Saturday, April 13, 2013

Deserving

I live with a pessimist, so it's only natural that I spend some time waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or in my case lately, to worry about not worrying enough about when the other shoe's gonna drop.

Our current apartment is roomy and far cleaner than our old one. It may seem to leak heat, but it also holds it well, as we discovered this week when the temps cranked up. I look around the place and feel so grateful for what I was able to find and make happen.

I woke up cranky this morning, it was an up-and-down night; but we trudged up early, the both of us, to check out one of the local tailgate markets nearby. Season opened for that one today, but the crowds weren't crazy, just right, as we pulled in about an hour after opening. People meander here, and wear their politics on their sleeves. Saw a 20-something in a gorgeous skirt, sandals, and a hoodie with a "Food Not Bombs" patch. Wanted to ask her where she got her whole outfit. There are signs asking folks respectfully that if they bring their dogs, that they leash them and keep them under control. Saw some pretty poodles and other breeds. No real produce yet beyond potatoes and greens...it was a baked goods and seed starts market mostly. Nice though, to hop out early with the Hubs, grab a bagel at Bruegger's, wander in the fresh air.

Back at the apartment, I'm trucking away on sites while Hubs grabs a nap. He's still weaning on his meds (truth be told, we both are...which could definitely be contributing to my ridiculously happy existence right now), so I let him nap whenever he needs to. That sounds weird...I ain't his mother. I pray we are only 2 weeks away from a new pain management program for him.

Most of the windows are open, letting in the most delicious breeze. I trimmed my bangs this morning and love them. The rest of the mop needs a trim pretty badly; I'm sure a stylist would say that it's fried from about 6 inches from the bottom, but I'm loving the length so I'm going to tough it out with creams and oils for now. Hate spending $30 for someone to cut it straight across the bottom and send me on my way. Maybe I can wear down my colorist...(AKA Hubs).

Last night we sat at the bar at Blue Mountain, ordered out, and I enjoyed a pale ale, him an Orange Nehi. We chatted up the big guy who hosts at the joint. Can't tell if he's the owner, but he acts like it. He said July and August get pretty hot, and there are 2 months in winter that are usually bitter, and then the rest is a long spring and a long fall. I still have trouble believing I got us here, and that good fortune fills me up inside. It's vacation with websites.

I paid the taxes yesterday, created a new budget sheet. I'm monitoring what I need to save on each check for the next quarter, so the taxes won't be a burden. That's pretty big for me, as we aren't the most responsible with money sometimes. We've gotten a lot better, living so rurally.

When I worry about loving it too much here, I remember how deeply unhappy I was in Florida. Since I believe in karma, I could worry about being too happy here, but since I was so unhappy in Florida, I think I'm safe believing it's balancing itself out. My beliefs are half-Buddhist, so I do get that there's a fair amount of suffering in life. And I certainly ain't skating by here...I work my arse off to keep the roof over our heads and food on the table. But I'm definitely due a bit of happiness, and to have that right now is exquisite and not something I can possibly take for granted.

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