The sweet, delicious freedom of a friday...even when it's not a payday...even when you're poor as a churchmouse...even when you're stuck living in a smoky, jam-packed shoebox...
I have such energy today, thinking, dreaming, wanting...
Reading: this site, educating myself about GMOs
Planning: Cleaning, baking, visiting maybe (Christy's still in FL)...
Dreaming........
I'm budgeting this weekend. The ache's getting too strong. I want land and an Alaskan Malamute or two, chickens and a dairy cow, and a small person to raise. These goals are so doable, even with my corporate life an ever-present necessity for sustenance. Les wants to go back to school, possibly for engineering, and there are programs out there to help us with that. This rut has to end. We're willing to do the work to change.
I walked last night after work, came home so pissy and frustrated I knew I couldn't stick around or I'd unload a rash of bitchiness all over Les for no reason. Only did about 3/4 of a mile, because I wasn't wearing the right sneakers, but it had the intended effect on my psyche. Can't wait to go walking again tonight!
Friday, May 07, 2010
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Thursday already?!
Not complaining, mind you...the trials I'm enjoying at work have me wishing for Friday rather earnestly. Just surprising...I need to get moving with the camera again, cuz I think I was avoiding the blog because I didn't have anything to put at the top of the post...
Mom's headed to Annapolis today, a weekend jaunt with some friends from high school. Prayers for safe trip...the cute, warm, fuzzy mommie moves slower these days, thanks to arthritis and neuropathy.
I'm pretty sure the adult ducks are still poking around on the porch a bit...found half my plants knocked over the other day. I moved the plants to the other side of the porch, and I'll clean up all that crap this weekend, but may have to build a chicken wire shelter for the plants if they keep visiting.
Still not knitting...not sure what that's about.
Walked Mom's dog twice this week while she ran errands, and it was a good reminder of how nice it is to just get outside after work.
No word on interview yet for marketing spot. Good, maybe if I'm lucky they'll put it off until I can buy decent interview shoes...
Reading Farm Sanctuary by Gene Baur...been taking a serious look at processed food this week, reading labels, etc. I'm off soda completely and curtailing easy buys, like granola bars, cookies, etc. Truly ridiculous to buy something like that when it's so easy to make at home. Watched a documentary about how cold cuts are made, and am pretty well cured of processed meat consumption too...leaning toward as raw and organic a diet as possible. Which ain't easy given our current financial constraints, but I'm finding I just don't care when I'm standing at the meat department of Publix deciding...I'll just find a way to go without something else, if it means getting fairer raised food. And I'm not fooling myself...I know the Greenwise stuff is basically factory farmed too, but when you're living paycheck to paycheck and breaking yourself into vegetarianism after a lifetime of thinking that potatoes and corn were the only vegetables on the planet, you pick your battles carefully. Feels good, so far, but again, I need to research recipes fast before boredom sends me back to Velveeta shells and cheese ::shudders::
Did have a creative success in the kitchen last night...usually when I start opening up cans and adding stuff to a pot without a clear recipe, it results in a concoction that sits in a container in the fridge untouched for about a week and then gets tossed. But the combination of my recent Chipotle enjoyment and Cinco de Mayo inspired me to create the ridiculously simple Southwestern Surprise (an original moniker), which was a can of organic black beans, a can of not-so-organic corn, and a jar of medium salsa, with some chili powder and extra cilantro added, served over brown rice with corn chips...yeah, a wee heavy on the starch, but yummy! And the whole time I'm making it, I'm thinking to myself how salsa is another thing that's way easy to make and I'd like to reach a point of not having to buy it because there's homemade on my shelves...
Now if you'll excuse me, I must amuse myself between websites by dreaming of chicken tractors and tomato plants that actually bear fruit...
Mom's headed to Annapolis today, a weekend jaunt with some friends from high school. Prayers for safe trip...the cute, warm, fuzzy mommie moves slower these days, thanks to arthritis and neuropathy.
I'm pretty sure the adult ducks are still poking around on the porch a bit...found half my plants knocked over the other day. I moved the plants to the other side of the porch, and I'll clean up all that crap this weekend, but may have to build a chicken wire shelter for the plants if they keep visiting.
Still not knitting...not sure what that's about.
Walked Mom's dog twice this week while she ran errands, and it was a good reminder of how nice it is to just get outside after work.
No word on interview yet for marketing spot. Good, maybe if I'm lucky they'll put it off until I can buy decent interview shoes...
Reading Farm Sanctuary by Gene Baur...been taking a serious look at processed food this week, reading labels, etc. I'm off soda completely and curtailing easy buys, like granola bars, cookies, etc. Truly ridiculous to buy something like that when it's so easy to make at home. Watched a documentary about how cold cuts are made, and am pretty well cured of processed meat consumption too...leaning toward as raw and organic a diet as possible. Which ain't easy given our current financial constraints, but I'm finding I just don't care when I'm standing at the meat department of Publix deciding...I'll just find a way to go without something else, if it means getting fairer raised food. And I'm not fooling myself...I know the Greenwise stuff is basically factory farmed too, but when you're living paycheck to paycheck and breaking yourself into vegetarianism after a lifetime of thinking that potatoes and corn were the only vegetables on the planet, you pick your battles carefully. Feels good, so far, but again, I need to research recipes fast before boredom sends me back to Velveeta shells and cheese ::shudders::
Did have a creative success in the kitchen last night...usually when I start opening up cans and adding stuff to a pot without a clear recipe, it results in a concoction that sits in a container in the fridge untouched for about a week and then gets tossed. But the combination of my recent Chipotle enjoyment and Cinco de Mayo inspired me to create the ridiculously simple Southwestern Surprise (an original moniker), which was a can of organic black beans, a can of not-so-organic corn, and a jar of medium salsa, with some chili powder and extra cilantro added, served over brown rice with corn chips...yeah, a wee heavy on the starch, but yummy! And the whole time I'm making it, I'm thinking to myself how salsa is another thing that's way easy to make and I'd like to reach a point of not having to buy it because there's homemade on my shelves...
Now if you'll excuse me, I must amuse myself between websites by dreaming of chicken tractors and tomato plants that actually bear fruit...
Monday, May 03, 2010
Monday musings
May is going to be about healing. May '07 was a wash...it was enough just to get out of bed and breathe in and out all day long. But May '08 and '09 sucked, because I let them suck...maybe I needed to hurt in order to heal, but enough time has passed where it needs to not hurt quite so much. I love life with a rather crazy clingy passion, and spending 2 months out of 12 resenting life is nonsense. Sure, it'll still sting when the Father's Day commercials start, and I may not be able to turn off the memories on May 12, but I've got too much else going on to let it take over my life like it has the past 2 years.
Way too much else going on....
• Finished Les's disability application, need to mail his doctor file release tomorrow.
• Had the opportunity to walk after work fall into my lap...my mom needs her little runt dog walked after work, so she can run errands. This is good, as I was hoping to start walking after work this week. Just can't manage it in the mornings, but if I snack properly in the afternoon, I can walk right after work because I won't be starving when I get home.
• The house overfloweth, as usual, and requires my attention. Les was 'graining all weekend, but will be nudging him in that direction too.
• My plants are still alive! Rainy season hasn't kicked in yet, which is good, keeps me tending to them. Still skeptical that the tomatoes will bear fruit, but saw my first flower on the pepper last week!
• I'm still trying for that promotion...hopefully will hear about an interview opportunity this week, so my evenings will be spent writing and organizing my thoughts about my experience and how it relates to the responsibilities of this new position.
• Making more lists for things I need to do, wish lists for things we could use...I took my clothes out of the closet last night and hung them up, using my pagan staff as a curtain rod. That ain't gonna work long term though, so I'm thinking of investing $5 in one of those wardrobe boxes they sell at UHaul. We also need a plastic bin for the recyclables; they're piling up in a cardboard box and that needs to change. Can't happen til next check, but having it on a list helps settle my brain. Goodwill stuff is piling up too...time for another trip there. It's, like a mile down the street from us, so nothin' but laziness keeping that junk in the house.
• I can't bring myself to go back on the lithium, not when we're so close to trying for small people again. I'll increase my Paxil to the normal dosage instead.
For the first time in, umm, well, maybe ever, I'm embracing the warmth of summer. If it means wearing less clothes and showing the world my flabby arms, so be it. My pride will get me exercising, and I'm already eating better. I worked for 45 minutes out in the heat (cleaning crap out of the car, washing the windows), swilling liquids to stay hydrated, on Saturday, and it kicked my ass and screwed up my sleep that evening. That infuriates me, and I'm so tired of it. Sure, the heat will knock even the most fit person on his ass down here, but it's so, so much worse when you're carrying an extra 100 pounds. That's enough of that, I've beat this subject into the ground on this blog....also tired of sounding like a f*cking Nike ad.
This needs to end on a positive note...for anybody wondering why I want to keep chickens someday, this gem of a blog post by Jenna nails it on the head, along with all my dreams of having my own little farm someday. I read her stuff and it gives me such hope while making me ache at the same time. It really is a balm for my soul.
Way too much else going on....
• Finished Les's disability application, need to mail his doctor file release tomorrow.
• Had the opportunity to walk after work fall into my lap...my mom needs her little runt dog walked after work, so she can run errands. This is good, as I was hoping to start walking after work this week. Just can't manage it in the mornings, but if I snack properly in the afternoon, I can walk right after work because I won't be starving when I get home.
• The house overfloweth, as usual, and requires my attention. Les was 'graining all weekend, but will be nudging him in that direction too.
• My plants are still alive! Rainy season hasn't kicked in yet, which is good, keeps me tending to them. Still skeptical that the tomatoes will bear fruit, but saw my first flower on the pepper last week!
• I'm still trying for that promotion...hopefully will hear about an interview opportunity this week, so my evenings will be spent writing and organizing my thoughts about my experience and how it relates to the responsibilities of this new position.
• Making more lists for things I need to do, wish lists for things we could use...I took my clothes out of the closet last night and hung them up, using my pagan staff as a curtain rod. That ain't gonna work long term though, so I'm thinking of investing $5 in one of those wardrobe boxes they sell at UHaul. We also need a plastic bin for the recyclables; they're piling up in a cardboard box and that needs to change. Can't happen til next check, but having it on a list helps settle my brain. Goodwill stuff is piling up too...time for another trip there. It's, like a mile down the street from us, so nothin' but laziness keeping that junk in the house.
• I can't bring myself to go back on the lithium, not when we're so close to trying for small people again. I'll increase my Paxil to the normal dosage instead.
For the first time in, umm, well, maybe ever, I'm embracing the warmth of summer. If it means wearing less clothes and showing the world my flabby arms, so be it. My pride will get me exercising, and I'm already eating better. I worked for 45 minutes out in the heat (cleaning crap out of the car, washing the windows), swilling liquids to stay hydrated, on Saturday, and it kicked my ass and screwed up my sleep that evening. That infuriates me, and I'm so tired of it. Sure, the heat will knock even the most fit person on his ass down here, but it's so, so much worse when you're carrying an extra 100 pounds. That's enough of that, I've beat this subject into the ground on this blog....also tired of sounding like a f*cking Nike ad.
This needs to end on a positive note...for anybody wondering why I want to keep chickens someday, this gem of a blog post by Jenna nails it on the head, along with all my dreams of having my own little farm someday. I read her stuff and it gives me such hope while making me ache at the same time. It really is a balm for my soul.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Summer has started
I'd forgotten how quickly it turns into summer down here, but when I saw the calendar had turned to May, it made perfect sense. Low 90s this past weekend, abundant sunshine. Will try not to bitch too much, since the weather will do this now until at least September.
Actually, it's motivating me. I'm wanting to wear less clothes, but my pride doesn't enjoy showing the skin that I have, so I'm motivated to create less of it. I'm thinking of trying walking in the mornings before work. Such a radical concept, I know.
We're eating better, at least, and I've been reading enough where I'm no longer comfortable buying certain foods. Was all set to buy regular ground beef and pork for meatloaf, but saw that Greenwise ground round was on sale and grabbed that instead. Made breadcrumbs from the detritus of our last loaf instead of buying them. It's the little things.
Gotta go obsess about how I'll present myself for my interview this week, and tear apart the closet to find appropriate clothes. Everything's in boxes, because we didn't see the point in letting the complex know when the closet last self-destructed...didn't trust them not to blame us for it and try to charge us. So all my professional-looking clothes are buried right now. Having to make do on shoes too...just couldn't find anything in my size and price range. Gonna be a lot of mind over matter in this interview...
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Saturday update
Had a half hour of work to make up this morning, and now I'm getting laundry out of the way at Mom's...had some quilts to wash that I've been avoiding like the plague, just letting 'em sit, because regular clothes always take precedence when you're paying for it. Weird how I do more laundry at her place when she's not here...I swear I'm not avoiding her! Just easier to get other things done while it's running, at my place.
Christy visit was so nice, good food and company. I got my dress fitted and will go for another fitting on the 12th. Something to look forward to on an otherwise crappy day (3rd anniversary of losing Dad)...
It's May Day, and Florida has given itself permission to hit the 90s starting tomorrow (89F high today)...it's gorgeous out, and with regular work behind me, it feels like a day to work outdoors sweating yourself dry...I hope I'm still in that frame of mind when I go home in a couple of hours. My porch and car could both use the attention.
Christy visit was so nice, good food and company. I got my dress fitted and will go for another fitting on the 12th. Something to look forward to on an otherwise crappy day (3rd anniversary of losing Dad)...
It's May Day, and Florida has given itself permission to hit the 90s starting tomorrow (89F high today)...it's gorgeous out, and with regular work behind me, it feels like a day to work outdoors sweating yourself dry...I hope I'm still in that frame of mind when I go home in a couple of hours. My porch and car could both use the attention.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Friday fog
Not outside, rather in my head...I'm having trouble getting out from under it today. Payday didn't bring good news...I got the quarterly bonus, but it's barely going to hold us for the next 2 weeks. It's not going to hold us actually; it'll mean embracing the beans and rice in the cupboards and borrowing from his folks again probably. I'm a little concerned about continuing to live this way if I don't get the promotion, never mind that in order to look my best for the interviews for said promotion, I need to sink money into a pair of pumps. Can't remember being this pissy on a friday...
Tonight will be nice and should lift me out of it a bit...I've known Christy since 6th grade; it's one of those friendships that manages to stay strong even when we take each other for granted (mainly me there). She's hopefully getting married this year, and I'm to be a bridesmaid...I wrote about the dress a while back, it's gorgeous, even on my bod...tried it on again last night and was surprised at how pretty I felt in spite of my size. I need to get it altered though, so hopefully we can start that process tonight, and then go to dinner and catch up.
Another thing that will help...getting out on my porch this weekend. Went outside last night to water and rearrange the plants and it got my brain working on how I need to clean and consolidate things. It was neat having those unexpected feathered guests on the porch for the last month and a half, but I'm glad that they're gone too, because I can actually move around out there again and get to planting more things now. I have some pretty specific tasks scheduled this weekend, but it's going to be broken up with frequent trips outside to work my body and get my hands back in the dirt.
Tonight will be nice and should lift me out of it a bit...I've known Christy since 6th grade; it's one of those friendships that manages to stay strong even when we take each other for granted (mainly me there). She's hopefully getting married this year, and I'm to be a bridesmaid...I wrote about the dress a while back, it's gorgeous, even on my bod...tried it on again last night and was surprised at how pretty I felt in spite of my size. I need to get it altered though, so hopefully we can start that process tonight, and then go to dinner and catch up.
Another thing that will help...getting out on my porch this weekend. Went outside last night to water and rearrange the plants and it got my brain working on how I need to clean and consolidate things. It was neat having those unexpected feathered guests on the porch for the last month and a half, but I'm glad that they're gone too, because I can actually move around out there again and get to planting more things now. I have some pretty specific tasks scheduled this weekend, but it's going to be broken up with frequent trips outside to work my body and get my hands back in the dirt.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Thursday home stretch
Thursday afternoons tend to drag...hoping that's not the case today, but it's so damn pretty outside, I'm thinking Murphy may let it drag just to spite me. Ya know, cuz I have that kind of control over time.
Weather: balmy, copious sunshine, 70s
Head: somewhere between editing and wanting to research the marketing job
Heart: walking outside in a field, dog at my side
Mood: somewhere between wired and freaked...got an email about the marketing job I'm trying for...they've expanded the responsibilities even more, which if I know my company means absolutely nothing where the pay scale is concerned. At least I'll have no problem asking for $40K now...the additional responsibility is media relations, so my weekend will now be spent acquianting myself with every press release I can get my hands on, to memorize their corporate tone, grammar/style, etc. I'm jazzed about this turn of events, but concerned too...I joke about going back on my lithium, but...also concerned about talking too quickly in an interview, rambling by mistake, or letting one of my personality quirks sneak out. Y'ever see the movie, Drop Dead Gorgeous? The scenes with Brittany Murphy's character, where she dissolves into maniacal giggles during the interviews.....yeah, well, would rather not recreate that scene in front of potential promoters.
Also, finishing up Les's SS disability paperwork this weekend...yes, he's helping, but I spearheaded it and I type much faster, so...lot of computer time ahead this weekend. Yuck!
Checked a pile of books out of the library about the food industry, and still haven't been near real fast food since my stomach trouble. It's been a tough week for figuring out dinners, but recognizing how much I like Chipotle has me more determined than ever to make that kind of food at home...
Christy's in town! We're going to dinner Friday night to catch up...she's trying to push up her wedding to this summer. I hate the idea of seeing this body in a formal gown, but it's a really gorgeous dress in a deep midnight blue, so maybe it won't be so bad...
Weather: balmy, copious sunshine, 70s
Head: somewhere between editing and wanting to research the marketing job
Heart: walking outside in a field, dog at my side
Mood: somewhere between wired and freaked...got an email about the marketing job I'm trying for...they've expanded the responsibilities even more, which if I know my company means absolutely nothing where the pay scale is concerned. At least I'll have no problem asking for $40K now...the additional responsibility is media relations, so my weekend will now be spent acquianting myself with every press release I can get my hands on, to memorize their corporate tone, grammar/style, etc. I'm jazzed about this turn of events, but concerned too...I joke about going back on my lithium, but...also concerned about talking too quickly in an interview, rambling by mistake, or letting one of my personality quirks sneak out. Y'ever see the movie, Drop Dead Gorgeous? The scenes with Brittany Murphy's character, where she dissolves into maniacal giggles during the interviews.....yeah, well, would rather not recreate that scene in front of potential promoters.
Also, finishing up Les's SS disability paperwork this weekend...yes, he's helping, but I spearheaded it and I type much faster, so...lot of computer time ahead this weekend. Yuck!
Checked a pile of books out of the library about the food industry, and still haven't been near real fast food since my stomach trouble. It's been a tough week for figuring out dinners, but recognizing how much I like Chipotle has me more determined than ever to make that kind of food at home...
Christy's in town! We're going to dinner Friday night to catch up...she's trying to push up her wedding to this summer. I hate the idea of seeing this body in a formal gown, but it's a really gorgeous dress in a deep midnight blue, so maybe it won't be so bad...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday wanderings
I'm editing websites as quickly as I can, and wondering when/if I'm going to hear about an interview for the marketing manager job. But in my head, I'm on my knees in the dirt working the garden on my land. The air is balmy, I'm starting to sweat, and when I run my gloved hand across my forehead, it leaves a dirt streak. There's a large dog wandering amiably nearby, and I can hear the chickens feeding in their pen.
There's nothing wrong with these dreams, so long as I remember to live in the present. That's the tricky part, the part that keeps me from fully embracing Buddhism. They're all about the present, there is no past or future, only the now; and I just can't handle not having things to look forward to. Does that mean I'll always be searching for something else? What will I feel once I have our little patch of land? Cross that bridge when I come to it...it's still quite a few years away. They say you can't be happy in the present if you're always looking to the future, but I manage OK. Helps to be traveling with a soulmate.
The weather makes it very hard lately to work indoors. Today it's only getting up to 75F and the sunshine's just endless. I'll drive to grab lunch with the windows down and my hair blowing everywhere.
There's nothing wrong with these dreams, so long as I remember to live in the present. That's the tricky part, the part that keeps me from fully embracing Buddhism. They're all about the present, there is no past or future, only the now; and I just can't handle not having things to look forward to. Does that mean I'll always be searching for something else? What will I feel once I have our little patch of land? Cross that bridge when I come to it...it's still quite a few years away. They say you can't be happy in the present if you're always looking to the future, but I manage OK. Helps to be traveling with a soulmate.
The weather makes it very hard lately to work indoors. Today it's only getting up to 75F and the sunshine's just endless. I'll drive to grab lunch with the windows down and my hair blowing everywhere.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday
Weather: crazy-beautiful...80s with gusty breeze...serious sunshine...
Lunch: Chipotle chicken tacos >:)
Mood: dreamy...
Lunch: Chipotle chicken tacos >:)
Mood: dreamy...
Monday, April 26, 2010
Ducklings!
Little shits couldn't wait til I got home from work :(
I got an elated phone call mid-afternoon from Les. He awoke to frantic peeps, slipped outside to find that almost all of them had dropped off the porch already...grabbed the camera and got as many shots as he could. Momma left the porch, and all but one of the little guys followed her in short order. The last little guy had trouble getting out of the litterbox, so Les helped him as uninvasively as he could, picked him up ever-so-carefully and nudged him toward the edge, where he finally found the courage to drop. He then proceeded to wander completely around one of the HVAC units before hearing his momma's quacks and scurrying over to her.
We originally thought there were 17; now it's looking like 15. Nature may have already taken a few, but we're determined to believe that Norbert lived (yes, we named him...what of it?) and is the straggler in the pack. We just spent some more time on the porch watching the little guys below. They hung out on our neighbor's porch, where 2 mallards are regulars...the momma, all the babies, another probable female, and a big male. The other female's a bit mean, so after awhile, the momma took her little ones away. That really struck me, because they're all trucking along, as fast as their little legs will take them, but Norbert (hopefully) was just a bit slower than the others, so he'd plop down, let out about 3 big peeps to say "wait up!", and momma would turn and stop and wait for him to catch up. Did that a couple of times.
::sigh::
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go budget for the next 11 months, so we can get the f**k out of this apartment and onto my little patch of land...stirred such feeling in me, seeing life begin so close...
Ah, Monday
::grumble, grumble::
Idina Menzel rocked! What a delightful, down-to-earth lady :) Gotta get me a copy of Defying Gravity....note to self: you ever gonna get your iTunes store fixed?
Seeing Lil Sis was delightful too, always glad to have her in town. We hit Chipotle for lunch on Saturday, and I'm hooked. Good thing too, because after watching Food Inc. last week, I may never touch a fast food hamburger again. Or Zaxby's. Or most anything that resides in the aisles of a supermarket! I know, I know, it's not that bad, but man, it's tough, initially...I'm reading labels on everything, but I really have to get creative about my meals...can't live on green smoothies. Looking forward to shopping at Native Sun and Whole Foods this coming weekend.
Ducklings! Momma's being super-protective though, burying them underneath her, so pictures are hard to come by so far...can't wait to try again after work.
Started Les's social security disability paperwork again, very happy with myself about that. About GD time. And received my first email back about the management position I'm trying for...interviews should be happening next week. Thank goodness, gives me a week to research.
Idina Menzel rocked! What a delightful, down-to-earth lady :) Gotta get me a copy of Defying Gravity....note to self: you ever gonna get your iTunes store fixed?
Seeing Lil Sis was delightful too, always glad to have her in town. We hit Chipotle for lunch on Saturday, and I'm hooked. Good thing too, because after watching Food Inc. last week, I may never touch a fast food hamburger again. Or Zaxby's. Or most anything that resides in the aisles of a supermarket! I know, I know, it's not that bad, but man, it's tough, initially...I'm reading labels on everything, but I really have to get creative about my meals...can't live on green smoothies. Looking forward to shopping at Native Sun and Whole Foods this coming weekend.
Ducklings! Momma's being super-protective though, burying them underneath her, so pictures are hard to come by so far...can't wait to try again after work.
Started Les's social security disability paperwork again, very happy with myself about that. About GD time. And received my first email back about the management position I'm trying for...interviews should be happening next week. Thank goodness, gives me a week to research.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Spring to Summer
We're having a nice transitional time here in Florida this year, I guess because winter was so cold. When you live in Florida and hate it, there are only two seasons: godawful summer and not summer. So you don't appreciate the in-between times as much as you should. But while it's stretching into the 80s these days, it's not oppressive at all yet, and I find myself enjoying the warmth, the breezes, the sunshine bustin' out all over the place. Sure hope I can keep this good outlook when it's 15 degrees higher and I'm having to wear my hair up everyday. When I can still go outside at lunchtime, but I should really carry a spare deodorant in my bag. Ah, Florida.
Discussed with Husby, and we've entered reality. By some miracle, I'm not depressed by it, only hopeful and relieved. Can't force a dream if you're unable to finance it yet...period. Learn from it, store for future reference, continue moving forward. I'm a dream shark.
Spent this morning wondering and researching about finding a house to rent here, and got a lesson in the differences between Charlotte and Jacksonville. Perfectly respectable houses in Charlotte are going for at least $200 to $300 less in rent than here in Jax, and what passes for a house in Jax is laughable. I'm not a snob, but I just know I wouldn't be comfortable in a prefab, and down here, in this city, that's nearly all that's available in our price range...a decent house in a non-scary neighborhood in this area means a commute out of town to St. Augustine, Palm Coast, or some other satellite town at least 30 miles away. And we just don't have the savings anyway. So I'm through looking for places for now, and ready to concentrate on making our place liveable for another 10+ months. Having the extra time is really proving to be a relief. I know we'll get there somehow, and I'm finally recognizing the level of work required.
In the meantime, because I'm a glutton for punishment (JK), I'm applying for another management position within my company. It's in Marketing, and the first thing in ages (besides my current post) that I'm actually seriously qualified for...that all my experience in all my different jobs can play different roles for me to make that position mine. So I'm crossing my fingers for an interview, gearing up for it with note-taking about my experience/reacquianting myself with me, and possibly refilling my lithium for the next month so I can make it through said interviews without rambling incoherently or making an ass of myself. Wish me luck!
Discussed with Husby, and we've entered reality. By some miracle, I'm not depressed by it, only hopeful and relieved. Can't force a dream if you're unable to finance it yet...period. Learn from it, store for future reference, continue moving forward. I'm a dream shark.
Spent this morning wondering and researching about finding a house to rent here, and got a lesson in the differences between Charlotte and Jacksonville. Perfectly respectable houses in Charlotte are going for at least $200 to $300 less in rent than here in Jax, and what passes for a house in Jax is laughable. I'm not a snob, but I just know I wouldn't be comfortable in a prefab, and down here, in this city, that's nearly all that's available in our price range...a decent house in a non-scary neighborhood in this area means a commute out of town to St. Augustine, Palm Coast, or some other satellite town at least 30 miles away. And we just don't have the savings anyway. So I'm through looking for places for now, and ready to concentrate on making our place liveable for another 10+ months. Having the extra time is really proving to be a relief. I know we'll get there somehow, and I'm finally recognizing the level of work required.
In the meantime, because I'm a glutton for punishment (JK), I'm applying for another management position within my company. It's in Marketing, and the first thing in ages (besides my current post) that I'm actually seriously qualified for...that all my experience in all my different jobs can play different roles for me to make that position mine. So I'm crossing my fingers for an interview, gearing up for it with note-taking about my experience/reacquianting myself with me, and possibly refilling my lithium for the next month so I can make it through said interviews without rambling incoherently or making an ass of myself. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The ebb of denial, the flow of life
So I spent the morning dreaming and planning about NC (oh, and editing the occasional website), and I'm spending the afternoon recognizing that we can't move until next March.
What precipitated it was when I hit up Monster.com last night for potentials and saw that Johnson C. Smith University is looking for a web content editor. Talk about a trifecta! Academic setting in Charlotte working completely within my established skill set. Seriously droolworthy. I heart college campuses. Kind of stings now, since I'm recognizing how not-possible it is. Pause for zen mo: must not be right then...when it's right, you'll know....better to plan than rush.
So then lunchtime, I found a plum realtor's website, an agency with a site dedicated completely to rental homes in Charlotte. Goldmine! Was looking at several properties that were within our "price range" and not ugly or in horrific areas of town. I checked the application process and financially it seemed doable, but the credit requirements were probably a bit above average for this average credit gal. So I went online to the place where you can get your credit report for free annually from the government and was able to pull 2 of my reports.
ehem...umm, yeah...so anyway, I know it's better than it was, because I got my free credit score recently when I participated in a survey. But there's some work to be done, and management companies aren't going to take that report as-is. And the fact is that my report's the one that counts, because I'm the one working...heck, Les has been out of work for so long, we'll have to start putting stuff in my name only until we can get him back on his feet. And with no savings, it's just unrealistic to think we can clean it up enough in the next 4 months to move. Especially with the b*lls**t going on right now at my work (my pay's taking a hit and we barely live on a good check as it is).
Haven't discussed with Husby yet, so this is like more of me convincing myself of what's smart.
What precipitated it was when I hit up Monster.com last night for potentials and saw that Johnson C. Smith University is looking for a web content editor. Talk about a trifecta! Academic setting in Charlotte working completely within my established skill set. Seriously droolworthy. I heart college campuses. Kind of stings now, since I'm recognizing how not-possible it is. Pause for zen mo: must not be right then...when it's right, you'll know....better to plan than rush.
So then lunchtime, I found a plum realtor's website, an agency with a site dedicated completely to rental homes in Charlotte. Goldmine! Was looking at several properties that were within our "price range" and not ugly or in horrific areas of town. I checked the application process and financially it seemed doable, but the credit requirements were probably a bit above average for this average credit gal. So I went online to the place where you can get your credit report for free annually from the government and was able to pull 2 of my reports.
ehem...umm, yeah...so anyway, I know it's better than it was, because I got my free credit score recently when I participated in a survey. But there's some work to be done, and management companies aren't going to take that report as-is. And the fact is that my report's the one that counts, because I'm the one working...heck, Les has been out of work for so long, we'll have to start putting stuff in my name only until we can get him back on his feet. And with no savings, it's just unrealistic to think we can clean it up enough in the next 4 months to move. Especially with the b*lls**t going on right now at my work (my pay's taking a hit and we barely live on a good check as it is).
Haven't discussed with Husby yet, so this is like more of me convincing myself of what's smart.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Random ramblings...
Ah, Tuesday, you tease, you soulless bitch. Get me in a good mood, feeling much better, getting energy back already, wanting to expend it in a constructive fashion, and then send me to work where I spend the morning on an editorial treadmill with an incline somewhere near 15 and a paycheck that's dwindling to base rate...
Politics:
Did we liberals whine this badly when Bush was in office? Seems to me we were so busy working our asses off to get Obama elected, we didn't have time to whine. I get that a portion of the sour grapes that we hear coming from the right side of the aisle is, of course, a deliberate plant by the fourth estate (the unbiased media...pause for hysterical laughter), but geez...I'm reading articles where conservatives are bitching about the cheap shot that was fired in the form of a Sarah Palin joke (yes, I'm aware that's redundant) on last week's Glee, and all I can think is, wow, you guys don't have anything better to whine about? Guess they finally figured out that the health care situation ain't going in their favor, so they're scrambling for new ammo. Kind of pitiful.
While I'm ranting about politics and media, can someone explain to me how Fox News gets away with the slogan "Fair and Balanced"? Talk about your staggering falsehoods! There's a false advertising lawsuit in there somewhere...
Animal Life:
Haven't been carrying the camera with me lately, in case the porch eggs hatch and Husby wants to take pictures, so less pics on blog again, sorry. Dear guy went outside this morning to check on our girl, refill her bowls (we've been supplementing her with bread and water), and water my plants. Brought watering can in to refill with intention of keeping it indoors, and had the crap surprised out of him when a tree frog flew out of the can and proceeded to hop all over the kitchen :) Was able to apprehend our little green friend without the cat's intervention, thank goodness, but when he tried to deposit it outside the porch door, the little dude kept hopping back in! So I guess I have to stop thinking about my apartment as being unfit for children and animals, because the cat's still quite alive and thriving, and we have amphibious creatures trying to room here too!
Entertainment:
Seriously obscure: I've decided that Ryan Phillipe's doppelganger is Christopher Egan and that Jodi Lyn O'Keefe's doppelganger is Alexa Davalos. Just sayin'...and yes, I watch too much TV. Although, now that I think of it, my TV watching has gotten pretty selective lately...it's just my brain retains the most mundane excrement sometimes.
Crafty Goodness:
I think I'm finally getting in the mood to pick up the needles again. It's been weird, haven't felt like knitting since Christmastime...it's like the disappointment of those ill-fitting mother-in-law-turned-niece socks sucked the joy of it out of me for a while. Still not really in a sock mood, but thinking of pawing through my hilarious amount of UFOs and taking stock. Also, I'm thinking this yarn in this colorway needs to be a gift to myself for some project, as a reward when I get us moved to NC.
Garden:
Don't tomatoes have to flower in order to bear fruit? Thinking of buying some wildflowers for the porch to encourage the pollinators, because I'm fearing my location ain't the best breeding ground for bees.
Gearing up for May and June with Goose Love:
Those 2 months are hard, the first for the anniversary of Dad's death, the 2nd for his birthday, Father's Day, and the anniversary of his first aortic dissection (not in that order). They emotionally shred me, so I'm taking steps to work through it, recognize it for what it is, move forward, grow, heal, etc. Hopefully I'll be so busy planning the move, it won't be as bad as last year (the philosophy that pain can't hit a moving target). But I've also decided something: that the spirit of my dad lives in Canada geese. I feel very blonde for thinking this now, nearly 3 years later, when the day after Dad's memorial in CT, we went to visit the gravesite and spent the time at the cemetery with a flock of at least 2 dozen of my favorite birds grazing quietly nearby. But we also have the small flocks that congregate around the retention ponds near my work and apartment complexes, and I'm finding comfort in seeing them almost daily. I may not even think of Dad each time, but they settle something in my soul when I see them. Nice.
Politics:
Did we liberals whine this badly when Bush was in office? Seems to me we were so busy working our asses off to get Obama elected, we didn't have time to whine. I get that a portion of the sour grapes that we hear coming from the right side of the aisle is, of course, a deliberate plant by the fourth estate (the unbiased media...pause for hysterical laughter), but geez...I'm reading articles where conservatives are bitching about the cheap shot that was fired in the form of a Sarah Palin joke (yes, I'm aware that's redundant) on last week's Glee, and all I can think is, wow, you guys don't have anything better to whine about? Guess they finally figured out that the health care situation ain't going in their favor, so they're scrambling for new ammo. Kind of pitiful.
While I'm ranting about politics and media, can someone explain to me how Fox News gets away with the slogan "Fair and Balanced"? Talk about your staggering falsehoods! There's a false advertising lawsuit in there somewhere...
Animal Life:
Haven't been carrying the camera with me lately, in case the porch eggs hatch and Husby wants to take pictures, so less pics on blog again, sorry. Dear guy went outside this morning to check on our girl, refill her bowls (we've been supplementing her with bread and water), and water my plants. Brought watering can in to refill with intention of keeping it indoors, and had the crap surprised out of him when a tree frog flew out of the can and proceeded to hop all over the kitchen :) Was able to apprehend our little green friend without the cat's intervention, thank goodness, but when he tried to deposit it outside the porch door, the little dude kept hopping back in! So I guess I have to stop thinking about my apartment as being unfit for children and animals, because the cat's still quite alive and thriving, and we have amphibious creatures trying to room here too!
Entertainment:
Seriously obscure: I've decided that Ryan Phillipe's doppelganger is Christopher Egan and that Jodi Lyn O'Keefe's doppelganger is Alexa Davalos. Just sayin'...and yes, I watch too much TV. Although, now that I think of it, my TV watching has gotten pretty selective lately...it's just my brain retains the most mundane excrement sometimes.
Crafty Goodness:
I think I'm finally getting in the mood to pick up the needles again. It's been weird, haven't felt like knitting since Christmastime...it's like the disappointment of those ill-fitting mother-in-law-turned-niece socks sucked the joy of it out of me for a while. Still not really in a sock mood, but thinking of pawing through my hilarious amount of UFOs and taking stock. Also, I'm thinking this yarn in this colorway needs to be a gift to myself for some project, as a reward when I get us moved to NC.
Garden:
Don't tomatoes have to flower in order to bear fruit? Thinking of buying some wildflowers for the porch to encourage the pollinators, because I'm fearing my location ain't the best breeding ground for bees.
Gearing up for May and June with Goose Love:
Those 2 months are hard, the first for the anniversary of Dad's death, the 2nd for his birthday, Father's Day, and the anniversary of his first aortic dissection (not in that order). They emotionally shred me, so I'm taking steps to work through it, recognize it for what it is, move forward, grow, heal, etc. Hopefully I'll be so busy planning the move, it won't be as bad as last year (the philosophy that pain can't hit a moving target). But I've also decided something: that the spirit of my dad lives in Canada geese. I feel very blonde for thinking this now, nearly 3 years later, when the day after Dad's memorial in CT, we went to visit the gravesite and spent the time at the cemetery with a flock of at least 2 dozen of my favorite birds grazing quietly nearby. But we also have the small flocks that congregate around the retention ponds near my work and apartment complexes, and I'm finding comfort in seeing them almost daily. I may not even think of Dad each time, but they settle something in my soul when I see them. Nice.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Not entirely my fault!
Gotta give credit where credit is due. While I'm no doctor, my Internet research abilities are fearsome...and the latest intel suggests that my lousy diet was a factor certainly, but didn't kick-start the lousyness...the steroids the dentist gave me did! Steroids are known to strip the gut of good bacteria, just like certain antibiotics. Let the self-flaggelation cease!
First green smoothie was actually purple...frozen berries, banana, some juice, water, kale, and a touch of honey. Not bad at all, so this morning I continued the trend with apple, pear, banana, and kale...that one's definitely green and yummy as well. With the rest of my diet currently bland and my appetite on the sidelines, it's nice to have something so fresh, tasty, and new in the repertoire. Thank you, beauty that moves!
Back at work, taking a probiotic supplement, expecting exhaustion as the day progresses, taking care of myself...gotta try doing more of that when I'm not under the weather too.
First green smoothie was actually purple...frozen berries, banana, some juice, water, kale, and a touch of honey. Not bad at all, so this morning I continued the trend with apple, pear, banana, and kale...that one's definitely green and yummy as well. With the rest of my diet currently bland and my appetite on the sidelines, it's nice to have something so fresh, tasty, and new in the repertoire. Thank you, beauty that moves!
Back at work, taking a probiotic supplement, expecting exhaustion as the day progresses, taking care of myself...gotta try doing more of that when I'm not under the weather too.
Sidebar: definitely need to blend a bit more...tastes fine, but seriously sludgy.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Insanity
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...
Why can't I learn a lesson until it's been beaten over my head a couple of thousand times?
In my defense, it's been quite a while since my intestinal yeast acted up. Can't remember the last time...it may have been a year ago, at least. But when the headaches hit late last week, I knew exactly what it was, was able to distinguish it from the headaches I've been getting from my new crowns. So I flooded my system with water, took it easy, laid off the snacking and unhealthy foods, and was able to run errands yesterday, though it wiped me out at the end of the day.
Then I had dinner...mac and cheese. I rationalized it because the protein content was high and I was hungry after my errands, so I wanted an easy fix. I'm an idiot. It's pure carbs and preservatives, very little good in that box, and we won't go into what brand I bought; it's that embarassing. No headaches this morning, but my stomach's bothering me, which never happens, and I can tell I'm going to have to take it easy today. Great, except I'm running out of weekends where I can get away with that, and next weekend, at least part of it, will be spent with family...Lil Sis is in town and we have tickets to the Idina Menzel concert.
I'm so angry with myself. I'm going to stick to veggie meals mostly this week, and try my hand at green smoothies, but the damage is done, and I'm so f*ing sick of learning these lessons over and over again. I feel bloated and my stomach hurts, which makes me want to exercise it off, except I don't have the energy. I have to do laundry today, the dining room is its usual disaster area, and my last day of the weekend is going to be a real chore.
I won't look back at my archives to see how many other times I've whined like this...I'm not that self-flaggelating. But I really hope I can remember this feeling and grow from it this time, because it's hindering dreams that are very doable still...from organizing to making babies, everything hinges on personal health, because if you don't have that...I just got the all-clear from the cardiologist; it's about time I start earning that good news.
Why can't I learn a lesson until it's been beaten over my head a couple of thousand times?
In my defense, it's been quite a while since my intestinal yeast acted up. Can't remember the last time...it may have been a year ago, at least. But when the headaches hit late last week, I knew exactly what it was, was able to distinguish it from the headaches I've been getting from my new crowns. So I flooded my system with water, took it easy, laid off the snacking and unhealthy foods, and was able to run errands yesterday, though it wiped me out at the end of the day.
Then I had dinner...mac and cheese. I rationalized it because the protein content was high and I was hungry after my errands, so I wanted an easy fix. I'm an idiot. It's pure carbs and preservatives, very little good in that box, and we won't go into what brand I bought; it's that embarassing. No headaches this morning, but my stomach's bothering me, which never happens, and I can tell I'm going to have to take it easy today. Great, except I'm running out of weekends where I can get away with that, and next weekend, at least part of it, will be spent with family...Lil Sis is in town and we have tickets to the Idina Menzel concert.
I'm so angry with myself. I'm going to stick to veggie meals mostly this week, and try my hand at green smoothies, but the damage is done, and I'm so f*ing sick of learning these lessons over and over again. I feel bloated and my stomach hurts, which makes me want to exercise it off, except I don't have the energy. I have to do laundry today, the dining room is its usual disaster area, and my last day of the weekend is going to be a real chore.
I won't look back at my archives to see how many other times I've whined like this...I'm not that self-flaggelating. But I really hope I can remember this feeling and grow from it this time, because it's hindering dreams that are very doable still...from organizing to making babies, everything hinges on personal health, because if you don't have that...I just got the all-clear from the cardiologist; it's about time I start earning that good news.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
My muse in the form of a little 20-something farmer...
http://coldantlerfarm.blogspot.com/2010/04/closing.html
Why I won't give up my dream of owning a little patch of land to farm. I want a nice-sized garden, some chickens for eggs and meat, beyond that, who knows. I want the feel of a large dog walking beside me on this land. I want to learn to shoot a rifle again. It is possible. Requires hard, hard work and diligence, and the two are separate entities. But it's possible.
I thank Jenna for letting us into her life. I wish I could trek up to Vermont and help her move, even though I'm barely in any condition to move myself. Believe me, that's getting me off the computer and out into the sunshine this weekend, if I can keep the headaches at bay (my intestinal yeast has risen, which gives me blinding headaches...it's a dietary thing that's been taking turns with the headaches I'm still getting from my new crowns)...but it's not stopping me from finding a way to move us in August, in spite of the hysterical detritus that surrounds us in this tiny-assed apartment that we've been in for 11 years and the fact that I need to find a job and a house for us. I mention the physical logistics of the move too, because while we should be able to enlist the help of my quite-able-and-large Lil Bro for the move-out, he won't be there for the move-in, and we can't afford movers. Should be interesting. So it's a good thing that the headaches hit me when they did, because it's a big-assed wake-up call for me and Les to get exercising, so the move doesn't completely kill us both.
My brain's all over the place today, but I'm feeling better. Gotta go run errands. Just finished reading her Closing post and had to pass it on, because it speaks so clearly to anyone who suffers from Barnheart. Sending her virtual hugs of congratulations!
Staking the tomato this weekend, and I think I need to transplant the pepper; it's beautiful! Duck still sitting...ducklings should be happening soon! Lil Sis warned me that probably only 60% will hatch...I'll be delighted to see any new life on my dismal porch.
Why I won't give up my dream of owning a little patch of land to farm. I want a nice-sized garden, some chickens for eggs and meat, beyond that, who knows. I want the feel of a large dog walking beside me on this land. I want to learn to shoot a rifle again. It is possible. Requires hard, hard work and diligence, and the two are separate entities. But it's possible.
I thank Jenna for letting us into her life. I wish I could trek up to Vermont and help her move, even though I'm barely in any condition to move myself. Believe me, that's getting me off the computer and out into the sunshine this weekend, if I can keep the headaches at bay (my intestinal yeast has risen, which gives me blinding headaches...it's a dietary thing that's been taking turns with the headaches I'm still getting from my new crowns)...but it's not stopping me from finding a way to move us in August, in spite of the hysterical detritus that surrounds us in this tiny-assed apartment that we've been in for 11 years and the fact that I need to find a job and a house for us. I mention the physical logistics of the move too, because while we should be able to enlist the help of my quite-able-and-large Lil Bro for the move-out, he won't be there for the move-in, and we can't afford movers. Should be interesting. So it's a good thing that the headaches hit me when they did, because it's a big-assed wake-up call for me and Les to get exercising, so the move doesn't completely kill us both.
My brain's all over the place today, but I'm feeling better. Gotta go run errands. Just finished reading her Closing post and had to pass it on, because it speaks so clearly to anyone who suffers from Barnheart. Sending her virtual hugs of congratulations!
Staking the tomato this weekend, and I think I need to transplant the pepper; it's beautiful! Duck still sitting...ducklings should be happening soon! Lil Sis warned me that probably only 60% will hatch...I'll be delighted to see any new life on my dismal porch.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Nose...grindstone...
Can't wind down yet, so here I am. Old moon shot from Christmas in SC, I think. Good news is I used my TV time constructively tonight. Bad news is inability to string sentences together. So I'm starting with statements, which I'll put together tomorrow night.
Monday was grueling, workwise; my numbers are suffering. But my cardiologist follow-up appointment from the angiogram was great news: everything's clear, go away, no more tests for a year. I'm relieved more than I realized...it's been hitting me gradually all day and providing the motivation for the simplest things, like prepping snacks for during the day tomorrow, so I'm not reaching for the debit card and Zaxby's. And starting those letters of intent...I have what I'm calling a lousy, brilliant idea for how we can get moving money....gotta do some more research before I'll share it here.
I'm finding a comfort in refilling the bread and water bowls for the ducks and checking up on my plants in the evenings. Les roused awake tonight from my making noise with the vertical blinds and asked what I was doing. I told him I was putting the farm to bed :) You gotta start somewhere.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Denial as a motivator, or why it's sometimes obvious i have a lithium deficiency
So after an entire weekend of trying to be still and accept the fact that we probably can't move in August, I'm back of the opinion that we need to still try...
My unhappiness at work is fueling this denial. Also, my unhappiness with the apartment, the rut we're in, Florida in general...I can't stand the thought of being here almost another year. It's not moving forward, and it's about time I get resourceful and figure out how to make this move work, money be damned.
So, letters of intent this week and looking at the next 4 months to figure out how we can get up there to scope the joint in the cheapest way possible.
As for the pictures...heheh...
The first one was a rather hilarious hair day.
The second one...well, see, I knew I'd be needing to talk on my cell phone while working on the computer when I was getting rid of the virus, and I don't own a hands-free set, and I'm not a fan of speakerphones...so, umm, anyway...my dad would've liked that one :)
And the third pic is our porch neighbors, still safe in their shells though I'm hoping to see signs of life within another week or so...thankfully, their parents aren't disturbing my plants at all and the tomatos, peppers, parsley and basil are all thanking me for the fresh air and sunshine. Gotta stake the tomato already! More pics soon!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Contemplative
Wishing something with all your might can't make it happen. You'd think that after 40 years of life, that lesson would get easier.
I'm recognizing that it's not financially possible for us to move at the end of August. We can't save enough by then...it's not going to happen.
I'm just not wired to wallow about it...disappointed is certainly a hilariously inadequate adjective, but all I can do is press on. Figure out how to make it work in March of 2011; that would be another 7-month lease. That'll give us another tax return, more time to get to know the different cities up there, more time to improve our credit score...it'll be a damn sight cooler than end of August too. That shouldn't really be a factor in the grand scheme, but when you live in Florida, it comes up. I've moved in summertime, cleaned out garages in summertime, have solid memories of sweating myself dry in this godforesaken state while feeling bloated from too much gatorade...it's a blast. So March isn't a bad thing, lemme tellya...
Still, can't deny the ache. My work is currently exercising a level of unfairness in their treatment of us that has me itching to hunt, itching to get away, but what's the point of that...better to tough it out and get my ducks in a row to search up there. We want to start trying for a family again, as soon as he's feeling a pinch better, but with me being sole breadwinner, it gets tricky. This neighborhood gets worse, more instances of cops being called out, more gunfights right in our area of town, and another year of no yard, no dog, no real garden...motivators to be sure, but in the present, it's an ache.
I'm recognizing that it's not financially possible for us to move at the end of August. We can't save enough by then...it's not going to happen.
I'm just not wired to wallow about it...disappointed is certainly a hilariously inadequate adjective, but all I can do is press on. Figure out how to make it work in March of 2011; that would be another 7-month lease. That'll give us another tax return, more time to get to know the different cities up there, more time to improve our credit score...it'll be a damn sight cooler than end of August too. That shouldn't really be a factor in the grand scheme, but when you live in Florida, it comes up. I've moved in summertime, cleaned out garages in summertime, have solid memories of sweating myself dry in this godforesaken state while feeling bloated from too much gatorade...it's a blast. So March isn't a bad thing, lemme tellya...
Still, can't deny the ache. My work is currently exercising a level of unfairness in their treatment of us that has me itching to hunt, itching to get away, but what's the point of that...better to tough it out and get my ducks in a row to search up there. We want to start trying for a family again, as soon as he's feeling a pinch better, but with me being sole breadwinner, it gets tricky. This neighborhood gets worse, more instances of cops being called out, more gunfights right in our area of town, and another year of no yard, no dog, no real garden...motivators to be sure, but in the present, it's an ache.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
My Morning Rally
My dad used to quote a comedian who said something to the effect that he couldn't understand people who didn't drink, because he couldn't handle the idea of recognizing that when you woke up in the morning, that was the best you were going to feel all day. It's kind of a joke grenade...anyone who's ever enjoyed a hangover will get that statement, because when you think back on hangovers, the light at the end of the tongue-shaving, head-pounding, dear-god-get-some-food-into-my-system tunnel is the knowledge that by afternoon, after fast food and a serious nap, you may be back to some semblance of human that can function in society. It's something to look forward to.
I was reminded of that line this morning, because it dawned on me as I plugged away on websites and noshed on a donut and coffee, that the little black cloud that was over my head when I came in was dissipating. It's Tuesday, it's gorgeous out, I want to be anywhere but here, and yet there's some lightness peeking out of my brain that will make the next 6 hours easier. The wheels slowly begin turning and I'm able to multitask, make lists for the move in between editing websites. This is good, because I'm scattered at home...I get there after 8 hours of rote brain activity and look around me at the monumental task I hope to accomplish for us, and I'm overwhelmed, and then mundane stuff falls to the wayside (like the cleanliness of the kitchen), which only scatters me more. Bit of a vicious circle...
Take last night...wanted to start long-handing cover letters to some potential employers up in NC...just hash out the basics. Could do that on the computer, but 10 hours a day on the blasted thing is quite enough lately...I burn off a pinch of steam on it when I get home (heh, like 2 hours' worth), but I'm currently in a phase where I'm recognizing that I'm spending too much time on the damn thing. Which sucks because there are real projects that I'd like to accomplish on the sucker naturally, like uploading my pictures to Shutterbug, reloading iTunes and completely organizing my playlists, and the nitty-gritty of researching for NC. So I finally go to watch some tube and my brain is mush and I can't sit still for my shows, so I'm bouncing off the walls and not writing or reading or anything. I haven't picked up knitting in months either, been too restless and scattered. So I woke up grumbly.
But I'm here now, waking up slowly, and there's the prospect of going home early because there's not enough work to go around, which is OK because I have PTO to spare, so I'll concentrate on that while I plug along, dreaming of a different job, a different city, and a fresh start.
I was reminded of that line this morning, because it dawned on me as I plugged away on websites and noshed on a donut and coffee, that the little black cloud that was over my head when I came in was dissipating. It's Tuesday, it's gorgeous out, I want to be anywhere but here, and yet there's some lightness peeking out of my brain that will make the next 6 hours easier. The wheels slowly begin turning and I'm able to multitask, make lists for the move in between editing websites. This is good, because I'm scattered at home...I get there after 8 hours of rote brain activity and look around me at the monumental task I hope to accomplish for us, and I'm overwhelmed, and then mundane stuff falls to the wayside (like the cleanliness of the kitchen), which only scatters me more. Bit of a vicious circle...
Take last night...wanted to start long-handing cover letters to some potential employers up in NC...just hash out the basics. Could do that on the computer, but 10 hours a day on the blasted thing is quite enough lately...I burn off a pinch of steam on it when I get home (heh, like 2 hours' worth), but I'm currently in a phase where I'm recognizing that I'm spending too much time on the damn thing. Which sucks because there are real projects that I'd like to accomplish on the sucker naturally, like uploading my pictures to Shutterbug, reloading iTunes and completely organizing my playlists, and the nitty-gritty of researching for NC. So I finally go to watch some tube and my brain is mush and I can't sit still for my shows, so I'm bouncing off the walls and not writing or reading or anything. I haven't picked up knitting in months either, been too restless and scattered. So I woke up grumbly.
But I'm here now, waking up slowly, and there's the prospect of going home early because there's not enough work to go around, which is OK because I have PTO to spare, so I'll concentrate on that while I plug along, dreaming of a different job, a different city, and a fresh start.
Monday, April 05, 2010
Spring
Pictures soon, I promise...in process of transferring personal files to Shutterbug and want to take some new shots of this glorious weather.
Glorious is an adjective that covers it nicely...low 50s to mid 80s with abundant sunshine and light breeze. Spent a nice chunk of yesterday outdoors and am still feeling the positive effects of it. Such a treat to traipse around outside and not be completely dehydrated afterward. Shame that won't last. I figure we've got maybe 2 or 3 more weeks of tolerable before it starts to get good and sweaty around here. Ah, whatever, I'm ready for it...ready to slap on the sunscreen and get my big ass outdoors.
I cursed myself this weekend by making a crack on my FB that I'd love to get things accomplished that didn't involve computer viruses...then my mom called Saturday afternoon in a panic because something had invaded HER computer. ::sigh:: Armed with my knowledge of how to dial a phone and start a computer in Safe mode, I went to her place and got it scanned. Then I dropped by Sunday midday to see if it needed any further attention. The weather was amazing and I commented that I wished I had gas money because this was perfect weather for just going for a drive. She said why not the Arboretum, so we had a quick lunch, gathered her little runt dog, and drove to Arlington. The city created this space a couple of years back and it's a work in progress, but has several nice, easy trails that were surprisingly pretty and off-the-beaten-path enough where we didn't hear traffic. I was high on fresh air the rest of the night, and I'm still feeling it this morning...thinking of taking a walk after work.
I needed yesterday badly...been pretty ornery about Easter. It's hard for a childless pagan to know where to stand on the subject. I'd like to believe in an afterlife, though I admit it's based in fear of there being nothing after this, not in any actual faith in God, capital G. So I'd resigned myself to not feeling anything and mused that maybe if we have children, that'll change. But I do get the hypocrisy of believing in an afterlife, but not the resurrection; and after reading are so happy's post on Easter (and looking forward to rereading it), I'm shifting my thinking and relearning to embrace the different viewpoints like a good little unitarian.
Besides, the chocolate bunnies alone are enough reason to give that holiday a shot....we'll now pause so the Christians can pray for my soul after that crack :)
Glorious is an adjective that covers it nicely...low 50s to mid 80s with abundant sunshine and light breeze. Spent a nice chunk of yesterday outdoors and am still feeling the positive effects of it. Such a treat to traipse around outside and not be completely dehydrated afterward. Shame that won't last. I figure we've got maybe 2 or 3 more weeks of tolerable before it starts to get good and sweaty around here. Ah, whatever, I'm ready for it...ready to slap on the sunscreen and get my big ass outdoors.
I cursed myself this weekend by making a crack on my FB that I'd love to get things accomplished that didn't involve computer viruses...then my mom called Saturday afternoon in a panic because something had invaded HER computer. ::sigh:: Armed with my knowledge of how to dial a phone and start a computer in Safe mode, I went to her place and got it scanned. Then I dropped by Sunday midday to see if it needed any further attention. The weather was amazing and I commented that I wished I had gas money because this was perfect weather for just going for a drive. She said why not the Arboretum, so we had a quick lunch, gathered her little runt dog, and drove to Arlington. The city created this space a couple of years back and it's a work in progress, but has several nice, easy trails that were surprisingly pretty and off-the-beaten-path enough where we didn't hear traffic. I was high on fresh air the rest of the night, and I'm still feeling it this morning...thinking of taking a walk after work.
I needed yesterday badly...been pretty ornery about Easter. It's hard for a childless pagan to know where to stand on the subject. I'd like to believe in an afterlife, though I admit it's based in fear of there being nothing after this, not in any actual faith in God, capital G. So I'd resigned myself to not feeling anything and mused that maybe if we have children, that'll change. But I do get the hypocrisy of believing in an afterlife, but not the resurrection; and after reading are so happy's post on Easter (and looking forward to rereading it), I'm shifting my thinking and relearning to embrace the different viewpoints like a good little unitarian.
Besides, the chocolate bunnies alone are enough reason to give that holiday a shot....we'll now pause so the Christians can pray for my soul after that crack :)
Friday, April 02, 2010
Blessed Friday
Les downloaded the Comcast Norton security yesterday and got the last dregs of the virus, we think...it's running much faster, and we're both breathing sighs of relief. Considering our solutions were a) fairly simple, and b) free, it's hard not to look around for another shoe to drop. This weekend, I'll transfer all my photos and organize the system some more. So, so glad it's OK.
The relief and energy I'm experiencing thanks to my dentist's Rx of a steroid to help my mouth pain, has me thanking the gods that my lil bro (with his penchant for physical fitness and addictive personality) never tried 'roids, because I gotta tell ya, I'm feeling SO much better. I need to convince myself that I could feel this way all the time if only I'd lose the weight, because damn, I'm invigorated. And it's different from an opiate high, because there's no crash. Yes, I recognize that I'm on a strictly measured regimen and the crash comes from abusing them, don't worry...I'm just enjoying feeling better, and recognizing how badly I'd like to feel less tired more often. There's plenty of ways to accomplish that...just gotta do the work.
So hopefully I'll be back to putting up images here this weekend, in between figuring out how the hell we're going to move in (ACK!) 5 months and tending my plants before they all stall on me. Another full-of-promise Friday :)
The relief and energy I'm experiencing thanks to my dentist's Rx of a steroid to help my mouth pain, has me thanking the gods that my lil bro (with his penchant for physical fitness and addictive personality) never tried 'roids, because I gotta tell ya, I'm feeling SO much better. I need to convince myself that I could feel this way all the time if only I'd lose the weight, because damn, I'm invigorated. And it's different from an opiate high, because there's no crash. Yes, I recognize that I'm on a strictly measured regimen and the crash comes from abusing them, don't worry...I'm just enjoying feeling better, and recognizing how badly I'd like to feel less tired more often. There's plenty of ways to accomplish that...just gotta do the work.
So hopefully I'll be back to putting up images here this weekend, in between figuring out how the hell we're going to move in (ACK!) 5 months and tending my plants before they all stall on me. Another full-of-promise Friday :)
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Quickie
78F and full sun...Weather Channel calls it "abundant sunshine." I'd have to agree. Gonna have to start bringing sunscreen in my purse if I go out at lunchtime.
Dentist put me on 'roids, headache's abated and chewing on my right side for the first time in 2 months...RELIEF!!!
Played on FB last night on the home system...order restoring itself in Melanie's universe. I'm a sad, tech-addicted creature.
Time to get some safe color on my arms and figure out different up hairstyles, cuz it's getting hot out there...so friggin' pretty though.
Pioneer Woman's coming to Orlando in May! May have to make the drive down for that; she's such a neat lady, and I'd love an excuse to buy her cookbook. Trying to encourage her to stay an extra day and take the punks to Universal :)
Dentist put me on 'roids, headache's abated and chewing on my right side for the first time in 2 months...RELIEF!!!
Played on FB last night on the home system...order restoring itself in Melanie's universe. I'm a sad, tech-addicted creature.
Time to get some safe color on my arms and figure out different up hairstyles, cuz it's getting hot out there...so friggin' pretty though.
Pioneer Woman's coming to Orlando in May! May have to make the drive down for that; she's such a neat lady, and I'd love an excuse to buy her cookbook. Trying to encourage her to stay an extra day and take the punks to Universal :)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Holy crap, it's gorgeous outside!!!
There's one time when I don't whine about Florida, and that's when the weather turns, in Spring and Fall. When it's warm, but you're not covered in a layer of sweat yet. When the sun's shining to beat the band and there's a high breeze.
We've hit Spring here...high 40s at night, reaching 80F during the day. I think we're done with winter...will be very surprised if we have any more cold snaps. Then again, this winter gave us more cold snaps than usual, so who knows...but I just got back from lunch and had zero desire to go back inside...the movie Office Space keeps going through my head...
"Man was not meant to spend their days trapped in little cubicles, Michael!"
Peter Gibbons (paraphrased)
Anyhoo, home computer still sick but out of danger...got with MS Security Support last night and they scanned our system and removed the offending virus. But we're not out of the woods yet, as the system is slow as molasses now. I hope it's not permanently damaged, but I'm thinking there's still some work ahead. We're going to download another anti-spyware program to make sure we got everything out (the MS version said they missed something), and I'm going to go through every file and clean house. Hopefully in another couple of days, it'll be faster...lord I hope so, as the processing I saw this morning brought back memories of dial-up...::shudders::...I mean, we're certainly due for a new system, as quickly as the damn things become obselete these days, but that's an expense that can't even be fathomed until at least 6 months post-move, so...
The good news: no charge for the MS Support and our personal files appear intact! As soon as it's faster, I'm transferring my photos to Flickr! and from now on, I'll do my lyric searching on iTunes. Also buying some flash drives...they're so friggin' cheap now, it's irresponsible not to have 'em around.
Crown wasn't delivered yesterday, have to go back after work today...yay.
Idina Menzel coming to town in April! Mom got tix for Lil Sis and I, should be a blast :)
We've hit Spring here...high 40s at night, reaching 80F during the day. I think we're done with winter...will be very surprised if we have any more cold snaps. Then again, this winter gave us more cold snaps than usual, so who knows...but I just got back from lunch and had zero desire to go back inside...the movie Office Space keeps going through my head...
"Man was not meant to spend their days trapped in little cubicles, Michael!"
Peter Gibbons (paraphrased)
Anyhoo, home computer still sick but out of danger...got with MS Security Support last night and they scanned our system and removed the offending virus. But we're not out of the woods yet, as the system is slow as molasses now. I hope it's not permanently damaged, but I'm thinking there's still some work ahead. We're going to download another anti-spyware program to make sure we got everything out (the MS version said they missed something), and I'm going to go through every file and clean house. Hopefully in another couple of days, it'll be faster...lord I hope so, as the processing I saw this morning brought back memories of dial-up...::shudders::...I mean, we're certainly due for a new system, as quickly as the damn things become obselete these days, but that's an expense that can't even be fathomed until at least 6 months post-move, so...
The good news: no charge for the MS Support and our personal files appear intact! As soon as it's faster, I'm transferring my photos to Flickr! and from now on, I'll do my lyric searching on iTunes. Also buying some flash drives...they're so friggin' cheap now, it's irresponsible not to have 'em around.
Crown wasn't delivered yesterday, have to go back after work today...yay.
Idina Menzel coming to town in April! Mom got tix for Lil Sis and I, should be a blast :)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Patience
So many little things requiring my patience right now...
The move...I'm getting worried that it's not doable this year. I really don't want to stay in Jax past August, but I'm not sure we'll have enough saved to pull off a move. Never mind that your average reputable landlord wants to see 2 current paystubs, meaning proof of employment in the location where you're actually moving...no wonder Dad used to go to the new locations first to find us housing. There are ways to pull that off, but it would require the kindness of family (Les's lil sis lives in Columbia; my cousin Tim's closer to Charlotte, but I haven't seen him in like, 18 years, so that would be just weird) and serious miles on the car. These thoughts are on my mind as we head speedily into April. Where the f*ck did March go?
Duck eggs...I want them to stay up there as long as they need, but I want to be able to put my tomato plant out on the porch without worrying about it being knocked over or eaten. The tomato was the biggest seedling and I think I'm days away from a first flower. It's going to be craving outdoor time soon, and I don't know what to do about that.
The seedlings themselves...the peppers are doing OK, but they'll need outdoor time quite soon too. The parsley is flagging, but I'm not looking for edible leaves on that yet, kind of want it to go to seed the first time out. The basil is just starting to show green on the surface of the soil. The cat grass is like aloe once it gets going...it's going to need more seeds and a larger pot very soon. You can literally sit next to that and watch it grow. The others (marjoram and rosemary), I was thinking I'd need to start over on, but 2 of the peat pots are starting to hint at green as well. So I need to be patient. This really is my first time trying to baby seeds into something, so I may start journaling my efforts, so I won't have to be so impatient next time.
The computer...I have a phone appointment tonight with a Microsoft tech support engineer. Can't tell from the site what it's going to cost me, but I'll need to address that at the onset anyway, because money's thin right now...hence why we were thinking we couldn't do anything about the virus for 3 weeks. But they're claiming we won't necessarily lose our personal info (I did an online chat with a tech yesterday). I'm sure he forwarded me to the engineer so that they can try to charge us, but hey, won't know til I talk to him. Not that I'm going to be in the mood for talking...got another dentist appt. tonight and if this new crown is half-metal as well, then the doc and I are going to have a talk. The headaches and throbbing are getting really old. Cross your fingers for me that the permanent crown decreases those side effects, because my patience is gone where that's concerned.
The move...I'm getting worried that it's not doable this year. I really don't want to stay in Jax past August, but I'm not sure we'll have enough saved to pull off a move. Never mind that your average reputable landlord wants to see 2 current paystubs, meaning proof of employment in the location where you're actually moving...no wonder Dad used to go to the new locations first to find us housing. There are ways to pull that off, but it would require the kindness of family (Les's lil sis lives in Columbia; my cousin Tim's closer to Charlotte, but I haven't seen him in like, 18 years, so that would be just weird) and serious miles on the car. These thoughts are on my mind as we head speedily into April. Where the f*ck did March go?
Duck eggs...I want them to stay up there as long as they need, but I want to be able to put my tomato plant out on the porch without worrying about it being knocked over or eaten. The tomato was the biggest seedling and I think I'm days away from a first flower. It's going to be craving outdoor time soon, and I don't know what to do about that.
The seedlings themselves...the peppers are doing OK, but they'll need outdoor time quite soon too. The parsley is flagging, but I'm not looking for edible leaves on that yet, kind of want it to go to seed the first time out. The basil is just starting to show green on the surface of the soil. The cat grass is like aloe once it gets going...it's going to need more seeds and a larger pot very soon. You can literally sit next to that and watch it grow. The others (marjoram and rosemary), I was thinking I'd need to start over on, but 2 of the peat pots are starting to hint at green as well. So I need to be patient. This really is my first time trying to baby seeds into something, so I may start journaling my efforts, so I won't have to be so impatient next time.
The computer...I have a phone appointment tonight with a Microsoft tech support engineer. Can't tell from the site what it's going to cost me, but I'll need to address that at the onset anyway, because money's thin right now...hence why we were thinking we couldn't do anything about the virus for 3 weeks. But they're claiming we won't necessarily lose our personal info (I did an online chat with a tech yesterday). I'm sure he forwarded me to the engineer so that they can try to charge us, but hey, won't know til I talk to him. Not that I'm going to be in the mood for talking...got another dentist appt. tonight and if this new crown is half-metal as well, then the doc and I are going to have a talk. The headaches and throbbing are getting really old. Cross your fingers for me that the permanent crown decreases those side effects, because my patience is gone where that's concerned.
Monday, March 29, 2010
The horror
No pics for awhile :( My home computer caught a virus on Saturday.
::sigh::
I've consulted with a guy at work whom I trust, and his advice is that we're going to lose everything. We'll be able to have what we started with, but won't be able to save anything we've added. For Les, this may only mean losing a game that he uploaded from the Web. For me, the loss is significantly greater, as I'm a tool and never backed up my photos (oh, so THAT's why everyone uses Flickr!), and I'll lose iTunes. The good news is I can try something myself to restore it, and hopefully bypass shelling out more than $100 to some store to do it. GeekSquad wanted $199, the bastards...think I've lost a little respect for them, especially if resetting the system is as easy as my work contact says. CompUSA wanted less than that, but I'm sure neither place can give a guarantee that they'll retrieve our stuff, so why shell it out? Discussing with Husby tonight...
I'm feeling rather zen about it. I won't lie...not being able to jump on the sucker on Sunday gave me the DTs, but being back at work is helping. How sad is that. I'll never be one to shun technology, far from it, but I can't help wondering if the Waldorfers who are so proud of themselves for keeping the TV in a closet, how they'd react to losing their iTunes...just sayin'...
The big hurt is losing my photos, everything from Dad's memorial and Nanie's funeral trips, our anniversary trip last year, SC shots. I've bounced some good ones of those to FB in the past, and I'm realizing that I have my memories of those times, and it's helping. I was pretty drunk at Dad's stuff, but I'll always remember how beautiful his wood box looked next to their wedding picture, and Nanie's funeral memories will always be laden in that amazing snowstorm that hit as we were leaving the church.
Anyway, I was lost without it (the computer) yesterday, and that pisses me off, because it's not like I would've spent the day doing constructive stuff on it, like writing letters of intent or educating myself on real estate agencies in NC. No, more likely I'd have been reading blogs, goofing off on FB...and it gets me thinking about what's important, why I haven't been knitting, why I'm so restless when I have such obvious means of entertainment and energy dispersal other than the computer at my disposal (my chairload of library books, a houseful of crap, etc.). I did get quite a bit done on Saturday, threw out some stuff, organized some boxes...the cruelest irony was unearthing my CDs...the reason we caught the virus was because yours truly was trolling online for song lyrics to update all the no-name entries in my iTunes, and I just happened to hit the wrong website. Ten-plus years of working on computers and I'm still dumb as a bag of hammers about them. But what can you do...I set the CDs aside, and I look forward to adding them to my iPod when the system's restored. Like I said, rather maddeningly zen about it. It's all just stuff.
This post from Farmgirl Fare is just a delightful reminder of Spring and a touch of zen.
::sigh::
I've consulted with a guy at work whom I trust, and his advice is that we're going to lose everything. We'll be able to have what we started with, but won't be able to save anything we've added. For Les, this may only mean losing a game that he uploaded from the Web. For me, the loss is significantly greater, as I'm a tool and never backed up my photos (oh, so THAT's why everyone uses Flickr!), and I'll lose iTunes. The good news is I can try something myself to restore it, and hopefully bypass shelling out more than $100 to some store to do it. GeekSquad wanted $199, the bastards...think I've lost a little respect for them, especially if resetting the system is as easy as my work contact says. CompUSA wanted less than that, but I'm sure neither place can give a guarantee that they'll retrieve our stuff, so why shell it out? Discussing with Husby tonight...
I'm feeling rather zen about it. I won't lie...not being able to jump on the sucker on Sunday gave me the DTs, but being back at work is helping. How sad is that. I'll never be one to shun technology, far from it, but I can't help wondering if the Waldorfers who are so proud of themselves for keeping the TV in a closet, how they'd react to losing their iTunes...just sayin'...
The big hurt is losing my photos, everything from Dad's memorial and Nanie's funeral trips, our anniversary trip last year, SC shots. I've bounced some good ones of those to FB in the past, and I'm realizing that I have my memories of those times, and it's helping. I was pretty drunk at Dad's stuff, but I'll always remember how beautiful his wood box looked next to their wedding picture, and Nanie's funeral memories will always be laden in that amazing snowstorm that hit as we were leaving the church.
Anyway, I was lost without it (the computer) yesterday, and that pisses me off, because it's not like I would've spent the day doing constructive stuff on it, like writing letters of intent or educating myself on real estate agencies in NC. No, more likely I'd have been reading blogs, goofing off on FB...and it gets me thinking about what's important, why I haven't been knitting, why I'm so restless when I have such obvious means of entertainment and energy dispersal other than the computer at my disposal (my chairload of library books, a houseful of crap, etc.). I did get quite a bit done on Saturday, threw out some stuff, organized some boxes...the cruelest irony was unearthing my CDs...the reason we caught the virus was because yours truly was trolling online for song lyrics to update all the no-name entries in my iTunes, and I just happened to hit the wrong website. Ten-plus years of working on computers and I'm still dumb as a bag of hammers about them. But what can you do...I set the CDs aside, and I look forward to adding them to my iPod when the system's restored. Like I said, rather maddeningly zen about it. It's all just stuff.
This post from Farmgirl Fare is just a delightful reminder of Spring and a touch of zen.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
A little cheese, a little whine...
Maine and Vermont getting snow this week. 70F in Florida. Bleh. I get that this makes sense, given the distance between us. Doesn't mean I have to like it.
Actually, in spite of overcast conditions, it is nice having the temps rise...getting me in spring mood, like I want to paint my toenails some weird pastel color that ain't me. Just wish I could put the plants out and add to my little greenhouse....it felt SO good to have my hands in dirt the other night!
Husby finally feeling a bit better. Had a CAT scan today, checking for causes of the last 2 months of fun he's been enduring. Driving me to work this morning, he went into a goofy Pink Floyd riff that had him smiling more than I've seen in ages...did my heart good.
Tomatoes not appreciating my efforts so far, have had to pinch off some leaves. Pretty sure I'm watering them too much...researching seedling care.
So. Ready. For next week's dental appointment. The throbbing that occurs around mealtimes on the right side of my head has gotten old, died off, and rebirths itself with every bite, even with attempting to only chew on the left. I have a new half-metal crown that's sensitive (tangent: I'd love to know how people got around the hot/cold conductivity of metal before amalgams entered the picture...were there just more root canals back in the day? Cuz I gottatellya, I'm going to be campaigning for a damn root canal if this lasts more than 2 weeks after the next crown...). The temporary crown is above the new crown, and I'm thinking I have cavities that still need to be dealt with in front of it, so the whole right side isn't loving me right now. I miss ice cream, and I hate eating...trying to limit my diet to soft stuff in the meantime.
Ready for Friday...the usual planned for the weekend, organizing, puttering...maybe farmer's market. Can't believe March is wrapping up, need to spend time on move planning this weekend. Made some to-do lists earlier in the week, and they pretty much read: Dining area: go through boxes, purge, reorganize...bedroom closet: go through boxes, purge, reorganize...about time to act on this common theme.
Actually, in spite of overcast conditions, it is nice having the temps rise...getting me in spring mood, like I want to paint my toenails some weird pastel color that ain't me. Just wish I could put the plants out and add to my little greenhouse....it felt SO good to have my hands in dirt the other night!
Husby finally feeling a bit better. Had a CAT scan today, checking for causes of the last 2 months of fun he's been enduring. Driving me to work this morning, he went into a goofy Pink Floyd riff that had him smiling more than I've seen in ages...did my heart good.
Tomatoes not appreciating my efforts so far, have had to pinch off some leaves. Pretty sure I'm watering them too much...researching seedling care.
So. Ready. For next week's dental appointment. The throbbing that occurs around mealtimes on the right side of my head has gotten old, died off, and rebirths itself with every bite, even with attempting to only chew on the left. I have a new half-metal crown that's sensitive (tangent: I'd love to know how people got around the hot/cold conductivity of metal before amalgams entered the picture...were there just more root canals back in the day? Cuz I gottatellya, I'm going to be campaigning for a damn root canal if this lasts more than 2 weeks after the next crown...). The temporary crown is above the new crown, and I'm thinking I have cavities that still need to be dealt with in front of it, so the whole right side isn't loving me right now. I miss ice cream, and I hate eating...trying to limit my diet to soft stuff in the meantime.
Ready for Friday...the usual planned for the weekend, organizing, puttering...maybe farmer's market. Can't believe March is wrapping up, need to spend time on move planning this weekend. Made some to-do lists earlier in the week, and they pretty much read: Dining area: go through boxes, purge, reorganize...bedroom closet: go through boxes, purge, reorganize...about time to act on this common theme.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Winding up the weekend...
Picture explanation below...
So I'm not taking the Mods job; I'm staying in QC. Not into same pay for more stress, plus I can't stand the idea of selling anything, let alone having it determine a portion of my pay. It's just not for me. Plus, I'm pretty sure my bonus potential is better where I am (which we definitely need if we have any chance of moving this year), and the possibility of the Mods job helped me realize that I am, first and foremost, a writer and editor, so why not try to excel at that...
My boss is in the process of training our copywriters about writing for advertising. I'm too cynical to think it'll stick the way we'd like it to, but it's also helping me see ways that I can improve my own thinking and performance as an editor/potential copywriter. Nice opportunity that will hopefully help me once I'm hunting...
This has been mostly a lazy weekend, but I'm surprisingly OK with that. Yesterday I ran some errands, napped a bit, hit the library...today I sorted some bills, cleaned the kitchen, enjoyed a toothache...but I'm feeling OK with just puttering, not beating myself up for not digging into boxes or baking bread. These things need to have their own pace, just like the vegetarian lifestyle. That sure ain't going to happen overnight, but I'm still trying.
Have run into another roadblock where my planting is concerned, that has me a little worried/perplexed. Our porch is small and cluttered with a charcoal grill, an old end table, an assortment of plant pots, and the ever-present aloe that refuses to die. Actually not certain how alive the aloe still is, as this was a particularly cold winter in north FL.
So I've mentioned before that Les thought the neighborhood ducks were frequenting our porch...well, sometime between March 6th and now (because we used the grill for our anniversary dinner), they decided the old litterbox I had stashed under the end table was a safe enough spot to start a family. There's at least a dozen eggs in there. I'm delighted to be able to bear witness to nature so closely (hopefully), but worried about what will happen when/if they hatch? It'll be a couple of weeks before the ducklings get big enough to fly off the porch down to the ground. I know better than to try to move them before they hatch, as it's probable the ducks would abandon them completely and they'd die; and we're definitely not going to tell the complex, because they'd probably just call animal control and get the ducklings killed. So I'll do a little web research, and we're staying off the porch for now. I'm transplanting the seedlings tonight (indoors), and they'll go in the front window for a while. Cross your fingers that the complex employees don't notice somehow...it's unlikely, but still...and ANY advice is welcome.
Nice way to start Spring though, huh :)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Note to self...
Start frickin' buying some Amy's frozen dinners to get you through the lazy times!!!
Caved and did Zaxby's yesterday. Celebrated my good labs with some really crappy mac & cheese...could've at least bought Annie's, but didn't. Today, my head was elsewhere, so did breakfast ala Starbucks. My local godsend is a test market for breakfast sandwiches, that usually kick butt...artisan bread, egg, gouda, and bacon or ham. Today the bacon was so undercooked, it left a creepy residual flavor on the sandwich even after I pulled it all off. I'm finally turning a corner where meat is concerned. So fast food's really skeeving me out of late, and I don't want to piss away my lunch half hour on a Publix run. If that's the biggest thing I have to whine about, I'm in pretty good shape, huh?
In other news, they're vetting me to maybe move to Mods (modifications) within the company. I'm keeping my positive, use-me-where-you-need-me face out front, but lord, it'll be grueling being back on phones, if this does go through. There's opportunity to learn a thing or two, but there's kissing customer's asses too. Here's hoping my maturity overrides my lackolithium...
Caved and did Zaxby's yesterday. Celebrated my good labs with some really crappy mac & cheese...could've at least bought Annie's, but didn't. Today, my head was elsewhere, so did breakfast ala Starbucks. My local godsend is a test market for breakfast sandwiches, that usually kick butt...artisan bread, egg, gouda, and bacon or ham. Today the bacon was so undercooked, it left a creepy residual flavor on the sandwich even after I pulled it all off. I'm finally turning a corner where meat is concerned. So fast food's really skeeving me out of late, and I don't want to piss away my lunch half hour on a Publix run. If that's the biggest thing I have to whine about, I'm in pretty good shape, huh?
In other news, they're vetting me to maybe move to Mods (modifications) within the company. I'm keeping my positive, use-me-where-you-need-me face out front, but lord, it'll be grueling being back on phones, if this does go through. There's opportunity to learn a thing or two, but there's kissing customer's asses too. Here's hoping my maturity overrides my lackolithium...
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Hump Day Quickie
aahh...if only :)
Husby's rallying ever so slightly, but we're being proactive...he has an appointment with the local gastroenterology outfit next week, and he's getting labs done. Went with him to the doc this morning and FINALLY got my own lab results (from frickin' 4 months ago...No diabetes! Cholesterol AND triglycerides in normal range! Woohoo!).
May actually be able to squeeze the Photoshop training out of my company after all...they're looking for people to work Modifications (rotational, I'm betting, to utilize resources when other areas are dry...they sent people home today on my team due to the lackowork...scary when that happens). We'll see...but I'm even looking forward to the phone work it involves, because I haven't had to deal with customers in years, and the level of agoraphobia and misanthropy that that encourages can't be good for me. Though I'm sure the misanthropy will only get worse once I'm actually dealing with the idiots, but still...will certainly help expand my knowledge, fluff up the ole resume :)
Weather sucks the next 2 days, but I'm determined to get those seedlings into pots...set 'em out on the porch this morning so that at least they're getting light. Went to dentist after work yesterday, so did nothing last night...I'm a pretty tense dental patient, so it wipes me out afterward. 2nd temporary crown on, and sensitivity is dropping on that side, thank goodness. I'm getting a little tired of doc appointments, but it does feel good to get my ducks in a row healthwise.
And yes, I'm wearing my green...Dad was 100% Irish, Mom's a bit of a mutt. Regardless of the take on history that has St. Patrick playing a key role in driving the Druids and pagans out of Ireland, I still wear my green proudly today. Besides, what does that matter...we pagans are still around, so who gives a crap? I think of how proud Dad was of his Irish heritage, and I honor him today with my green. Erin saoirse go bragh!
Husby's rallying ever so slightly, but we're being proactive...he has an appointment with the local gastroenterology outfit next week, and he's getting labs done. Went with him to the doc this morning and FINALLY got my own lab results (from frickin' 4 months ago...No diabetes! Cholesterol AND triglycerides in normal range! Woohoo!).
May actually be able to squeeze the Photoshop training out of my company after all...they're looking for people to work Modifications (rotational, I'm betting, to utilize resources when other areas are dry...they sent people home today on my team due to the lackowork...scary when that happens). We'll see...but I'm even looking forward to the phone work it involves, because I haven't had to deal with customers in years, and the level of agoraphobia and misanthropy that that encourages can't be good for me. Though I'm sure the misanthropy will only get worse once I'm actually dealing with the idiots, but still...will certainly help expand my knowledge, fluff up the ole resume :)
Weather sucks the next 2 days, but I'm determined to get those seedlings into pots...set 'em out on the porch this morning so that at least they're getting light. Went to dentist after work yesterday, so did nothing last night...I'm a pretty tense dental patient, so it wipes me out afterward. 2nd temporary crown on, and sensitivity is dropping on that side, thank goodness. I'm getting a little tired of doc appointments, but it does feel good to get my ducks in a row healthwise.
And yes, I'm wearing my green...Dad was 100% Irish, Mom's a bit of a mutt. Regardless of the take on history that has St. Patrick playing a key role in driving the Druids and pagans out of Ireland, I still wear my green proudly today. Besides, what does that matter...we pagans are still around, so who gives a crap? I think of how proud Dad was of his Irish heritage, and I honor him today with my green. Erin saoirse go bragh!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Living, learning...
OK, so didn't get to the plants last night...by the time my shows were on, didn't want to do anything. Mondays are the only night where I'm blessed with decent TV for a couple of hours straight though, so I should be able to get those plants started tonight. Besides, they've got to be starting to droop from being out of the light, poor things. I have the dentist today after work, so should be looking to burn off steam while avoiding dinner later....not going to want to eat while one side of my face is numb.
Steamer just ain't worth the effort on rice. Plugged that sucker in last night all jazzed to cook up a little stir fry, and ended up eating the veggies by themselves, because the rice wasn't cooked 2 hours later. However I boiled said rice afterward, tending carefully to the heat, and managed to keep it from burning and retain the flavor. So I just need to exercise a little patience on the burner, and maybe soak the grains beforehand? I know, I know, rice cooker...but why buy a new appliance if a standard pot will work with a little effort...
Stir fry and Tex Mex will get old quick though, so I'm educating myself on recipes this week, studying how to cook stuff like quinoa, tofu, and groats properly so I don't screw up their flavor the first time out. Good thing too, as I'm finding online advice that's helpful, like how quinoa has a bitter outer layer that should get soaked off first. And learning as I go, as the strange smell that's been permeating the apartment is likely the broccoli that was left in the fridge for a week in an open bag...it was still in perfect shape when I cooked most of it last night, but it gives off a gas, hence why you see people selling those green produce bags on TV that I tend to poo-poo as another money-making gimmick. Research, research...
Funny how I'm craving healthy now when I slip though...didn't make time to pull together meals yesterday before work and paid for it in an interesting fashion. Lunchtime rolled around and I had no desire to hit fast food at all, which left me at loose ends. I grabbed a frappuccino instead and it kept me from being hungry all afternoon (I would think so, since we're talking about nearly 500 calories of sugar water), but I was roaring for some real food by end of day and it had to be healthy. So I chopped up veggies, started the rice. I'm determined to steer clear of meat and I'm going to keep reading the propaganda until I feel the same way about eggs. Until I have my own chickens, that is.
Steamer just ain't worth the effort on rice. Plugged that sucker in last night all jazzed to cook up a little stir fry, and ended up eating the veggies by themselves, because the rice wasn't cooked 2 hours later. However I boiled said rice afterward, tending carefully to the heat, and managed to keep it from burning and retain the flavor. So I just need to exercise a little patience on the burner, and maybe soak the grains beforehand? I know, I know, rice cooker...but why buy a new appliance if a standard pot will work with a little effort...
Stir fry and Tex Mex will get old quick though, so I'm educating myself on recipes this week, studying how to cook stuff like quinoa, tofu, and groats properly so I don't screw up their flavor the first time out. Good thing too, as I'm finding online advice that's helpful, like how quinoa has a bitter outer layer that should get soaked off first. And learning as I go, as the strange smell that's been permeating the apartment is likely the broccoli that was left in the fridge for a week in an open bag...it was still in perfect shape when I cooked most of it last night, but it gives off a gas, hence why you see people selling those green produce bags on TV that I tend to poo-poo as another money-making gimmick. Research, research...
Funny how I'm craving healthy now when I slip though...didn't make time to pull together meals yesterday before work and paid for it in an interesting fashion. Lunchtime rolled around and I had no desire to hit fast food at all, which left me at loose ends. I grabbed a frappuccino instead and it kept me from being hungry all afternoon (I would think so, since we're talking about nearly 500 calories of sugar water), but I was roaring for some real food by end of day and it had to be healthy. So I chopped up veggies, started the rice. I'm determined to steer clear of meat and I'm going to keep reading the propaganda until I feel the same way about eggs. Until I have my own chickens, that is.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Full of Promise.....Monday?!
Damn Spring fever...engaging rambling post...NOW!
Seriously gorgeous weather burst forth this past weekend...sunny and 60s with a stiff breeze. I went to Home Depot to look around and ended up buying a couple of seedlings (tomatoes, red bell peppers, and flat parsley) and then going next door to Target for the rest...potting soil, peat planters, and herb seeds: cat grass, chamomile, marjoram, basil, and rosemary. So the Growing Challenge tag is back up on the ole blog...feel free to check her out.
I wasn't even going to plant this year, was going to use the move (::crosses fingers::) as an excuse not to bother. I'm even starting out with a pretty significant handicap, as I don't trust the cat to leave the stuff alone while I'm babying it initially, and we recently discovered that the neighborhood ducks had flown up to our porch to dig into the leftovers from last year. But gardening means coping with all kinds of wildlife, so I may as well start learning to adapt. I just couldn't stay away from it this year, not with the serious case of Barnheart that's been fueling my current reading and eating choices.
I'm glad I'm rallying, because the weekend feels like a wash...though naturally, I'm being too hard on myself. I worked 5 hours Saturday to make up some of the time from last week's excursions. Plus, was a pinch hungover Saturday from slamming a couple of beers at Mom's...I won a contest where a guy comes over to your house, cooks you dinner, and then tries to sell you exorbitantly high-priced cookware. I'll be more careful what contests I enter at Southern Women's Show in the future. It was pleasant enough, but pretty unnecessary...we had it at Mom's because her place is much nicer than ours, and she invited some really sweet neighbors, so the evening was pleasant enough, but still...yeesh!
So got home from work Saturday, imbibed a ridiculous amount of greasy fast food to get rid of rest of hangover, and crashed for a couple of hours. Les's diverticulitis is taking its sweet time leaving his system, so he was down for the count all weekend. Sunday I puttered, did most of the laundry, ignored the kitchen and dining room, and purchased the aforementioned planting supplies, but then couldn't bring myself to do anything with them. I know I need time on the weekends to chill, especially after last week, but it's frustrating when I rally on Monday and can't address half the stuff that didn't get hit on the weekend, because I'm buried in work (tangent: work that is very frustrating of late and punctuates the clusterf*ck organization that has evolved at my place of business). Doing all that laundry aggravated my groin area...the site's healed fine, but it's twingy down there, which just ain't natural for us ladies IMHO, and means I can't sit still at work today, because my undies land right at the wrong spot. Whinewhinewhine...
When I'm like this, slightly depressed and ornery, good nutrition and apartment cleanliness take a backseat...which only makes me ornerier. As the fast food slip will attest, when there's money in the bank and no planning has occurred, it's of course easier to revert back to yucky habits. Now granted, I did feel worlds better after Saturday's nap, and I gave thought to smart food before hitting up the Burger King for grub, but I am seeing how lazy it is. How I need to lay off the booze entirely while I'm trying to drop weight and get healthy. How important it is to educate myself on recipes, so I can throw good food together as easily as I throw together the bad stuff. I tried on Saturday night, cooked some brown rice to have with leftover (Greenwise) chicken, but it was a disaster, because I'm not used to cooking rice yet. We inherited a steamer from Mom, and it's coming out of the cabinet for good now, because I'm really sick of destroying rice because I can't get a handle on the heat. Besides, the best brown rice IMO is from PF Chang's and I'm pretty sure all they do is steam it. It may take longer, but the flavor is exquisite.
So...tonight, start my plants and clean the kitchen. This week, I hope to dig into the dining area in the evenings, continue educating myself on recipes, and staying off the meat. Should be a bit easier this week, because Les's diet is significantly modified while he's recovering, so I can indulge in my own meals.
Seriously gorgeous weather burst forth this past weekend...sunny and 60s with a stiff breeze. I went to Home Depot to look around and ended up buying a couple of seedlings (tomatoes, red bell peppers, and flat parsley) and then going next door to Target for the rest...potting soil, peat planters, and herb seeds: cat grass, chamomile, marjoram, basil, and rosemary. So the Growing Challenge tag is back up on the ole blog...feel free to check her out.
I wasn't even going to plant this year, was going to use the move (::crosses fingers::) as an excuse not to bother. I'm even starting out with a pretty significant handicap, as I don't trust the cat to leave the stuff alone while I'm babying it initially, and we recently discovered that the neighborhood ducks had flown up to our porch to dig into the leftovers from last year. But gardening means coping with all kinds of wildlife, so I may as well start learning to adapt. I just couldn't stay away from it this year, not with the serious case of Barnheart that's been fueling my current reading and eating choices.
I'm glad I'm rallying, because the weekend feels like a wash...though naturally, I'm being too hard on myself. I worked 5 hours Saturday to make up some of the time from last week's excursions. Plus, was a pinch hungover Saturday from slamming a couple of beers at Mom's...I won a contest where a guy comes over to your house, cooks you dinner, and then tries to sell you exorbitantly high-priced cookware. I'll be more careful what contests I enter at Southern Women's Show in the future. It was pleasant enough, but pretty unnecessary...we had it at Mom's because her place is much nicer than ours, and she invited some really sweet neighbors, so the evening was pleasant enough, but still...yeesh!
So got home from work Saturday, imbibed a ridiculous amount of greasy fast food to get rid of rest of hangover, and crashed for a couple of hours. Les's diverticulitis is taking its sweet time leaving his system, so he was down for the count all weekend. Sunday I puttered, did most of the laundry, ignored the kitchen and dining room, and purchased the aforementioned planting supplies, but then couldn't bring myself to do anything with them. I know I need time on the weekends to chill, especially after last week, but it's frustrating when I rally on Monday and can't address half the stuff that didn't get hit on the weekend, because I'm buried in work (tangent: work that is very frustrating of late and punctuates the clusterf*ck organization that has evolved at my place of business). Doing all that laundry aggravated my groin area...the site's healed fine, but it's twingy down there, which just ain't natural for us ladies IMHO, and means I can't sit still at work today, because my undies land right at the wrong spot. Whinewhinewhine...
When I'm like this, slightly depressed and ornery, good nutrition and apartment cleanliness take a backseat...which only makes me ornerier. As the fast food slip will attest, when there's money in the bank and no planning has occurred, it's of course easier to revert back to yucky habits. Now granted, I did feel worlds better after Saturday's nap, and I gave thought to smart food before hitting up the Burger King for grub, but I am seeing how lazy it is. How I need to lay off the booze entirely while I'm trying to drop weight and get healthy. How important it is to educate myself on recipes, so I can throw good food together as easily as I throw together the bad stuff. I tried on Saturday night, cooked some brown rice to have with leftover (Greenwise) chicken, but it was a disaster, because I'm not used to cooking rice yet. We inherited a steamer from Mom, and it's coming out of the cabinet for good now, because I'm really sick of destroying rice because I can't get a handle on the heat. Besides, the best brown rice IMO is from PF Chang's and I'm pretty sure all they do is steam it. It may take longer, but the flavor is exquisite.
So...tonight, start my plants and clean the kitchen. This week, I hope to dig into the dining area in the evenings, continue educating myself on recipes, and staying off the meat. Should be a bit easier this week, because Les's diet is significantly modified while he's recovering, so I can indulge in my own meals.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Frustration, mental wanderings, the usual
Work.....has me thinking about how I'd like to work elsewhere. Has me thinking about NC.
Friday......good feeling.
Husby's still sick, poor guy...will spend weekend doting on him.
I'm still just a pinch out of sorts since Tuesday.....thinking of doing a cleansing ritual. When you're not used to doctors' offices and medical procedures, there's a feeling of violation that results....whether it's from the occasional groin twinge or the restrictions on activity during recovery...i don't know...just doesn't have me completely feeling like me. Will be glad to have the weekend to get back into my routine. May have to work early Saturday, but otherwise, planning a light walk, maybe a visit to the Arts Market, and a good pinch of organizing and planning. Another full-of-promise Friday :)
Friday......good feeling.
Husby's still sick, poor guy...will spend weekend doting on him.
I'm still just a pinch out of sorts since Tuesday.....thinking of doing a cleansing ritual. When you're not used to doctors' offices and medical procedures, there's a feeling of violation that results....whether it's from the occasional groin twinge or the restrictions on activity during recovery...i don't know...just doesn't have me completely feeling like me. Will be glad to have the weekend to get back into my routine. May have to work early Saturday, but otherwise, planning a light walk, maybe a visit to the Arts Market, and a good pinch of organizing and planning. Another full-of-promise Friday :)
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Healthy. Everything looks good.
Great words up there. Pretty sure that's what the cath doc said...I was kind of out of it, but have Husby as a witness.
Reliefreliefrelief...
What I remember and what actually happened are two different things. I've been on anesthesia once before (bottom wisdom tooth extraction), but for that I was completely out. This twilighty stuff was rather hilarious. Once I was on the table, they gave me something...and the ceiling started moving. Then the doc came in to check on me, give me a reassuring pat on the head, and I cracked wise at him, and he told them to give me some more. I don't remember what he said, but I remember saying something like "well, you're the one who keeps ordering all this shit." Gotta remember to apologize...ah, follow-up's not for a month, he won't remember either.
Procedure was supposed to take about 15 minutes...I remember about 5. Then they wheeled me back to my room, where I dozed for quite a while. They keep you for about 2 hours after the procedure to ensure you're reacting OK under anesthesia and that there are no complications near the entry site at the groin. Les got some reading in, and we watched a couple of Food Network shows. Terrific service at the cardiologist office...the professionals there have that rhythm going, where you barely notice what they're doing to you as they're doing it, and for folks like me who've rarely been stuck in clinical settings, it was nice, kept the nervousness under control.
I napped the afternoon away, and Les kept me tied to the bed all evening...wouldn't let me play on the computer until like, 9 p.m. :( But I really was exhausted, and it's carried over to today. I'm back at work, but definitely not running any marathons. Site's fine, but I'm betting it'll bruise now that I'm back in regular clothes.
So I'll spend the week recovering and then get back on the stick. I swear I'm going to print out about 5 copies of this Cold Antler Farm post, keep one in my purse, one at work, one at my dresser...it so clearly states how I want to live my life and how I need to react when the depression sucks me into a brown stare in front of the TV.
Looking forward to the weekend...researching, organizing, cleaning, a little walking...Les cleaned the kitchen last night though! I need to get laid out more often :)
Reliefreliefrelief...
What I remember and what actually happened are two different things. I've been on anesthesia once before (bottom wisdom tooth extraction), but for that I was completely out. This twilighty stuff was rather hilarious. Once I was on the table, they gave me something...and the ceiling started moving. Then the doc came in to check on me, give me a reassuring pat on the head, and I cracked wise at him, and he told them to give me some more. I don't remember what he said, but I remember saying something like "well, you're the one who keeps ordering all this shit." Gotta remember to apologize...ah, follow-up's not for a month, he won't remember either.
Procedure was supposed to take about 15 minutes...I remember about 5. Then they wheeled me back to my room, where I dozed for quite a while. They keep you for about 2 hours after the procedure to ensure you're reacting OK under anesthesia and that there are no complications near the entry site at the groin. Les got some reading in, and we watched a couple of Food Network shows. Terrific service at the cardiologist office...the professionals there have that rhythm going, where you barely notice what they're doing to you as they're doing it, and for folks like me who've rarely been stuck in clinical settings, it was nice, kept the nervousness under control.
I napped the afternoon away, and Les kept me tied to the bed all evening...wouldn't let me play on the computer until like, 9 p.m. :( But I really was exhausted, and it's carried over to today. I'm back at work, but definitely not running any marathons. Site's fine, but I'm betting it'll bruise now that I'm back in regular clothes.
So I'll spend the week recovering and then get back on the stick. I swear I'm going to print out about 5 copies of this Cold Antler Farm post, keep one in my purse, one at work, one at my dresser...it so clearly states how I want to live my life and how I need to react when the depression sucks me into a brown stare in front of the TV.
Looking forward to the weekend...researching, organizing, cleaning, a little walking...Les cleaned the kitchen last night though! I need to get laid out more often :)
Monday, March 08, 2010
Monday and other nonsense
Poor Husby is enjoying a bout of diverticulitis, so took him to the doc today.
Tomorrow I'm having the angiogram done. Not thinking about it too hard. There's no point in getting nervous over it, I figure. Instead I'm concentrating on esthetics, like I really should shave my legs and maybe some other places... /:)
They said that my pics from the nuclear stress test showed a shadow, which they think is a breast artifact (meaning my boob was in the way). I think they're telling me everything...i mean, it's obvious when I talk to people that I worked in medicine for 5 minutes and understand the terminology. Still...
I put on the brave face for Husby, of course; poor guy's worried enough for the both of us. But I'm sure once I'm in the clinical setting tomorrow, I'll be a little spooked. I mean, nobody likes being in a gown having stuff done to them. Still...
But I'll bring something to read during the down time (they're giving me a local, I think, so knitting would be foolhardy), and dream of my farm and living further north. They're good dreams; they keep me going.
Tomorrow I'm having the angiogram done. Not thinking about it too hard. There's no point in getting nervous over it, I figure. Instead I'm concentrating on esthetics, like I really should shave my legs and maybe some other places... /:)
They said that my pics from the nuclear stress test showed a shadow, which they think is a breast artifact (meaning my boob was in the way). I think they're telling me everything...i mean, it's obvious when I talk to people that I worked in medicine for 5 minutes and understand the terminology. Still...
I put on the brave face for Husby, of course; poor guy's worried enough for the both of us. But I'm sure once I'm in the clinical setting tomorrow, I'll be a little spooked. I mean, nobody likes being in a gown having stuff done to them. Still...
But I'll bring something to read during the down time (they're giving me a local, I think, so knitting would be foolhardy), and dream of my farm and living further north. They're good dreams; they keep me going.
Friday, March 05, 2010
Fabulous Friday (and some self-righteous blathering about food...)
Seriously don't wanna be at work today...arrived here and opened my e-mail to reveal a rather significant personal screw-up...nothing job-endangering, just embarassing because it was offered up as an example for the whole team to learn from, and I can't stand making mistakes like that. Have been dreaming of Starbucks Latte or end-of-day Budweiser.....gotta love emotional eating, or drinking, as the case may be.
And yet, the emotions have definitely shifted in the eating department. It's payday and instead of being lazy and hitting Zaxby's for the world's best fast-food chicken fingers, there's a salad of green leaf, navy beans, Bacos, and honey mustard waiting for me in the fridge. Made it last night, took all of 10 minutes. I'll need to step out for some healthy snack food to get me through the afternoon, because the desk drawer is bare, but the desire to cave and grab a Coke or a candy bar just ain't there.
And my desire for meat has been all but wiped out. Treating ourselves to some filet mignon tomorrow night, because it's our wedding anniversary, and the only reason I won't go organic on that is because Mom's offered to buy our dinner as a gift, sweet lady. But I'm hoping to hit Whole Foods this weekend, and get a better look at Publix's Greenwise offerings, do some price comparisons, because I just can't afford to buy more than produce at Native Sun. It's a lovely store and I like contributing to a family outfit, but when you're seeing the same things on Publix's shelves for 2/3rds the cost, there's no point, not at my salary. Plus, that's saying something, because Publix ain't the cheapest store in the area either...it's just infinitely nicer to shop in than Winn-Dixie.
But man, their produce is terrific (Native Sun's)...who knew that lettuce had flavor? I picked up some Publix romaine a couple of weeks ago, and it was bitter and nasty. Have been enjoying a peppery red leaf lettuce this week, and today's green leaf looks equally yummy. It requires being a very prudent shopper...with tomatoes out of season, they wanted $4.99 a pound for the hothouse variety, so I had to pass...but shouldn't food shopping be that way anyway? What a concept, not just grabbing what's easy, what's packaged to require the least effort...when you think of the effort required to create food that requires the least effort of the shopper...it's mindblowing. I'm not against the occasional frozen dinner or premade entree, but I'm sure going to be studying where it all came from more closely.
Can't believe it's taken me this long to wake up to this...and the knowledge that comes with this can be daunting. I'm not a fan of PETA's scare tactics to turn people vegan, but I also can't deny the hard truths...for example, that if a big-label egg outfit is offering a cage-free organic egg, it stands to reason that it's going to be made using the most minimal criteria to get that label, because the bulk of their business is the ordinary way. The bird that created your egg may not be jammed in a battery cage with 5 of her closest friends, but she's instead probably in a barn with 10,000 of her closest friends, broiler-style, dropping said eggs on the floor of a glorified ammonia factory, and her beak was probably still clipped because chickens in close quarters are cannibals by nature. I get that it has to be that way in order to feed America; I'm just choosing to no longer buy into it.
For the big outfits, their idea of free range is a doggie door leading to a corral, the threshold of which most chickens never think to cross. They're smart birds, but they're also pretty singular-minded. I want to laugh out loud at the notion that Walmart is green friendly, because they recently announced cage-free on all their Great Value brand eggs...I shudder to think of the conditions needed to supply that demand. So I'm opening my mind to substitutions as well...I thought I was going to be able to be lacto-ovo in this venture, but it's questionable right now. When I have my own chickens, I'll revisit the issue.
So I need to hit the library for some cookbooks, because salads and beans and rice are going to get old fast and I want to shed my fear of tofu, seitan, egg and meat substitutes, soy/almond milk, etc. This is going to require some research and organization, because Husby isn't going meat-free, so I'll need to engage him more in meal decisions and cook a little more initially, until I settle into a groove with this. I'm already feeling healthier, and I'm steering clear of the scale, because losing weight isn't the goal, it's a bonus.
As if that wasn't enough on my plate (lord, what a bad pun!), it's friggin' March already and I need to get cracking on the apartment and the move. Would like to write letters of intent this weekend, talk up potential cities with Husby, and dig into some boxes. Another full-of-promise Friday :)
And yet, the emotions have definitely shifted in the eating department. It's payday and instead of being lazy and hitting Zaxby's for the world's best fast-food chicken fingers, there's a salad of green leaf, navy beans, Bacos, and honey mustard waiting for me in the fridge. Made it last night, took all of 10 minutes. I'll need to step out for some healthy snack food to get me through the afternoon, because the desk drawer is bare, but the desire to cave and grab a Coke or a candy bar just ain't there.
And my desire for meat has been all but wiped out. Treating ourselves to some filet mignon tomorrow night, because it's our wedding anniversary, and the only reason I won't go organic on that is because Mom's offered to buy our dinner as a gift, sweet lady. But I'm hoping to hit Whole Foods this weekend, and get a better look at Publix's Greenwise offerings, do some price comparisons, because I just can't afford to buy more than produce at Native Sun. It's a lovely store and I like contributing to a family outfit, but when you're seeing the same things on Publix's shelves for 2/3rds the cost, there's no point, not at my salary. Plus, that's saying something, because Publix ain't the cheapest store in the area either...it's just infinitely nicer to shop in than Winn-Dixie.
But man, their produce is terrific (Native Sun's)...who knew that lettuce had flavor? I picked up some Publix romaine a couple of weeks ago, and it was bitter and nasty. Have been enjoying a peppery red leaf lettuce this week, and today's green leaf looks equally yummy. It requires being a very prudent shopper...with tomatoes out of season, they wanted $4.99 a pound for the hothouse variety, so I had to pass...but shouldn't food shopping be that way anyway? What a concept, not just grabbing what's easy, what's packaged to require the least effort...when you think of the effort required to create food that requires the least effort of the shopper...it's mindblowing. I'm not against the occasional frozen dinner or premade entree, but I'm sure going to be studying where it all came from more closely.
Can't believe it's taken me this long to wake up to this...and the knowledge that comes with this can be daunting. I'm not a fan of PETA's scare tactics to turn people vegan, but I also can't deny the hard truths...for example, that if a big-label egg outfit is offering a cage-free organic egg, it stands to reason that it's going to be made using the most minimal criteria to get that label, because the bulk of their business is the ordinary way. The bird that created your egg may not be jammed in a battery cage with 5 of her closest friends, but she's instead probably in a barn with 10,000 of her closest friends, broiler-style, dropping said eggs on the floor of a glorified ammonia factory, and her beak was probably still clipped because chickens in close quarters are cannibals by nature. I get that it has to be that way in order to feed America; I'm just choosing to no longer buy into it.
For the big outfits, their idea of free range is a doggie door leading to a corral, the threshold of which most chickens never think to cross. They're smart birds, but they're also pretty singular-minded. I want to laugh out loud at the notion that Walmart is green friendly, because they recently announced cage-free on all their Great Value brand eggs...I shudder to think of the conditions needed to supply that demand. So I'm opening my mind to substitutions as well...I thought I was going to be able to be lacto-ovo in this venture, but it's questionable right now. When I have my own chickens, I'll revisit the issue.
So I need to hit the library for some cookbooks, because salads and beans and rice are going to get old fast and I want to shed my fear of tofu, seitan, egg and meat substitutes, soy/almond milk, etc. This is going to require some research and organization, because Husby isn't going meat-free, so I'll need to engage him more in meal decisions and cook a little more initially, until I settle into a groove with this. I'm already feeling healthier, and I'm steering clear of the scale, because losing weight isn't the goal, it's a bonus.
As if that wasn't enough on my plate (lord, what a bad pun!), it's friggin' March already and I need to get cracking on the apartment and the move. Would like to write letters of intent this weekend, talk up potential cities with Husby, and dig into some boxes. Another full-of-promise Friday :)
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Hump day
Still a little sore in my right shoulder...pretty sure it's from sleeping funny...had that pain-in-the-tail portable EKG thing on from Monday to Tuesday, and you don't realize that you're holding your body differently until it's untethered. Wahaa, felt great to get that thing off yesterday!
Frustrating is spending the day actually looking forward to cleaning house a bit, and getting home and having the exhaustion hit...accomplished laundry last night and little else.
Work has been equally frustrating lately...I'm paid according to how many sites I can crank out in a given day, and when I end up sending back more than I edit, it eats into my hourglass, big time. I was pretty angry by the end of the day yesterday, which probably accounts for the exhaustion, because I do leave work at work, so rather than stewing about my crappy numbers, it just knocks me out. So the kitchen still looks hairy, and my brain's a little cluttered. Hoping to deal better tonight...
Have to squeeze a doc appt in on my lunch today...perfect opportunity to be lazy and grab McD's. Yuck! Made a nice, big salad instead. Very pleased with myself :)
Frustrating is spending the day actually looking forward to cleaning house a bit, and getting home and having the exhaustion hit...accomplished laundry last night and little else.
Work has been equally frustrating lately...I'm paid according to how many sites I can crank out in a given day, and when I end up sending back more than I edit, it eats into my hourglass, big time. I was pretty angry by the end of the day yesterday, which probably accounts for the exhaustion, because I do leave work at work, so rather than stewing about my crappy numbers, it just knocks me out. So the kitchen still looks hairy, and my brain's a little cluttered. Hoping to deal better tonight...
Have to squeeze a doc appt in on my lunch today...perfect opportunity to be lazy and grab McD's. Yuck! Made a nice, big salad instead. Very pleased with myself :)
Happy late birthday, Dr. Seuss! Pic snuck from wikipedia...he's my fave.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
One Small Change update
Taken from the new site for this drive: http://1smallchangeblog.blogspot.com/As for February...
Yeah, well, umm....did I mention I don't have sleep apnea?
I'm not a huge fan of February, but given that this year appears to be moving as quickly as last year did for me, I'd like it back, please.
Recycling didn't get off the ground yet in my house, so I'm designating it as March's task, continuing January's task of purging/cleaning, and adding another earth-friendly concept...green grocery bags and a change in diet.
The green grocery bags, I already do, but I occasionally get lazy...and there's seriously no excuse for it, since when I empty the bags, they go on the table in the foyer, which I have to pass to get out in the mornings, so there's no reason I can't grab them and take them back down to the car whenever they pile up there. So no more excuses in that department, because the alternative is buying a fresh bag when I forget, and while they only cost a buck, I've got plenty now, thanks to that system.
The change in diet has been percolating in my head for the last 2 weeks or so...the library books I pulled on small/hobby farming, combined with Web research, have opened my eyes to the there-is-no-pertinent-adjective-to-describe-the-horror that is the US food industry. I'm not necessarily talking about the cases of downer cows and cannibalistic chickens that PETA splashes all over the Web, though that is a concern. It's more about unnecessarily shortening animals' lives. I'm seeing animals in a new light, a sentient light, and it's making it quite difficult to enjoy certain foods now. I get that we're higher up on the food chain, but does that give us the right to shorten dramatically the lives of animals lower than us? I can't rationalize chicken breast anymore, and that sucks, as it's about my favorite meat...but an animal that can live 10 to 15 years, and actually only lives 8 to 12 weeks to end up on my plate, is an animal I think I can do without. Still struggling with it, but the upshot is I'll be eating less meat, going as green as possible on the meat we do buy (without bankrupting us), and studying more as I form my opinions on the subject. I need to get off the red meat anyway...the cardiology appointment was good, but it was also a green light to get the hell healthy before all my small concerns about the ole ticker become actual issues.
Monday, March 01, 2010
Seriously, did I mention no apnea?
The relief I'm experiencing is rather delicious. To know that any issues I have are completely manageable, that I don't even need medication, just the drive to get healthy, which I already have in spades...that I don't need to sleep with an ugly, restrictive mask...that would've made me a little nutty...the sleep study was claustrophobic enough!
My heart is healthy. They are scheduling me for an angiogram, which I'm not looking forward to, but the reason behind it is likely benign...they saw a shadow in the images after the nuclear stress test, which they're pretty sure is "breast artifact"...meaning my boob was in the way and my extra weight prevented them from getting clear pics in that area. I'm also wearing a portable EKG for 24 hours so they can try to measure any flutters; but they're not worried, so I'm not. Husby is, but I guess that's his job to be...I'll talk him down later tonight. They've cleared me to exercise, and I'm getting back to eating healthy and exercising with a vengance.
This week I'll experiment with salads...bought some red and green leaf lettuce, spinach, canned beans, etc. at the local health food outfit, and I'm comparison shopping big-time, realizing that Publix sells a lot of what I'm looking for, for a fraction of the health food store prices. Also recognizing that we can't afford the holy-crap-exorbitant prices that they charge for free range chicken breast, so it's going to have to be a choice of decreasing meat or standards. I'm doing a combination of the two, personally, and switching to Greenwise wherever possible.
Also, may not seem healthy, but it's a step in the right direction for me...I finally tried Green & Black's and I'm pretty sure it's ruined me toward all other chocolate. This is a good thing, as the expense of the bars and richness of the candy has me buying them sparingly and treating myself to just a bit in the evenings, rather than plowing through a sleeve of Thin Mints or something. I think it'll be a step in the right direction where my chocolate addiction is concerned.
Also, crown almost 100%, thank goodness :)
My heart is healthy. They are scheduling me for an angiogram, which I'm not looking forward to, but the reason behind it is likely benign...they saw a shadow in the images after the nuclear stress test, which they're pretty sure is "breast artifact"...meaning my boob was in the way and my extra weight prevented them from getting clear pics in that area. I'm also wearing a portable EKG for 24 hours so they can try to measure any flutters; but they're not worried, so I'm not. Husby is, but I guess that's his job to be...I'll talk him down later tonight. They've cleared me to exercise, and I'm getting back to eating healthy and exercising with a vengance.
This week I'll experiment with salads...bought some red and green leaf lettuce, spinach, canned beans, etc. at the local health food outfit, and I'm comparison shopping big-time, realizing that Publix sells a lot of what I'm looking for, for a fraction of the health food store prices. Also recognizing that we can't afford the holy-crap-exorbitant prices that they charge for free range chicken breast, so it's going to have to be a choice of decreasing meat or standards. I'm doing a combination of the two, personally, and switching to Greenwise wherever possible.
Also, may not seem healthy, but it's a step in the right direction for me...I finally tried Green & Black's and I'm pretty sure it's ruined me toward all other chocolate. This is a good thing, as the expense of the bars and richness of the candy has me buying them sparingly and treating myself to just a bit in the evenings, rather than plowing through a sleeve of Thin Mints or something. I think it'll be a step in the right direction where my chocolate addiction is concerned.
Also, crown almost 100%, thank goodness :)
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thank goodness
a) it's Friday.
b) my mouth's feeling better.
I don't trust it yet, but it's improved. Had a crown placed Wednesday morning and the next day, Thursday, was a little slice of hell. Heat, cold, air, the little bastard was throbbing, and I was out of Advil. You know it's bad when you start dreaming of the root canal. But I knew it needed to acclimate, so there was no point in calling the dentist, and I have another appointment in less than 2 weeks, so...good news is, I think it's acclimating. And Husby gave me a pinch of the good stuff, so I experienced relief and slept like a rock last night. Whew!
Rain's not supposed to hit til tomorrow afternoon, and I'm holding them to that...the thought of walking with my mom and 150 wet dogs isn't the most appealing. Looking forward to cleaning, organizing...another full-of-promise Friday :)
b) my mouth's feeling better.
I don't trust it yet, but it's improved. Had a crown placed Wednesday morning and the next day, Thursday, was a little slice of hell. Heat, cold, air, the little bastard was throbbing, and I was out of Advil. You know it's bad when you start dreaming of the root canal. But I knew it needed to acclimate, so there was no point in calling the dentist, and I have another appointment in less than 2 weeks, so...good news is, I think it's acclimating. And Husby gave me a pinch of the good stuff, so I experienced relief and slept like a rock last night. Whew!
Rain's not supposed to hit til tomorrow afternoon, and I'm holding them to that...the thought of walking with my mom and 150 wet dogs isn't the most appealing. Looking forward to cleaning, organizing...another full-of-promise Friday :)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Mental wander
Graphic snuck from MSNBC, one of their slideshows. Feels appropriate. Was chatting up a college friend online last night and it's got my mind wandering...
College was painful for me. I was a late bloomer, afraid of life, and had no clue about my chemical imbalance. I tried counseling time and again, cut and bruised myself to release the ache, and sleepwalked through my degree. My friends were all guys, so they rarely saw how screwed up I was. I made an effort to fit in with them and must've been a good actress. And with memory, there exists an idealization of the facts.
It's not a cliché: with age comes wisdom. I'm not that person anymore. With Les, I opened like a flower, discovered my balance, his unconditional love allowed me to think for myself, and the proper medication has repaired my addled psyche. What's more, I'm able to handle myself, able to step back. I haven't been on the lithium for 2 years now, because you can't take it while trying to make babies. I miss it like being on a deserted island with no Starbucks sometimes. But maturity allows me to see the kinks in my psyche now, where my mannerisms are caused by that lack, and I'm able to better handle myself. It's hard...can't sit still in work meetings when people are whining rather than being productive, but I'm mostly able to keep hold.
I muse sometimes that I wish my college friends could know me now. We'd disagree pretty wholeheartedly on matters of politics, but I think about how I'd love them to see "how far I've come." I put that in quotes, because it's also a cliché, and I'm not sure I knew that until last night. The friend I spoke to last night...we shared passion at one time...and he knew parts of me I couldn't see at the time, because they were buried so far under the fear. I saw my crazy as the sum total of me, but there was always a little part of the real person shining through. When you're knee-deep in the crazy, you don't see the good; you just see the pain. There's something sort of liberating in the realization that I was there all along, that the me I know now was a part of the me that existed back then.
This train of thought's getting wooly...it's no wonder my first novel was about a girl with a borderline split personality /:)...man, I gotta rewrite that thing; it had some gems in it.
This week...brain's not quite back from vacay yet. The kitchen's gone to seed a bit and I'm looking forward to tackling the apartment after a short nap on Saturday. I'm doing the Trail of Tails walk with my mom (annual fundraising walk for the local Humane Society - everybody brings their dogs) Saturday. Also need to get cracking on intent letters for potential employers in Charlotte and budget for the next 6 months.
Still reading about farming...interesting stuff...gotta renew the library books this weekend. Jenna continues to inspire...every time I read a post like Tuesday's, I want to comment to thank her, but I can be stalkerish, so I'm keeping it at a minimum. But her writing so clearly describes what I want in life, what I'm hoping to start really planning for, once we clear the first hurdle of getting the hell out of this city. I hold it in my heart (heh, my Barnheart), and it drives my dreams and my goals.
Knitting stalled again, but there's socks on the horizon. The weather turned chill again, and the Floridians are baffled. I throw on a scarf, let the wind blow my coat open, and drink deeply.
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