That's why I need the lithium. Days like yesterday.
Holy crap, was I down! Completely shredded, unable to summon energy or motivation for anything, blank. We won't discuss the crummy ideas that went through my head; luckily laziness and an inability to come up with a good story kept me from acting on them. But it brought home clearly that I need a little help, so I'm calling my insurance company today for counseling. If I know my doc, she won't let me back on the lithium until I've got the blood pressure back to normal, so one thing at a time.
So......I took a nap last night, which meant staying up later to wind down, but surprisingly did me more good than harm...I felt a shade better after the nap, more settled/centered, and woke up this morning feeling the same way, in spite of a rash of dreams involving me looking for contract work in my field with a different company, taking a wrong turn afterward, and having to catch a ride with the mom and kids from "Home Improvement." I think I need to give up trying to understand what my dreams mean.
So......KB tonight, which I will attend, the log cabin blanket and the 2nd Mitford book getting my attention today, and a weekend with a clean slate to look forward to.
Oh, one other thing.....I know I don't worry enough about how public this blog is, but I guess there is a bright side to my recklessness. Last night, my mom talked to my Uncle Dan (Dad's bro), who talked about how Nanie really seems to be fading, doesn't remember anything of substance, or says she knows the memories are there in the back of her head, but she just can't seem to fetch them up anymore. After that visit we had with her, this is barely news...she nearly dozed off on us several times, besides not really knowing any of us...but still, last thing we want is to be grieving anyone else right now...left Mom pretty depressed after the call, so she figured what the hey, I'll call Chuck Curry. Chuck is an old friend of Dad's from his Army days; they both had heart issues around the same time, and they'd managed to stay in touch all these years. Mom had misplaced his number though, and hadn't yet told him about Dad, so she was really dreading that call (and boy, can I relate...going through a phase myself right now where talking about it is liable to put me in tears and that's no fun). She found his number recently, and called him last night, but it wasn't nearly as hard a call as she'd anticipated. Sometime last month, Chuck had been thinking about Dad and decided to pull a Melanie, aka troll for him on the Internet. The search engines brought him to my blog and the bad news about Dad...he fixed himself a drink, read my obit entries, and had a good cry. I'm glad that, however inadvertent it may have been, I was able to do that for Mom.
Now to the phones and the insurance company, to work on my own tenuous sanity!