Can't dig into specifics because with my luck, it'll be the one post that Husby actually reads. He hasn't been on the computer in ages, but if I talk about what we're going through here, Murphy will put a wild hair up his ass.
It's just a really good thing that I'm studying Zen right now. And that I found this delightful (read: informative and free!) thing called Zen Radio. The Mountain and Rivers Order of Zen Buddhism, based at the Zen Mountain Monastery in upstate NY, runs a radio station with live streaming audio...music, stories, koan zazen...I'm listening to it at work and letting the words flow over me and sink into my psyche.
Still, I ache a little today. It shouldn't be this hard. We're good people, we're not greedy. I know that means nothing...there's plenty of bad people bringing children into the world. And it's not a situation we have real control of...I can plot my timing to the day, but thanks to the PCOS, my body may decide not to shoot out an egg that month, so any "trying" would be for naught anyway. I've been hoarding my last 2 Clomid like chocolates, because a) they send me on a hormonal roller coaster, and b) I know the doc won't give us any more, so....what? I don't know...after enough missed months of not even trying (because of Husby's headaches), I don't want to waste the Clomid on an off month. I'm just a little down today...we'll try tonight, but the window's closing fast on this month, may have closed already, and that hurts a little.
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