To the flaming assh-...ah, I mean, colleague who felt it necessary to park their white Plymouth Grand Voyager minivan so close to the driver's side of my car today:
Thank you. So very much. When you put on a large amount of weight, as I have in recent years, you become unaccustomed to what your body may be capable of. Also, we've only had our pretty little sedan for oh, about 8 months now, so I hadn't yet had the need to enter the car from the passenger side to access the driver's side. By exploring this opportunity at lunchtime today, thanks to you, I developed a new appreciation for the stick shift, the emergency brake (which was clearly heading into "Exit Only" territory), and for the various ways my legs can bend. So really, my deepest thanks. May your next fart take on solid form.