Wednesday, March 09, 2011
A Heavy Heart and a Running Brain
You know, I get that this is how life works. You're given the occasional reminder of mortality, so that you don't take life too much for granted, or too seriously, or something. Just chaps my ass that I have to be reminded when my own life is in a damn holding pattern.
Y'all know that I dislike Florida, can't wait to move, wish it had happened already; but financially it makes the most sense to wait until our lease runs out. It gives the process a timetable and structure. We're able to project and save, plus I'm earning stock options with every month I stay with the company....different options vest on a monthly basis. So I accept October as the move point and work toward it, but I look at my current position and also feel very stuck.
And then a family friend inexplicably goes to Summerland.
This painfully young individual was a close friend of my Lil Sis and a social studies teacher at her high school alma mater. I say inexplicable, because there was no car accident, no lightening strike, no inner city violence, nothing yet to make sense of why this person would so suddenly lose her life. 28 year olds don't just drop dead. Except they do, like that 16-year old who made the news last week for collapsing on the basketball court right after giving his team the game-winning lay-up. And that leaves the rest of us still here on this planet, scratching our heads and asking why.
I seek the tangible; I'm a troubleshooter, a problem solver. Dad's death made no sense to me until I read his hospital file, and then it made perfect sense. You look at the body as a machine...his machine had broken parts that couldn't be fixed. Period. But a 28-year old teacher with no previous known medical conditions...all that brings is rage and WTF! And I find I can't stand performing the mundane tasks of my work, when I could be feeding my chickens, writing my novel, raising a child...
Image from here.