow a little sigh. That's not negative self-image; it's humor!

I call those "Ally McBeal moments," where full-blown daydreams distract me for a bit. Might be why I think the TV show "Scrubs" is so funny...

Warning: irrational vent approaching...I realize there's nothing to be gained from counting on a Christmas bonus, but when you live in a one-paycheck household and you've gotten a bonus the last 2 years, it stands to reason there'd be some hope for a 3rd bonus coming in. Much to my frustration, this hasn't occurred yet, and the higher-ups ain't talking. Everybody's getting IOUs this year if that sucker doesn't show itself in the next 5 days, never mind that if they're dicks and really do wait until the last minute, it delays our trip to SC, because they cut actual checks for the bonus rather than direct deposit. And then if it does show itself, there's the delight of shopping at the last minute. I'm way frustrated over this, and it's getting in the way of my getting in the spirit. Ho-ho-friggin' ho!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

I never thought.....

When I was younger, I played trumpet in band, straight through high school. I was a Girl Scout in the 7th and 8th grades, so I learned to sew and I tried latch hook. Latch hook's easy enough, but it's a serious snore. I wrote stories now and then. But I didn't have a whole lot of hobbies, which could account, I suppose, for the inordinate amount of time that was spent inside my own head.

Fast forward to my mid-30s ::sigh::, ok, late-30s, and 2 friends whom I'm wanting to hang out with and get to know better, decide to form a knitting group and teach people who want to learn. I start with the basics, buy a book or two for reference, and hang with these folks 2 to 4 times a month, knitting and enjoying the caffeine and baked goods at Panera. I baby-step my way into increases, decreases, socks, and lace. I accumulate a stash with way too much acrylic in it, collect a nice amount of needles, and whine about my UFOs, all the while starting new and different projects with a vengance.

What am I getting at? Well, night before last, I cleared away and/or organized a large part of the detritus that is the result of our bedroom closet rack destroying itself; the end result being that I found my bedroom coffee table, wing chair, and stash. Last night I sat in said chair and tucked in. I moved some stuff around, reorganized the stash, rolled yarn into balls, and laid out fresh yarn for several projects. I started a hat, turned the rice stitch wrap strip that I'd started into a gaiter, frogged the Cozy and rolled the Wool Ease into a ball, found the chenilley Red Heart that Dana destashed to me and decided to make mittens from that (and maybe legwarmers), and found the sock yarn ruthee gave me ages ago that I'd ended up ripping out on the first try. It doesn't seem like much, but it took several hours, and between the careful stitching together of the two ends of the gaiter and starting the hat on my size 10 dpns, that "all's right with the world" feeling settled into my chest once again. Is it sounding too new agey to say that knitting somehow speaks to my soul? I'm tired and a little headachy this morning as I sit in my office avoiding weekend work, but I'm feeling so much better inside my head. So much better! I never thought that a hobby could have this effect on me, because I didn't have anything like that growing up, not even trumpet. I tried, but I don't have natural musical talent, so it required study and work. Knitting certainly requires that too, but there's just something about it that's different. When Lil Sis shakes her head at my weird, old-fart hobby, it doesn't bother me at all, because I know I've discovered something precious.

Thank you so much, ruthee and Terra!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Back in the groove

It's weird how much a quick side trip out of town can throw you off...don't realize you're a slave to routine until something disrupts it, I guess. More likely it's the fact that this trip wasn't like our usual trips...usually if we go out of town, it's to Aiken, where we're used to the drive and the area, the family stress level is fairly average, and the weather's usually pleasant. Not saying I don't like was SO nice to see my Lil Sis in her element, nudging her way into "real life," and getting to gallavant around the Universal parks for a day. I was beaming and proud as she walked for her Masters. It made me teary and got my wheels turning again about school and all the things I want to learn in this life. There were 4 wheelchair folks getting degrees, 2 blind people plus another that needed walking assistance, and 1 posthumous degree at the end. Talk about your reminders about the tenuousness of life.

But it also makes me nutty traveling in foreign territory without a map (that's not a metaphor; I mean having to follow someone's directions when you're unfamiliar with the area makes me crazy). And my dad's condition was a shock. He's started having balance issues, experiencing vertigo at the drop of a hat. It's most likely related to the fact that his carotid artery is 90+% blocked on one side, so his brain's just not getting enough juice. It infuriates me (we're talking white-hot livid angry) that his cardiologist and neurologist are dragging their feet on further medicinal or surgical ways to remedy the sitch (he's already on Plavix), but in the meantime, it's aged him about 10 years in 6 months. He followed us quietly throughout the parks that day, and sat quietly when we went on rides. Now granted, if you look up the word "taciturn" in the dictionary, it shows a picture of the Lyons' brothers, but this was more than that. He's clearly afraid of what's going on with his body, and it's taking the wind out of his sails. Took him getting plastered both nights for him to loosen up. I mentioned it to Mom, and you could tell she agreed; but she won't push him to talk about how he feels usually, because she knows it'll start a fight and why do that to I understand why she may not push him. The man brings new meaning to the phrase "closed off."

But I, on the other hand, have been pushing at envelopes since I met Les, so after some thought I sent Dad an email. I asked him several pointed questions about his condition and told him that while I wasn't expecting solid answers from him by any stretch, that I was volunteering myself if he needed backup at any of his appointments, to remember what to ask or what's said (I've got terrific recall for medical terminology for some reason). I don't expect anything to come of it, but at least I've tried. I mean, his behavior was a jaw-dropping shock to me, but I guess that's understandable; it's not like we socialize with my fam all that much, even though we live in the same town.....

So I was thrown off somehow by last weekend's trip, and feel like I'm only now getting back into the groove. Christmas is galloping toward us with a vengance and no bonus in sight...the bastards at my work are waiting til the last second apparently, which is maddening since we need to cover bills with most of today's check. I bailed on KB last night and did something I've been wanting to do since the closet exploded: unearth my bedroom coffee table. We own WAY too many clothes. This is going to be a Goodwill-Keep-Toss weekend, as I begin giving the bedroom and closet a good purge. And I'll go through the Columbia paperwork again and start laying out my planner for the next 4 months. We need 60 days' notice to move out of my complex, which means having housing nailed down by end of February. Rather daunting proposition, but I'm still aiming for it.

As for knitting, it's in a state of flux. Like I said, cape's done, but gotta buy buttons. I'm thinking of frogging Cozy because I can't stand the idea of doing that pattern in Wool Ease. Thinking of stopping the rice stitch wrap and seeing if I can sew it together at the ends for a gaiter, because I just don't have the patience for big projects right now. I'm thinking about hats, mittens, and socks for the near future. I pulled Broadripple and Jaywalker off the web, and I'm starting one of 'em with the Regia that ruthee gave me way back when, because I feel a sock jones coming on big time. And I'll unearth the SSS and see what else is unfinished, now that I can actually step around the coffee table to my stash again.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Graduation wonderful. Crazily proud of Lil Sis. Family time was interesting, scary, sobering, and a couple of other adjectives.

Got back to discover boss had developed a wild hair and wanted certain people moved. My new desk oughta be called "teacher's pet desk..." as it's directly across from my team leader, so I can't dick around on the web at all at work anymore. Personal phone calls are pretty much out too. Probably a good thing, but boy, it's taking some getting used to.

They also outlawed food at our desks last week. Seven years of grazing and now I've gotta stop cold turkey. I'm not happy.

Cape's done, just needs buttons. Thinking of starting socks and mittens this week, but have to deal with a disaster area of a bedroom first.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Random Wednesdayness

I can think of better ways to start a Wednesday than in a dentist's chair. But on the upside, only one cavity left to deal with, and the dentist is a cutie with a really gentle touch. Seriously, anybody in the Jax area looking for a new dentist, ask me about Dr. Floro. He's very nice, just opened his own office in Mandarin and could use the business.

Name of company: South Florida Home Remodeling
Location: Bristow, Virginia

Yeah, that makes sense.

Busy times ahead...participating in a cookie swap Saturday, which means finding cookie ideas using only ingredients currently in the house, because we's po'...luckily I anticipated this and stocked up a bit when we did the big Thanksgiving shop, so while the cookies won't be anything fancy, I don't think I'll come up short. Then that afternoon we head down to Orlando for a bit of family fun. Lil Sis graduates with her masters' degree on Monday. She's the one working full-time as a PR Coordinator for Universal Studios, so she got us all free tickets for the parks, which we're hitting on Sunday as a group. Should be both interesting and, as it's been a couple of years for Les and I and we both love places like that, and interesting because my mom and dad will be there, and Dad can be...oh, how shall I put this....rigid, demanding, prickly, misanthropic, anal, mercurial, impatient, and a couple of other things I'm forgetting, that make him a delight to be in public with. I'm sure it'll be fine. Meara forgets that she's still the golden child in the family, so Dad'll be on his best behavior while we're all down there. Mom knows how to rein him in; she must, she pulled it off for my wedding, and that required a much longer trip in the car. But figuring out logistics for a get-together like this can be trying enough, without the distractions of graduation, coordinating the iVillage launch, a Today show shoot, and the Macy's parade opening at the parks this weekend, a boyfriend whose job isn't flexible enough for him to attend his girlfriend's graduation, housing we siblings in her cute little apartment for 2 nights, Mom and Dad negotiating the Orlando area from Meara's place to their hotel to the, I'm getting uptight just thinking about it. Watching Mom and Dad find their way around someplace in the car, Dad at the wheel, Mom at the map, is like watching oil and water mix. The memories are vivid of shrinking to nothing in the back seat while they tore each other new ones in the front. Mom's very intelligent, but what goes on in her head and what comes out of her mouth...a lot of the time, it's two different things, and Dad just has/had no patience for mistakes. Still baffles me sometimes that they're still together, and scares the hell out of me how Les and I could change once kids enter the picture. Ok, that's enough of that tangent.

Not as jealous of Meara's masters as I thought I'd be...maybe because I know I'm not ready to be back in school yet. So much has changed...I didn't even own a computer in college. Now you practically need a laptop and a high-speed Internet connection just to get a C in your classes. Plus I've gotten used to a "learn at your own pace" flow; it'd be interesting getting back in the swing of needing to give a crap what the teacher thought. Lil Sis got dinged for format issues on her papers in this last class, because the idiot teacher put in the syllabus that they needed to use the latest edition of APA, but then continued using an older edition herself for grading. I'm sure she found a diplomatic solution to the problem, but I'd have been ready to throw down.

What I am is completely, giddily proud of her and can't wait to see her. With 14 years between us, it's a relationship that's evolved in adulthood to something cozy, and I think we both draw on each other for learning...stuff. I go to her for ideas, because her education was more progressive than mine, and far more modern, and she allows me opinions where experience, a shade more worldliness, is required. Such that it is, I mean, most of my traveling has occurred right here in Florida, but I've been in the workplace for a dozen years now, and she jumped right from college into her dream job and realized fast where she was lacking; it made for some growing pains. I can't wait to see her in that element; Mom and I both will probably be fighting back tears all weekend.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Hail to thee, my alma ma...oh, wait...ehem...

So right after I graduated from that illustrious wannabe of a state U that is USF, they added a football program. 10+ years later, my alma mater's scrappy little team made it to a bowl game. Thought that was nifty...until I checked out the page and got a look at how freakin' many bowl games they have. Never mind that it's 3 pages long, some of the names are just sad...I mean let's face it, wouldn't you rather be in the Rose or Orange Bowl than the Chick-Fil-A bowl. Anyway, USF faces ECU (Eastern Carolina) on December 29 at ::sigh::....................wait for it.................::shakes head::...........the Bowl!

Not Papa John's, mind you.

Excuse me, I need to sigh again.

Ah, I'll suck it up, I mean, a bowl game is a bowl game, right? Might even watch a couple of them this year...wouldn't mind actually figuring out how the game is played, plus it'll be a test of sorts to watch football without beer in the house.

Monday, December 04, 2006

A little more light...under the clothes

So I'm puttering around last night, after dinner and in between laundry loads, when I go into the closet to grab 2 hangers for the air-dry items.

You know that feeling, when you witness a type of upheaval so drastic, it doesn't look real?

The main rack, which held all of our hanger clothes as well as god-knows how many boxes of personal items on top of it, had given up the ghost. Pulled right off the wall and fell. The walk-in closet had ceased its walk-in status once again, only not in hey-maybe-it's-time-to-organize way.

"Um, honey?"
"You didn't by chance hear a loud thud while I was at the store?"

Nah, he slept through it. Thank god the cats weren't in there. Usually we keep it shut, but Fig will slip in there if she gets the chance and has spent more than 1 workday trapped in there, climbing the walls and pooping where she pleases. I go into problem-solving mode and we start pulling out the main boxes, which is a treat (she says sarcastically), because Husby would pull a box out, open it a crack, and begin pawing through stuff, while I stood there saying stuff, like, dude, can't we clear a path and look at stuff in a minute? You don't mess with problem-solving Melanie. He got the hint after a bit and cleared out.

Problem was, we were hoping to still hang stuff because the rack was resting/propped on his cardboard-wrapped Star Wars stuff that he acquired when we worked at the theater (potential future eBay sales). Once I started rehanging stuff though, it tipped precariously. Well, fine. I've become a believer recently in the idea that things happen for a reason. Something's telling me to stop stressing about the dining room because it's not its turn yet. The closet and bedroom will take precedence for now. But man, it's going to be a pain in the ass until we can get the complex in here to replace it. I mean, Husby's stuff is no biggie because in his current employment sitch, it's not like he's wearing his khakis and slacks a whole bunch, but I'm a) a working stiff, and b) a girl, so I need to not wrinkle as much. Grr. Tonight I'll fold up most of our stuff, and find a more accessible home for the ironing board, because the closet that sucker's in at present oughta be studied.

7 days sober. Not normally a big deal, but I did enjoy the company Christmas party at the Marsh Landing Country Club with cranberry juice and club soda, so I'm pleased with myself.

Got my hair cut (me likey! Husby loves me with lots of hair, so he's still grumbling and playing on my insecurities, the little punk) and went through the grueling boredom of a glucose tolerance test first thing Saturday morning. Brought my knitting and a book, but seriously folks, we're talking no caffeine here. When I went for my hormone bloodwork last week, the phlebotomist went up my right arm to find the vein (instead of the usual elbow pit locale), and now I have this ginormous bruise that lost its novelty after oh, day 1. We're talking no short sleeves, so-how-long-has-your-husband-been-beating-you-ma'am? huge. My sad, strange self-abusive side usually enjoys a good bruise, but this sucker ain't turning yellow yet and I'm kind of over it.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Job whining...and an epiphany?

I'd like to start my park ranger job now, please.

Well, ok, so I don't have it yet; haven't even applied, though I'm thinking of doing so very soon with a well-written cover letter explaining my moving sitch. But right now, the 10-hour days are enough trouble without the clients being complete boneheads.

Maybe I'm missing something...

Coupon for a general contracting firm—Receive FREE heat loss with coupon offer

Maybe this one irks me because our apartment leaks energy like a sieve, so I wouldn't mind a discount on my electric at all, if that were an option.

It turns out that they're advertising a free heat loss evaluation of your home with the coupon, but the client, when asked, wanted to leave the above coupon on the home page as is. Sorry, not on my watch; sometimes you have to save these clients from themselves.

What's more frustrating though, are the blatantly incorrect items that make it through design. I completely understand that things can get lost in translation. Our sales team is in Spokane, WA, so it stands to reason, especially with the southern clients, that they're not always going to understand what the person's saying. That's where phonics comes in. However, our design team is under such pressure to crank out sites, they don't even bother trying to translate, and some of the mistakes don't take a rocket scientist. Did I mention the convenience store that sold bold peanuts last week?

Speaking of Peanuts, Charlie Brown Christmas tonight at 8!! JC may be just a man in my book, but I get the greatest warm fuzzy every year, when Linus quotes from the Book of Luke.

Anyway.....was reading one of the family websites yesterday, and I think it's wrought a bit of a change in me. One of my cousins is enjoying her 4th year of sobriety...only 30 years old, bless her heart! She mentioned it in a blog-type setting where my uncles and aunts were mentioning what they were thankful for this Thanksgiving. I'm not sure what her particular poison was, but that's not what's important...Her obvious pride got me thinking...and thinking...about the legacy of "controlled alcoholism" in our family. Yes, I know that's a statement of denial and a contradiction in terms, but it's also the best way to describe my dad. Plus if you believe the possibility of inherited alcoholism, then half my genes have that potential because both of my mom's folks were alcoholics. What's tricky is that I'm certainly not a fall-down drunk, not a party-til-you-puker, not one to wake up in an alley with no memory of the last 3 days. Money's usually so tight, that whether or not there's booze in the house isn't even an issue. But then when a little dough does sneak in for me to buy a six-pack or a bottle of wine, it gets drunk in one sitting easily. I can't have "just a beer or two" or just a glass of wine; where's the point in that? I want the buzz, and I want it to stick around for as long as possible; and unfortunately, I've got a damn fantastic constitution for the stuff. There's a line from West Wing, when Leo's confessing to his attorney about the time he slipped off the wagon on Johnny Walker Blue, and he says something like, "I don't understand how anybody can have 'just one drink'..." I understand that sentiment all too well.

I've only seen this cousin like, twice in our lives, when we were kids, because they live out in California, but I've thought of her often, because I'd heard the lightest of rumblings along the family grapevine that she was enjoying her 20s in a rather Lil Bro-esque fashion. Reading that statement yesterday really got me thinking about the kind of person I am, the kind of person I want to be for Les and our kids. How badly I want to go back to school someday, and how I want other careers, ones that don't involve a cubicle. How I don't want to be craving beer while I'm pregnant if/when...because unfortunately I'm also one of those people who plain enjoys the taste of beer. And I realized I need to find some tools to address the issue.

It's tricky, even with their editing, to adapt the ideas of the AA Big Book to a pagan mindset, so I'm also throwing myself back into the teachings of Reclaiming and Feri. Some would say that trying to start this right before the holidays is like starting a diet on Halloween, but I'm feeling a kind of strength and knowledge that this is the right time to soul search and move forward. Between my delightful chemical deficiencies, my extra-large body, my filthy house, and my treadmill-esque job, I'm usually not a big fan of me. I think that's definitely part of what attracted me to going clean, now; that element of self-pride that was evident in her writing. I want that. I want that even if I never lose a pound or never make it back to school. I need to learn to define myself. Never too late, right?

Monday, November 27, 2006

Back to the grind...

But man, what a nice weekend!

With the exception of some fantastic food and a skein of White Buffalo, I got very little accomplished this weekend, and I'm ok with that. Thanksgiving was nice...the sweet potatoes gave me some trouble and turned out rather unremarkable, but everything else kicked ass! Husby roasted the turkey to perfection out on the grill, I made chocolate mousse and apple butter pumpkin pie, and Les complimented me all weekend by hoovering the leftovers. We stayed in, and miraculously I don't feel like a closet case as a result.

The White Buffalo cape is going to be Seal Heather Brown only...I looked at it last night and realized a) solid stripes of the different colors would be unflattering and bland, and b) the colors themselves could coordinate better than they do. So I'm on my last puck, and starting to decrease, praying that I've given myself enough room to do so, because I shudder at the idea of frogging back with this yarn. I'll think on closure options this week - right now, the toggle button idea is still front and center - and it should be done in time for Meara's graduation, not that I'll be able to wear it because she lives in frickin' Orlando.

Other random thoughts:
—Christmas presents rock! Went wandering with Mom and Meara on Saturday night and ended up at one of the local Vera Bradley outlets. Grabbed their last On the Go model in New Hope for 20% off, because New Hope is retiring. It's a beauty!
—Gotta dig up the cash for one more Rosebud doll. Holly Hobbie lunchbox came in this weekend.
—Company Christmas party this Friday...barely worth writing about, just a chance to dress up and grab some free country club food

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Home stretch already!

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving? When did that happen?

I'm getting psyched. We shopped last night and got almost everything, and I think I picked up the last few items on my break today. Hope so, 'cause I'd really rather not darken the doorstep of another store until this holiday is past us. How people head out at the crack to shop the day after Thanksgiving and brave the malls and WalMarts without firepower is beyond me.

Brunch tomorrow is pumpkin bread and bacon biscuits (both from Southern Living; can't get the links to come up). Dinner is Grilled Turkey Breast, Crockpot Sweet Potatoes with Apples (subbing apple pie filling where it calls for peach), Cauliflower Gratin, and Sauteed Green Beans with Bacon (having trouble getting that link, but it's from too). Dessert is chocolate mousse and/or Apple Butter Pumpkin Pie. I can't wait for that last one. I grew up enjoying apple butter on my Thomas' English muffins, and haven't had it in an age. I knew I wanted to do something else harvesty for dessert, but hadn't decided, when I caught Paula Deen's Southern Thanksgiving on the Food Network this past weekend and saw this recipe. I found a nice white zin from Biltmore Estates to have with the meal, and I'm hoping there'll be just enough brandy left over from the cauliflower recipe to have with my coffee at dessert. :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Holy frick, there's a chill!

Normally, I race open-armed into ANY cold weather, but my recent mood swings wrought a little cynicism on this subject, the upshot being the mindset of 'why wear the heavy coat to go to work if it'll be 80 by lunchtime.' The past 2 days though, Jack Almost-Frost snuck in and stuck around. So I leave to grab sundries at lunchtime and the chill whips right into my overshirt. Woke me up the rest of the way at butt was dragging this morning because I didn't rinse out my coffee mug enough, so my coffee had this lovely, light flavor of Publix's Antibacterial Dish soap. Yuck! Luckily Les's jacket was in the backseat, though I had to reconcile myself to the fact that it's too small for my shoulders and upper arms. ::sigh:: We're almost exactly the same size (though he'll say he's taller), but I've got 40 pounds on him. grr...

Speaking of mood swings, yesterday we in Jacksonville played a game called "Ways to Tell a Relative Is Off Their Meds." A woman went to the Shands Hospital pharmacy, decided she'd had enough of this waiting-in-line shit, pulled out her gun, and shot the pharmacy manager point blank 3 times. The pharmacy manager later died, leaving behind a husband, 2 kids, and the beginnings of a third. Happy Thanksgiving. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate this city?

Jags won last night; that was cool. We needed the ego boost, but it's still gonna be an uphill climb to the playoffs. And with Indianapolis in our division, it's hard to even take the road to the playoffs seriously. The Colts' loss on Sunday was delicious, but they're still easy contenders for the #1 or #2 spot overall this year. Bastards.

Got half the laundry done and rotated the dishes, so even though it's a drop in the bucket where that apartment is concerned, it feels less cluttered. Tonight we'll food-shop; hopefully the shelves won't be bare yet. There was still plenty of everything last night, but it was also frickin' busy.

We interrupt these mundane reports for a mini-rant: Back in August, our team leader told us that they wouldn't be measuring revenue month-by-month anymore, rather it would be more day-to-day, thus eliminating the mad rush to get sites out at the end of each month. That seems to have been a pipe dream. By September, they were leaning on us again for OT at the end of the month to get sites out the door. I figured they were doing it because it was end of quarter; now that we have an IPO, it's all about the money: positive revenue=positive stock future. Alas, October brought the same type of rush, and would've put a damper on Halloween except for sales taking a dip. Which brings us to November and that inconvenient holiday giving us a 4-day weekend. To remedy the time loss, our Op Mgr decided to initiate mandatory 10-hour days from the 27th to the 29th. It's barely a big enough deal to whine about, but I'm still ticked. It's just a little harder to enjoy a 4-day weekend, when you know you're going to go right back to being strung out and bleary eyed from too much computer time the minute you get back. And why bother telling us about the day-to-day concept if they had no intention of following it?

But I know that it really stings because I'm just barely making it through my 8-hour days at present. I'm not sleeping well lately; I switched pillows and it's gotten a little better, but still has me a bit on edge from that raw feeling you get from not sleeping well or enough. I get done with work and I could skip to the car for the feeling of freedom it gives me. I get home and pile on the husby to get my hugs, and then dive into some knitting or reading, lose myself in a world away from the Internet and the vapid commercialism that permeates our society. The Christmas commercials on TV are really pissing me off this year too. I can tell that my ways of celebrating Yule are going to change this year. Not sure how yet...

Got my Scarlet Rosebud doll in the mail yesterday, and the Love Notes doll - both in really nice condition! Still doing the bid dance with another doll and a Holly Hobbie lunchbox. eBay's disturbingly addictive, and I haven't even gone into the yarn areas. If I'm going to buy yarn over the web though, I want it to be from the fantastic bargains at KnitPicks, but eBay is loaded with hidden treasures - you've just gotta know where to look.

Monday, November 20, 2006


Cubicle life is interesting to tolerate when you're flying just below the sanity radar. Elizabeth Wurtzel described life off meds once as where your whole body feels like one big nerve ending, or like you're walking around without skin. While I tend not to identify with her experiences anymore, because she personifies a "me!me!me!" whiny personality that no amount of therapy is ever going to relieve her of, I still admit to appreciating her flair for description. You've got the A/C hum, coaches and team leaders talking to coworkers around you, people coughing without covering their mouths because they figure they don't have to since they're in cubes, and you're trying to focus on what feels like your 20th Herbalife site of the day without letting something mundane slip by, like spelling receive/recieve. The majority of my coworkers listen to music with headphones/earbuds, but I have to be in the right frame of mind to do that. I'm ready to fly outta here, but I've got an hour to go, and going home means doing laundry when I'd rather spend a little time under the covers. S'pose I could pull off both, but I really need to get the laundry and cleaning done tonight, because tomorrow night will be shopping for Thanksgiving.

Restless, but not wanting to do anything...that's the way I was last night...banging around the apartment because there wasn't enough on TV and I wasn't motivated enough to clean. I know when I get home tonight, I'll sit still initially, maybe re-sort the laundry or tuck into the dishes to avoid starting the laundry, and I've got decent TV tonight (Charlie Brown, Heroes, Studio 60) so I'll be able to focus on that while I knit or fine-tune the shopping list for tomorrow, but getting to that point...this is a tough time. I think about asking Doyle for an increase in my Paxil, and then I remind myself that I've only been back on it for going on 3 weeks, so I need to take this as the growth opportunity that it is, head down, push on...drink water, drive on, private, as Cyril would say, the mantra of Army basic training...similar idea in about the only funny part of an old Anthony Michael Hall movie, Johnny Be Good:

Johnny: Coach, I broke my dick.
Coach: Well, throw some dirt on it and get back in the game, son!

I put chocolate on the hurt spots, and my butt stays big. I need to get outside as much as possible when the temps are down like they are at present. I think it's the only thing that kept me hinged last time we were in SC, that and Kylie, my beautiful, dark-eyed niece. I set her on my chest and look into those inquisitive eyes. She has a full head of dark brown hair that takes on an adorable punk-rock look, and holding her gives you that "all's right with the world" feeling.

But my biological clock's not outta control...

Not enough hours in the day

Another weekend bites the dust.

I should've seen this coming. ruthee's warned me before about Paxil taking longer to work when you go back on it after coming off it, but it's moot because at the time I was weaning, I had no intention of ever going back on it. How f*cking naive is that?!

So the house is still filthy, the grocery shopping and laundry didn't get done, and Thanksgiving is in 3 days. Luckily I'm putting all this pressure on myself, given that we're not entertaining family, so I can take it with a grain of salt. Should probably buy more salt.....

I've fine-tuned the menu, changed the sweet potato dish, added another side (cauliflower gratin), and gone lazy on the bread (I'm thinking Publix Italian sandwich bread—it kicks ass!). Was watching Paula Deen yesterday and snatched up her recipe for Apple Butter Pumpkin pie—that sounds like heaven! Still gonna make chocolate mousse sometime this weekend too, as well as those chocolate mint cheesecakes, probably a chocolate pudding pie for my folks, snickerdoodles for my sis, and for Thanksgiving morning, pumpkin bread, and if I can procure the magazine I saw it in, bacon biscuits, which are actually bacon, egg, and cream cheese in biscuit muffin cups...kind of like a slap-dash mini quiche. Took us 3 stores to find the indirect BBQ racks for the'd think a state like Florida would keep that stuff in stock year-round...yeah, not so much...

Work's gonna be grueling this week, because the sales have seesawed so badly this month, that the higher-ups made a goal that we zero out the queues by Wednesday. So I can't really enjoy the short week until Wednesday night. Screw that! In my head, I'm already cleaning, baking, shaking the dust out of that apartment, letting the fresh air blow through. Technically, we've had the windows open since Friday, which means the apartment gets up to the low 70s in the late afternoon, but the nights have been in the high 30s/low 40s, so it cools back down, and lemme tellya, it's making a difference, however small. I love my husby, but he is so smoking outdoors wherever we land in SC. The smell in that apartment is one of several reasons I don't invite people over. I mean, I'm no social butterfly to begin with, but when your pride keeps it from even being an option...

Anyhoo, started the fresh puck of White Buffalo last night, 3 down, 2 to go. It's already to the point of decrease if I were to follow the pattern, but I'm sticking with my decision to go long. Could've used it this morning (36!), and the change in the weather's definitely motivating me to work on it; I'd love to be able to wear it a little this winter.

Thursday, November 16, 2006


I may start whining. Just giving you fair warning.

My life feels like it's in a holding pattern. I'm waiting for several things to fall into place, so that we can move forward a notch, and gathering the patience to endure said holding pattern is a little trying when your body chemistry is still getting back on happy meds. It's only been 2 weeks, so even though the difference was fairly immediately noticeable, it's still going to take awhile for me to feel "normal" again. Anyone who's dealt with waiting for the effects of psychotropic meds to take hold knows just how excruxiating it is. Luckily, we've been so busy at work lately that I'm usually too distracted to notice, but that also means that I shut down fairly completely when I get home, clinging to knitting like a liferaft because it's a part of my life I have control over.

The holidays are galloping toward us. My brain shorts out just thinking about it.

They'll be pushing OT at work again this weekend, but I swear if I don't get some cleaning done in that apartment soon, the cats are gonna move out on our asses. Les tries, but I completely understand his inability to do much - I'm just as useless when I have a headache, and his are so much worse, it's not even a comparison.

We're knitting in the park this weekend if the weather clears; that'll be nice. I have 3 WIPs grabbing my attention at present, the 2 wraps and the White Buffalo cape, which snuck back into my consciousness this week. Was thinking of giving it sleeves or arm holes, but it doesn't entirely fit around me, so I'm sticking with the Cape May pattern. I'm worried about the shoulder shaping; it absolutely needs it because the White Buffalo's so heavy, and I'm not planning to do a large ribbon to close it, like they have in the pattern. Rather, I'm thinking of a couple of toggle buttons at the top, or maybe something with an Asian influence. Do they make giant hook-n-eyes? Plus I'm thinking of doing it longer than they have in the pattern. I mean, no matter how you slice it, unless you're a twig, you're gonna look big in a cape, so I might as well make it long. Besides, I want to use all of the White Buffalo in this one project, I think. I have 2 more pucks of Seal Heather Brown, then 3 Teal, and 1 Slate - the Slate may end up being a collar. We'll see...

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


I just wrote on my SCMoving blog, so my head's a little dry now...just the usual stuff of life going on...

eBay's a little addictive. This isn't news, but what is, is the weird stuff I've been finding and purchasing. I'm going through a strangely nostalgic phase that has to be connected to my desire to have a child. When I was little, Santa discovered Rosebud dolls, which was incredibly cool because my nickname was Rosebud. I owned like 5 or 6 of them; wouldn't look twice at a Barbie, but I adored these little baby dolls. My sis probably inherited them, and lord only knows where they are now. So I'm goofing off on eBay the other day, and sure enough, there's doll collectors and antique stores out there selling them. I've got 3 waiting for me in apparently good condition. Yes, she's 37 years old, folks!

I'm thinking Pepperidge Farm stuffing at Thanksgiving. Lazy, I know. May have to wait on the pumpkin banana mousse tart...can already tell that I'm going to run out of money before I have all the ingredients purchased for this meal. They won't accept our rent for December until we pay the blasted water bill, so this check's going to go damn fast. Maybe I could make it at Christmastime; Les's mom is a pecan pie goddess - it's the requisite dessert at Christmastime. She makes a dozen or more, gives them to neighbors and friends, sells them to her brother to give to his clients/ would make a nice contrast. Ah, we'll see...

Been watching Season 7 of X-Files, borrowed it from Lil Bro. If he thinks he's getting it back.....had to have been the best damn season of that show, so much feeling.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

New word/phrase

My job's fun sometimes. Discovered a misspelling today, and thanks to my knowledge gleaned from L&O: SVU (pause while ruthee laughs at me), came up with a suitable definition for this new word/phrase...

Homeymoon packages—Vacation deals for men on the down-low

Whaddaya think?

Too many desserts!!!

I can't decide what to bake for dessert on Thanksgiving. I usually try for something traditional from the pumpkin or apple families, but Les put in a request for chocolate mousse in the near future, because it's been absolute ages since I did that. I think I've only done it twice, but both times it was heaven! I'm still thinking of the pumpkin banana mousse tart too, but today I also discovered a Nestle recipe for Chocolate Mini Mint Cheesecakes (see piccie courtesy of that looks really easy and delicious, so you know what? There's gonna be some baking in the near future, regardless of the holidays. I'm in the zone...was hunting around the store yesterday for something sweet for us and was just gonna grab some Snack Packs or something, when I noticed that Nestle semisweet chocolate chips are on sale for $2 a bag from now til New Years', and it dawned on me that I had all the other ingredients at home, for once. Made Toll House last night at friggin' 10 at night, the actual cookies, not the bars, and man, were they a treat! I'm never going to lose this weight.

That's not true, of course; I am trying to eat healthier outside of this baking phase, and I'm trying to get walking again. Been working longer hours lately though, so it's hard to pencil in the time without getting up at frickin' 5 a.m. Like today, Saturday, I'm stuck at the office til 2, and then I'm going home with the hopes of tearing into the house, because it's reached epic proportions of filth yet again, plus I want to rearrange the dining room. Was thinking of getting the computer off the makeshift table and onto the real one, but then again, I'd really like to actually like, eat at that table come Thanksgiving. There's a corner of the bedroom that needs work too, plus I need to dig out some winter clothes now that the temps are dropping, but they're in the walk-in closet, so when I say dig, I mean DIG. I need to pare down my cleaning hopes for this weekend, because reading that last paragraph is already making me tired! Les will probably be sleeping off the migraine when I get home; I'll start with the bedroom and work my way out.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Musings of a Friday

If you find the right pattern, there's something strangely addictive about lace.

Can't be too repetitive or it gets boring; that's the fatal flaw of the SSS. It's going to be beautiful once it's done, but getting there is a long, drawn-out process; I mean, depending on your needle size, by the end of the sucker you're doing something like 500 or 600 stitches to a row! zzzzzzz

Cozy, however, is nifty, I'm finding. It's an 8-row pattern that's not nearly as intimidating once you get going on it, and it works up fast. Not only did I work on it, and ONLY it, at KB last night, but I laid in another 8 rows when I got home, staying up til midnight because I hate stopping mid-pattern; it's too easy to screw it up that way, even if you mark where you stopped. I know my limitations. Working on only that at KB is noteworthy, because I normally bring several projects, work on something for like, 2 rows, get bored, and switch to another project. I've never considered myself to have ADD, but there's definitely a short-attention-span thing going on usually, where my knitting is concerned. But last night, getting past that first set of 8 rows and seeing it actually look like it was supposed to, was a warm fuzzy. I'm using the blasted Wool Ease so it won't block up exactly like it's supposed to when it's done, but there's definitely some definition to the lace, and if I keep at it, I could even have it done in time for Meara's graduation. Then there's the whole issue of whether or not I want to do that to myself because it could make it less fun of a project though, so I'm just playing it by ear.

It's just cool enough in the mornings now to wear my light jackets, though today's supposed to get up to 81, and it's been a little rainier lately so the humidity's up. Still, it's not as bad as summer, and I'm trying to appreciate it so that this time next year, I won't be whiny about the more autumnal climate of SC, if that's possible.

Knitting was nice last night, just ruthee, Dana, Spence, and I and some extended family members. I got to sit next to ruthee's younger goddess in training, who has a smile that lights up her whole face every time you speak to her. Her daughters are 4 and 14ish, I believe, and I couldn't get over the differences in the older girl. I didn't think it'd been that long since I'd seen her, but it has to have been at least a year, because now her hair is long, her face has cleared up considerably, and she's easily taller than me. At 5'8", I'm no slouch, but ruthee's a 6-footer, so this is to be expected. While I'm sure the poor girl is still one big willowy ball of insecurity, as most teenagers are, to the outside spectator, I witnessed her carrying herself with a sort of inborn grace; it was a pleasure to watch her, though I could tell it still needed to be done surreptitiously, as she's not crazy about being looked at. I could hang out with that family all day. I don't call people, so I don't usually see them beyond Thursday nights, but I really ought to get a little more social in the coming months; pack in as much time with these amazing people as I can before we move north.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Hump day

Starhawk wrote a rather beautiful essay on Samhain that speaks to the activist heart of the Reclaiming tradition. It got me thinking. The general midterm elections were yesterday, and we stand to enjoy a gridlocked Congress for the next 2 years. I get desperately bored with my current job and have to fight the feeling that I'm letting life pass me by. I remind myself that it won't always be this way, but in truth, I don't do enough to ensure that that's the case. Reading an essay like that motivates me, stirs things in my belly, gets me thinking about my voice and how I want to use it in this life.

I started knitting again last night. Yanked out the Wool Ease for the umpteenth time, because I didn't like how dark the 2 colors were together. Started a rice stitch wrap with the Blue Mist, and trying my hand at Cozy again with the Heather Rose. Felt good to be knitting.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The usual grumblings...and then a lotta food!

Rain, rain, stick around
Make the bad guys all go drown!

120 homicides! Can ya tell I'm a little tired of this city? Not of the rain, we certainly need that; for a tropical state, seems we're always bitching about the lack of H2O. But the crime around Jax is just silly. Some poor 20-year-old late last week decided to commit suicide by ramming his car into 3 police cruisers on a high-speed chase in Tinseltown, and then get out of his car with a replica pellet gun and start shooting at the cops. They took him down during rush hour, about a mile from our place. About 2 weeks ago, somebody cut off a police cruiser on a narrow road, causing him to roll his car, and last night some guy goes to check his mail and finds a body in a field. Those 2 gems were within a mile or so of where my folks live. And now I just read about a 13-year-old who may lose his leg after being shot in a drive-by while walking home from the Raines football game last Friday. 13. It boggles the mind.

Well, at least the Jags won on Sunday :) Gotta look at stuff like that or you'll go nuts. And it looks like we'll have Garrard in the QB slot for the rest of the season. Sweet.

Still feeling kind of nutty around the edges, still sleeping a bit too much, stopped knitting. Have tried reading a bunch of stuff out of the library last week on health, fitness, etc., but it's a little hard to make changes with no money and a cabinet stocked with carbs. Also went looking for some fiction b/c I haven't read anything for fun besides Interweave Knits in an age.

I planned my Thanksgiving menu today; that's always fun. Tried to make it a little more realistic this year, maybe cut out the stuffing altogether, gonna see if I can talk Les into a pan gravy instead of his mom's giblet gravy, which is so thick and loaded with protein it's a friggin' side dish by itself. We're talking about a gravy that includes a small pressure-cooked chicken and 1 dozen hard-boiled eggs in its ingredients; your farts color the air for about 3 days afterwards! Well, I suppose I could do a small dish of stuffing and that'll justify the gravy; I'm going to cut all the recipes in half anyway so that we don't throw out as much. That's why we only do a breast; he's a leg man, but we don't want to end up wasting food.

Thanksgiving during the day, while I'm cooking and alternately watching the Macy's parade, the dog show, and whatever the most interesting football game is:
Terra's hummus with pita bread
Benedictine sandwiches (basically cucumber and cream cheese - keeping it light)

Roast turkey breast cooked indirectly on the grill
Smashed sweet potatoes and apples
Green beans with bacon
Cream cheese biscuits
Not sure on the stuffing, if I do it at all; was going to do something with turkey sausage, cornbread, and apples, but I hate doubling ingredients anywhere, so I'll be investigating further

Pumpkin Banana Mousse Tart and maybe a fresh apple pie

Can'ya tell I love Thanksgiving? Add some spiced wine or cider, a day in the 50s tops with a decent breeze, but not so breezy that we can't keep the sliding glass door open, me not burning anything, and the cats behaving, and I've got myself a pretty perfect day. Not too much to ask. Just keep the alcohol consumption to a dull roar, and steer clear of any family drama.

Thanksgiving is mine. Christmas means family with Les's crowd, and my family's investment in holidays unfortunately depends on Dad's mood, which is usually something like, ok, we'll put up the train set, but do we have to do all that goddamn present shit this year?! My mom and sis actually begged me not to get him anything last year, because of the trouble it would've caused. The man's not normal. But he's also increasingly aware of his fragile mortality, and just as likely to suddenly grow a wild hair and decide to celebrate this year. There's no way to know; just gotta roll with it. Luckily we've gone to SC every year for Christmas since I found Les, so we've gotten used to a quickie gift exchange come Santa-time.

We tried Thanksgiving once or twice when C and K were still together; I got to treat the folks to Mom J's twice baked potatoes and a rather sad attempt at pumpkin cheesecake. And Dad's a sucker for a chocolate pudding pie. But they won't plan anything until the weekend before, or worse right before, so Les and I do our own thing. With both Lil Sis and Lil Bro home this year, I'm thinking a dessert invite is in order, but we ain't going over there. By dessert time I intend to be too exhausted, full, and tipsy to do anything but put my feet up and relax with a cup of warm cider or coffee and my best guy.

Sunday, November 05, 2006


Justice is such a pure thing, it's no wonder it doesn't occur that often. My feelings against the death penalty up against a monster like Saddam Hussein...well, let's just say that I thought that after my contradictory feelings about Danny Rolling, that the Butcher of Baghdad would be an easier sell in my head. Nope. In fact, it's easier to justify my anti-death penalty stance; all you have to do is read Amnesty International's website.

First, my self-righteous stance: Saddam Hussein was found guilty and sentenced to death by hanging for crimes against humanity. Sorry, that sentence is just a contradiction in terms.

But the truth is that the Iraqis were over their head from the start, and the trial had no business making it to this point. Attorneys and their families on both sides were threatened, injured, or killed in the process. In America, that'd be a mistrial faster than you can say intimidation. With this particular trial, since it dealt specifically with issues within Iraq, I guess I can understand their reluctance to go outside their borders for assistance. But as his trials continue for crimes above and beyond Iraq, TPTB would do well to recognize where they need help, because to do otherwise is to set a dangerous precedent in a country that's just getting a taste of life beyond dictatorship. They've already got the fundies' view of the Koran dictating justice in certain respects; if they have any hope of retaining a glimmer of human rights, they need other viewpoints. If that means beyond Bush, so be it...right now, that guy wouldn't know human rights if it kicked him in the face. The fact that our Guatanamo detention facility still exists is proof of that.

Enough of that...I'm doing my Samhain ritual tonight. I smelled Half Mile Road today in my bedroom, which makes me think that the veil's really thin and that Nanie's taking a little walk around there. Gonna see if my visualization turns into a visit.

Friday, November 03, 2006

It's a Winnie-the-Pooh day!

Blustery, that is. And not getting any warmer, today, at least. I'd like to move my computer outside now please.

It's hard to get jazzed about a Friday when you know you have to work Saturday. I'm normally a 9-to-5er (well, actually, an 8-to-4:30er), so regardless of how delightful the extra money is, weekend work is still disconcerting. But it's a necessity; our queues have reached beastly levels and the threats are out. Wah!

Still tiring pretty easily, which is frustrating; by the end of the day, my brain is oatmeal. I'm ok during the regular day, but when it catches up to me, it's like being hit by a truck. Patience...

Haven't been knitting much, just a row here, a row there. UFOs include a pink hat, green fingerless mitts, grey scarf, and pink and blue stole, all for me. And of course, the SSS and the cape. Would love to get the cape done for this winter, but don't know how realistic that is. Saw a blog yesterday declaring Lacevember, which has me thinking about tucking into the SSS again.

Have a good weekend, y'all!
graphic snuck from

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Random thoughts and better feelings

Y'ever have a relative (or actually, for the case we're describing, it's usually an ex-relative) who makes you so nuts with their transparent attempts at emotional blackmail, that you'd just like to go over to their house, rip the front door off with your bare hands, and give them a stern talking-to?

But you know you can't do that, and so you stew and think about writing them an eloquent email that would tell them in no uncertain terms that if they don't grow the hell up and knock that shit off, that there's a definite chance that the first option will occur.

But you know that that's passive-aggressive, and so you plan fresh protection spells around your loved ones instead and feel like you're doing nothing.

That's all the time I'm going to waste thinking about my cunt ex-sister-in-law. What else is new?

I'm back on my meds. I'm a happy camper. I guess when your body's used to X med, it's easier for your brain to come around when you go back on it. You know how TPTB say that antidepressants can take up to 4 or 6 weeks to do some good? Well, it's been 5 days for me, and the difference is marked. I'm not 100%, but my energy level has returned, I can accomplish normal everyday things again, and I don't feel like gum on the bottom of a sneaker. And even better, I'm finally reconciling myself to the fact that I could be on this med or something like it for the rest of my life. Well, it's only been 8 or 9 years; about time I gave that concept some thought.

It's Halloween, or Samhain, depending on your philosophy. The distractions of the past month kept me from pulling off any sort of costume for work, so I'm wearing black to honor my ancestors. Samhain is a time to honor the past and look to the future; it's a witches' new year. I burn the old resolutions and write new ones, and meditate hard on how the last year went and what I want to accomplish in the new one. It's a pretty tall order this time, and I can't decide when to do it. When I remember to celebrate the sabbats, I usually do them astrologically, meaning when the sun hits the next sign on or around the known day of the holiday. In Samhain's case this year, it's on Tuesday, November 7 (sun reaches 15 degrees Scorpio), but the full moon is Sunday and I don't think I want to do this ritual on a waning moon, so I'll probably do something this weekend instead. The sad thing is one of the reasons I'm not just doing it tonight, on Halloween, is because I've got 3 solid hours of decent TV on tonight. Religious dedication requires some wiggle room in the distractions of the present.

Ripped out all of Beach this past weekend to start an afghan instead and get rid of the blasted Wool-Ease once and for all, but I can already tell it's going to need modification. I tried to do a seed stitch border with leftover Jiffy, but I'm using size 13s and it's just too damn stretchy. Stupid thing is I just remembered that I have a skein of Wool Ease in the same color beige as the Jiffy border, so I think I'll rip it all out when I get home and start fresh using double-strand Wool Ease throughout on like, size 10s. Actually, may not use the beige at all; the body is one strand dark blue, one strand dark pink, and it's coming out darker than I'd originally planned - would look better with just a blue or just a pink border.

Otherwise, have small projects in the works (hat, scarf, mitts), but I oughta finish them soon, because the crazy part of me has one (only ONE!) project planned for a family member for Christmas, and that'll take some time and effort.

Did I mention I'm feeling better? :)

Friday, October 27, 2006


A fresh meme to distract me from the fact that I've been feeling like poop on toast this week...

48 things you probably never wanted to know in the first place:

1. FIRST NAME? Melanie
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My folks discovered the name thanks to Melanie Chartoff, popular singer from around, oh, 1969. They didn't expect the nickname issues or that it would get as common as it has.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Crocodile tears over something on TV the other day, can't remember what...
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Only when I work at it.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Wow, that's a good one...I think I would.
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? You're reading it. This computer age has made me too lazy to keep a handwritten journal, with the exception of my spell grimoire.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes, unfortunately. They cause sore throats several times a year now.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No. Never. I also won't jump out of a plane or even ride a decent roller coaster in this lifetime; I'm quite secure in my chicken-ness.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cheerios & butter...yes, I know, sounds gross, with the addition of taking a perfectly healthy cereal and destroying it with half a stick of fat, but it's SOOOO good!!!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not lately, though I always untie them to put them back on.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically I've turned into a marshmallow. Mentally, when I'm medicated, absolutely. Actually, mentally, strong all the time; you have to be to survive the serotonin and lithium deficiencies I've been saddled with.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Coffee, Mint Chocolate Chip, Haagen Daz Chocolate Chocolate Chip, aaahhhh.....damn, now I'm hungry...
14. SHOE SIZE? 11 ::sigh::
15. RED OR PINK? Depends on the shade; dark pink's my favorite (I hate the name mauve), but I really like barn or brick red too.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? See the last part of Question #12.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Nanie. She hasn't passed yet (95!), but I fear I won't get to see her again before she does, so I think about her A LOT!
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Well, doesn't apply as much on a blog, and most of my knitting blog pals have become COMPLETE SLACKERS, so...
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue jeans, grey shirts, light blue NB sneaks.
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Just polished off the morning Eggos with peanut butter
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The hum of the office
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Mauve, but I'd call myself Dark Pink :)
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Cedar mulch, fallen leaves, pine, cinnamon, the house when I'm baking, my husband when he wears Drakkar, the list goes on....
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Husby. I needed advice; one of our car tires is low.
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Sounds really shallow, but good looks first and then a good heart.
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? I don’t know her, but she seems like a pretty prolific knitter, so I'm a little jealous.
27. FAVORITE DRINK? Barq's root beer.
28. FAVORITE SPORT? Watching: football, especially our boys (Jax Jags), preferably with a beer in one hand and a bag of regular Lays in my lap ::sigh::. Playing: not sure...I've gotten big and it's been a while. I never was a runner, but I still dream of running cross country, and possibly trying a triathlon in the future. Still loathe volleyball with every ounce of my being :)
29. EYE COLOR? Blue
30. HAT SIZE? Don't know but it's a big sucker...the average Betmar hat is too small :(
32. FAVORITE FOOD? Chocolate.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter, hands down. I've been in Florida too long.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? That's almost too personal, because Les's self-consciousness about his teeth has changed our kisses, and our hugs are a full-body, squeezing-together-on-the-couch experience, so while I love me some sloppy snogging, the hugs are winning at present.
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Too many to name; SERIOUS sweet tooth.
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Meara, if she needs a distraction too.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Everyone else.
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Just pulled a fresh batch of overwhelm-ment (yes, that word is an MJ original) from the library, dealing with health, fitness, and yoga, as it has dawned on me that any PCOS symptoms that I've recently been admitting to, are very likely entirely self-inflicted by my out-of-control weight, so if I don't want to completely screw up my fertility, I need to do something about it. Haven't dipped my toes into any novels lately, and I miss that.
41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A faded, threadbare surface, and waffle crumbs probably.
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? I indulged in Ugly Betty and some Grey's Anatomy repeats.
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Just about anything in sneezes.
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Sacrilege, I know, but I never really got into either of them.
46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I'm a font of useless entertainment trivia, and a decent Six Degrees player.
48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I snuck it from Maureen of Flower City Knits.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I found the contradiction

Blast! Just had this all written out and my blankety-blank dial-up connection 86d it. Let's see what I can salvage from my earlier thoughts.

First, a tangent: if instead of the death penalty, I would rather Danny Rolling live the rest of his life in prison, preferably in Gen Pop being butt-surfed on a daily basis by an extremely large inmate who goes by the name of Shirley, then is my personal humanity any better off?

So I'm a bit prolific today. The lack of Paxil in my system has my mind scattered and my butt dragging. I came home, turned off the brain, turned on the tube, and just vegged. 6:00 came and went. Husby's sleeping off the weekly migraine, so I'm alone with my thoughts. Never a good thing; planning to distract myself with knitting and a pedicure later.

6:27, I'm flipping around because Everwood's on commercial and I have no patience, and I happen upon my old faithful, Law & Order. Van Buren's trying to coax a confession out of a guy who murdered a woman because she was financing some fairly Mapplethorpian art. The LT's saying stuff like it was biblical justice that he enacted on the lady, an eye for an eye, and it hits me: he's probably gone. He was, at 6:13, as it turned out. And the contradiction hits me: it's illegal to murder, but it's legal to murder those who murder. How the f*ck did we manage to rationalize that into law? And all I can think is that it's wrong, that no matter how much he deserved to die, it's not for us as humans to say. We shouldn't have that level of power, and yet we've enacted it into law. In lots of states.

I'll grant you, the carnal part of me still thinks that as long as we were going to do it, we should have done it the way he murdered Christa Hoyt, with the segue of relieving him of his balls and shaft while he was still conscious, but above that is this knowledge inside of me that it's wrong and that I do believe that unequivocally. He's not special. He deserved to die, but we had no business killing him.

A vent for humanity

At 6:00 p.m. tonight, I'll close my eyes and say a prayer for myself and for the families of the victims of Danny Rolling. He's scheduled to die by lethal injection later today. I'm glad. That's why I'm praying for myself.

It's a very tough sell, and it crops up in what has been a rather remarkable turnaround of philosophy over the last couple of years. Back in 1990, it wouldn't have even been a question. I was the secretary of the USF College Republicans, a hard-core, pro-defense, pro-death penalty conservative. To be sure, I didn't give the issues the thought they deserved back then, but I was clinging hard to a little piece of stability in my life, which was pretty solely grounded in my friendship with a certain guy and my social networking with the CR crowd. I wasn't medicated yet, and life was quite painful, so I forgive myself now for blindly following the Right the way I did.

I was a student at USF in Tampa in 1990, living on campus, so I saw and felt firsthand some of the fear that Gainesville experienced. Since it took a while for Rolling to be captured, we all lived in some fear, taking safety precautions, not going out alone at night, and such. I met students who transferred to USF from UF, either because they were in fear for their lives or because their parents had made them. A year prior, I had bunked with CRs at the Williamsburg Village apartments on a junket; the first victims were found there. You look back on things like that and enjoy a little "there but for the grace of God..." moment. Rolling was most certainly Gainesville's Bundy, and I don't recommend reading the online information that you'll find about the killings, like CourtTV's Crime Library; it's graphic and nightmare-inducing in the details of his depravity.

About half a dozen years ago, maybe more, the tide turned in my philosophical beliefs. I discovered witchcraft, Unitarian Universalism, and became a granola-eating, nuke-protesting bleeding heart liberal in the best senses of those terms. I mean, I don't even believe the US has any right to sanction or dictate limits in North Korea's arms race until we disarm ourselves. Naive, probably, but not hypocritical.

A biggie in my turnaround is my opposition to the death penalty; I see it as a detractor in our humanity and an act that only brings us to the level of the criminal. It's not a deterrant, and it lessens the human race every time we strap somebody in for it. The fact that Florida retired Old Sparky means nothing; it's still an eye for an eye at the expense of mankind. Like I said, this is a vent.

But Danny Rolling? That crazy sonofabitch didn't even bother to mount a psych defense. Heh, contradiction in terms...oh, he talked of multiple personalities at times and tried to string together a nut persona that turned out to be cribbed from Exorcist II, but before the lawyers could even start posturing, he changed his plea to guilty and admitted that he murdered the Gainesville 5. He wasn't devious or calculating like Bundy, spinning stories left and right to keep himself from the needle. He admitted it. Period. Felt like it, wanted to make a name for himself, no remorse. From there, the lawyers doing the appeals dance was academic, an exercise for Con. Law class.

Maybe I can't change my mind on him because I was stupid and morbidly curious enough to read the true crime websites about the crime scenes and the mutilations awhile back. Maybe I'm clinging to some 15-year-old fear. All I know is I'm still against the death penalty, and I'll be happy and relieved come 6:01 tonight. And it doesn't feel contradictory.

Maybe next year...

So the Avon walk didn't exactly happen :( I didn't raise enough money to walk, and I wasn't in any position to potentially put myself in debt while I tried to raise it, so I bailed and volunteered instead. We drove up Friday with a detour at the inlaws, then I went the rest of the way to Charlotte. Got up at the crack on Saturday and jumped in, organizing paperwork for them, making signs for the cheering stations, loading up trucks with water and gatorade for the rest stops. The crew folks do the heavy lifting and the driving of sweep vans and stuff, though I could've helped pitch tents and stuff, but we were planning to get another look at Columbia on Sunday, so I bailed. I will do more of these, and I'll damn sure be in better shape and not go at them so half-assed in the future. The cause didn't deserve the way I slapped it together this time.

It was a good trip from several angles though; the weather was absolutely incredible, I had some wake-up calls, and we both had an unfortunate big one...Les's grandma is reneging on her promise to help with his teeth. It makes me livid to think about it, and I won't air the family's dirty laundry here...suffice it to say it's got me really motivated to get him into dentures. Cheapies, dental college work, anything. Especially after yesterday...I went to the dentist myself to get a double cavity issue taken care of, one that was near the front and had spent the last 2 years working itself into a nice big black hole. My dentist did an amazing job; there's like, no way to tell that there's fillings there! I feel tons better, self-image wise....just gotta shave 100 pounds off my ass and I'll be a new woman. But seriously folks...that was a wake-up call too, because I know no one likes time in the dentist chair, but it's like, seriously motivating me. My teeth have gotten way sensitive in recent years, and I have a real issue with the iron hook, as I call it. I swear she did more scraping away at the decay yesterday than drilling, and it drove me up about three walls. It is a shivers-down-my-spine, fingernails-on-a-blackboard issue for me; I really can't stand it. I have 1 fresh cavity and 3 old fillings to take care of, and then I don't want to have to be in one of those chairs for anything other than cleanings for a very long time. I went out right after the appointment yesterday and bought fresh floss, a mouth guard (I'm a night grinder), and a nifty gum brush, because they keep talking root planing at me and that's another something I have no desire to investigate further. ::shudders::

Finished the cheater fingerless gloves this past weekend; they're so easy I may have to make several pairs in different colors...I was kicking myself for not having something this morning - it was frickin' 40 degrees out! Washed the soaker and it is SO soft, but didn't shrink much, so will still fit a toddler. Turned the Harlot scarf into a Harlot washcloth (lacking patience lately...tried a leafy lace scarf pattern this weekend too, and didn't get past the 2nd batch of rows), and started a new basic rib scarf with the dark grey Wool Ease T & Q. That one's gonna be soft and warm! Started another hat last night...the dark grey hat didn't come out nearly the way I wanted it to...I'm ticked that it wasn't knitted in the round because I'd really like to pull the whole thing out and start from scratch. I'm focusing on wintery projects for me only right now, with the possible exception of a pair of Pippi Longstockings for my younger sisinlaw, because she expressed interest in something like that when I was showing off my Thujas up there (which incidentally aren't going to last, I can tell, because of the shitty yarn I used...already found a spot that needs and learn).

Random stuff:

Les and I are going to start walking in the evenings. I caught a side glance of myself in a glass door this weekend that's still haunting me, never mind that my hormones are outta whack again, and that Wellbutrin is a bastard stepchild of antidepressants. Never thought I'd miss Paxil as much as I do, but I'm determined to stay off of it until my unborn, unconceived small person detaches from the boob.

Can anyone tell me what the f*ck happened to our Jaguars this past weekend? I am so glad I was out of the area and couldn't watch that fiasco.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Random website editing funny.....

Had a site this morning with the company name:

Where Happy Endings Begin

I figured it was a massage parlor, but it turned out they were bird breeders.

I have a dirty mind >:)

Monday. Blah.

Overcast, but cool. No rain scheduled. In other words, blah.

But that's kind of how this Monday's starting out. Sucky to start a week with abyssmal self-image and body loathing, but it's there, along with the extra pounds back that I had lost when I went off the lithium. Now I'm back on it and it's there, in my belly. Once you reach a certain weight, you figure you can't feel any worse, but just those few extra pounds bring on new and aggravating symptoms, like lower back pain and exhaustion. When you're used to thinking of yourself, your body, as normal in spite of evidence to the contrary, these shortcomings can be quite frustrating. Yesterday was a domestic day for me: I handwashed our delicates because we're low on $ and made 4 loaves of bread, and was so frickin' exhausted at the end of the day, you'd have thought I'd walked 10 miles!

Ok, self-pity party over.

It was a Grey's Anatomy weekend as well. I got the 2nd season DVD for my birthday, and plowed through most of it this weekend.

Finished the soaker, though I'll definitely modify the pattern before trying it again—that sucker came out HUGE! Since it's all wool, it'd probably shrink up quite a bit in the wash, but I'll believe it when I see it. Also finished the first fingerless mitt and started the 2nd. Started a new wrap with the purple Homespun, but I can already tell that it's going to get frogged and stashed in the bottom of a box for a while—I just don't have the patience for Homespun right now. Did like, 1 row on the cape. ruthee mentioned trying to get a particular project done by New Year's, so that you don't go into '07 with it still a UFO. I think I need to set that as a goal for myself with the SSS and the cape—the SSS because it's an albatross in training, and the cape because if I don't, I won't be wearing it until next winter.

Inherited a ball of lavender-something from our local stash-buster Dana, which I started the Yarn Harlot's scarf with on Sunday as well. What a fun, yet simple pattern!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Average week

My god, that shot was taken in Marietta, GA (! I didn't know the South produced color like that.

Not getting a whole lot accomplished this week. Avon Walk's in a holding pattern. I turned in letters to my CEO and CFO for donations from the company, but that could take a while. I'll be a tad irked if I decide not to walk and it turns out that my company fronts me enough dough where I could have, but somehow I doubt that's going to happen. And besides, I'm going to volunteer when walking falls through, so .....

Been working late and feeling scattered in the evenings...looking forward to the weekend and getting some cleaning done. Never aired the place out, so if the temps stay bearable, that's definitely getting done, because the apartment's starting to feel like an ashtray.

Decided to frog two projects this week. I started Villa, heck, probably a year ago, but it's straight garter stitch and very boring as a result, never mind that I thought about it this week and concluded that I have no business making anything that remotely resembles a poncho, because it'll be the polar opposite of flattering on my body. I found a Lion Brand pattern for a wrap that may be better. I'm in the middle of a real love-hate relationship with Lion Brand's 100% acrylic, which I'm presently loathing everywhere I look, because I'm going through a serious Waldork-natural living phase, never mind that Homespun is a very subtle won't see strands around you, just all of a sudden you'll have them in your mouth. Weird. But I pulled out my Triangle Homespun shawl this week to wear at work, and when I put it around my shoulders, all I could think was: OHHHH!! SOFT!! So I'll probably frog Villa tonight at KB; didn't get to it last night. Last night I caught up on Tuesday tapes, watched Eps 3 & 4 of Grey's (got the 2nd season DVD for late b'day from Mom!), and frogged the other sock I had started, and started a cheat's fingerless mitts pattern (really easy, no thumb gusseting or anything).

Mom got her hands on tickets to Garrison Keillor Tuesday, so Les and I went. It was delightful! Really good seats and lots of laughter, and man, can he spin a story! It starts to sound like the old joke about the family coming home from vacation....

What happened while we were gone?
Well, the dog died...
How'd the dog die?
From eating the burnt horsemeat....
Where'd the burnt horsemeat come from?
From when the barn burned down....
How'd the barn burn down?
Well, we think it was the sparks from the house...

And so on...was also delighted to discover that The View from Mrs. Sundberg's Window is back on the Prairie Home website. Mrs. Sundberg is a fictional woman who listens to Prairie Home Companion on Saturdays amid the distractions of her husband and kids. It's fantastic writing, but she stopped for about a year, I'm assuming because her creator was buried in getting his show made into a movie. Read the archives sometime; they take you outside of yourself for a spell, and there's some great recipes to boot. Can't wait to try the Chocolate-Cherry cookies this holiday season!

Monday, October 09, 2006


Let's see.....what's going on in Melanie's world?

I made over $200 at the bake sale, and I'm asking my company today for a donation, as well as getting the word out to the suits upstairs who didn't necessarily catch on about the bake sale. If I actually manage to pull off the minimum, I'll still go. I ain't ready physically, but I'm past caring. There's actually a chance I'll make the minimum, so my mindset's changed.

The weather's turning still, cool in the mornings. It catches you by surprise.

Visited with Christy this past Saturday; it was so good to see her! She's my best friend from grammar school, we met in the 6th grade and have hung onto each other ever since. It's tough to keep close to a friend when you live in different states, but she's been in St. Augustine for the past 2 years, so neither of us have an excuse for the occasional rifts or gaps in communication. Plus she's become a born-again Christian during that time, and I've become a witch, so it makes philosophy an artful, dodging dance where conversation is concerned. She's about to go back to her partner after an almost 3-year separation, and I just pray he treats her right. He's 20 years older than us, and a bit of a clueless, consummate male where sensitivity is concerned. She'll go back to NY this week, visit SA again for a week in November, and then stay in NY at least through tax season. He's a CPA and she manages the office.

Anyway, she recently found a hobby, which turned into a passion: making jewelry. She calls it beading, but it's not—we're talking real stonework here, beautiful pieces that were obviously made with care, and she has an excellent eye for color. She held her second show on Saturday, and it was a really impressive display of necklaces, bracelets, and earrings. I bought a bracelet, and she gave me a necklace that I'm going to have to find a way to pay her for, because she was trying to retail it for $100. The necklace is kyanite, sodalite, moonstone, and blue lapis, and the bracelet is tiger's eye, jade, and tree agate. I'm just getting such good vibes off of them! I'm wearing the necklace and feeling quite pretty :) I can tell she's spooked about expanding it as a business too fast, but I did offer to create a website for her down the road. It's the kind of stuff that the NYC/West Palm Beach crowd would go apeshit over...she made a couple hundred bucks just from the handful of people that stopped by Saturday, so there's definite potential.

I finished those socks and treaded water for a week, not doing much knitting other than a skein on the soaker. Yesterday it dawned on me how great the new necklace would go with the sweater I started a while back, so I pulled it out, worked 3 rows on the sleeve, and then promptly started a hat instead. Damn fickle.

And I got my hairs cut, though barely so's you'd notice. The girl shagged more layers into it, using the razor cutter and that scissors that looks like a comb on one end that actually does a partial's just right, quite a bit lighter, probably more prone to frizz as a result but I'll learn how to tame it. It's cooperating better, and such a relief.

Thursday, October 05, 2006


I finished my first pair of socks. What a neat feeling! I haven't blocked them yet, not that that'll make much of a difference with the amount of acrylic in the yarn, and they pretty much look like a before-and-after set, because I followed the pattern much more closely on the 2nd one and actually performed proper grafting on the toe, but they're delightfully imperfect and entirely handmade. Very cool!

Broke my first string on my guitar. Wah!

Bake sale tomorrow...I'm making snickerdoodles and pumpkin bread tonight.

I need to do some reckoning this weekend. I haven't lost any weight and I need to. There's things I need to be planning, and now that we have a decent computer, I can put stuff in order in there and hopefully it won't crash around my head so willy-nilly. I'm still too damn tired around the edges, which only aggravates the restlessness in my head. If I want things to be different so badly, it's time to be initiating the necessary changes to facilitate that. God, who talks like that?

Foodie Farm Girl is taking a break from blogging, because she lives in BF Missouri and it's taking her 2 hours a day to upload simple photos on her dial-up connection. Boy, do I feel her pain. We need to investigate if it'd cost us anything to upgrade to something faster while we're on the 6-months free AOL, because I am so over dial-up. Anyway, think I'll start reading her sites from the beginning in the interim; she's got some great recipes and ideas in there.

There's a Colonial Folk Arts & Crafts Festival in St. Augie this weekend...sounds neat, but haven't decided if I'm going. May depend on gas, but at the same time, I'd like to drag husby out for it; we haven't done anything like that in a while and it'd be nice to just wander the streets checking out exhibits, window shopping, and holding hands.

I ache to get my hair cut, but I don't want to cut my hair. There's a comfort factor attached to hair as it grows longer, but at the same time, I know I'm in a mindset of needing a bunch less of the stuff for now. I'm in a hat-wearing and hat-knitting mood, and long hair and hats just don't cooperate. I'm fickle as hell about it, but the idea's been bouncing around in my head long enough to indicate it's not quite just a phase, so we'll see...probably can't spare the dough for another 2 weeks anyway, not that that's ever stopped me.

Ever tried Eggos with peanut butter? It's my breakfast staple; I highly recommend it.

Monday, October 02, 2006


I love October. Always have. I'm a Yankee transplant, so October for me means leaves turning and falling, the woods taking on this fantastic smell, jumping in said leaves when raked into piles, a cool snap in the air, pumpkins, apples, and other harvesty stuff. We won't get the cool snap in the air down here for a while yet, and the leaves don't change until December/January in Florida, but October sticks in my head in a northern way and buoys my spirits. I wanna make pumpkin bread and apple pies. I can't wait for Halloween.

Had a really good Sunday! Sat on my ass, caught up on stuff I'd taped last week, knitted, and sewed. I have these 2 LONG peasant skirts that I wanted to shorten, so I took off the bottom flounce on both, so now the bottom is this band of lace that makes them look prettier somehow, more feminine. Then I hand-stitched a fairly messy hem on the black flounce to make a long decorative scarf of sorts. Haven't decided what I want to do with the red flounce. Also started the heel on the 2nd Thuja; I'm going to concentrate on that one until it's done - it'll be nice to have an actual pair of socks that I knitted myself, never mind the satisfaction of actually finishing something for once. Of course, I say that, and I'll probably pick up the soaker or the other sock tonight...I'm a fairly scatty broad.

Avon Walk still up in the air. Unless I can get my company to donate like, a grand, I don't see being able to walk. Haven't given up yet; will send out fresh emails this week and draft the beg letter for my company, and the bake sale is this Friday...but also life is so painfully tight right now, that it's hard to justify the expense of going. I still need to purchase a sleeping mat, big Ziploc bags, and some other stuff, and in the meantime, the house phone is going to go dead because we can't pay the bill. So I'm letting up on myself and getting a little realistic. We'll see.....

Thursday, September 28, 2006

A very important PS

My nephew Hunter turns 6 today. He's a beautiful little boy of above-average height and intelligence with a personality masked by autism. He attends special-needs kindergarten at a public school here in Jax, which I fear won't handle his needs nearly long enough. He's already 4'1" and his mom's only 4'11", so needless to say, control will become an issue as he ages. Luckily my brother, his dad, lives in town and is putting as active a hand in as is possible. His mother and I no longer get along, so I don't see Hunter as much as I'd like, but I certainly hope to get a bunch of visits in through my Lil Bro before we move to SC.

I was learning about autism as early as the 5th grade; I remember doing a paper on it for school and being fascinated by the inability to pinpoint its causes. Not so fascinated anymore, naturally, but Hunter has taught me volumes about dealing with autistic children, and I just pray that my kids are entirely healthy when the time comes. In the meantime, I learn from watching him, and gain a better understanding of the world through his eyes.

Happy birthday, beautiful blond boy!