Thursday, January 12, 2012

Pensive, grumbly...

There's a scene in Season 1 of Scrubs.....

Turk wants to give Carla a nice pen, but doesn't have time to shop. He sees a nice one in the hospital's lost and found box, wraps it, and gives it to her. Finds out later that that's not a lost and found box, it's an "ass box," the box where the ER docs put stuff that they have extracted from people's rear ends. He runs through the hallways praying to God for her not to open the gift, and when he finds her and she's got it unwrapped and is so grateful to him, he looks up to the heavens and asks God: "were you THAT busy?"

That's how last night's knitting felt.

No fault of my pals. Felt good to be out in public and knitting with friends again. The conversations are hilariously random, and knitting is centering me nicely.

Just the wrong week for me to find out that an acquaintance is pregnant, the result of an "ooops! no condom!" moment.

Was driving home and asking God, "really? couldn't have spared me that?"

It hurt more than it should. Also allowed me to cave to emotional eating...was like, "I want a latte but it's too expensive and I'll never get to sleep, I want a happy pill but it's too late and I'll never get to sleep.....Haagen Daz, it is!" Ate the whole damn thing.

These issues will be explored in the coming weeks, as I study the OA books that are supposed to arrive in the mail today.

I'm just still in information overload mode. There are so many obstacles to hurdle in our quest for a child. Finding the money. Educating ourselves. Tests for his fertility. Tests to see where the fibroids are and if they'll need to be removed, because if they're located in certain areas, then embryos won't implant. And let's not forget that pesky 5½ year window...the horribly short amount of time we have left.

So I'm sad today, and grouchy. Looking forward to the weekend, so we can plan some more, really look at where we're going. Finding the dough for a move and a child at the same time is almost laughable, but I won't give up hope until we've truly exhausted all our options. Trials bring faith.

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