I'm not myself today...

Then who the heck are you? Emily Dickenson?

Def not Emily, never was a fan of all that morose longing...actually I'm a self-flaggelating idiot today, so naturally, I want to share the experience with you lucky few.

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. Above-average IQ and reasoning skills. Hold down a job that requires learnedness and precision. Good looking in the bargain ; )

So how is it that I misread a box of cold medicine and gave myself what had to have been a toxic reaction?

First incorrect assumption: that homeopathic medicine is somehow "less" than your normal over-the-counter stuff. When you're raised to trust the chemicals that go into your average Sudafed, you tend to think that anything embraced by the homeopathic community must not be worth its salt (or duck liver, as the case may be)...actually, it's the opposite; the levels of medicine they place in homeopathic remedies are concentrated, but if taken as directed, there is zero risk of overdose...you see that repeatedly in the advertising.

I'm a medical marvel then, cuz I feel like crap.

Actually, I'm rallying, but I can tell it's gonna take a couple of days. I felt myself getting a cold late Friday. Bought ColdCalm, because I was looking for Oscillococcinum and upon reading the info on the stuff, saw that the Oscillo...is for flu, whereas ColdCalm is self-explanatory. I've been reading granola blogs of SAHMs who swear by the stuff, so figured I'd give it a try. The instructions tell you to take 2 tablets every 15 minutes for the first 2 hours, and then 2 tablets every hour until symptoms desist. That's their wording.

Symptoms desisted fairly early, but I could still tell I was getting a cold; it was there in the background under layers of homepathy. For reasons I cannot explain, I thought this meant that I should be taking 2 tablets every hour for the duration of the cold. Don't ask me why; I'm baffled myself as to what made me think this way. Probably the fact that I was feeling so much better so quickly, that I was able to breathe through my nose even while it was evident I was in the middle of a cold...so me wanting to keep up that pleasantness tossed all reason out of my head. Got to rub it in my Lil Sis's face too (wasn't really trying to...I was just feeling so good, I wanted to tell other people about this great med...since Drixoral went off the market in the US, I've been at loose ends about a decent cold medicine).....she was still getting over a cold and not experiencing the chipper attitude and ability to breathe normally that I was. Mind you, I was also taking Zicam (miraculously according to the instructions) and mainlining OJ.

Saturday night I woke up with a backache, took me awhile to get back to sleep. We assumed it was the cold attacking a weak point in the homeopathy.

Sunday night, backache again, little worse this time, up and down my entire back. Usually if I get backaches at all, they're localized in my lower back and are the result of hormones or strain, neither of which were issues. I took some Advil and managed to get back to sleep, not thinking that it could be a result of overdoing it on the homeopathic meds. Second incorrect assumption.

Monday, I'm at work in the afternoon and all of a sudden, it's like I've been run over by a truck. The pain comes back, floods my entire torso, front and back, so that it's almost hard to breathe or stand up straight. I don't feel nauseous at all, and I'm not breaking out in sweats, otherwise I would've thought I was having a heart attack...I am 41 and built like a Biggest Loser contestant. I almost drove myself to the ER (my work is right next to one of the local hospitals), but I stubbornly went home instead, where I rested the rest of the evening, ate very little, and tried to assess what was happening to me. I think in addition to putting toxic levels of the med in my system, I engaged my candida sensitivity, because the sensation I was enjoying was like the worst bloating you've ever experienced. It felt like my diaphragm was out of place or something, or my digestion had shut down. Thankfully, the blinding headaches I usually get with my candida flare-ups haven't surfaced, but I'm still so high on ColdCalm, you could toss swine flu at my immune system right now and it would get soundly bitch-slapped back.

Today, I'm back at work with no appetite, and I feel damn fragile. I stopped taking everything cold-related, and I'm trying to flush my system with tea. The pain has dissipated and I'm fine to work, but def looking forward to going home and chilling. Thank goodness I only have to do breads tonight; cookies would kick my arse.

I'm such a f**king idiot.

OK, enough of that...I'm off work the next 3 days, we leave for SC on Thursday to visit his folks. Their Internet access has apparently improved substantially (no more dial-up!), but I prob still won't be on here until after the holiday weekend. I plan to spend lots of time outdoors, play with my niece, and hold my tongue about all the rest; but I'm expecting it'll be hard. I look forward to next year, when we can finally start establishing our own versions of the holiday season and make the family visits briefer, though more frequent.

Wishing you peace, courage, health, and hope this Yule!