CAUTION: Coffee hasn't kicked in yet.....

Warning: this post contains whine. Do not drive a car or operate heavy machinery after consuming this post.

My name is Melanie. I'm in a rut.

Hi, Melanie...

It's only partly of my own making at present. The apartment complex I live in decided to give us washer/dryer connections about 6 months ago. About 2 months ago, they got down to brass tacks and sent independent contractors in to tear up drywall and rewire the joint. This meant taking 7 years worth of detritus from our bedroom closet and placing it elsewhere. We live in 800 square feet with an above-average amount of furniture and 2 cats. Needless to say, it's feeling a little cluttered.

Now, apparently, the rewiring was done incorrectly and needs to be redone before the city inspectors come to give the go-ahead for placement of said washer/dryer. The complex keeps sending us letters warning us that the contractors will be coming to work, and then they don't show. Meanwhile, we're supposed to keep the closet reasonably empty so they can work.

I've already done one Goodwill run, well, Hubbard House, and it's obvious that another purging and reorganization needs to occur soon. I dabbled with the idea of getting rid of some of the furniture, but it's all good stuff that just needs a replacement cushion here, some recovering there...Quite simply, before this closet mess occurred, we were already outgrowing the apartment. We have a couch, a loveseat, 2 upholstered chairs of sorts, 3 bookcases, the dining room with computer table, 4 end tables (2 of which I loathe because they're nothing but dust catchers), 3 coffee tables (because Les and I are dumpster divers), and various other sundries. We received a king-size bed last year from his folks, and now with the way the closet clothes have spilled into the bedroom, it's no wonder I feel like I can barely move in there.

And it doesn't help that Les and I have turned into a couple of lazy slobs.

What brought on this rant? This week I've been reading other people's blogs. Exciting, interesting tales of busy lives replete with kids, spinning, knitting, working with a loom, raising bunnies for the fur, graduate theses, law school, and starting seeds for gardening, and it's brought home full-force how much I want to do in this life, and how much I'm allowing this rut to take the place of those dreams. It leaves me restless and ornery, but doesn't leave me energized enough to do anything about it at the end of a mind-numbing day of website editing. I got home last night a little later than normal, made dinner, contemplated baking some bread, came to my senses, pulled out the knitting to try casting on for SSS again, gave up after 2 tries and switched to Tasha, did a handful of rows and moved onto starting Tasha's cable edging in Heather Rose, which required working from both ends of the skein because I'm double-stranding it, which resulted in a hellish tangle that I spent the better part of an hour trying to remedy while watching "Lackawanna Blues," only to have it frustrate me to the point of cutting it and giving a ball of knots to the cat to play with.

I feel so spent sometimes, and I don't even have kids. Part of it may be my body still rebounding from 2½ days without one of my meds last week, and we won't even go into how much more energy I'd have if I'd just get out and walk every day...

So when you're this cluttered in your home life, it stands to reason that you're going to feel cluttered elsewhere in your life too. And it's not like I'm overextending myself. I go out exactly 1 night a week, and my weekends are usually clear. But I don't make good use of the time I have, and I'm losing patience with the fact that I need to hang onto my patience just a little while longer. I completely understand that Les is afraid to look for work; if I had his teeth, it would pain me to leave the house. And with a little luck and a lot of Grandma's money, we only have to stand on our heads, as my dad would say, for another 2 months or so. I can certainly handle that. Just need to remind myself of that a little more often, I guess. And knit up a storm in the meantime, to keep from eating my frustration.

So...
Knitting tonight
Personal ritual for Imbolc tomorrow night
CUUPs ritual and potluck Saturday night
Super Bowl Sunday

If I can steer clear of OT at work, Saturday day is clear except for throwing together something in the casserole department for that night. And Sunday's wide open til 6ish and even after; it's not like I need undivided attention on the game. Time to stop whining and get a little work done.