WTF DO THE GODS HAVE AGAINST MY FATHERS?!?!
LES'S FAMILY IS PANICKING IN THE FACE OF DAD'S DECLINING HEALTH. DAD'S STARTING TO GIVE UP. WOULD HOSPICE HELP WITH THE DEPRESSION THAT COMES WITH THIS LEVEL OF MORTALITY? BECAUSE WAITING FOR THE NEXT REGIMEN IS GOING TO KILL HIM BEFORE THE CANCER DOES...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE STRONG FOR LES? IT'S ONLY BEEN 4½ YEARS SINCE MY DAD WENT TO SUMMERLAND AND ANY SUGGESTION OF MY OTHER DAD LEAVING US, FORCING ME TO BE STRONG FOR OTHERS...TEARS THE SCAB OFF MY GRIEF AND LEAVES ME OPEN, RAW, SUCKING, GASPING FOR RELIEF...WHILE THE PAIN SEARS AND I HEAR SCREAMS INSIDE MY HEAD...WE ARE SUCH SELFISH CREATURES, BUT SERIOUSLY, I GET THAT THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME...I'M JUST COMPLETELY WORRIED ABOUT MY ABILITY TO BE THERE FOR LES, MY ABILITY TO STAND STRONG AND ABSORB HIS PAIN.....
I WANT TO SCREAM SO FUCKING LOUD!!!!!
I hope the reason i'm such a mess now is so that I'll be able to be a rock later...whatever, it's just frustrating. Can't stop crying, and I'm stuck at work. Makes it hard to communicate with coworkers...and how the fuck can i concentrate on site modifications, when all i want is to be home lighting candles and Tebowing.....
FUCK!!!
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