Monday, November 19, 2007

My dad has someone to play with now.

The skin over my Dad grief has been pricked by a cat claw.

Apparently I wax metaphoric in times of deep sadness.

We euthanized Jordan, my 12-year-old, part-Siamese cat last night. It was a painfully pragmatic decision. A combination of diabetic neuropathy and renal failure made his legs give out completely yesterday; when he walked, it looked like he'd gotten into the liquor cabinet. We took him to the kitty ER. There were plenty of contributing factors leading up to this that we're trying not to dwell on right now, not the least of which is that he and Figaro, our 4-year-old shorthair, never truly meshed. And the truth was that prolonging his life would have been very costly, painful for him, and ultimately futile.....but I'm having trouble thinking that way right now. It's still too fresh, and feels too much like a financial decision. The very good listener of a vet was explaining to us that we were probably looking at a form of intensive care for him this week to get him to rally, and then more medication therapy, including insulin, for the rest of his life, and when I found my voice, all I could say was "what you're explaining, we can't afford." That hurts like hell, and we're both blaming ourselves; but I know in a day or two I'll be more amenable to the fact that he's not hurting anymore.

He was my first pet literally; I didn't grow up with animals. I got him from a colleague when I was living in Fort Myers. Found Les 2 months later. He was a very easygoing cat, a bit of a bulimic, but not a complainer. Very pretty dawned on me last night that his back was really similar to my White Buffalo Seal Heather Brown. Dark brown tail and ears; white belly, chest, and feet; and a patch of coffee ice cream on his right shoulder.

Within a month of my acquiring him, I brought him home to Jax to meet the folks. Dad played with him on the floor with a piece of string, and commented on how aloof he was. I remember Dad getting a kick out of him, how low-maintenance and friendly he appeared. So that memory has attached to Dad, Neil, and Poppy now, working on cars in the garage. Jordan is hanging out on the car hood with them.

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