Mulling Monday

My Lil Sis is embarking on an adventure that has me pondering the nitty-gritty of how we're going to get out of this godforsaken state, and questioning what careers I'm interested in (heh, there's a telling point, the fact that I said "careers"...). I never wanted to be one of those folks (like so many "men of the house"), who stick with a job because it feeds their families, while squashing their dreams in the process. Now that Dad's gone, I look back at his life and wonder...he did enjoy being an engineer, and he was damn lucky to be able to do the work that he did...in this day and age, you need a bachelor's to get started in that field...but I wonder about his dreams too, beyond his "I'd love to own a popcorn store" notions. Do we ever know the "people" that our parents are? This train of thought's getting wooly, moving on...

I'm a hedonist, a "have your cake and eat it too" gal...and I have way too many dreams in my head. Besides, this job barely feeds us. Also, not keen on the idea of ending up resenting Husby, because he's unable to work as much as I am (who am I kidding, that happens already...). So I slog along barely making ends meet in my current position, and it's difficult to convince myself that I could be doing something else (how do you get yourself or your husband back in school, when your credit's still too crappy to take out a loan?), but I'm also recognizing that where I'm at, ain't making it happen. "It" means living in a house instead of an apartment, growing things in the dirt (critters and plants alike), having a dog and a child (not in that order), and enjoying for the most part going to work everyday. Like I said, I'm a hedonist...or spoiled or something.

Knees achy today...when am I going to remember to keep my shoes on when I'm doing work around the house? All I did yesterday was a quick errand run, then home to clean the kitchen and putter. Feels like I spent the whole afternoon in the kitchen, but really it was probably only 2 hours tops, doing dishes, emptying fridge, taking out garbage...the joys of domesticity. But any standing without my shoes on throws off my posture, and something has to suffer...whether it's my lower back or my knees, my body does not appreciate the flat feet and extra weight. If I can't do anything about the joints, then I have to do something about the muscles around them...I'm going back on my physical therapy exercises, every blasted day that I'm too achy to drag myself out to walk or bike, I'm going to be working out indoors in the evenings instead. My brain thinks I'm 27, my body feels like I'm 55. E-frickin'-nough!

At least we're recycling again...that feels great!

Tomato plant finally showing flowers!!! Please let it bear fruit this season! Les has dreams of making homemade tomato sauce, and I've become a salsa fiend. Makes me want to start more plants, but the porch is still a disaster area that is half-hijacked by feral waterfowl.

On the completely shallow side, I'm loving how long my hair's getting...had a dream the other night that I cut it short and while the new curlyness was adorable to style, I was completely freaked that I'd cut it after working so hard to grow it out. My stress dreams take on the mundane occasionally...anyway, was quite relieved when I woke up. I plain don't have the patience to style it usually, so I'm just letting it dry naturally in the mornings and the heck with whether it's flat or not. I used to wish for this kind of body, the wavyness that's cropped up as my hormones shift with age...might as well enjoy it. I'm finally, finally, finally styling my bangs to the sides, and the last cut I got is making them quite cooperative, framing my face so I'm not looking severe when I ponytail it. They could do sociology studies on how wrapped up women are with their looks, outside of the evils of advertising and Barbie dolls.

And in a hilariously anal and long overdue bout of personal hygiene, I have a new evening regimen: electric toothbrush, floss, regular toothbrush, ACT rinse. Totally determined to steer clear of the drill, now that my teeth are back to healthy. Feels pretty good :)