Large people usually have stories about going on and off diets, losing the weight and then gaining it back and then some. I don't have those stories. I started gaining 15 years ago, hit plateaus, rose some more, hit another plateau...what I haven't done is "dieted" with any success.
I have the usual addictions to junk food, sugar, salt, thanks to emotional issues and the standard American diet. But is that an excuse? Only in part, when you know better. And I'm a believer that diets don't work, that only by making intelligent choices with food on a daily basis will health occur.
The key is making those healthy choices, and that's where my brain takes a backseat to my hormones, cravings, convenience, or just my adoration for sugar. Moving to a rural area has helped immensely, actually; I eat lunch at home, and when we go out, we bring our own drinks. We're spending smarter here too.
I'm not a fan of the OA doctrine. It's basically Alcoholics Anonymous for fatties, and I have trouble with the idea that overeating is a disease that we are not responsible for. Probably a personality quirk of mine, related to an inability to relinquish control, but we won't go there.
That said, as I was writing the sentence "...that only by making intelligent choices with food on a daily basis will health occur," it dawned on me that the "one day at a time" concept is quite viable. Yes, I am planning meals now, or trying to, but it really comes down to what I'm putting into my mouth at the present and why.
This is a long way of saying that I'm in a good place with food right now. Somewhere around Wednesday, I started researching and reacquainting myself with healthy ideas. I spent a good portion of Thursday visiting the local co-op and Whole Foods, stocking up on veggies and organics. I got back to juicing. I'm already feeling the difference in my midsection inflammation. I'm investigating supplements, dry brushing, and attempting to justify a workout station in our already well-furnished apartment.
The difference in my mood and energy is so marked, I could weep. It's also the source of the subject line, because usually I cave a couple of days into "being good," and I'm over that.
Our juicer isn't great with leafy greens, so I've just been packing the blender with them, juicing the other veggies, and then pouring it over the greens and hitting Liquify. So far, so good, even with kale, which is a relief, because I wasn't about to put one more new appliance in this house.
I've stocked up on long exercise pants and new sports bras, so naturally I pulled something in my right knee. I've created a schedule for myself that includes everyday exercise though, however short to start. 30 minutes a day to start is terrific, 20 or 10 is still better than nothing.
I watched a good portion of the Biggest Loser finale, and it brought home to me how very much I want to lose this weight slowly, rather than quickly, and I will be toning as I go, because at my age, I fear even slowly will bring arm flab I don't want. That's the one qualm I have with Biggest Loser, that they lose the weight so quickly, they end up spending their winnings on plastic surgery if they're unlucky. Thank the gods I have a husband who loves me, imperfections and all. But of course, loving myself regardless is the strength behind this, recognizing that I'm punishing myself when I graze on crap and that nothing is worth punishing myself that way. Every healthy choice I make is reinforcing self-love, and I'm finally figuring out that I'm worth that.