Contemplative

Wishing something with all your might can't make it happen. You'd think that after 40 years of life, that lesson would get easier.

I'm recognizing that it's not financially possible for us to move at the end of August. We can't save enough by then...it's not going to happen.

I'm just not wired to wallow about it...disappointed is certainly a hilariously inadequate adjective, but all I can do is press on. Figure out how to make it work in March of 2011; that would be another 7-month lease. That'll give us another tax return, more time to get to know the different cities up there, more time to improve our credit score...it'll be a damn sight cooler than end of August too. That shouldn't really be a factor in the grand scheme, but when you live in Florida, it comes up. I've moved in summertime, cleaned out garages in summertime, have solid memories of sweating myself dry in this godforesaken state while feeling bloated from too much gatorade...it's a blast. So March isn't a bad thing, lemme tellya...

Still, can't deny the ache. My work is currently exercising a level of unfairness in their treatment of us that has me itching to hunt, itching to get away, but what's the point of that...better to tough it out and get my ducks in a row to search up there. We want to start trying for a family again, as soon as he's feeling a pinch better, but with me being sole breadwinner, it gets tricky. This neighborhood gets worse, more instances of cops being called out, more gunfights right in our area of town, and another year of no yard, no dog, no real garden...motivators to be sure, but in the present, it's an ache.