..................

So I'm home from work, no longer required to perform rote tasks...my brain is settling a bit. Made dinner. Planning to watch some of my yoga DVD and read more of Structural Yoga, as well as some more magazines acquired at the local Borders (which is closing, so everything's on sale)...

I couldn't go to the Y tonight. I'm actually pretty proud of this decision. To steal from AA terminology, I'm a recovering self-abuser. In the bad times, in college and after, I would cut or bruise myself to relieve stress. Haven't come close to it in years, but I recognize the cravings; they don't go away, they just get redirected (if you're lucky and take the right steps) to more positive, healthy outlets.

I spent the day feeling so damn sad and angry about Allison going to Summerland, I just knew that if I went to the Y, I'd kick my body's arse. I'd hit every weight machine and then some, and just wale on my body with those conflicting emotions. To do that after taking several days off from working out, I'd be in decent physical pain the next day, if I managed not to strain something. Same concept, different medium.

So I stepped back. I'm listening to myself and I'm going to try a bit of meditation tonight, some centering and grounding visualization...I'm feeling better, and tomorrow's Y workout will be better for it.