Grandfather Mountain this morning, courtesy of said Mountain's Facebook page. Makes me want to buy a 4-wheel drive vehicle, some snow tires, and go for a drive...
Hilarious how it takes your body truly rebelling against your unintelligent choices for the reality to sink in...
I've never been diagnosed pre-diabetic, mainly b/c I'm in denial about it and my fasting blood sugar usually is like, 100...but boy, take 1 day of stupid choices and my body TELLS me now.
This isn't a bad thing.
Wednesday was an OK day, but out of laziness, made 2 stupid choices: burger and fries for dinner that night, and the pint of Haagen Daz that evening, late.
Thursday, I was deeply depressed. Chalked it up to my poor choices the previous day, plus the aforementioned emotional baggage, and treated myself to Chipotle to raise my spirits. I usually get a burrito bowl, which for me is white rice (personal choice, as they do serve brown rice now), black beans, chicken, medium green salsa, cheese, and sour cream. And let's not forget their yummy, 500-calorie bag of chips on the side (which I use as edible utensils).
Usually the green salsa is strong enough to give me a lift that lasts the afternoon; that stuff is a frickin' aphrodisiac. Instead, I was practically narcoleptic, could barely work, and hated food/life by the time work was out for the day. I juiced my dinner, as well as today's lunch, and am finally feeling better. The problem with turning so many corners in your life, is eventually you realize you're walking in circles.
So let's break it down a bit, shall we? The burrito bowl is 2 portions of food, not 1, if we're honest with ourselves. White rice over brown is simple starch (plus probably bleached, but I'd like to think Chipotle steers clear of that nonsense). Beans and chicken are a double shot of protein, with more starch. Cheese and sour cream have some protein, but really are just healthy dollops of not-so-great fats (so that if they haven't salted the chicken too much, as all restaurants are wont to do, don't worry - the inflammation and mucus will show up, thanks to the dairy).
The self-loathing that accompanies overeating is crushing. I'm so glad that my OA books arrived yesterday. I started reading last night, and I'll start the workbook this weekend. I'll also get back to the Y. I'm looking forward to making better food choices for both Husby and I in the coming week. I wish I could afford Heather's upcoming workshop; instead I'll read everything I can get my hands on, on eating well for health. I'm paying my library fine and getting back there today after work. Bloggers are in full "it's January, let's get organized" mode, and I plan to steal all kinds of ideas and information from them. I will not do this to myself anymore. One day at a time.
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