Thursday Thoughts

I do want to go camping on my birthday, but here's an idea...we'll just go camping. We'll hike and sit on our butts and cook over a fire and forget about trying to get anywhere, like Charlotte or Asheville. I need a retreat. May do the weekend in Orlando and then drag Husby to Table Rock...ah, doubt we can afford both, but allow me my delusions for a bit.

Rearranged my desk, but now my monitor catches a glare from the dang windows...this building is mad with windows, which normally I'd love, except when I'm trying to find the happy medium in focusing with the floaties in my eyes lately. Gotta ask her about those at my follow-up on Saturday...hope my new glasses are in. I have a feeling I'll be wearing them a lot more now.

Good Momma Zen today...the trickiest part of Zen for me will be shedding the baggage and just living in the present. I live in the future whenever things don't go my way, whenever I'm restless about my current state, which is often. The upshot of that, of course, is setting yourself up for never truly being happy, I know, but still...I'm going to work on the concept of living in the present. It doesn't have to be a Pollyanna existence, but I talk a good game about being able to shed things when I know I can't control them.....why is it so hard to do that with everyday life? Relinquishing control is different from believing in destiny or accepting fate, but it does have to do with acceptance. Love Momma Zen's blog title today: yield the floor, take the sky.

I'm reading The Heart of Being by Daido Roshi from Zen Mountain Monastery. That'll be one for the home bookshelf; it's a different take on the precepts than Being Upright (Reb Anderson). I'm drawn to the koan study of Master Dogen, but I should/want to acquaint myself with the precepts first. Zen is difficult to wrap your mind around when you've been brought up by the standard public school thinking of read something, absorb it, spit it out, congrats, you've learned it! Zen asks you to study, but turns thinking on its head. Don't think about it by beating yourself over the head with it...allow it to percolate, take on different forms, and what do the forms mean, but be sure to come back to the original thought afterward, and how have the different forms modified how you see the koan, and here's where you're on the right track and here's where you're completely off base, but it's up to you to find the paths to those two opposing tracks......anybody else's head hurt yet? Anyway, I'm still not being a good little zazener, but my mood swings aren't running quite so high either. There's a peace in that. Zen with an Irish temper though...should be interesting, finding my balance.

In the meantime, what do I want for lunch, and is it 5:30 yet? Yeah, ok, I've got a ways to go :)