Monday, March 19, 2012

It Could Happen...

This one's rather apropos. I mean, of course, the underlying theme should be "be happy with yourself" or "give yourself a break"......but this phrase nails something that's been rattling around in my brain, that I didn't quite realize was in there til I read it.

I have bloggers whom I admire, big-time, because they are living their lives the way I'd like to. Jenna, Amanda, and Ashley are definitely my top three. I wish to emulate them all in different ways, and I pore over their blogs and archives almost daily trying to glean the secrets to how they are able to pull it off, the homesteading dreams that I desire. None of these folks are independently wealthy; they all work very hard to achieve their respective dreams. So how come when push comes to shove, I get lazy and don't do what's necessary to move forward in those directions? I mentioned last week how I'm not into self-fulfilling prophecies...what a load of crap!

When I read that Ashley and her boys were going up to Maine to meet Amanda and her brood (and celebrate the beginning of Taproot), I was over the moon. My gods, to be a fly on the wall, while they were chatting, getting to know each other, watching their little ones play! I think they are both amazing ladies, with deliciously intelligent brains, who are living the dream...little homestead, some critters, and a creative life. I'd so love to meet them both someday...I content myself occasionally with the dream that I'll get to know Ashley someday by attending one of her classes, when we move closer to her neck of the woods.

But when I think of those two ladies together, I wonder what I would bring to the conversation. Yea, yea, I know, I'm a catch...but seriously! And I wonder what the hell is still holding me back? From canning and eating smartly and getting more animals and organizing my life andandandandand.....

I wandered through Walmart on Saturday night, and I remember passing the area in kitchen supplies where the canning jars are kept, and thinking, nah, don't need those right now, who are you kidding anyway? Since when do I let that kind of talk slip through my bean?! When I'm so damn concerned about where my food is coming from lately, that I'm having trouble making ANY decisions about meals, I can't find the gumption to buy canning jars and create strawberry jam that will save me $2.50 a week? I'm so frickin' over myself!

So my studies.....took a backseat to starting the Outlander series this weekend. And that's OK, because if the above is any indication, I'm readjusting my ever-changing, neverendinglyfluid priorities. I bounced off the walls literally this weekend, getting up to look around the apartment, feel overwhelmed by the mess, and sit back down to play Mah Jong and avoid it, thus perpetuating my discontent. I was downright ornery at times this weekend, and there's so much I could be doing to remedy that.

Image from here.

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