I've found my tears

Relax, this is a good thing.

One of the helpful side effects of some psychotropic medications is an absence of crying. This can be extremely helpful in engaging in what others would call a normal life, because lemme tellya, when you're seriously down and in need of meds, anything will set you off, be it someone cutting you off in traffic, the mailman missing your house, or one of those Publix commercials on TV (you southerners know what I'm talking about.....young couple moves in across the street from old farts who then put together an entire meal from scratch to welcome the new neighbors......little kid making Valentine's cake with Mom, brings it to school, and leaves it with Mom in the car, because it was really for her.........and don't get me started on their Thanksgiving and Christmas ads!). I never minded the lack of tears much, because I was very lucky to be on a combo of meds that did NOT make me feel numb, which is a common complaint among medicated nutjobs. I could feel happy, sad, angry and it didn't devastate me. Again I say, very lucky.

So I mentioned being off the miracle salt in my last entry. I notice I'm talking to myself a bit more, and I have the energy level of moss. I miss the stuff, but I'm holding steady. So I was giving into that energy level this weekend by finally watching "Serenity," which is an abso-freakin'-lute must-see for anyone who's ever glimpsed the series "Firefly." Holy shit, what a good movie!! However the climax is quite dramatic, and there's a point there where you think that about half the crew is going to start walking toward the light. I found myself having a nice, clean cry and was delighted by this newfound behavior. Don't get me wrong; the day I stop breastfeeding my future children, I'll probably be going right back on the stuff, but in this interim, it's nice to have emotional responses and not have them devastate me.

FINALLY got out walking again. The new sneaks seem ok, and the ankle brace that Les bought me (for my arthritis) is remarkably comfortable and affords me a really nice level of support. I wore the thin CoolMax socks first, then the brace, then a second pair of socks, and it was comfortable without shoving my toes to the front of the sneaks. Since I ended up getting men's size 9½s (::sigh::), comfort's a fine line—too loose means blisters and sore toes, too tight means arthritis flare-ups and sore toes. The hat's bugging me though; may go looking for a boonie hat this friday, though the problem with that type of hat is what to do with the blasted hair then. I'm getting the urge to trim it some more; trying to resist that urge...

This weekend's knitting was all about socks. I bailed on my pattern attempt on the Stormy (named for the Dana yarn color) socks; I was trying something with a reverse stockinette but it was clusterf*cked within one try of the pattern, and I just didn't have the drive to learn something new right now, so I frogged back and started a regular stockinette sock, which I'm now thinking I made too small because I was still paying attention to the other sock pattern when I started the new sock pattern ::sigh:: Maybe it's TPTB telling me to work on the shawl or the cape for a while......