Monday, April 08, 2013

I thought I knew, but.....

Have I been missing Connecticut all this time?

We moved to Florida from NC in 1986, and I was over-the-moon happy at the time, because I was leaving a bad social situation...AKA: having no friends and making a few enemies too. The first year in Florida was great - made friends, handled classes and band. Then the friends graduated and I didn't, and I was cast adrift, not knowing what the hell I wanted, just knowing I was stuck.

Knowing what I know now about my emotional issues and how I handled the transition from teen to adult, I can safely say I probably would've been just as miserable in CT. Probably more so, because living in NW Connecticut means harder decisions, and you're torn between wanting to live in the Big Apple or being stuck out in the boonies. I suppose Hartford would've been a happy medium, or I'd have followed Alexa to Boston. Christy's my bestie, but I wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in NYC.

I didn't have the intelligence or wherewithal for the Ivy League, and that would've hurt more there, where the ivy literally clings to every other college you visit and I had dreams of being one of the kids in the movie The Paper Chase. Had Yale in my front yard and Harvard in the back, and both completely outta reach. I'm smart, but didn't realize then that you need a level of exceptional to get into those schools.

So I pressed on in Florida, with one foot always out the door, one eye trained on the horizon, and not enough wherewithal for years and years to take that first step. I knew I was unhappy...unless the temperatures dropped, I was downright miserable; and I still can't understand, even after 25+ years in that state, how people live there year-round. If you've had a taste of seasons and choose to live there anyway, then I guess we're just wired differently.

I was always looking north, whether it was by trying to get an Atlanta theater post when I was with AMC or dragging out our road trips to visit the inlaws while I scoured the different cities looking for a scratch to my itch. We came close in 2007, but didn't know enough about how to get housing, and thank goodness for that, because Columbia would've felt like Jacksonville with grits and sweet tea; and anyway, we lost Dad a month later.

But I kept searching, and last year something just clicked. I knew we were unhappy where we were, and I knew in spite of my idealization of Asheville, that it was still something I wanted to shoot for. We may move again next year, for all I know; nothing's set in stone, but for right now.....I simply wasn't taking no for an answer. Or rather, when someone said no, I said, "OK, then how about this?"

I wake in the mornings excited to take on the day. I step outside and the air greets me like a kiss. It's like living life on vacation. I know that's in part because I still don't have a real job, but I'm enjoying what I'm doing right now, still looking for opportunities, and keeping a roof over our heads, so hey, what's the rush?

Spring is finally hitting the hills here, and it's just ridiculous out, birds chirping up a storm, warmer temps, lingering wood smoke on the wind, and everything starting to bud. The forsythia tugs at my heart in a particularly special way, because we had a nice big bush of it in the front yard on Above All (next to the, those colors!), and noting those yellow flowers making their appearance here fills my heart to bursting.

Maybe I needed all that time in Florida to truly appreciate the move. All I know is the only way I'm moving back there is if they discover a cure for migraines in the Fountain of Youth. I'm embracing seasons again with a healthy dose of barbecue and working on my Yankee-tinged drawl. I'm incredibly happy.


Mom J visiting this weekend, the tail end of a vacation for her. A couple of days of crappy posture strained my back somehow, so I took an extra day off from walking, but between running department store errands and a bead shop jaunt, I've been getting walking in. But I was back at it this morning, just 2 miles on the track, slow clip, more concerned with doing the distance than working on speed, with a couple of fishermen enjoying their day off in the creek to my right and the birds making a sexy racket overhead. My focus is on work this afternoon, and knitting this evening. Determined to get off the dang laptop during TV time. Just no reason for that nonsense. So far, so very good.

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