So I figured shifting from hedonism to buddhism would have a few speed bumps, but something funny happened at lunch that helped me stay present and do right by me. We won't delve deeply into what was eaten at lunch, because it was total crap and still an area requiring I be more present...
So I headed out to grab something, with the frame of mind that I was going to pull $20 and hit McD's (::sigh:: I know, OK, believe me, I'm stopping) and Starbucks, which I've been craving since oh, sometime yesterday afternoon. I was pulling cash, because then I could pay cash and it wouldn't show up on the bank statement that I'd indulged in Starbucks. Yes, I realize that's pathetic...I've done it a few times before and it falls under the rationalization of I-work-hard-all-day-so-I-deserve-it-since-my-pain-management-case-of-a-husband-can't-do-much-more-than-watch-Military-Channel-and-perform-gravity-tests-on-our-couch.
That's really not me being bitter. But we're kind of hedonists, and I do work hard, so I can usually talk myself into the occasional indulgence. But the way I was going about it was certainly butting against the Eightfold Path (right intention, right discipline, right effort, take your pick), and Starbucks itself is definitely classified under sensual misconduct, the third precept. Sure, in Western culture, we can rationalize a little indulgence now and then (read: I know better than to try and give up Starbucks, cold turkey), but I'm also a person who, when imbibing a fresh breve latte or savoring the kick of an iced mocha, am inclined to think to myself, "oooohhhh, yeah, that's the stuff..." and well, that combined with the caffeine could definitely fall under sensual misconduct (heck, it's borderline fifth precept...substances which cause intoxication).
However, when I got to the bank I discovered that the drive-thru ATM was shut down, had a guy performing maintenance on it. Undaunted, I pulled into a parking space and got out to use the ATM on the side of the building, only to discover that that ATM was also down for maintenance.
I looked at the mala around my wrist, chuckled to myself, and the last 3 paragraphs went through my head as I grabbed lunch with my card, bypassed the Starbucks, and got my butt back to work. Looking forward to swimming at the Y tonight.