Waiting

2 week waiting, to be exact...or 2ww, which is one of many baby-making acronymical codes on the ole blogosphere. It's coupled this time with headaches that I'm trying unsuccessfully to convince myself aren't of the hormone variety. They started the day after we tried the first time (also first month we've been able to try more than once!), I didn't start the progesterone until a couple of days later, you do the math...and then smack me around so I can stop being so certain that we nailed it this time, and the disappointment a week from now won't send me over the edge...this certainty is coupled with panic, hilariously enough, this holy-crap-what-if-we-really-did-it-this-time-we're-not-ready mood swing, which has me wanting to clean the crap out of the apartment and see a realtor about renting a house, while remaining sedentary because the headaches are sucking my energy.

To top off the latest ride on my emotional roller coaster, I'm having to interview for my own job Thursday (tomorrow)...I slid into the responsibilities of said position awhile back, but was never officially given the title, and to be fair, they had to open the field to anybody in house. So tomorrow I get to dress up and meet with HR and my immediate bosses, and try desperately to keep the crazy at bay. I mean, I've been with the company 9 years, so I'm sure some crazy has slipped out in moments of stress, but I've been able to keep the hot, molten crazy tucked into its little box...ah, I know I'll be fine, it's just hard to relax about it.

Hit a turning point on the sweater I'm knitting...when you change colors, you hit the bottom point where the sleeve will eventually attach. I modified the pattern though, and have been working the thing in the round instead of in front and back pieces, so that means having half of the sweater on a stitch holder now and working it in 2 parts...only I don't have a large enough stitch holder or an extra set of size 8 circs to maintain the section I'm not working. So I started a sleeve instead, until I can get to Joann's...

Reading the heck out of the Zen books I found at the library...in spite of their philosophy to learn through experiencing, there's a pile of literature out there on the subject. Haven't been able to center enough for zazen lately, but it's a work in progress...