Earth Day

I guess if it helps people become more aware, then it's a good thing, but I don't understand the need for an Earth Day, not really. For me, every day is Earth Day.

Don't know if it's because I used to be a witch or just the way I've evolved into an adult. I identify as pagan now, half witch, half Buddhist with plenty of Celtic and Norse curiosity thrown in. I'm a gardener and farmer wannabe who gets pleasure from figuring out how to grow things. I see how the climate is changing for the worse because of humans, and it makes me ache; and I'm studying sustainability in the hopes that my efforts will retard that ever-so-slightly. Our next car will be some sort of hybrid, and I dream of solar panels and rainwater catchment.

Asheville is an amazing community, chock full of hippie types intent on changing the world. I hope to be able to find a niche of friends here eventually. I should be getting out more, to knitting circles or community gardening. It'll happen eventually. I'm only just getting back to some semblance of time management, and debt looms like a storm cloud.

*****

The fair was so terrific...more on that over at Dark Meadow. I'm still processing, and digging into the books we bought. I experienced another 2 days of soreness after all the activity, and it was the push I needed to get walking again. I've already signed up for another 5K, this one in May, and I have my eye on that June 6K too.

My body surprised me by jogging a fair amount yesterday. I'm trying not to think about what it looks like, because it certainly isn't a Merriam-Webster definition of jogging. Not going to make any magazine covers any time soon, winkwink. But it's just a pinch more than a speed walk, and my joints aren't screaming today, so I must have been watching my gait well. Hot damn!

Image from here.

Friday! Mother Earth News Fair! Huzzah!

I know! Twice in one week! Call Ripley's!

Was going to post on Dark Meadow, but the guilt over not starting seeds yet drew me over here instead. I'm plowing through sites today as quickly as possible, so I can plan out the delicious logistics of our weekend. Mother Earth News Fair is in town!

Homesteading is so much more than being a farmer. I stopped buying bread about 6 months ago, and never looked back - I make it by hand. Now that the farmer's markets have started up again, our Saturday mornings will consist of getting up at a decent hour to take a wander through the North Asheville Market, our cash jingling in our pockets as we maintain loyalty to vendors and make a friend or two along the way. Made breakfast this morning of a made-from-scratch waffle with unsweetened almond butter and local jam and was struck by how these simple things taste so much better than what the American food industry passes off as food.

Side note: the jam people at Imladris are often at the North market, and I've bought eggs from them a couple of times. The lady running the booth said her son was in charge of the eggs. Happened upon this article recently, which only increases my love of the area. Her son is 12.

Les and I attended the Fair in Seven Springs, PA, last September and it was an amazing, motivating time - a serious 3-day high. Even if you already have a farm or live sustainably, there should be stuff of interest for you there. From workshops to live demonstrations, if you have any interest in homesteading, living sustainably, knowing where your food comes from, animal husbandry, goodness, I could go on....it's an educational and fun time.

Les learned enough about herbalism to start himself on a new hobby, and our apothecary has slowly grown ever since. Just this past week, we created a homemade first aid salve that will definitely replace anything with the name Neosporin in our cabinet (full disclosure: Les added arnica for pain relief and comfrey and plantain for wound healing, and double boiled everything instead of straight pan heat). I learned about a little bit of everything, and hope to narrow that focus just a touch with this year's workshops.

Joel Salatin is headlining again, Deborah Niemann and Dawn Combs are in the house, and I'm digging thru the program guide today to see when the demonstrations are occurring at the John C. Campbell booths, as I'd love for Les to see some blacksmithing first-hand. While I dream of enough pasture land for sheep to live comfortably, he dreams of a backyard forge.

Come on out to the WNC Ag Center in Fletcher, y'all! Should be a big time!

Image from here.

I'm not a sponsored blog, so this postscript is barely necessary, but Mother Earth doesn't know me from Adam and hasn't compensated me for this post. I just seriously dig what they do.

April Showers

 
Man, time flies. And it turns out I have 7½ readers instead of 6, because someone actually missed me, which is funny since I've always thought of this blog as a diary that very few read.

I pulled out of my responsibilities with Ashevillage, which made me sad but couldn't be helped. They weren't asking much of me, but we're in decent debt this year, and my attention needs to be focused on projects that actually make us money.

The landlord never inspected our place, but I'm glad I tore down the shelving out front, as it was a catch-all and an eye sore. I set up our plastic patio furniture and gardening containers out there, and I hope to have the same size garden as last year. Starting seeds this week. Guess I should decide on what the heck I'm growing...I'm already thinking it will be more of an herb and tea garden this year than veggies, just to be safe. I'd rather not have lots of veggies growing and have the landlord decide everything needs to be moved inside.

*****

I'm still struggling with my weight issues over at Melanie's Gym. I'm not on the straight and narrow yet where that is concerned, unfortunately, but reading Robert Lustig's Fat Chance was illuminating, and I just did a 5K, my first walking race in years. Hell, maybe a decade. I finished in under an hour, my everything is sore, and I'm determined to improve myself more.

*****

Over on Dark Meadow, I focus on the farm, such as it is. Our debt isn't going to go away overnight, unfortunately, but on the other side of the coin is the knowledge that our landlord is a bit of a douche (based on the way he's treating a neighbor), so I'm motivated all the more to improving our situation so we can find somewhere more stable.

April is shaping up to be rather excellent. I read and respect a handful of bloggers, and this past weekend, I got to meet a biggie: Ashley English of Small Measure. She hosted a wild foods walk and talk with Keri Evjy of Healing Roots Design. Les and I joined a bunch of other females as we traipsed through Ash's property a bit, identifying edibles, and then enjoyed lunch out in the sunshine. Made me a bit sore going into yesterday's walk, but I wouldn't change a thing...it was an informative and exhilarating time! I'll likely gush more about it over on Dark Meadow in the next day or so.

This coming weekend is the Mother Earth News Fair here in Asheville. We attended the Fair in Seven Springs, Pennsylvania, last year and it did not disappoint. Les came away with a strong interest in herbalism, and I came away solid in the notion that this farming dream ain't going anywhere. Can't wait!

Image from here.

Yea, it's been awhile...

Someday...

End of February already. Time's flying, and I can't decide how to feel about that.

I'll probably never shut down a blog, per se, but I'm definitely putting this one on the back burner. As my interests shift into full-scale farming on a really small scale, and my busyness with both that and my work for the nonprofit escalates, I just don't have a lot to post on this here blog. Which is fine, cuz this space was for whining anyway. OK, it certainly wasn't all about that, but it was a much more personal space that I'm pulling away from right now. So whatev.

The big guy upstairs giveth, and he taketh away. We were forgiven my ER bill last month, but a trip to the tax man unveiled a painfully egregious underestimation of my quarterly tithe to the feds (and the state...so much for my pipe dream that I wouldn't have to pay NC because my contract is with a Florida company), so it's a little more than a wash. The result means we're looking at easily a year of debt, and it ain't pretty, because budgeting will only do so much. As I related to Lil Sis recently, it's totally doable, so long as we give up food...

That setback certainly hurts a little, because I was hoping this would be the year to start saving for our little patch of land. I'm hoping to not touch what's left of the nest egg (stocks), because I'm earmarking it as money for Les's teeth down the road. But I can't stay in a funk too long about where we're at, because it definitely needed to happen. We've been living a little too loose this first year, and freelancing barely does pay the bills. Recognizing that, and reorganizing to tackle it, should keep me from online shopping whims, for the most part.

A byproduct of some classes I'm taking to boost my knowledge for the nonprofit, is that it's showing me how to market myself as well. I know a girl from work who's a self-published author, and I used to chuckle at her borderline spam-like flooding of FB and other venues to get her name out there. But now I see her for the shrewd businesswoman that she is, making use of the tools at her disposal. Makes me wonder how many people in my age group find themselves in the same boat, because even after years of computer use, we just aren't used to thinking of the web in that way. So that's another thing keeping me busy in the coming months, finding more paying work, finding ways to get my name out there...

Hop on over to Melanie's Gym and Dark Meadow Farm if you get bored...I'm still fighting the big butt fight, and diving into permaculture on those outlets.

After a week of false spring, the temps are going to nosedive again this week and give us snow showers. I'm starting to itch to get my hands dirty, and when I walk outside to our front area, I'm pondering raised bed layouts and clearing under the tree. Time to start planning!

Image from here.

Turning point(s)

I've been working with the TV on in the background lately. It doesn't really distract me enough to slow me down. There's plenty of other things that do that. Blogs, Facebook, dreaming...a little Law & Order and Waltons ain't gonna make much of a difference.

I've been itching to write lately, itching to find my focus and put words on paper (or screen, as it were). But I let life live me, I eat too many carbs and my brain gets fuzzy...there are a million excuses.

I've been making soups from scratch this week. It feels like a February thing to do, and I need the reminder of how dang easy it is to do, because I really do like a good soup or stew and lord knows, I'm not eating right and want to get away from anything that comes from a box or can...

I happened upon the blog of a woman who's perfectly average-looking, body-wise (actually, she's easily 25 pounds "overweight" probably), who is a triathlete and Ironman champion. Her blog mantra is "just keep moving forward®" and she writes under the name Swim Bike Mom. It gets me thinking about how I'm not even a mom, so what the hell's stopping me....

Letting life live me also resulted in me being behind on my Ashevillage work this week. I do not like the way that made me feel, like I'd let people down...

***

So, grumble, grumble, yea, yea.....the sad thing is there's nothing new here. New subject matter glossing over the same issues: disorganization, laziness, food addiction, and scatter-brained nonsense. Why not do something about it, Melanie?

That image above...can't decide if I'm pushing the snow down the hill or if I'm already underneath it...

Image from here.

Perhaps a pause

I'm definitely in a bit of a dry spell on this particular blog. Maybe it's winter, maybe it's work...just ain't a whole lot going on here to justify a post lately.

As my work for Ashevillage increases, I'll be posting more over at Dark Meadow...plus, once Spring starts to sneak in around these parts, I'll be wrist deep in the soil and writing about that over there.

I'm also in a dry spell over at Melanie's Gym, but that's just laziness. I'm having a helluva time finding the necessary willpower and mental strength to make the changes this body needs. January has been Einstein's definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (is that even attributed to Einstein? just realized it's one of those web quotes that's been used enough where you just assume, rather than research its veracity...). I voiced the issue rather succinctly on my FB this morning: I just want to detox from the Standard American Diet, while maintaining focus on my work and not desiring to murder everyone around me in the process. File it under work in progress, I guess...

It's been actual winter around here! Not getting much above 40 these days, and quite a bit of snow, though the white stuff is light and doesn't stick around. Still, so nifty to watch it fall and dance around in it like a kid!

Getting proactive about the indoor plants finally, keeping them in window areas during the day and watering them when needed. I fear I lost the rosemary and the holy basil...time will tell.

Have a great week, y'all! Stay warm!

Image from here.

Just popping in

Nothing exciting to post, actually. One of those times when you want to push down the previous post, because it's too sad to think about. Kendra's memorial is this Saturday, and I wish I could go, even though it promises to be more of a zoo than a memorial. She garnered such support and publicity during her struggle. But it's moot. Weaverville, NC, to Pace, FL, is way too far to drive in a car that needs 2 tires, new brakes, and a serious tune-up, even if we had the dough (and patience) for another long car trip, which we don't. But her story had me praying again, and that's something I struggled with for years since going non-Christian. When you grow up talking to Jesus, and now Jesus isn't the big guy in your spiritual life anymore, who the heck are you talking to now when you pray?

I went to church this past Sunday, a UU congregation a half hour's drive from here. I bypassed the Asheville UU to get to them. I went to Asheville's UU once last year, and the vibe in the place just didn't appeal to me, no clue why. I have high standards with UU churches, because Rev. Dr. John Young (ret.) at the Jacksonville UU was excellent, very friendly and immensely learned. But the Swannanoa Valley UU felt better. The reverend seemed smart and jovial. I was in my shell the whole time I was there. That's the one hard part about hitting a new church - everyone's so dang friendly, and it takes me at least one service to thaw out. But I liked what I saw, and I'll be going back, weather-permitting, this Sunday.

In a case of painfully coincidental timing, the service I attended last Sunday was that congregation's chance to honor the members who passed on in 2012 and 2013. Reading out names, dedicating a song, ringing the meditation bell. I thought of Kendra and got teary, but I also felt a peace, similar to the comfort I experienced at the Catholic funeral last week. Hey, I'll take it.

*****
Just wrote a pile of paragraphs on the frustration surrounding my MIL's attitude and living situation, and then thought better of it and stuck it on my private blog. So I'll just ask for prayers of compassion, that I may relate to her situation better and help her find her way eventually.

*****
This week is about making new habits. I've half-assed started Whole 30, meaning I'm burning through the almond milk in the fridge first and THEN I'll really start, and there have been slip-ups here and there in just the 2 days that I've tried to be more conscious of my food intake. But my inflammation is down again already, noticed it when I woke up this morning, and that's motivating as hell. Eating clean, whole foods as often as possible, and getting back on a walking regimen are the main goals this week.

Image from here.

Into the Light

Meara's friend Kendra passed away yesterday afternoon. Please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Images from FB and here.

Down time

Every two months, for security reasons, my work password dies. I understand this; it's a pain in the tail, but easy to remedy.

In an instance of impressively shitty timing, this occurred yesterday. I spent yesterday attending a funeral, the reception that followed, and then driving from Hilton Head Island back to Weaverville, a 6-hour trip. I didn't go into the work tool to check the queues until 10:45 PM.

I'm stuck, unable to work until Monday, because IT doesn't work on the weekend. I did maybe half my usual quota of sites this week.

Sales hasn't quite ramped up since the New Year holiday, so I may have been screwed anyway; my boss said there wasn't much in the queue to work with. Small consolation.

It's the beginning of a pay period, so there's hope. I can bust my arse on work next week and make up the difference. This will occur only if sales ramps up enough to supply me with work.

I made a good living this past year, better than I expected. I get that this is a temporary condition, that sales should increase in the next week or so. Work has always experienced a significant drop around the holidays. Doesn't make it any easier, and it's certainly a well-deserved/timed wake-up call that I need to expand my portfolio and opportunities.

*****
The funeral was lovely, a standard Catholic mass. I found it a comfort. I don't miss Christianity, but I do miss the rituals behind it.

It almost wasn't my place to grieve...I'd only met Kaye a few times; she was Les' aunt. My grief was for his cousins who lost their mother, and for the grandchildren who lost their grandmother. I was brought to tears by their tears. I watched a 15-year-old boy break down, and I wept for his pain.

His cousins are our peers, and I found myself doing character studies in my head about them on the ride home. We'd be closer friends with these folks, if we lived closer together. This death brought us a little closer, and in spite of the requisite funeral conversations about how we must get together on a happier occasion, I'd like to actually see that happen, instead of it being lip service. But they are spotty Facebook users, and real life gets in the way, so we'll see.

*****
I watched this funeral with a new clarity about my beliefs. In the past, as a pagan, I've been terribly uncomfortable at Christian funerals, not knowing my place, not knowing how I felt. Over my father's dying body, I was forced to take communion and felt like a hypocrite. Yesterday, I bypassed communion and felt fine, felt I was honoring their rituals by not participating. But at the same time, I felt fine repeating the refrains of the mass, doing the motions of the sign of the cross or the little motions right before the reading of the Gospel. I have found my ways to respect religion without believing in it. I found both relief and comfort in this development.

*****
My Lil Sis's friend Kendra is gravely ill. I've written about her before on here. She gave birth prematurely, because she came down with pneumonia, and then a host of other complications ensued, sending her into a medically induced coma for the last 2 months. She contracted pneumonia again, about 2 weeks ago, and if the updates we receive on Facebook are any indication, the doctors are obviously preparing the family for her to pass. Her baby daughter is out of the hospital and thriving, living with relatives while her husband sits vigil.

I learned how to pray again, thanks to this woman's fight...figured out how prayer was possible again, in spite of my non-Christian status. There are other lessons sneaking into my psyche as my mind wrestles with the sadness that this family has been experiencing. It's coming too soon after losing Kaye, standing in a church and realizing that I've hit mid-life and there's still so damn much I want to experience. These thoughts are exhausting, but necessary; they bring clarity about how unique and precious life is.

*****
We came home last night to snow on the ground and bitter temperatures. These temps are supposed to stick around for the next week, turning the roads to ice. I'm going to get back to walking anyway, somehow, and I'm starting the Whole 30 next Sunday. All prayers welcome for my husband's and my sanity as I traverse that sucker.

Image from here.

Re-entry

 
I guess I really have become a homebody. We got back from traveling on Saturday night, and I'm still trying to get my head screwed back on straight.

It's been a year here, and I still revel in how good it feels to come home. Didn't have that in Jax for the longest time. Really makes you realize the difference between compromise and happiness.

It was a good holiday; Yule was awesome, and Christmas was fine. Everybody put on their happy faces, and I tried not to choke on the hypocrisy. We hit his mom's place first for Christmas Eve and Day. No big talks occurred, because of time constraints, and because we all recognize the futility of speaking seriously to people who are too high for anything to sink in. We then traveled to my mom and Lil Sis's place from Boxing Day til Saturday. It was a nice visit, and a nice way to come down a bit from the tension of the other place.

Les got me a gorgeous anniversary jacket band to go around my engagement ring (we celebrate 15 years in 2014; he's been wanting to get me something like this since around year 10). I plied him with weaponry.

Things won't get back to normal for another week unfortunately. We lost Les' Aunt Kaye on Christmas Day, and we're traveling again this week to see her laid to rest. She was a dear lady.

*****

The weather's winter-grey and cold around here, with a whisper of snow in the forecast.

Image from here.

Merry Solstice!

"Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope." ~ Dale Carnegie

Traveling all week. See you in January. Happy New Year!

Image from here.

Because Christmas

Images from here, here, and here.

Just because...

One of the many things Christmastime should be about (as opposed to the negativity of the last 2 posts).

Image from here.

Well. Damn.

http://brenebrown.com/2013/12/10/rsabear/

This has been floating around the web for about a week now (well, probably longer...what do I know?)...and I finally got around to watching it. And realized that that whole last post, where I bitch (if we're being honest) about my family members not living their lives, was coming from a place of sympathy (if I can even be accused of going anywhere near that emotion), rather than a place of empathy.

It's interesting to recognize this, because we talk and talk about how the family members in question are addicts, so they're not going to get help until they are ready and willing to do so. But it doesn't stop us (well, me) from coming at the situation from a perspective of "at least."

You're hurting, so you neglect your daughter. At least you have a daughter. You hurt so much you think you can't get out of bed. At least you have options, if only you were able to recognize them. At least you're alive, not strapped to a bed unconscious, unable to wake up, unable to hold your daughter.

And that's where the emotions become so damn hard to control. Just thinking about it brings up hurtful words, adjectives like "you miserable, selfish, lazy excuse of a..." and my Irish temper goes red and wishes I could shake sense into the person I'm "speaking" to...

None of us are coming at the situation from a place of empathy, and that's why nothing will get accomplished if a "talk" occurs. And that's a shame, but it's also inevitable, because the one person who needs to exercise the necessary empathy to make changes, isn't strong enough to do so, and wants those around her to do it for her instead. Which ain't gonna happen. We have our own lives.

I own Brené Brown's I Thought It Was Just Me. I admired her work and wanted to start at the beginning. It sits on my bookshelf next to the bed, alongside other "important" tomes (like The Way of the Bodhisattva), that get occasionally flipped through, but haven't been "read" yet. It's definitely time.

Meantime, I'll do what I said I would. Let my feelings be known to the people in question, so I won't choke on hypocrisy while there; and pour my love onto my niece, not in that order. The holidays are about the small ones, giving them joy. Everything else is a choice, whether or not we engage.

Making sense of pain

 
I was raised Catholic, so I went to my fair share of funerals as a kid, not always for relatives with whom I was familiar. So the grief itself didn't make a dent, rather it was a place for my brother and I to dress up and be complemented on our exemplary behavior. I remember shedding tears when Popie died (my dad's dad), and that was probably my first recognition of death. But it simply doesn't sink in until it hits someone close to you, which is why Dad's passing hit me like a truck on the highway.

One of the niggling side effects of blog trolling is happening upon the truly sad stories, the miscarriages, the children with cancer, and such. Facebook introduced me to Sammy (may he rest in peace), whose mother, it turns out, I went to elementary school with. That blog introduced me to another Sammy. He passed this morning.

It's pretty easy to decipher why these passings make me pensive, beyond the knee-jerk sadness of a child dying. I'm still at an age where I could produce children, and it's still a desire, a rather deep one. I also watch and listen helplessly while my niece is neglected by her parents, and the rage about that burns deep.

*****

Lil Sis's friend continues in a holding pattern. She redeveloped pneumonia and remains in a medically induced coma while hemodialysis attempts to continue the healing of her kidneys. She has developed intermittent contractions in her breathing pattern, which could be the pneumonia, or a new symptom of the possible brain damage from when she suffered cardiac arrest. They can't know until she's stable enough for a long MRI, just what's going on upstairs. All progress is maddeningly incremental, and doesn't yet tell the whole story.

My friend Diana won't be home for Christmas as she's being discharged to a rehab facility first. She's on the mend, but it's hard not to think about how the decades of smoking have shortened her lifespan.

I've definitely relearned how to pray these past couple of months. I think daily on these folks and send my individual desires for their health, or their families' peace, out into the universe. It's all I can do, and I reconcile myself to that.

*****

All these people will be in the back of my head when I visit family at Christmastime and interact with family members who take life for granted everyday, who lie in bed the majority of their days popping pills and refuse to do anything to better their lots in life. It's very hard for me to walk in their shoes. I have real trouble with people who won't help themselves, and unfortunately there are quite a few candidates in this scenario.

I will wear my mala beads, meditate when able, and shower my niece in love while we're there. I can't wait to play with her, distract her from her situation, and watch her delight about Christmas. There will likely be plenty of yelling this holiday, and I want no part of it; which is not to say that I'll hide from it. Actually I'm pretty sure my opinions will become known the minute I interact with the people in question, and hopefully that will squelch any further arguing. Hey, a girl can dream.

Reading nook pic from here. Snow pics from here.

Spooky coincidence

Found this within an hour of writing the last post. At this rate, I've got another 10-site day ahead of me. I shoot for 20. Audible sigh.

Definitely in my head this week

If you have no interest in football, religion, or social perceptions, you may want to skip this one...

Time Magazine named their Person of the Year for 2013, Pope Francis. The article is informative and well-written, and I needed to read it after a seriously off-the-cuff remark made by Peter King, of all people, earlier this week.

I read MMQB to follow the NFL, and I have enjoyed his columns for a couple of years now. He keeps it interesting, for someone like me who doesn't fully understand the game still; and he's a funny guy and good writer. In his non-football thoughts of the week, he threw in this non sequitur:

"The more I look at Pope Francis, the more he looks like Chance the gardener."

Being There by Jerzy Kosinski is one of the few books I read and absorbed against my will in high school. It certainly helped that they made a decent movie adaptation of it, and my teacher saw it as such and took pity on us and showed it in class. The book has been called both a satire and a social commentary on people's perceptions. It's also one of those movies where you wonder how anyone else could have nailed the role like Peter Sellers. Chance was his last role, and he was exquisite.

Loooong nutshell: (circa 1970s) Chance is a middle-aged, simple-minded man who works for a rich, old man, mainly tending the garden. His life is very sheltered, he rarely leaves the house, and his only entertainment is TV, from which he derives his limited views of the world. When the old man dies, Chance inherits his clothes and a few belongings, but is thrown out of the house. While wandering the streets, he happens upon an electronics store and is mesmerized by his own reflection on the TV in the window (they have a camera pointing out, and Chance has never seen this before). He absentmindedly backs into the street and is bumped by a car. Though not seriously injured, the society woman in the vehicle insists he come home with her. When he says his name is "Chance, the gardener," she sees his expensive-looking clothing and assumes she heard Chauncey Gardener. As he unwittingly ingratiates himself with her society friends, their perception of him as a once-rich and learned man blossoms, until he is advising heads of state with his simple aphorisms. But in truth, he's a '70s Forrest Gump, thrust into situations that are far over his head, but which inexplicably respond to his level of folksy wisdom. When he says, "I like to watch TV," they take it as a lesson about taking time for oneself to relax and reflect. When the society woman's husband, and Chance's new benefactor, passes away, the board of directors unanimously vote Chauncey Gardener as the new CEO of his impressive company.

*****
 
So my first reaction to Peter King's line about Pope Francis was that he must be a pissed-off Catholic hard-liner. My second reaction was that Pope Francis does look a bit like Peter Sellers. Pretty sure that second one is random though. My third reaction was just plain confusion, which is why I was grateful for the Time magazine article this morning. It's an excellent short biography of a kind and intelligent man, who is coming at the position of Pope from a far different place than quite a few of the rigid scholars before him. But it's also a cautionary tale of how the media takes his statements out of context in an attempt to force progressive thinking on a religion that isn't going to be making major changes any time soon.

Honestly, it seems like Pope Francis has two main notes on his to-do list for the foreseeable future:

1. Help the poor. Pray for the poor. Help the poor.
2. Clean up some of the abysmal corruption that has run rampant through the Vatican.

Everything else is window-dressing, and don't let his use of 21st century technology to get his point across fool you. This guy was new to retirement and miserable at it, and giving him the pointy hat finally gave him the pulpit he's always needed to get his point across. But he's driven by charity and prayer, thankfully, not the trappings of the almighty dollar; and that could go a long way in the fiscal reformation of a vessel rife with money laundering and greed.

Pope Francis isn't a simple-minded puppet, but neither is he a progressive reformer who's going to change the face of Catholicism. And that's OK, because if you look at Catholicism on its face, it doesn't need changing; it obviously speaks to the spiritual needs of millions already. But his views on charity and helping the poor are a really good start; it reminds me of how volunteerism got such a kick in the pants after Obama was elected. These are ideas that should have been popular before these learned men took their posts; but if their presence is what it takes to start movements, then we're lucky to have them.

In my head

It is quite possible to wear mala beads daily as a reminder to be present, and still find your thoughts taken over by family strife. This angers me. These issues barely deserve my thoughts; they are not my problem. We receive the ripples of the actual problem, and it's up to us not to let it overtake our emotions, especially when we have no control over any possible outcome.

Heather B. of beautythatmoves is hosting a Hibernate workshop in January. I've found my gift to myself this holiday season.

*****

I ache with Mandela's passing.

Checked Long Walk to Freedom out of the library the next day. The only reason I didn't buy it that day is because thanks to the purchase of a new washing machine, we are poor as church mice for the next 2 weeks.

I read it about 10 years ago, on a whim, and it, along with Kingsolver's exquisite fiction The Poisonwood Bible, stirred my interest in African history. I never retained much history in my schooling; I considered it boring and the teachers I had did not help matters, as they were, for the most part, a stuffy and monotonous lot. As an adult, my brain's finally mature enough to see different sides, and the layers of these stories are fascinating. Also fascinating are the number of fallacies that make themselves known, the difference between what I was taught in grade school and what we know to be true today (or think we know to be true). Imagine how different history will read in another 50 years...

Watched Obama's speech at Mandela's memorial today. It was just boilerplate enough to piss me off and set me wondering how many white men are still on the speechwriting staff at the big white house. Mandela wasn't a pacifist or even a thunderous orator, so why compare him to Gandhi or Dr. King? Because those are people quoted just often enough to make a dent in the short attention spans of the populace?

I'm a fan of President Obama; I've drunk the Kool-Aid and am among the whiners who believe he is a great man who won't leave nearly the mark he should in history, because he's stuck with a tight-assed Congress that's petrified of social change. I just wish he'd had the time to throw some more of himself into that speech.

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The holiday tree is up, a handsome artificial model from Lowe's that was a bit of a splurge, but looks much better than any of the crap they were hawking at Walmart. Bought it at the same time as the new washing machine, so there was a bit of holiday cheer to accompany the sting of throwing down $400+ cash on our first real major appliance. Les's mom bought our first set used, as a house warming, from a nice enough mom-and-pop outfit in Asheville, but we looked at their inventory and realized the last thing we wanted was to be in the same boat a year from now, with another broken down machine.

The soft light of the tree in the living room in the evenings is like a blessing. I'm itching to make some new ornaments. Those we have are OK, but hold little history. It needs some garland too. I'd love to make a construction paper chain for it, but finishing knitting of holiday gifts has to come first.

Image from here.

Building Traditions

For the last decade, at least, as a family, Les and I haven't celebrated the holidays. This isn't as bleak as it sounds, as we've certainly exchanged gifts (when there was money to do so) and enjoyed the season. But we stopped bothering to put up a tree quite a while back, because we were always traveling around Christmas, and besides, the old apartment was small and such an epic clutter pile, it had no room for any extra decoration.

We traveled, usually to his folks' house, and spent a couple of days doing Christmas there. Nothing wrong with that, certainly, and we're both agnostics, so we don't feel any religious obligation to deck our personal halls. But I miss it, and in the face of traveling to a house that feels less like a home now (thanks to the family drama that lives in it), I determined that this year needs to be a time of building our own traditions.

We bought a new artificial tree, which we will decorate tonight. I'm also going gathering for pine branches to hang around the house. We're not sure if Les is allergic to pine, so this will be a way to test him out without going whole-hog with a real tree.

We're spoiling each other a bit with gifts, for once. I'm having us open our gifts on Yule, rather than drag stuff down to his folks' house. I'll make us a nice meal. Maybe we'll watch a movie together, or go catch the new Hobbit flick. I'll refresh my memory about winter solstice. We'll light candles around the house, and ponder the turning-inward momentum of this time of year. Tonight we light the 2nd candle of my version of Yule advent: courage.

We'll still travel to both our folks' homes, but we're keeping the trip short, both for my work sanity and our personal sanities. Having the holiday land smack in the middle of the week this year is going to be grueling for me, as my work week runs Sunday to Saturday. Laptops are marvelous portable devices, but no amount of distraction known to man could get me to concentrate in his folks' house, where my 7-year-old niece resides, and besides, I want to be available for her. She's the real reason we're making the trip.

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My friend Diana is out of ICU and on the mend. Lil Sis's friend Kendra remains in a medically induced twilight. All prayers appreciated.

Image from here.

New Month

Thanksgiving...survived it. May I always have the ability to have it at my own house, because I do nail it when I have control over my surroundings.

The meal was exquisite. We were concerned about cooking the turkey too long, because it seemed like the thermometer wouldn't rise enough whenever we checked it, but Hubs basted religiously and it was delicious. I did the sweet potatoes in the crock pot, eliminating the need for a pot on the stove, and we popped the rolls into the oven the minute the turkey was out. And that Brussels sprouts recipe of Emeril's is amazing!

It just came together so nicely this year, I guess via a combination of the larger kitchen and fresher, local foods. Hubs' uncle couldn't make it, but we hosted his mom, so it was simple and quiet.

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It was a white Thanksgiving. It snowed the entire day before and didn't melt as quickly as I thought it would; there's still some white stuff sticking around in deeply shaded areas, but the temps will rise the next 2 days, and then drop again. It's overcast most days lately. The leaves have dropped, and the mist and fog covers the mountaintop in the twilight hours.

We'll decorate next weekend. Still not sure where the tree is going, but it's going somewhere.

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I lit the first candle for our Yule advent on Saturday. Under the heading of making our own traditions, I settled on 4 themes, which hilariously, I cribbed from a favorite quote of Dale Carnegie's: "Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope." So the first candle was for peace, peace for us, our families, and the world.

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My friend Diana is back in the hospital with pneumonia, and Lil Sis's friend still wavers between the light and the dark. All prayers welcome. Also, on a completely materialistic bent, I wouldn't mind prayers for my washing machine too, which decided to stop agitating this past weekend.

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It'll be a pensive week here, as we get back into our own rhythm. Hosting family is fun at times, but it also helps us realize how much we love our life together, just the two of us. Maybe someday there will be children and more animals, but for now, we're happy.

Have a great week, y'all!

Image from here.