Random Thursday

No matter the fact that I tell myself I only have 6½ readers...I do hold myself back on this blog. Which is hilarious, since it has no real purpose other than as a vent for me. I'm not trying to raise money for anything or knit caps for babies in Haiti, or sweaters for penguins. I'm not a stay-at-home mom with tons of adorable child-antic stories. I'm just a semi-fertile 40-something with a semi-couch husband who's my everything, and a cat who waited 9 years before deciding that maybe, she'd deign to enjoy our laps every now and then. But I put this URL in other places, like the Facebook, so there's the occasional concern that someone, a boss or something, at my work, will happen upon this little blog and get more than they bargained for.

That said, I find myself a bit jealous of the Bloggess. This is a lady who obviously ain't taking enough meds, but that's OK, because she probably wouldn't be nearly as funny if she were. She's a wonder...it's as though you took my personality, my friend R's personality, put them in 1 person, and removed any and all filters from our conversations. Jen's "conversations with Victor", her husband are hysterical, and remind me of myself, when I'll go off on a rambling tangent that causes Les to kind of sigh and mumble to himself about how special I am...

But she's a mostly SAHM and newspaper columnist, so to the outsider, it appears that she doesn't have to go work in an office everyday and put on appearances. And that's where my jealousy kicks in, because she's found a way to work from home and find success. I work in a corporate atmosphere and don't always hold my tongue, largely in part due to my lithium deficiency, which I'm still not medicating while we attempt a few more years at getting into the baby game. And I'm starting to see how, at least in this company, it's going to hold me back, that inability to think before I speak.

Thing is, I don't dislike that about myself. It's honest, albeit at times brutally honest; but after a childhood and adulthood of keeping certain things from my dad in order to keep the peace, I have no real desire to become too much of a person who's careful when they speak. So I'll never make it in politics, oh well. And my family's still speaking to me, so....

But it may hold me back from management positions. For now, I'm completely OK with that, but down the road, who knows? It'll depend on the job, I guess; and with my dreams, my "career" is pretty destined to be "12 roads diverged in a wood, and I..." so for now, I'm not worried. And if I want success, I just need to explore more of those paths...I do worry about how the frick I'm going to find work to keep us in mac & cheese when we move to Spartanburg, especially since I want to get Husby back in school (now that he's finding some focus). But I'll punch up my writing and start submitting it, outside of here, and researchresearchresearch. We've made it this far. As for whether or not I unclench a little more on here...