Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Getting to know me again

The ole lithium has to be hitting below therapeutic levels by now, and I'm still ok. There's a little more energy in my arms and isn't nervous energy exactly but it feels like it. My legs jiggle under my desk more and my hands and arms feel ready to fly when I'm stuck waiting on my computer. I'm probably talking faster. But being cognizant of these little changes really seems to be helping me this time around. I'm sure that part of it is the fact that usually when I decrease my lithium, I'm also dicking around with my Paxil (because I'm a born idiot when it comes to self-medicating), but since this time the Paxil's staying put for now, there's a shade less symptoms, and gone is the fear that I'm somehow going to regress back to Fort Myers Melanie or something (which isn't even possible, because Fort Myers Melanie was on entirely different drugs that were doing her absolutely no good and actually quite a bit of harm). I'm sleeping better too...pulled a stroke of intelligence last night and stopped grazing a good 2 to 3 hours before bedtime, and I know that helped a bunch, so I think I'm gonna have to make some signs for around the house or something to keep that mindset in check...something like: "Is it past 9 p.m.? Then stop eating, dumbass!" Too negative?

My brain dulls out a little easier too...this just means that it's a shade easier to sit on my ass staring at the idiot box when I could be reading, knitting, exercising, etc., which is ironic since I have this extra energy at present. So it's a motivation thing, and again, I'm going to work on recognizing it and doing something about it. Like tonight, I need to do a load of laundry and we're planning a labor-intensive dinner, but I'm not going to let that stop me from trying out some more stuff on the Bean. Baby steps.

SSS is trucking along; I'm going to do 3 more rows and then bind it off. Gotta do a careful read of the bind-off they have in the book, because I'm guessing a regular bind-off would prove far too stretchy, would shred any hope of that shawl holding its blocking, so I'm going to have to suck it up and learn a new skill.

I bought a basil plant last weekend because I needed fresh and couldn't see paying $1.99 for the cut stuff when it was the same price for the whole plant. We've got it in a place where the cats can't get to it for now, but I'm going to transplant it this weekend, trim it and see about rigging something so that I can dry the leaves on a regular basis. We acquired a pepper plant (named Steve) from friends last weekend too, and miraculously the cats aren't bugging him either, though he's in a more accessible place.

The whole porch needs attention this weekend, and the Arthritis walk is early Saturday. Hope this weather holds, though like everyone here, we're praying for rain. The retention ponds are drying up again, and this has to be the worst wildfire season in years. Was tasting the smoke again on the way to work this morning. If I ever get around to doing ritual for Beltaine this week, there's gonna be a prayer in there for the Earth.

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