Friday, January 06, 2012

One Word 365, aka I am SUCH a sheep.....

So it turns out the reason I'd heard something about people living their lives according to one word, or keeping one particular word in mind, or something, is cuz it's a blogger's movement out there...

I'm a follower and a bit of a joiner...comes with the penchant for web stalking. Since this idea's actually working for me so far this year, why not give it some props.....

Last year I was one of those people who wished she could make the time to meditate. I study Tibetan and zen buddhism (among other faiths), and desire that level of quiet in my head and in my life; but putting forth the effort always tripped me up. Because it does take effort...sometimes the hardest thing you can do for yourself is just sit still. Never mind that my lithium-deprived brain is always goinggoinggoing.....look up "monkey mind" in the dictionary and you'll see a picture of me. Be kind, wasn't my best side.

So when the word "peace" popped into my head in the last week, it sounded like a damn gong. But instead of putting more pressure on myself and my wallet by dropping everything and going out to buy a zafu, zabuton, and earplugs, I simply started listening to myself inside. In the choices I make about what food goes into my body, how I choose to spend my time...I take a deep breath and listen. It's palpable, how far inside that peace extends when you let it.

Last night, Husby had to run an errand. My bro still had one of the keys to our house from when he checked on the cat while we were gone over the holidays, so I was cleaning dishes in the kitchen while keeping an ear out for Husby returning, so I could open the door for him. I slipped onto the bedroom chair to glance out the window at the parking lot, and the cat (Fig, aka "lap whore") saw her opportunity and jumped onto my leg. I say leg, because I wasn't in lap mode with one leg crossed...but she just balanced herself on one of my legs and lay herself down on my belly and chest as though staking a claim. I let out an exasperated sigh and tried to talk her out of her current position..."dude, i'm in the middle of cleaning......can't even reach the remote......i left the light on in the kitchen.....", but naturally, as cats are wont to do, she completely ignored me, readjusted herself on my belly, and set to purring. She's still having flea issues that have her grooming too much and covered in little scabs under her fur, so I didn't have the heart to just dump her off.

Instead, I moved my legs, shifted her into lap mode, and started petting. Blocked out the TV on in the other room, blocked out the electricity I was wasting by having the kitchen light on with nobody in there. Just talked to her and myself in low tones while checking out her sore spots and letting myself relax. And realized this was exactly what I needed at the time...that meditation is so much more than forcing yourself to sit, eyes ahead, hands in specific positions, turning your mind over and over to blank.

People are always talking about relaxing more, but I'm betting so many don't do it enough because they've plain forgotten how. Our cat is a little bipolar (heh, like her owner), and her mercurial moods can make her a pest. But looking into her eyes last night, I was struck by how we need each other. I can't wait to have more animals someday, but for now, she and Les are the only things I'm caring for (per se). And just stopping to care for her gave me peace. We sat there at least 15 minutes, until Les came home. The TV stayed off in the bedroom; I just sat and petted and thought.

Peace. Working like hell for it to stick around.

No comments: