Never really got in the spirit this year. That's a tough one to accept; never had any trouble in the past. Maybe it is time to celebrate Solstice formally as a family (Les and I, plus future urchins), and then do Christmas with his family separate. I don't know. I mean, sure, as I've grown older, it's gotten harder to fetch up the excitement of years past, but I've always managed it with music, church, or a wander through a mall. I did get a bonus, not as much as I deserved, but enough to get gifts for everyone. This year though, something wasn't there, and I find I'm a little empty. Which is weird, because as Christmases go from a material standpoint, Les and I made out like bandits. He got not 1, but 2 new woobies, plus a fat Best Buy giftcard, the DVD box set of the Dungeons & Dragons cartoons, and other goodies. We both got clothes: 2 new sweaters for him, both suitably manly enough where I won't be borrowing them unless it's an emergency :), and 2 new outfits for me, one classy, one cashe. I got an MP3 player, the Weekend Knitting book, a bunch of cosmetic/bath and body stuff, and a four-pack of candles specifically geared toward fertility (no hint there!). Luckily those were from his sis, not his folks; that would've been a bit weird. Got to spend some quality time with my 5-month-old niece, which was terrific, but also a big reminder of why we're moving to Columbia rather than say, Aiken. Les's mom is a 2nd mom to Kylie, picking up the slack whenever Kara needs her to, while simultaneously resenting how much Kara uses her kindness. Meanwhile Kylie lacks stability and fusses more, besides being a colicky baby to begin with. I don't know why it bugs me so much; probably just the ole biological clock making me wish I could give them both a stern talking-to without it backlashing all over me, but as I'm the childless one, I know I have absolutely no business sticking my nose in, and in Kara's case, it would fall on deaf ears anyway. But they so enable each other, and it's a vicious cycle that I'd rather not be around when it explodes all over them.
Every family has its own blend of tension and drama though, so it was quite nice to get home last night. The apartment is still in the running for disaster-area status, but the complex maintenance guy came by right before Christmas and looked the closet over, said he'd order the necessary parts.
Only drank a little this weekend, kept it totally under control, and luckily still don't really have the taste for it. That'll kick back in the minute I start eating healthy. Went to the doc (OB/GYN) last week and got all my test results. Nothing drastic, but they certainly could be better. My fasting blood sugar is borderline, meaning one doctor might call it normal while another might see it as a precursor for gestational diabetes. And my hormone levels are normal, but I have PCOS. That stands for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, and is far too broad a term in my opinion, so I'm just calling it what it is: a cyst apiece on my ovaries. Certainly what caused my skipping 2 months this year, and definitely a fertility concern. So I'm going to lose at least 20 pounds and see her in April; she was all set to put me on fertility meds now, but it's just not time yet. I'll investigate it, if necessary, after the move. The really good news: Les's results were totally normal! Between his chronic pain issues and a cyst of his own, there was a question there; but now the ball's in my court, so to speak.
With nothing holding me back but me, I found myself looking at food a little differently this past weekend. I certainly wasn't going to try any lifestyle changes on such a significant food holiday, but while I was eating my weight in orange pecan cookies, I was also enjoying green beans and salad more; they tasted better somehow. This week as I get settled, I'll start walking again and thinking about other forms of exercise that don't make me want to slit my wrists, and I'll get out the cookbooks. Man, I wish I had a bike! Ours are rusting away on the porch :( maybe after the move...in college, even though I had a car, I biked almost everywhere because I lived on campus and it was certainly easier than hunting for a parking space.
Exhausted today for some reason...must be reacclimating or something. Looking forward to relax time tonight. Made a hat this past weekend, started a wrap, 86d the mittens in favor of a scarf that I'm thinking of sending to a family friend, sock in slo-mo, SSS ignored as usual. Knitting will be sporadic next week or so as I plow into some serious organizing/cleaning/purging in the apartment.
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