Whiny week

So Lil Sis left work early and I have no one to talk to : (

Granted, I shouldn't be blogging when my earphones are on...cuz there's always that danger of a manager sneaking up and surprising you while you're goofing off. They're on though, because it's about the only way I can concentrate on work, now that Tech Support, bless their fuzzy little, Red Bull-addicted hearts, is back on our side of the building. This motley group of mostly guys really needs to grasp the concept of "inside phone voice" better....in the meantime, I'm listening to music more.

But the stupidity has been running high today, so I bring you this vent:

Dear Copywriters/Designers,

The following errors are getting really old and must cease and desist, or you're going to force me to start drinking coffee in the afternoons as well as the mornings, and accompanying it with a shot of something that's likely not approved for consumption during work hours....

1. Stop linking the words "Call" or "Visit"...unless you've figured out how to Skype our sites or teleport the readers. This is especially annoying when you link the word "Visit" and there is NO LOCATION page.

2. Repetitive and redundant text...I like to flesh out my text as much as the next writer, but the laziness of  "...our inventory includes several makes and models, including...." is just silly. Also, companies are not "efficiently organized", they're just organized; prices are affordable or competitive, not both; and something can't be both "unique and one-of-a-kind". I'm beyond tired of shrinking your sentences to half their size and then having to adjust design, just because you can't grasp the concept of succinctness.

"Our expert team comes to your home to check the level of insulation as well as to check to ensure we are able to install additional insulation if necessary." Seriously? I need a white board for all the things wrong with that sentence...

3. We changed our headline format 2 weeks ago. You are not exempt from this change.

4. Punctuation is more than a suggestion. So is proofreading. They're job requirements, not nice ideas.

5. Something that is a nice idea: confirming correct spelling of things like brand names, cities, words...oh, wait, i mispoke; that's a job requirement too!

6. Passive text ... just stop friggin' doing it.

7. If you (copywriters) are trying to break some record for the most dangling modifiers found in a given day, you are succeeding admirably. Please do not mistake this statement for praise.

8.  Prepositions are not interchangeable. It's also butt-ugly when they are at the end of a sentence.

On second thought, forget everything I just said...I'll never be without a job as long as there are writers and designers out there like you. Keep up the mediocre work.