Friday, April 20, 2012

Oh, THERE I am...

My gods.

My body metabolizes lithium fairly quickly...I used to go for a fasting bloodwork while on a full dose, and have the number come back below par. So the benefits of being back on it don't take long.

I'm pretty sure that lithium for me is like xanax. Because the first thing I notice is the calm, like someone's airbrushed all the rough edges off my day. I walk outside and I'm not pissed that it's warm out, even though I'm wearing black. I take the long way to my lunch destination, so I can enjoy the drive. I'm making myself focus at work, and I'm not quite so impatient with life.

These things happen so quickly, I do recognize that there's probably just a slight placebo effect corresponding with the "idea" of being back on lithium, but I'm pretty sure what I'm feeling is mostly real. The thing is, it's so damn subtle it makes you wonder, even though it's obvious I'm on the real thing...the generic version hasn't changed in appearance in the last 5 years. Another bit of familiarity in the whole sitch that makes me smile...

So. frickin'. subtle. I could weep with the relief. Can relief have an ache? Cuz I've got a good psychic ache going on right now.

(Which gets me thinking about if I'm even meant to carry kids...not getting into that right now, just has me thinking...)

Makes me want to go to my boss's office and say, "hey, I'm back on lithium! you don't have to worry about me speaking too harshly anymore!" That's one of the coolest things about the lithium: I may think you're a douchebag, but I can keep myself from voicing that fact. Not so much, without it. Makes me very "real," but not as pleasant to be around.

Still buried in OT, but it's not overwhelming...I'll be done tomorrow and can get to my real work, knocking out goals. A little dining room organization, a little meal planning and cooking...we're due for some rain, and I look forward to smelling it.

Image from here.

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