Friday, December 14, 2012

In Memory

I'm pretty sure the only reason I'm not a full Buddhist, is because of my recognition that the world that Buddhism aspires to won't happen in my lifetime. This knowledge makes it hard to find peace, which is ironic, given that that's all that the religion espouses.

I'm deeply saddened by today's events in Newtown, CT. I was born in Norwalk, we lived there til I was 5...then we moved north to New Milford, where we stayed til I was 11. Newtown is just east of Danbury, about halfway between Norwalk and New Milford. It feels like some asshole strafed my old stomping grounds, never mind that so many children, babies really, have died.

I get that a small part of this reaction is the lack of Paxil coursing through my brain. But really, it's more than that. Something has to make these tragedies real for a person, for things to sink in properly. When I first learned of Columbine, my reaction was almost one of indifference; just another painful reminder that there are sick people out there. Then I saw the movie Dawn Anna, and that tragedy took on the appropriate level of realness in my head. I guess that's just how it happens sometimes. Today, even though I haven't lived in CT since 1986, even though I have no children of my own, even though my family members up there are all accounted for...I mourn.

Since I don't have children of my own, I want to hug the children of others today. I want to hug my nephew and niece, and my friend Alexa's girls, who I haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet, and my friend Maureen's girls, and Lynn and Michelle's grandbabies. Let's toss Huxley in there too, and Amanda's gorgeous brood. Because it's about the little ones this time...they're talking about this as the 2nd worst school shooting in US history (after VA Tech), and all I can think is VA Tech doesn't count, that was college...I know all deaths in this manner are wrong, but dammit, today we're talking about babies.

I swear I'm talking myself into full Buddhism as I write this.

P.S. Picking up more Paxil tonight...should be rallying in another 48 hours or so...thank the gods!

Image sources on my Tumblr.

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