We're back. We survived. Brought my camera and didn't take a single picture...which is kind of odd, since I feel like I spent the weekend being an observer, not a participant, of the world around me, but anyway...this shot's from the first time I went to Hitchcock Woods.
We arrived Friday and time slowed down. The niece demands attention and we comply. We color and draw together, and let her climb on us, and chase us around indoors and out. Her eating habits are abysmal, thanks to the lack of structure and the family's penchant for trying to feed her while competing with the TV. I want to laugh and shake my head at them, but as a childless woman, I have no legs to stand on, so I remain silent. Les crashed way early on Friday, but was up and about on a normal schedule the rest of the weekend...and stepped up with Kylie in ways that did my heart good, thinking about us having our own someday soon, knowing what I already knew, that he'd be an amazing father. Saturday his mom and I hit the sales early, were home before 12 noon, which is unusual when we're shopping. The afternoons meandered. The niece is luminous, running big-eyed into life with a strong opinion and will, which will alternately serve her well and make life difficult as she grows...I pray someone can teach some of that obstinance out of her down the road, because going through life thinking you should always get your way, as her mother does, just ain't right. I know in my heart there are ways to do that without breaking her, per se. I ache watching her, because she's still so young...the contradictions she's faced with every day aren't fair to her. I wish...
I kept my mouth shut pretty carefully all weekend, and I talked Les down once or twice when he couldn't. I really hate that my silence could be seen as compliance, acceptance with what goes on there, but me opening my mouth could create horrible rifts...this is a family of manipulators with long memories, and I'm not going to be the one who orchestrates potentially irreparable grudges. If I learned anything from living with Dad and then losing him, it's the art of choosing your battles.
The rain hit late each day, bringing mugginess and then cool. They have a water main leak in their street, which is wasting gallons daily, much to the consternation of the older generation, who've called the city and county about it and received little to no response about repairing the issue. Kylie's parents are still pretty useless. Food consumption for me was sporadic, because their fridge is foreign to me, and so stocked that you can't always be certain about the lifespan of its contents (example: before the little one arrived on the scene, the milk was always out of date), so I pick and choose carefully. Sunday when the little one went down for a nap, I escaped to Hitchcock Woods, hit the trails and just walked as long as I thought I could go before Les would start worrying about me (about 3 miles total). It's easy to go too far there, to just walk and walk and think, well, I'll turn around after this next hill, and then keep going...and I've barely scratched the surface of the trails. Looking forward to hitting them again in August. I sat for a moment on benches bordering a horse show circle...without a soul in sight or sound...and just felt the earth pulse around me. My god, it felt good! Sandy trails, good knee workout.
Sunday night the small one was doing her usual "i'm not hungry" dance, so Les bribed her...eat all your dinner, and we'll go for a walk outside afterwards and then you can have cake. It worked, so he, Kylie, and I went for a short walk outside after dinner, taking a route that she normally takes with her dad to a big tree, her chattering all the way, walking between us hand in hand, as we looked for birds and bats in the twilight.
As scared as I am about how incredibly and irreversibly your life changes with the arrival of a small person, I also know how ready I am. Les is too; we could see it in each other's eyes as we played with Kylie this weekend. No idea what the future holds, but we're ready to start trying again. Cross some fingers please...
I look forward to a short week of work. No money as usual to live on, so just making do and digging into the apartment, sorting, purging, etc. Started the cardigan, and while the pattern was initially a bit vague, it's giving me no trouble yet. Thinking the only xmas knitting I'll do this year is the socks I didn't manage last year for Mom J., and I'm going to start those soon, so they don't vex me around the holiday season. Hey, it could happen...
The pepper plant sprouted its first fruit while I was gone, the tomatoes are holding out stubbornly, and the duck sits.
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