My ass, it's July...

I'm really blown away by this "summer." It's as though nature's continuing to bless me with gifts, to make up for my 25+ year purgatory in Florida. I step outside in the morning and it's entirely pleasant. You can't break a sweat in the shade, and you have to stand out in the sun for a bit before it happens. We went traipsing around town on Sunday and it was hot at times, but then the breeze would cut through...I just can't get over the difference. Really mild summer here in WNC. I know it may not always be this way...just enjoying the hell out of it while it's here.

Posts are less frequent lately just cuz of life...I get up and work during the week, worry about money a bit, dream of the trip in September...I'm still not managing my time well enough, and we're not saving well enough. I pray the car continues to run fine. Certainly helps that it doesn't have a daily commute yet.

Garden is doing well, some successes, some failures. The beans gave up the ghost, but I'm not discouraged. Tomatoes are ripening, and peppers are proving to be really late bloomers. I need to think about how I'm going to cultivate stuff inside once frost season hits, as I have several pepper and tomato plants that will only be hitting fruit stage around late harvest.

I'm getting back into cooking and baking, just a bit, which isn't doing a damn thing for my waistline, but is helping me feel more like me.

Living around all this nature has reawakened some allergies. It's a pretty mild nuisance, as nuisances go, so I'm trying different allergy meds to squelch the sneezies...and realizing I should be checking Boiron to see if they've got an allergy version of ColdCalm, since I'd prefer going a more homeopathic route. It's so easy to grab for the Advil when you've used it your entire adult life, but that doesn't make it the best option.

I can't believe it's almost August. I'm an autumn girl at heart, so I'm starting to look forward to that time of year, while simultaneously marveling at how quickly this year is flying. I'm house hunting for dream purposes, and to get an idea of what's out there in this area, but we're still easily at least a year and a half away from buying, so it's mainly for self-torture and motivational purposes that I'm trolling sites for houses with land right now. Hey, whatever gets me moving in that direction...

Image from here.

Rallying.....again....

Last week was hard. No two ways around it. I haven't had a week that hard in quite a while. My brain was in two modes: either the high-flying verbal diarrhea that was evident in my last 2 or 3 posts, or else total brain fog, staring at the laptop screen, unable to work.

The hardest thing about depression is that it doesn't have to have a root cause other than "my brain chemistry is apparently having a suck day/week/month". I can blame it on my emotions coming back into my own after the MIL visiting for a week, but it's probably not just that. The bigger reason is likely "because Melanie's brain felt like smacking her around a bit." Whatever. I didn't make my site quota for the week, and I'm just now feeling like myself again.

I'm trying to concentrate on work, so I can make up the shortage from last week, but I know there are other things I need to do to adjust myself back to me. A long walk or two. Stepping outside daily to tend the garden and breathe deeply. I have the slightest cold, almost not even worthy of complaint, just like someone turned on a faucet in one nostril. So I'm listening to my body, and getting back to eating healthier.

I itch to visit the local libraries, but will wait until next paycheck, when I can invest in a library card at UNC of Asheville too. Besides, there are magazines grappling for my attention in the evenings, and books right here at home. I started reading one of our Norton anthologies and realized I'd understand Greek literature better if I broke down and reread The Iliad and The Odyssey again. I read them in high school, if you can even count that as reading. Reading required lit for me back then meant reading just enough to pull Cs on the tests and then giving up.

I also want to read Oliver Twist again. I watched a TV version of Slumdog Millionaire the other day, and was struck by how Dickensian the story was, and it dawned on me that I should actually understand the meaning of that phrase if I'm going to use it to describe something. Imagine if everyone did that before speaking.

Image from here.

More Mental Dribblings

It's interesting to me how maddening television can be ... it's gotten so that I only watch a select amount of shows actually. Yes, I watch too much TV, but mainly I do what lots of others do, which is have it on in the background while they do other things, because gods forbid we turn the damn thing off.

I'm enjoying getting to know a mid-season replacement right now called "Crossing Lines" on NBC. It's well-written, contains storylines with international intrigue, and character development is decent...and I'm finding it impossible to fully invest in it because I feel in my bones that there's no chance NBC will take a chance and renew it. Because they've obviously put money into it, but NBC in particular has been notorious in the last decade for cancelling shows fast and shooting themselves in the foot in other ways that have allowed them to own their "last place" status amongst the half-dozen major networks. Which makes me think it's only "Crossing Lines" summer placement that has saved it from not being cancelled already.

The industry standards are obviously shifting a little. USA and TNT in particular, have had decent success at creating their own dramatic series', and while the shorter seasons can be maddening (usually 10 eps first, then a break, then the last 6 or so), I don't mind it because in the meantime, I'm getting intelligent, well-acted-and-written shows.

Yea, I've put too much thought into this, huh? But my point (and I do have one!) is the fact that TV isn't a total evil incarnation. I absolutely abhor that my niece has been raised by Nick Jr. and Sprout, and I wholeheartedly believe that for children, moderation and intelligent choices are key. But putting it entirely in a closet or throwing it out means missing out on excellent writing and acting that speaks to us and allows a healthy escape.

*****
The above butter dish is an example of one we purchased today, in a gorgeous dark walnut, at the Craft Fair of the Southern Highlands. My freelance article at the Laurel resulted in a surprise in the mail - two free tickets to the fair! I'm glad we went, because now I know it's the type of thing that's worth the $8 and then some. Such an incredible amount of talent! Les found a beautiful leather wallet, and we splurged on the butter dish; and I came away with ideas for art and things we both want to learn to do.

*****
Got our tickets in the mail today to the Mother Earth News Fair in September. Time to start really planning that trip!

Image from here.

Mental dribbling...well, more like flood

Seriously folks, what did we DO before Google? I guess, bought books or went ignorant. We didn't grow up with a lot of books in my house, beyond the Collier's Encyclopedia; so it's interesting the sheer number that grace my house now. But I guess my folks weren't inquisitive sorts, or they let public school get the job done, because I don't remember a whole lot of "what flower is this?" or "what's the name of that tree?" It simply wasn't an engaging process back then, your kids' education. Let the pros handle it. Not faulting my folks for their choices at all, as the only choice back then was public school (they couldn't afford private, and were NOT going to subject us to parochial school, as they'd both had their hands whacked by ruler-wielding nuns in their childhoods)...and their generation was just getting over the concept of children being seen and not heard, so how in the world do you answer a child's questions, when you've been geared to not hear them in the first place? Our persistent individuality as small humans must've been a cacophony in my Dad's ears initially, being a "leave me alone to do my own thing" kind of guy. Plus his mercurial temperament made us afraid of him when we were kids, so we were less likely to ask questions. Both our losses. I see that now.
I may as well be 4 years old for the way the world is opening itself to me now. I see a new flower on my walks and I'm on the web as soon as I get home, sussing out what the heck it is. Running into our first woodchuck required a memory refresher on those overgrown rats, after years of sharing space with only the ugly nutria in Florida.

Outside the 2nd bedroom window is a steep embankment of foliage, pines straining to get past sapling stage, long grasses, and all manner of overgrowth. We have wild blackberries out there right now, and the purple flowers I found above, along with some scant Queen Anne's lace. I've wanted to pick the Queen Anne's on my walks, but have refrained, because they grow so tall and leggy that I find I can't pick them...they worked too hard to get that big only to be snipped for looks. But I'm not sure Les is familiar with that particular flower, so I look forward to having a nearby place to point it out to him.

*****
 
I didn't like much about school, once I got past elementary age. There just wasn't enough to hold my interest. I was a rural female tween of the '80s, so I was expected to not like math, history, and science anyway, and my schooling was pretty straight lecture-style, so I dozed a lot and very little made it into the ole brainpan and stayed past the tests. Pretty sure Meara's schooling was more Socratic from the beginning, and I'm betting that it helped shape her learning style and personality. But you HAVE to start shaking things up early, for it to affect the kids in a positive way...teaching kids by droning on from the front of the room and then occasionally putting them in groups for a project or something just bewilders them. Well, it did for me, anyway, and I grew to hate working in groups, period. Another shame, because it's only now that I'm seeing that there may be points of view or knowledge bits that I wouldn't come across on my own...that working with others isn't a bad thing...

But something dawned on me the other day, while plowing yet again through The Poisonwood Bible. If I'd engaged in history more, I'd be a better storyteller. Because where, of course, do the best stories originate from? From the minds and tales of our past.

It's hilarious and maddening coming to conclusions like these in my 40s. This ties into my whining about how sparse my education was. The Poisonwood Bible is a fictional tale, but its backstory is the liberation of the Congo from the Belgians in the 1960s, the assassination of Patrice Lumumba, and the aftermath from a fairly African point of view. It's slanted, quite illuminating, and I learned zero about it in high school and college. I'd never even heard of Patrice Lumumba until I picked up Kingsolver's book!

How is that possible? I had a standard (read: no AP classes, no special projects beyond curriculum) public schooling, which meant World History in 9th, more of the same in 10th (with the delightfully generic name of Social Studies), US History in 11th, and no real requirement in 12th. I moved around so much in high school, I ended up taking a beginner Civics course and Economics in 12th grade to fulfill requirements. It may as well have been study hall, for all I paid attention. The damn Civics course was all freshmen and me, a precursor to American Government, taught by a woman who was fluent in Ebonics. Probably my first lesson in going to school and being taught exactly nothing I didn't already know. I only wish I'd had the wherewithal to do something about it then.

So with this realization about how telescopically the public schools look at history, I find myself wanting to find out moremoremore about what's going on in the world and what went on in the world at one time, that I haven't a clue about. And that's not the easiest thing, even in this mind-numbingly technological age we live in. We liberals balk about how biased Fox News is, but I fear the story is more of the same where CNN and the main US networks are concerned too. If it's not about the US, doesn't directly affect the US, or doesn't make headlines, it gets buried, or worse, not reported on at all. I learned the bulk of what's going on in Egypt this month from Al-Jazeera and Reuters.

I won't wax paranoid about how looking up the difference between Sunni and Shiite Muslims on the web or watching Al-Jazeera could potentially put me on a government watch list. But that concern is present, when all I'm trying to do is learn history and become a better writer in the process. Besides, Kingsolver's still writing, and she basically came right out and said that the US Government participated in the assassination of Lumumba because Mobutu had no problem continuing to take the US's money to fund the diamond mines and rubber plantations that claimed tens of thousands of African lives...

But man, the issues that statement brings up...like how I shouldn't be learning my history from novelists! Shouldn't I have learned these things, oh, I don't know...IN SCHOOL??? One of her first books, Animal Dreams, has as its backstory the Nicaraguan civil wars of the 1980s. Kingsolver lived in Arizona at the time of its writing, and so probably saw firsthand, the refugees from those wars. But I know almost nothing about the unrest between the Sandinistas and the Contras, and the Americans in the middle of it, gumming up the works by funding arms and drugs back and forth between the two. I was in college and into politics at the time, and still didn't know enough to have a conversation, let alone a debate. Besides, I was a blind sheep, knee-deep in Republican politics because that's where my friends were, so all I knew was Ollie North was getting the Nixon treatment. Takes my breath away, the naivete of that statement!

Granted, when you get to college, it's totally up to you to figure out what you want to learn about; but I've established here previously just how mentally and emotionally screwed up I was back then, as to have zero clue about what my brain wanted or needed.

So I need to accept my late bloomer status and move on, but it does make me gnash my teeth that I'm getting such a late start at.....learning? I spent a couple of hours the other night, poring over the World Atlas, reacquainting myself with nations and capitals, because I realized quite a bit has changed since I was in school. Like Yugoslavia and Czechoslovakia no longer exist. OK, I'm joking there, but I was surprised by some things...like how Iceland is its own independent nation, but Greenland is part of Denmark (further proof that size doesn't matter, winkwink). I've barely scratched the surface, and there's more I intend to study, so much I didn't know. The US likes to report how democracy is the end-all-be-all of government structures, but I want to see how the other guys run their houses, and how screwed up they are in comparison. I'm betting it's illuminating as hell.

An amusing side effect of learning more about the world...I'm immersing myself in Buddhism once again. It's as though learning about all the unrest in the world leaves me aching for something to DO about it, and since I can't actually do anything about it, am not in a position to go traveling the world attending protest rallies, at least I can pray for peace within myself and for others.

And find my voice.

*****

So I've had a bit going on in my head the past couple of days obviously. How about you?

Realization: pretty sure the lightbulb for this post came from two sources. Reading Kingsolver's works was the first, but a close second is the fact that there have been protests and vigils staged all over the world this week, in support of Trayvon Martin and against the Zimmerman ruling. But what we haven't heard about is violence in its name. I really expected there to be injuries and deaths on the streets of Miami, Sanford, someplace...particularly in Florida. Instead we're seeing speeches, prayers, and solidarity of a type that you wouldn't expect the ignorant masses to have the maturity to possess. Times Square filled up the other night like it was New Years Eve, and none of the networks had arrest stories. It really blew my mind, in this age where the news is a headline rather than a story, that "the people" were able to meet without "the man" bringing out the rubber bullets. I pray this levelheadedness continues. But I'm not naïve. And I'm betting there were skirmishes that just managed to get buried. Really gotta dig these days to find the news within the news...

Godspeed Cory Monteith. Praying for Lea.

Image from here.

With Friday brings decompression...

Mom J. spent a week with us. It was lovely, to be sure, but also punctuated how we have our own lives and she needs to work a little harder to find hers. That sounds mean, and I don't mean it so; but her living situation right now is rather abominable, and she's the only one with the power to change it, and that fact hasn't reached her yet, no matter how much we tell her so, and so she's miserable.

So she's headed back to SC and the house is quiet; and I'm dashed as to where my focus is for work. I have article and essay ideas, a site quota to reach, a history project taking shape in my head, and other tasks to wrangle, and all I want to do is escape the house for a latte and some me time. Hubs will decompress by napping the rest of the day; he didn't sleep well last night. He's entitled; we both are.

Worked my ass off this week, and it feels good. Definitely going to try and keep a handle on my daily quotas of sites, because the relief it provides is exquisite.

The garden is doing well. I'm letting the basil bolt. The marjoram and mint are spreading out nicely. Holy basil doing well. Sweet potatoes have leaf eaters in them, but they're still spreading out beyond the pots, so I'm not worried. I should thin the chives. Peppers are being stubborn, they're quite tall but not bearing fruit yet. Transplanted the daisies and put them next to the peppers in the hopes of attracting bees. Tomatoes are bearing, about half a dozen little green guys so far; it's delightful to watch. Beans have stalled, but I moved them and hope for a rally...there's still time. It's only July!

I never let myself believe I could be a sandals person, but my body is adapting nicely to the change in footwear. My back hasn't been bothering me at all, which is strange given I walked twice this week without my orthotics. I'm watching my posture and moving more. I'm even wearing flip-flops! Will wonders never cease!

Camera still on fritz. Reset everything back to default, and it's still making the pics too bright...very uncool! So I may head back to Tumblr for a while for my images.

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Another week

Delightfully appropriate image...you step outside at night and just look up, and there they are...one light, then another and another...so excellent!
  
Nothing like a light paycheck to motivate your ass...

Nailed quota last week and then some, and I'm on track to do the same this week. We need dough, whether for sandals for Les, saving for the PA trip...there's always a little something. We've gotten very good at shopping carefully, but there's always the need for more.

Mom J visiting. We hit Farmburger yesterday and then The Big Crafty. I really need to hit craft fairs by myself...it was nice enough, but I crave being able to wander those at my own pace.

We hit Lexington Park Antiques on the way back to the car and scored nicely...a pair of circa 1940s (we think) Dartmouth Ski poles in great condition, that will do me nicely as walking sticks when we hike the bigger hills. They're so tall, I really only need one probably. Much better quality than the crap they sell at the sporting goods stores, and only $15.

Those antique places are so dangerous. This one was huge, booth after booth of treasures. Thankfully we don't have much mad money to work with lately, which is why I've stayed away from Screen Door or Antique Tobacco Barn so far.

Weather's incredible here. Barely gets above 80, maybe 85 on a good day. I went walking midday and had trouble breaking a sweat. Unreal.

Image from here.

Zero Relevance to Anything

I just get twitchy when I don't post regularly.

Nothing but life going on here. Les officially has a new pain management doc (YAY!), a situation that has him so damn relieved he keeps announcing it. It's a really nice outfit actually, a medical residency program with pain clinic attached, so he's dealing with youngsters who know all the newest stuff, at least.

With that past him, he's talking about looking for work, so once his Mom goes home after 4th weekend, we'll get cracking on that. I really haven't a clue how we're going to get him back into the workforce after 10 years out, but I know he has it in him and at least his medical sitch is stable now.

I slept like crap last night, so napped significantly after a shower this morning and am finally feeling more human. I get a syndrome where I experience midsection discomfort that wakes me up at night. Its frequency is rare, it's not sharp, not heart-related, and feels more like pressure than pain, just enough to keep me from sleeping comfortably because I find the only comfortable position is standing. Doing better now, but man, leaves you feeling drained and grumpy. And wishing I could work outside...it's freakin' gorgeous here today.

How do I know it's not heart-related, you ask? Because my cardio never found a damn thing. So I check things off the list like female heart attack, angina, ulcers, pancreatitis or gall bladder issues, and instead re-examine my food intake, both content and timing. I think it's inflammation + adipose organ fat =ing body rebellion. Stay tuned to Melanie's Gym...I think this girl is finally going Paleo.

Gotta hit the sites. Have a great week, y'all!

Image from here.

Fast Friday randomness...

If I have the wisdom of a 40-something, the body of a (ehem) 50-something, and the dreams of a 20-something, then what the frick age am I? Age really ain't nothin' but a number, how 'bout that! Yea, we have limited time on this earth, but if you try to define yourself by how long you've been occupying the planet, you really are doing yourself a disservice. So screw it!

*****

That train of thought came about from a friend's FB post:
"On the whole Paula Deen thing, all I can say is that I'm very glad that I am not being judged today for some of the things I did 27 years ago."

And then I realized 27 years ago was 1986 and had to be talked off a ledge.

*****

Really busy as work drips in far too slowly, causing me to be behind at end of week, so this is a light post. Been squawking more over at Dark Meadow and Melanie's Gym.

• Nicely said.

• So simple. So awesome.

• How is it possible that this guy is teaching me how to exercise safely and not annoying the f*ck out of me?

• We love you, Madiba! Hate to see you go, pray you're not in pain. Rest, great man. Heal if you can. Let go if you must.

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Image from here.

All we need is.....

Reconnoiter

Wonder if I spelled that right?

Survived the family reunion. Should have spent more time with people, but life got in the way a bit. Friday I thought I'd work a bit in the morning, but it never happened. We did make it to the Arboretum and wandered with a bunch of them, and then went to the cabins for sort-of dinner and hanging out. Drank some beer, played some cornhole (had some beginner's luck at it that pissed off Meara to no end...was pretty hilarious!).

Then I took a tumble on the pavement walking back to the villa where my mom and Lil Sis were staying (no, I wasn't drunk, just didn't see a dip in the pavement)...and I knew my body would need "me time" on Saturday. Woke up that day and my everything hurt. So we stayed in Saturday and caught up on sleep, then hit the Ghost Trolley Tour, and revisited the gang at the cabins afterward that evening. I didn't get nearly enough talk time with most of my aunts and uncles, but I'm hoping we can hit the next one, now that the 20-year ice has broken, so to speak.

I'm bruised up, but not really injured. Again, brings up the disparity of insurance vs. not...I thought of going to the doc for my left foot, which is still experiencing residual pain, but since it's a) feeling better every day, and b) never swelled or anything, I'm sure it's not injured significantly. But it got me thinking about how if I'd had insurance and gone to a regular doc, they likely would've ordered X-rays and if they couldn't see anything on those, an MRI. My impatience about healing faster could have resulted in needless expenditures (if I'd had insurance to burn), when in fact, I'm doing everything right already, walking more carefully, taking it easy, and it should be back to normal within the week. That system's quite broken, and while I do get worried about if I were to injure myself enough to need hospitalization, what that would cost...I'm also not sorry right now that I'm not paying into a system that's so screwed up. That said, I'll also breathe a sigh of relief when I'm forced into the system come January. It's such a cluster...

Check out Melanie's Gym for what's going on in my head right now about exercise. We're expecting Mom J to visit this weekend, so I've gotta get my work on! Have a great week, y'all!

Image from somewhere on Strong Lola, I think...

Friday

Awake. House messy. Husband and cat snoring.

Not hungover, but should be. I've turned into such a lightweight, I'm surprised my head wasn't hurting more from the 2½ beers last night. Should make the Brews Cruise interesting...

Mom's side of the family is in town, some folks I haven't seen in over 20 years. It's a little surreal. Did I say "little"? I meant, "when the f*** did we all turn into adults?!"

Work has me ornery...the boss keeps telling me I'm doing a particular thing wrong, but won't go into specifics. I don't mind going through a middleman to figure it out, but how am I supposed to fix what's broken if he won't tell me what I'm missing? So I'm using the family reunion as an excuse to blow off work for the rest of the week. Punishing myself, of course, but we'll survive the paycheck hit. We always do.

Meanwhile, got paid and made 2/3rds of it disappear with a mere few clicks of a mouse. That's always mood enhancing. Feels good to get those bills outta the way...just not sure how we're gonna eat the next 2 weeks. Again, we'll survive...we always do.

Delving into activity with people is always healthy, even with these wackadoodles in town. We'll pop down to the Arboretum this afternoon for some hiking, then dinner tonight at the cabins where everybody's staying. Tomorrow is the Brews Cruise in the afternoon, and the Ghost Trolley Tour in the evening. Nice to participate in some of the touristy stuff - Asheville's seriously chock full of trolley tours and attractions, that locals don't necessarily take the time to play at. Plus, c'mon, touring 3 local breweries...there's like, no downside there!

I'm very glad we live nearby for this reunion. The cabins are nice enough, but it's tight quarters, and I'm wondering how intact my Lil Sis's sanity will be after 3 nights with my Lil Bro. We adore him, of course, but the role dynamics of his marriage would make anyone question the institution. We're all practiced at holding our tongues, but when the alcohol gets flowing.....ah, families!

Gotta get moving, create something potlucky for tonight's meal, breathe some fresh air. Merry Summer Solstice, y'all! Have a great weekend!

Image courtesy of Takei's Facebook page.

Monday Mental Floss

Gratuitous cat pic. Happy Monday.

It's hard not to take life for granted occasionally, when things fall into your lap. I got an email from my editor at The Laurel at the end of May, letting me know that work may dry up for a couple of months because they hired summer interns. OK, no sweat; still got my day job. This morning I had an interview with a boutique firm in town that should be throwing freelance projects my way in the near future. Hot damn!

It's interesting the pride you can feel from being able to pay the bills and put food on the table. It's not like I have a choice really. I'm a hard worker, and thank goodness for that, given the Hubs's past health issues and current job sitch. Interesting that I was handed everything from birth through college, and still came away with a solid philosophy of "do for yourself, cuz ain't nobody gonna hand you anything in this life." Wow, impressively horrific grammar there. Whatever, I'm grateful.

That said, I just sent my latest invoice to said above publication with their past dues listed. Certainly hope they come through on that soon, because while I'm trying to treat freelance work as gravy right now, the truth is that that dough is earmarked for the PA trip. We're going to the Mother Earth News Fair in September. Tickets and hotel already bought and paid for, but we're renting a car probably, which hasn't been reserved yet. Our car could easily handle the trip, but why put the miles on it? Plus, we're still saving for all-weather tires, and with our luck, we'd get early snow on the way up.

Knitted during my TV time last night. Really gotta get back to that habit, because it's seriously centering. At the very least, I want to get off the computer and Kindle at night. Knitting or long-hand outlining article ideas has gotta be more healthy than winding down with solitaire. And for all my talk of "I'm new at this" or "I'm still getting my feet wet" at freelancing, the fact is that I need to be tossing unsolicited articles out into the ether and stacking up rejections like a normal writer. A couple of bylines is a nice start, but I have enough writer's ego to know I want my words out there, that I have a POV that could prove useful to others. And contrary to the hilarious amount of slang in this particular post, I'm a fine writer. I may want to keep chickens someday, but they have no place near my keyboard.

Dads

Leslie S. Johnson Jr.

 

Timothy M. Lyons

 

 

A year and a half and 6 years later, I'm still struck dumb by their absence. I lose my words. I'd write about their lives, but I'd run way long; and I have to put on my big-girl pants and work today.

 

Hug 'em if you've got 'em today, folks. They're very precious creatures.

Friday Observances

It's June 14. We had the windows open last night.

It's noon. They're still open, and I'm not sweating yet. I could weep with how delicious that is.

Other's people's ACs kick on occasionally, drowning out momentarily the noisy, chattery birds in the trees. The sun dips in and out. I can hear them clear cutting down on the road, or it might be a neighbor landscaping...the guy across the creek from us runs some kind of contracting business half out of his home. Still, these noises don't jar my ears or thoughts.

I stepped out front just cuz, put one of the chairs on the pavement and just sat for a couple of minutes. Felt the sun and then the breeze. Chatted up the handyman briefly. He must have a contract with the property management company, because he was just looking around the building for stuff to tackle next week. The indoor/outdoor rug outside our front door needs gluing down.

I popped back inside, went to reheat my coffee, discovered a daddy longlegs on my right sleeve. There was a bit of jumping around, and he flew off onto the floor and headed quickly to under the dishwasher. I didn't bother to go after him...I'll still take a daddy longlegs in the house over a Florida cockroach, everyday and twice on Sundays. I don't mind the bugs up here, just don't like them hitching rides on me.

My legs are still tired from the monthly hormonal enslavement, but I change clothes and lace up hiking shoes anyway, for a walk down the road. It's too pretty to be inside today. Yesterday, the power went out briefly and I was struck by how at-loose-ends I was without electronics at my disposal. Ended up playing games on the Kindle, instead of walking, reading, or knitting while I waited for power to come back on. That shit's gotta change.

I'll work Sunday, because we have the family reunion next weekend; and I need to prep for a Monday interview, but there will be lots of outside time too, drinking in nature, talking to the plants, getting some Vitamin D.

Soul Heal

I used to experience a pretty significant soul ache in Florida. So much concrete, so much heat, so much city, so much damp, so much missing. I hated walking out into that wall of heat to hop in my car and drive to a carefully landscaped business district, where the grassy patches and crepe myrtle trees did little to mask the fact that my work bordered the interstate and was situated across from a hospital with a helipad. The air traffic was abundant in Jacksonville, since it's still a 2 Naval Base town, and the car traffic was obscene. The only birds we heard were the feral ducks and geese, it seemed, and the trees didn't change color until January.

I'd try to eat lunch outdoors, to get away from the sterility and fluorescent lighting of the office environment, but it wasn't nearly enough. Nature in a city is a forced entity. I might feel differently about someplace like Central Park, because they've managed to keep it so vast, but your average city, even with a great park system like Jacksonville's, can't hide the fact that it's still an attempt at nature plunked down in the middle of an otherwise concrete jungle.

The heat was ever-present. It wrapped itself around you in the mornings on your way to work, clung to your back as you walked into the office, and wrapped itself back around you again on the drive home. With my short commute, I was practically home by the time the car AC was getting the job done. It slowed you down and induced fatigue. The trees were too far apart to provide adequate shade. In deep summer, it actually made my skin sting, and it's a wonder my McAss didn't get melanoma from living there.

*****

 

Les has commented more than once now, how he's glad we moved here in the wintertime when everything was so dormant, because it makes us fully appreciate how lush everything is now. It's so overgrown right now, that traffic is delayed on my main road these days because contractors are clear-cutting along the sides of the road to keep the blind spots under control. Looks ugly at first when they're doing it, but I see it's quite necessary, because the level of growth threatens to overrun the sides of the roads. They also repaved the winter damage and added aggregate to the shoulders, which I'll be grateful for when I'm hiking.

My gods, the growth! So very much green!

I hopped out midday today to hit the grocery store, and it barely felt 75F out there. I caught myself thinking "whatthefuck, this is JUNE?!?!" as I walked to my car and rolled down the windows for my drive into town. Driving with the windows down in Florida was a luxury reserved for a small window in the winter months. Here, it's a necessity almost, so you can breathe in and taste the different flavors in the air. Honeysuckle and elderberry, wild strawberry and pine, it's a deciduous and coniferous explosion of the senses out there these days. I catch myself forgetting to exhale.


The soul ache I used to experience is healing. We're barely scraping by financially, and we haven't made friends here yet, but every day, I step outside my front door and am grateful for how different it is here, how beautiful and alive. The brook rushes past just below our front door, the plants are getting leggy, and the trees provide wonderful shade. When I can tear myself away from Castle (my current TV obsession), I'm going to be spending my evenings out front, knitting, reading, until the bugs drive me in. I'll be the one with the yarn in her lap and the big goofy smile on her face.

A Dose of Motivation (with a Heavy Dollop of Self-Deprecation)

Surprisingly awake today. Still waking up with lower back aches, which I can't tell the cause of, but once the caffeine and Advil kick in, I'm cool. Pretty sure it's just my body telling me to exercise, so naturally I've been researching a new extreme in that area, because I have no realism when it comes to diet and fitness. I'm a triathloner trapped in a blob's body.

Not looking into any triathlons yet, thank goodness, but have been researching how to "chub-down" the mini workouts that make up the beginner Crossfit daily regimens. Because when you first look at them, they seem so simple. Something like 5 squats, 10 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, 5 squats...as many times as possible in 10 minutes. Heck, anybody should be able to do that, right? even if you're taking it easy and doing the push-ups on your knees at first. Hell, the videos even make burpees look easy.

Until you realize you can't squat. That something as simple as a full squat (more than 90 degrees)would cause you to injure yourself. And the shame of that flushes through you, but is quickly replaced by determination. Because maybe if I were doing my old PT exercises on an almost-daily basis, and walking and doing yoga regularly as I'd like to be doing, I'd have the knee strength to pull off squats without worrying about excruciating pain and faulty balance sending me on my ample arse....?

This is a big bone of contention in my head, and I'm quite over it. It's embarrassing to crouch down in bookstores, because I am then faced with the dilemma of "howthefuck am I going to get up from this position without looking like a 2-year old?" And I really do get up like a 2-year old usually, because putting my hands out in front of me on the floor to support myself on the way up is what works. And it's only slightly less embarrassing than bending down with my back only and having my impressively large rear end sticking out for anyone to gawk at...

So naturally with self-talk like that going through my head, it's time to turn over a fresh leaf. And all I can say is thank goodness for Strong Is the New Skinny, because it's philosophies like that one that are going to get me through this. I don't wanna be model thin, and I have no illusions of ever attaining that. I want to be healthy and strong, to be able to do the simple things that a healthy body is able to accomplish, and then to be able to push said body beyond its perceived limitations. Because right now, when squatting is a friggin' limitation...I'm over that shit.

Side note: While I fully realize how self-deprecating/derogatory the phrase "chub down" is, I can't help wondering if having groovy looking workouts "chubbed down" to fit the abilities and body types of say, the over-250 crowd, wouldn't be a nifty public service....hmm....

I swear, I must seem like I have the attention span of a hummingbird, with the way I'm purporting a new diet lifestyle every couple of weeks. I assure you, that's not the case, because unfortunately, I don't usually get the latest "lifestyle" off the ground enough to call it a success or a failure.

But what I am doing, with all this research, is figuring out what will work with me. I love the look of Whole 9 or Whole 30 (Paleo), which is basically the same thing as Dr. Hyman's Advanced Blood Sugar Solution (actually, the other way around...Paleo's been around longer), but I also know that with my sugar addiction, which has spanned at least 30 years, that no matter how good it may be for my body to remove sugar (and wheat, and white potatoes, and.....) completely, that I'm not someone who can just cold turkey it like that. I'd last maybe 2 days and then I'd backslide my way into a bag of Ore-Ida Tots with a side of Junior Mints.

So I'm taking pieces from each plan that I read up on, and making it into something that ultimately should result in my improved health. There's going to be days where I'm feeling Paleo and days where I'm feeling vegan. Both these concepts have merit, and those elements listed above are a great start. Tack on an almost-daily workout regimen, and I should see results.

It ain't rocket science, but it can require bimonthly tweaking for us normal folks who don't have a nutritionist and fitness coach on speed dial. I don't want to pay any mind to the numbers on the scale, so I'll be judging how my clothes fit and how strong I feel, and tweak my lifestyle accordingly. It's ever-so-slowly happening already, in the food choices I make; I'm able to look at what I'm eating and I think, "OK, this would be better if you removed this and decreased that and added this instead..."

And it helps that a lot of people around here look a little more fit. I swear there's less fatties up here in Asheville, but that's probably me being a tad judgey. I just know when I'm in a crowd of ladies at the farmers market who look like they just came off the hiking trail, all strong legs and fit bodies, it's motivating rather than intimidating. In the city, I wanted to hide from these folks. Now I want to pick their brains to find out how they keep themselves looking that good. At the garden walk last weekend, I found myself staring at a girl in a cap-sleeve T, because her body looked beautiful and I admired the daily work that likely went into keeping herself that healthy, while my knees and ankles started to ache just from standing more than 15 minutes.

Like I said, I'm kinda over it. Now to make it habit.

Image from here.

Old Dog New Trick

First foray into gluten-free baking = SUCCESS!

Admittedly, this recipe ain't exactly healthy. Calls for 2 c milk (when I'm trying to get off dairy), and I went the step further by using buttermilk, because we bought it last week for fried chicken, and the rest would go to waste otherwise, and I HATE that. The Minimalist Baker's recipe is what I'll try next, because it's vegan on top of GF (and I'm dying to know if they actually come out looking that good without using eggs)...this was just to get my feet wet. The first time I tried making GF waffles, I hadn't done my homework yet, didn't know what xanthan gum was, and the batter launched a self-destruct code every time I opened the waffle iron. With buttermilk, this batter was hilariously thick, so much so it cut the recipe in half, but like I said, this was a trial run, so I could see that it's possible for GF baked goods to still have flavor.

After the effort I put into them, Mrs. Butterworth's wasn't darkening this plate...that's real maple syrup and an organic banana. YUM!

I purchased a batch of Bob's Red Mill GF flour, as well as brown rice flour, potato starch, and tapioca flour separately, because I'm not the type to just buy what's easy without testing first. If I'm going to succeed at this lifestyle change, I need to do my homework. I'm hoping to try making bread this weekend, and since my bread's usually come out dense anyway, I shouldn't be disappointed!

*****

This was a hard week, punctuated early on by extra body aches and a maddening lack of focus, which I later attributed to the fact that I had decreased my Paxil to the critical point. Paxil is a physically addictive substance, and I've decided for now, that detoxing off it requires a vacation or something, because it can't happen when I need my brain and body so badly. I was mentally unable to pull off much work the first 3 days, which makes the end of the week a total blast, lemme tellya...nose to grindstone time as I've set a quota for myself of 100 sites a week and on a good day, you crank out like, 20.

Did a bunch of planting, more seedlings. The latest batch of seed starts aren't happening at all, so I'll recycle that soil. Everything's starting to stretch up and out, but I fear I'm going to have low yields on almost everything due to a lack of pollinators. Haven't seen much in the way of bees, and the tomatoes and peppers are barely flowering. Patience.

P.S.

This image is too full of awesome not to reprint someplace...

You may continue now with your regularly scheduled Monday. You're welcome.

Image from here.

Newsflash!

I'm a person who benefits from a 2-day weekend (or break). The results are in. I've taken the last 2 or 3 weekends off, and the focus on Mondays is excellent.

This was a tiring, but good weekend. Quite a bit of outdoor time (documented over at Dark Meadow), and while my eating habits have me a little more run-down, I'm rallying.

Taking the time for "me" stuff was energizing. Whether it was working on the plants or knocking out an unsolicited magazine essay, I felt like I was taking care of me, and that's most important, remembering to actually do that occasionally. The curse of working from home is always having the feeling that if you're not doing something to earn money, then you're a slacker. I'm slowly organizing my time better and getting over that nonsense.

When writing hits me spontaneously, it usually results in good stuff. I took a Narration and Description class in college, where our final paper was supposed to be this well-thought-and-planned-out essay with notecards and outlines and weekly updates on how it was coming. I couldn't manage to focus myself long enough to pull off all the preparatory work the professor wanted out of me. Weekend before it was due, the subject matter hit me and I cranked out 23 pages. Got a B+. Considering how I blew off all the prep work, that grade was a tad generous; but it punctuates how sometimes the best writing comes out of your fingertips onto the keyboard without a whole lot of overthinking attached.

That's what happened Saturday. I've been wanting to write an article for consideration for Taproot for a while now. I've got some pretty serious idol worship going on for the likes of Amanda, Ashley, Ben, and that crowd. Originally wanted to write for their GATHER issue, but its deadline came up too soon after the move. RECLAIM is next. Seems I can't get away with writing memoir-style (well, hey, they say write what you know...), as that's exactly what the essay turned out to be, but I like what I wrote and if they use it, great! If they don't, I'm still quite pleased with myself for applying to a national publication, and I have ideas for essays for the issue theme after that too.

Looking ahead to June this week...June is Dad's aorta anniversary, Dad's birthday, and Father's Day all in the same month. Some writing may come out of that too. Then there's the family reunion for Mom's side, which is thankfully being held in Asheville this year, so we can attend finally and see folks. Les has met almost no one on that side of the family, and it's been 20 years since I've seen a lot of them. Should be a fun, albeit dysfunctional time :)

 

Looking for me?

All 6½ of you :)

I'm over here today, just cuz.

Have a great weekend, y'all!