On my high horse

I stopped lying to protect other people's feelings sometime after college. Just couldn't see the point in hedging the truth. Drove Mom and Meara nuts, because we Lyons' kept quite a bit of "stuff" from Dad, things that just weren't worth the tantrum that would ensue if he knew. I had trouble seeing the point of that dishonesty, but I also had the luxury of living outside the house by then, away from the fights. Still, I try to live kind of authentically, so on the big stuff, like Les moving in with me, I told Dad straight-out what was going on, before we even moved back to Jacksonville. He didn't speak to me for 6 months. I was 27. So you get that I kind of get the cost of telling the truth.

But what about when the person involved is doing harm to themselves, and would be doing harm to an unborn child? The argument's still academic; we don't know if my sisinlaw is pregnant or not. But if she is, I just don't see any good discussion coming out of my reaction. I can't be happy for them at all; I think if she is pregnant, she should have an abortion. But if I voice that, her addict mind will see it as jealousy because we're trying to get pregnant. So I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't...

I'm going to be silent. What's nice is I'm not even jealous. Can't imagine being in her sitch, being in love with such a blatant loser and blind to it. The guy hasn't paid child support on his other 2 kids in over 3 years; how can she even think of having more children with him? Neither of them take any responsibility for their lives, and they're both in their 30s. It baffles me.

I've been reading my Zen books and have reached a peace where I believe that I will get pregnant eventually, so I'm totally OK with not being pregnant right now. That will carry me while I'm up there, but I still don't know how I'm going to manage to hold my tongue if it turns out to be true, hold it for 3 solid days.