Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Tuesday musings

Les might go up to SC early this week; his sis is having health issues and there's no one to watch the baby.

Knit 3 rows on the SSS last night!

Was pricing rental trucks yesterday; initial estimates quite a bit higher than I remember, but it just dawned on me why they were such a shock. The only time I've moved myself was the last time, when we moved from Bay Pointe to Auburn Glen. We're talking about a trek of oh say, 5 miles tops. My moves from Jax to Tampa to Fort Myers to Jax were all courtesy of AMC Theaters; didn't have to think twice about it. So time to suck it up and look ahead to that expense as well as the intro expenses involved in renting a new place.

Work still boring. Health still in holding pattern, but Alexa sent me a great article on PCOS that's helping me focus my studies on the subject. Library helping too. Wonder if I can send Kim-Ashchi emails...to read my ultrasound results, it sounds like I have garden-variety cysts as opposed to polycystic syndrome, but there's probably little difference since my hormones are definitely reacting according to PCOS symptomology (swings, acne, grr!). Polycystic ovaries are apparently created by immature eggs sneaking out and rather than traveling down the fallopian tube, they embed themselves in the outer layer of the ovary. Ovary becomes confused, shoots more hormones through the body, goofs up the cycle. Thank the goddess I'm not growing extra hair anyplace! Apparently that's a popular symptom (yeesh!). But instead of the "string of pearls" shape described in the literature, my results just talk about 1 cyst apiece. So either I caught it exceptionally early or it isn't quite the same thing. Either way, one thing's clear: diet and exercise are key. The only thing holding me back is me. That's more than a little frustrating, because between this and my age, it's had me thinking that maybe I should have let Dr. Kim-Ashchi start me on fertility meds like she wanted. But a) we're not trying yet, and b) it would be like giving me permission not to try as hard to get healthy somehow. I'm having a hard enough time wrapping my mind around it when the only thing blocking me is myself. For me, this'll sound extreme, but it's going to come down to every time I'm talking myself out of walking or talking myself into a Mallomar, I'm going to have to say to myself, how badly do you want a child? People always talk about needing to do something for yourself, not for anybody else. But for me, doing it for me isn't enough; I just don't respect myself enough. But I want a child with Les so deeply it defies words, so the prospect of creating a precious someone will carry me forward.

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