Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Swear to god, if I turn over a new leaf one more time, I may as well sprout roots and branches too!
Ready for some stream of consciousness?
I started waking up around 10:30 a.m. this morning. I physically woke up at 7:00 a.m., threw on the tube to glance the weather and ended up watching an old SVU on USA (the channels are right next to each other....I swear! Yea, that's bullshit; it's April in Florida, like I don't know the weather's going to be 80s with a chance of rain...). I know I should kill the tube altogether in the mornings, but these things take time, and there are worse ways to start your day than with Chris Meloni and Mariska Hargitay (sigh.....one of the most awesome partnerships in the TV drama category)...but I digress with rationalization...so I make my 6 cups of coffee (and no, that's not an exaggeration...I fill with water to the 6 line and pour it into a vat disguised as a travel mug for work) WITH sugar and milk (shall we take a moment to discuss the lactose and 96 empty calories of pure cane I'm pouring into my body with the caffeine? I think not...)...and I toast a couple of lowfat Eggos, which I slather with PB & J. It's a good breakfast that has plenty wrong with it. The lowfat is an accident, a hand-me-down from cleaning out my mom's freezer...I usually get the full fat, whole wheat Eggos. The PB is standard JIF, the jelly is fairly natural, no HFCS, but still, more sugar, and I do take issue with the Eggos too, b/c I'd love to make my own from scratch and freeze 'em, but we haven't indulged in the waffle iron yet (yea, big indulgence, frickin' $10 at evil big box store)....digressing again....so I head to work with no lunch packed, because SVU was shaking out the brain cobwebs instead of yoga or lunch prep this morning, and I hit the computer cube with a dull headache, minor leftover body aches, and a knee braced but on the mend, thanks to the dry heat I put on it last night. The dull headache is likely a blood sugar and candida thing, thanks to the brownie I indulged in too close to bedtime last night. I plan to pop some Advil to take the edge off and keep the knee inflammation at bay.....and discover that idea's trashed, because the zipper of the pocket of my purse holding said Advil has jammed and is holding everything in that pocket hostage. I down breakfast in front of the computer (another could-be-better in the eating behavior department) and chase it with a Sobe Life Water, which uses Stevia and may get more investigation, because it wasn't bad and I think the ginseng gave me a boost the missing Advil couldn't, and I had another allergic reaction to diet soda recently, so I need more options if I'm going to trim the sweet liquid carbs. And I sit at my computer and wish I felt better, and realize that how I feel is entirely in my control IF I'D JUST ADJUST MY LIFESTYLE...and I crack open Mark's Daily Apple and some other health coach blogs for more ideas to steal, more ways to teach myself I'm worth the effort...and around 10:30 a.m., I notice I'm finally waking up and I momentarily fool myself into thinking that I didn't need the Advil after all, that it's mind over matter combined with Sobe and the strength I'm developing to drink water instead of soda the rest of the day, and then I remember the 6 cups of coffee I'm mainlining, that most of my rally is just a caffeine boost that will result in a caffeine crash later and a serious carb crave, which I'd normally indulge, and I wonder how the hell I'm going to make it through the afternoon.......
Several factors contributing to this latest AHA mo.....my right knee going to hell on me was a biggie. The damn thing got progressively stiffer as the weekend wore on and started to swell on the outside. Didn't think I was doing a whole lot of bending and lifting, but I was on my feet and working hard for large chunks of both days this weekend....so the knee thing is like my body clearing its throat and saying "...umm...you do remember that you have arthritis, right?"
My brain could easily short-circuit over this, because it brings conflicting arguments to the forefront of my thinking...like how losing weight could help greatly by easing the weight landing on my joints, but how in the hell do you exercise when the lack of cartilage in your knees makes them weaker and more prone to injury, never mind the residual aches/stiffness/decreased mobility that come from exercise when you have arthritis. I fear doing more damage to myself by not being educated well enough in physiology, but I'm too frugal and stubborn to go back to PT or an orthopedist. The aches/stiffness/decreased mobility...that's a non-argument; that's a "suck it up, Melanie" mo. But I can't not exercise certainly, so I'm educating myself in the best ways I can, by picking the brains of the exercise consultants at the Y, sticking to low-impact cardio, and trolling the Internet and culling the good advice from the bad.
And I'm finally (FINALLYFUCKINGFINALLY) realizing how very much my food intake needs to change.
The research is the hardest...that's where deciding I'm worth the effort comes in. I used to think Dr. Dean Ornish's recommendations were extreme, until I started reading about Primal/Paleo. Primal sounds like Atkins on organics, and I put zero stock in the effectiveness of Atkins in the long run, but Paleo living tries for a more well-rounded approach. Minor digression: after this weekend though, I think I'm over the minimalist footwear urge; there are certain things that are out of my reach, thanks to my body type, so I'll accept that...and write down the date of this blog post so I can look it up in my archives when I need reminding, because I do NOT learn lessons easily. I'm instead looking forward to my new sneakers arriving, and thinking of investing in a pair of Dr. Scholl's orthotics, because unfortunately, the WalkFit's that Husby got me recently just aren't right for my foot type and have been causing me pain. They also suck for comfort when you're not wearing socks, and the weather has brought me back to no-sock wearing, big time. I still have my custom orthotics too; they're showing their age a bit, but still functional, thank goodness...b/c I don't want to hit the podiatrist again until after we move either...
They say that finding the diet plan/lifestyle change that's right for you is key. But how do you find what's right for you when you're pushing toward healthy from a lifestyle that embraces inhaling Junior Mints by the box and grazing until you're uncomfortable? Cold turkey changes may be best for me, to shock the bad carbs out of my system initially, but I need to make REALLY sure I'm prepared for that food-wise, because it's too damn easy to throw some pasta on to boil or inhale a box of mac when I'm at loose ends.
Headache still lingering...grabbing Chipotle and Aleve for lunch. More planning and research this afternoon.
Image from here.