Monday, May 21, 2012

Wake-up call

Yes, we're still obsessing about coffee.....because I think I really do need to give it up, and that's kinda tragic. I mean, I practically have the Starbucks siren tattooed on my arse. And let's be realistic, I won't give it up completely, but switching from a venti latte with half and half for a treat to a tall decaf with soy is gonna be an interesting adjustment.

Of course I won't go cold turkey...I know enough not to shoot myself in the head. But if I can't stand the flavor of sweeteners (or am allergic to them), then I gotta get off the coffee, cuz the amount of sugar I put in that alone is shudderworthy. I'm using almond milk these days, which is a decent calorie decrease, but it's not enough. Besides, Ornish's program says to get off the caffeine. Thank goodness I'm on B12 or there'd be serious keyboard faceplant issues during the weaning process.

Went to the cardiologist this morning for the follow-up for my annual echo. Very nice guy, soft-spoken. But we're chatting about my echo results (clean!) and my general health and he asks if I've ever considered Lapband...

One of the reasons I dropped my last primary doc was because she suggested gastric bypass surgery. Honestly, I was ready for a change and wanted a doc closer to where we live (Jacksonville's frickin' huge), but I admit to resenting the hell out of the suggestion at the time. I look at those surgical options as last resorts, my first reaction is "oh c'mon, I'm not that big, that's for the 500-pounders..." And to a point, I don't trust how the medical community has pushed forward on those procedures on people my size, because it just seems like a cop-out.

But then I remind myself that it was several years ago that my primary made that suggestion, and the only thing that's changed is my age.....and I am considered morbidly obese.

See, the thing is, though, I don't fail at diets. How can I? I never really start the frickin' things. I go along for a couple of days, eating healthy-ish, and then I cave completely. I don't seesaw; I've been this weight for years now. It's screwing up my joints, I can tell I've lost muscle mass from not exercising, and I'm asking for angina if I don't get my health under control.

Even with the amount of weight I have to lose, even with my overeating compulsions and body dysmorphic issues, I am determined to lose this weight the old-fashioned way. Even with my OT commitments this week, I'm getting my arse back to the Y. I'm making salads for lunch with fruit and nuts added, and getting off all fast food, soda, and extra junk. I'm reading Dr. Ornish's Spectrum and Bob Greene's Best Life for Diabetes and Pre-Diabetes, because I'm pretty sure it's only by the grace of the gods that I'm not pre-diabetic. I will not have doctors telling me down the road that I NEED surgery to get healthy. Right now, it's still just an option. Fuck that. This stops now.

Image from here.

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