Ramblings of a Wednesday.....

Coffee.....elixir of the gods.....

(photo courtesy of roadsideamerica.com)

Seriously, how did I make it through high school on tea? I used to wake up in the morning, fix myself a cup of hot tea in my shamrock mug, skip breakfast, and climb over the snow to get to the bus. Lunch was a small bag of Fritos, a brownie, and an iced tea. Dinner was normal. So it's not surprising that my eating habits have evolved the way they have, but still...this little train of thought came about after reading an article by Dr. Dean Ornish today, and getting back on his bandwagon. I love the look of his programs and I'm afraid I'm eating myself into an early grave, but one thing about his programs: we'd be talking major change. I've never met a carbohydrate I didn't like. But I also don't like the way my legs have been feeling this week, my absent self-image and esteem, and how easily tired I get. We humans are Borg; we can adapt to anything. Clothes don't fit? Buy the next size up. Have trouble getting up from a sitting position? Grab onto something and hoist. It isn't until you take an honest look at yourself, and say, "damn, this used to be easier," that maybe your brain and your emotions reach the point of being capable of acknowledging the need for change. Until then, it's the little things you notice, but they're not big enough for you to do anything about.

What's infuriating though, is that I've had these thoughts for years longer than I should have. I just had a flash of memory from a good 12 years back. I was home visiting, Meara was in elementary school. I was living in Tampa, I remember because I'd promised Meara we'd go to her school down the street and play at the playground, but I was only about 2 weeks healed from fracturing my coccyx so I certainly wasn't moving at full speed. We went anyway, and I tried to keep up, but I remember thinking how out of shape I was and how when I had kids, I certainly didn't want to be this out of shape--I want to be able to keep up with them, play hard, run hard, give them a good outdoor lifestyle. Now the kicker: injury notwithstanding, that was 75 pounds ago! I was in a job that kept me on my feet the majority of the day, so I was in decent shape, just a shade overweight. I wasn't nearly as bad off as I thought I was.

Perspective.

I tellya, though, knitting centers me when I need it to...came home yesterday in a grump for no particular reason, just the blahness of life coupled with a serious lack of funds. Dove into the baby blanket and did a couple rows, switched to SSS for 2 rows...didn't accomplish much between TV (House in a tux...aaaahhhh!) and other stuff, but definitely had an improved mood as the evening wore on.

I absolutely need to start walking again, weather and pain be damned. I bailed on the Avon Walk when we almost got evicted, because it was a wake-up call that I needed to take care of things better here at home before I can give of myself to good causes. But it also gave me permission to let the very idea of exercise slip to the wayside again. Again, what am I saying? It's never been high on my list of activities. What's it going to take for me to take care of me?

Sorry, gang, little whiny today...either that or having a major breakthough...kind of hoping it's the latter, 'cause I'm damn tired of me as is.