Insanity

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...

Why can't I learn a lesson until it's been beaten over my head a couple of thousand times?

In my defense, it's been quite a while since my intestinal yeast acted up. Can't remember the last time...it may have been a year ago, at least. But when the headaches hit late last week, I knew exactly what it was, was able to distinguish it from the headaches I've been getting from my new crowns. So I flooded my system with water, took it easy, laid off the snacking and unhealthy foods, and was able to run errands yesterday, though it wiped me out at the end of the day.

Then I had dinner...mac and cheese. I rationalized it because the protein content was high and I was hungry after my errands, so I wanted an easy fix. I'm an idiot. It's pure carbs and preservatives, very little good in that box, and we won't go into what brand I bought; it's that embarassing. No headaches this morning, but my stomach's bothering me, which never happens, and I can tell I'm going to have to take it easy today. Great, except I'm running out of weekends where I can get away with that, and next weekend, at least part of it, will be spent with family...Lil Sis is in town and we have tickets to the Idina Menzel concert.

I'm so angry with myself. I'm going to stick to veggie meals mostly this week, and try my hand at green smoothies, but the damage is done, and I'm so f*ing sick of learning these lessons over and over again. I feel bloated and my stomach hurts, which makes me want to exercise it off, except I don't have the energy. I have to do laundry today, the dining room is its usual disaster area, and my last day of the weekend is going to be a real chore.

I won't look back at my archives to see how many other times I've whined like this...I'm not that self-flaggelating. But I really hope I can remember this feeling and grow from it this time, because it's hindering dreams that are very doable still...from organizing to making babies, everything hinges on personal health, because if you don't have that...I just got the all-clear from the cardiologist; it's about time I start earning that good news.