So I made a coupla changes...

First off, I hacked apart yesterday's post and stuck most of it in my personal, not-for-public-consumption blog. Why bore you guys with that stuff? My posts are too damn long sometimes.

I've treated this blog like a diary for years. It's finally starting to bore me. Blogs are supposed to be informative, a person's way of giving something to strangers...that something could be a warm fuzzy through imagery or words, but it shouldn't be a place for therapy necessarily. I'm over it.

Ironically, I'm over it because of that last post. The "ah-ha" moments I gleaned from my talking about Dad's situation have me thinking hard about how I want to live my life. Yup, you guessed it...epiphany time again.

One of the little voices in my head has this number on auto-repeat: "are you living life, or are you letting life live you?"

It's been the latter for the last 10 years. More than that, really, but let's say 10 years. I'm depressed enough.

I read an article in Taproot this morning about a 23-year-old who's working on an organic farm in Ontario. She's learning the ropes and hopes to have her own farm someday. As co-manager of this farm's CSA, she's in the thick of it from early morning to late night, tending animals and gardens and creating food and life. (Another really good example of this is longest acres. And of course, Jenna and Ashley.)

I don't know that I want to run a large farm. I do know that I want to grow things, and keep chickens and bees at least. I also know that living in a crappy apartment in the city, I could still have at least started composting on my porch and planting in containers, but something was always stopping me. And I'm really, REALLY over my excuses.

Schirin is 20 years younger than me. She doesn't have youth on her side; she has courage. I chuckled to myself on the drive to work this morning as I thought about this...my brain answered back, "well, you're just gonna have to live to be 120 now..." It's not about how realistic or unrealistic your goals are; it's about turning them from dreams into reality.

I can't fault my blinders the last 10+ years where unanswered dreams are concerned, because I have brought home the bacon and established myself as a career editor. That's important for our family, keeps the wolves at bay. But it is SO time to get my hands in the dirt!

More later...

Taking Stock

Wednesday already. And almost October.

October's my favorite month and I intend to make the most of it. We're nearing deadline time, the point where decisions need to be made, and I have a feeling we're going to be making a rather large leap of faith to get our asses up to Asheville. We have the move money (or will, provided NASDAQ doesn't crash), I pray we can convince some landlord that we're worth the housing risk, but the job sitch...holding pattern. While I learn patience, I'm also looking into temp-to-perm work agencies. I feel confident I can find a crap job to get us started, and I should be able to work remotely in some fashion for the .com to supplement our income, but my goodness, it's gonna take some faith. Like, close your eyes and step off this cliff here...

I think I'm getting excited for what that means. There's several tangents to that thought. I'll grant you, it's infinitely easier to take a leap of faith when you don't have children. While I still ache for that, it's a blessing right now to only have me, Hubs, and Fig to worry over. We've scraped by plenty before and survived.

It's been another off week. The silly nerve pain is going away s...l...o...w...l...y...and the accompanying fatigue has me ornery, because I want to be doing more.

Image from here.

Inward

Autumnal equinox. AKA Mabon. Never been a fan of that name for it, for some reason...it's too short or something. MAY-BON or MAY-BIN, depending on how Irish you choose to be about it. But it stands for so much more...Autumn has turned into quite something to look forward to. Yea, yea...wood smoke and falling leaves and pumpkin everything...I used to think I enjoyed the idea of it so much because I haven't had much of it here in Florida the past 25 years or so, but you only have to troll on Tumblr or Pinterest for 5 minutes to know I'm not alone in my sentiment. I'm definitely not the only one bat-shit cray-cray over Autumn.

Sidebar: Dear Starbucks, Pumpkin Spice VIA? Really? Was that necessary? I'm trying hard to not litter the planet with packaging and you come out with that delicious nonsense? You're all evil sonsabitches.
 

This week has been hard. I didn't realize how hard until my body started telling me so. Wednesday night, I had real trouble getting to sleep because the inflammation around my mid-section increased significantly. This was caused by 3 straight days of eating mainly fast food without care about what it was costing me. I wasn't overly thirsty, but my sodium must have been through the roof. I don't learn lessons easily, so the level of discomfort it caused throughout my upper torso would have been scary, except this has happened before...when I was a chronic overeater.

Thursday, I felt out of sorts, like my chi needed a recharge, and as the day progressed, I realized I was enjoying nerve pain again. I had shingles earlier this year, and while it was a remarkably mild case, the fact is that I've managed to procure some postherpetic neuralgia, they call it. This happened once before, only lasted for 1 day. This time, it's lasting longer and has me wondering about how the inflammation could have triggered it. Which has me reaching for my OA books, Crazy Sexy Diet, and very proud of myself for enrolling in Heather's Whole Food Kitchen course, even though I did so with "move" money.

I want to get back to the Y, but I feel drawn to turtle today, let myself be quiet. That's hard to do, there's so much to accomplish in the next 3 months...but I was reminded of Amanda's posts this summer (and the latest issue of Taproot, aptly titled "Retreat") about slowing down, letting life chill a bit. The autumnal equinox is all about slowing down, as the wheel turns toward a time of dormancy and rest. Sure, I need to workout, it's been a couple of days...but I also need to work in the kitchen, make waffles, do laundry, be domestic, and hilariously, the latter is a lot easier to reconcile yourself to when you have an imaginary knife sticking in your right shoulder blade. It's centering, quiet, and exactly what I need right now.

Happy Mabon, y'all!

Images from my Tumblr.

More Mental Musings

Wonder if there even is such a thing as a healthy apple cider doughnut recipe.....

I need to learn to make pumpkin scones too...def can't be visiting Starbucks daily for the next 2 months...evil yummies...seriously...with that calorie count, I should be skipping lunch.

Had an epiphany last night. Unfortunately it was caused by overeating and the significant discomfort that followed it. Unable-to-go-to-sleep discomfort, couldn't lie flat. Still not 100%. Tired and sore today. Swearing off McDonald's yet again. Drinking water to flush system. Wishing I could swear off food. Thinking it was a candidiasis attack. Going to Y later. Enrolled in Heather's Whole Food Kitchen this morning. Quite possibly the easiest, smartest purchase I've made in ages.

At least I can swear off processed food as much as possible. Right after this scone, that is. Can't imagine why I'm having problems with candida...yes, that's sarcasm.

Right there is why I need to embrace OA again. I could have had a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast this morning, but I was still reeling from last night's discomfort and couldn't get my head around it. But I'm out of coffee too, so it gave me an excuse to go to Starbucks, grab a freebie (i have leftover bags that get me a free Tall), and the damn bakery case with that seasonal delight beckoned. Nursing it throughout the morning, cuz I do not want any heaviness in my belly today, but it's still a symptom of a much larger problem that requires further attention.

Autumnal equinox this Saturday...think it may be time to have a ritual. It's been ages since I've sat with purpose, meditated, called the quarters. Though The Craft has been on lately, making that level of ritual feel silly, especially when you're doing it solitary...mostly I want to meditate, trance into myself, see what comes to the surface.

Scone image from here.

Taking Stock

Still summer here in Florida. It's getting old.

Definitely gotta start paying attention to what I eat again...I'm letting a few too many "bad" things make it into my belly. Makes me run-down so quickly.

No rhyme or reason to this week's Taking Stock.....just observations from last weekend.

Brought the camera and didn't take a single picture. Between the impromptu meeting I had and the busyness of traveling, I just knew I didn't want to experience this trip through a camera lens. I have all the pictures I need right now in my head. Walking through the town. Traveling up and down the mountain. People-watching while eating al fresco. Making choices at French Broad Chocolate and knowing it would be worth the wait.

Driving into town, we noticed a man in a wheelchair, scooting along rather slowly on the sidewalk, who was missing at least 1 leg. One of those situations where you're not sure, because you don't want to look too closely and be caught staring, even if you're just driving past. Manners to a fault...you end up not really seeing the person at all.

He appeared homeless, he had the rumpled and dirty look going on, but he was just cruising along at his own pace, not sitting still with his hand out, which you'd almost expect on a Saturday night, when so many folks were performing something or another and had their instrument cases or cardboard boxes out for tips. Saturday night in Asheville oughta be called Buskers Holiday, because there were jugglers, burlesque queens spreading the word about a ball in town, several musical acts, the odd singer or harmonica player, and a bunch of Jesus freaks standing with their crosses near the Obelisk. Such a comfortable place though, for walking around; it felt normal and I realized I could find comfort in a place like this.

We wandered a couple of blocks to find dinner at a restaurant with outdoor seating and watched the sky warily...the rain almost held off, only sprinkled a bit during dinner. We're chatting, enjoying some damn good pizza and local beer, when we notice a college-age woman wheeling said homeless guy up the sidewalk at a good clip. They're both talking, clearly pals, at least for the moment. They stop about 3 restaurants up from us and the girl hands the guy a menu. He takes a quick look at it, shakes his head in disgust, and they head back in our direction, cross the street at the corner, and continue on, in search of a different restaurant. She was buying him dinner.

It was both surprising and delightful. You can't do that shit in Jacksonville; you go up to some homeless guy and offer to buy him dinner, you'll be lucky to escape with your life. There, it felt normal; there was a party atmosphere and camaraderie that permeated the place. I'm sure the 2 beers I enjoyed contributed to this feeling, but all I know is I could feel myself filling up with spirit as we explored.

It's taken til today for my head to get back to Jacksonville, I think. Work's been crazy-busy, which helps and hinders me, since there are new projects related to the move that I must attend to soon...

Image from here.

Getting Back in the Groove

Just snippets today...this week is crazy busy.

There are 4 Granny Smiths on my counter from Skytop, courtesy of Mom and Lil Sis, waiting to be made into what? Dumplings or a pie, I think.

There's a jar of Skytop apple butter too, which Hubs wants for his addiction (Paula Deen's Apple Butter Pumpkin Pie), but which I think would go nicely in oatmeal, on my homemade waffles, or maybe cookies...yup, gonna have to make some myself, just as soon as I can get to Whole Foods or Native Sun...thank goodness it's becoming fall!

Also need to scour the web for an apple cider doughnut recipe, as Lil Sis brought those too from Skytop, still warm, and I fell in love!

The French Broad Chocolates have vanished, but the box remains for the memory.

The latest issue of Taproot graced my mailbox, but I haven't even cracked into it yet in my busyness of getting back to work and organizing my many thoughts about what transpired on our weekend trip. Besides, Taproot is like French Broad Chocolates...to be savored, nibbled, in small bites, slowly while curled up in a favorite chair.

The trip to Asheville went so well, I'm scared to divulge much until some things iron themselves out. Not that I'm superstitious or anything. Suffice it to say, Hubs came away intrigued and enamored by the city, I'm not quite as intimidated by the town or the mountains now, and an opportunity may have presented itself that already has me too excited in anticipation. And things may fall into place right when we need them to. Hence my fear of jinxing things...

It didn't get as cool, weather-wise, as I'd hoped, but it was pleasant. We walked quite a bit Saturday evening, when we went into town to grab dinner and chocolate, and marveled at the different types of people, the friendliness and party atmosphere that spilled over as we explored.

I bought a pair of boots with heels while I was up there, that actually come up to mid-calf, which is a small miracle. Jeans still fit, also a small miracle, given how much our eating habits cave to the unhealthy when we're traveling. The ride home, all 7 hours of it, was remarkably OK...we were both expecting it to hit grueling at some point. It never did.

I've been waking up in a good mood. There's this lightness. Back to the Y tonight.

Image from here.

Taking Stock

A is for Aiken, where we're heading early tomorrow morning to visit family.

S is for sweating, which we're still doing here in Florida.

H is for happy to be getting out of town for a few days.

E is for Earth Fare, a healthy food store that will hopefully be calling me to set up an interview...

V is for my vigor and vivacity, which will increase the minute I'm able to breathe cooler air.

I is for the itinerary I'll create for the side trip to Asheville.

L is for the leaves just starting to turn up in western NC.

L is also for the lure of a more progressive town, where recycling, composting, and organics are the norm instead of the exception.

E is for excited to be showing Hubs our soon-to-be-adopted new town!

We're visiting his folks til Saturday, then heading up to Asheville. The side trip was Hubs' idea; he saw how eager I was to get another look around, so he suggested it a coupla weeks back. We're not even making contacts yet, though that will come soon. This is just to show him the city, take a drive around the area. I'm thinking of checking out a neighborhood or two where there are current homes for rent, and he saw a thing on TV recently about one of their amazing farmers' markets, so I'll look that up. We're meeting my Mom and Lil Sis and sharing a hotel room for the night; they're scoping the area for a family reunion next year.

I've been filling out apps almost every night, but I'm starting to think I need to cave and put my resume in at several employment temp-to-perm agencies and get cracking on a remote contract with the .com, so that food and shelter are never a concern. Man, this process gets scary if you let it!

Offline for a bit, have a great weekend, y'all!

Image from here.

43 is.....

...chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast made by my love...

...a meditative walk in the woods in just a little while...

...relaxing about the move, just for a day...

...thinking about ordering Hunger Games on On Demand...

...making my wish for the year...pretty sure it's inspired by that photo...

...looking at what we might be able to squeeze in at Asheville next weekend...

...buttermilk fried chicken for dinner, also courtesy of the wonderful husband...

...NOT introspection...being kind to myself today...

...giving thanks that I made it to 43 (because my superstitious nature did wonder if I'd make it to 43 without an aortic dissection...Dad turned 43 in the hospital at Yale-New Haven)...

...already looking forward to the Y after work tomorrow, after today's food indulgences...

...casting something on today...won a book on hats from Wendy Knits this week, and I haven't touched yarn in months...it's time...

...touching up the pedicure later, pampering myself just a bit...

Happy September 9th, y'all!

Image from here.

Taking Stock

New Taking Stock format brought to you by boredom...

M is for my meandering mind, which isn't at work today, even if my body is.

E is for excited, because I think I've decided to start job hunting in NC and if we have to move early, so frickin' be it!

L is for lethargic and lazy, because I've been letting bad foods sneak back into my diet. No more! Because L is also for the love I'm feeling for my 8-pounds-lighter body...such a good start!

A is for active, because at the very least, I'm still working out every other day, thank goodness. Feels so amazing!

N is for my negative attitude and my hopes that this week will rally a bit. The extra Paxil is helping, thank the gods!

I is for the interesting ways my brain is perking up about my writing and how it relates to my dreams.

E is for the eagerness that I will put toward my tasks in the coming weeks.

Image from here. I'd like this in my future yard please.

Potential (and Autumn)

September. I've lived in Florida too long. Doesn't feel like autumn yet, because down here it isn't and won't be for quite some time yet. While I am starting to ache for it, the fact is that when I read blogs of folks who live in the north and are starting to enjoy cooler temps in the mornings and evenings, I have trouble believing them. It feels so damn far away. Straight 90s forecast for every day this week. I live in fucking paradise.

Far away and yet so close. Dealt with some more fear issues about the move, when I put in my first application for a job in Asheville yesterday. I won't get it, not if it's a choice between me and some recent college grad with a computer science degree, but I'm glad I applied nonetheless....because it cracked open that fear and forced me to look at it. That's also what I mean when I say I've lived in Florida too long, because no matter how much I loathe it, there's a familiarity to it that's comforting. We've lived in Jacksonville for 15 years, and I've been in Florida for 26! I hate this state with every fiber of my being, and I'm getting scared to leave it. That's fucked up!

I'll get over that nonsense fast, believe me, but it's important I recognize it for what it is, because we're definitely coming into the home stretch here and I WILL NOT be signing another lease in Florida come December.

Was reiterating to my cutie pie on the couch, how I "can't" look for work up there yet, because if we leave Florida early, we have to pay 2 months' rent to break the lease...and Hubs pointed out that if I were to start a new job, say, Halloweenish, there would only be 2 months left on the lease anyway, so it's kind of a wash. Prayers welcome that we'll be in a financial position to make that gamble if the opportunity presents itself...

The subject header is something that's percolating in my head. I've spent the last 10 years or so treading water (we're talking dreams here, what I want to do with my life, the big furry questions, blahblah...), because it was my only choice given the Hubs' condition. I don't resent that in the least; we're so soul-linked...people used to question my sanity, I think, but I just chalked it up to them not understanding our love.

But I had not 1, but 2 dreams with Ashley in them this past weekend, where I was admiring her garden or learning something new in her kitchen, and seeing what she's accomplished (5 books, the drive and ability to work from home), and I woke with this voice in my head saying, "you're not living up to your full potential."

Now that's something I've heard from about grade 5 on, that I felt bad about but pretty much ignored, as I goofed off out of boredom in middle and high school making mediocre grades, only to then go to college without enough study and coping skills to pull off decent grades there either. I've studied enough post-college to understand how little grades mean in the face of actual learning, but it still sticks in my craw, or something, as I look at the last 20 years and reflect on how much time I've pissed away.

Yea, I've got a birthday coming up...what of it? Oh, you think there's a correlation there....?

That same voice, the little Jiminy Cricket motherfucker, also says stuff like, "what happened to getting published before you were 30?" And my answer today is something even more distressing: "well, I don't know what I want to write about!" For all my skills as a writer, I've never been much of a storyteller, and I'm not quite enough of a people person to normally want to expand on that issue. But I recently increased my Paxil to the max (under my doctor's direction), and I think it's giving me some much-needed clarity. Distressing, as I said, but also illuminating, and worthy of further study. Stay tuned...

Image from here.

Taking Stock

 
food hangover (n): the lethargy that occurs upon waking up the morning after eating naughty foods and then going straight to bed.

Yea, I'm there this morning...tired and ornery, even though I crashed by 10 PM and didn't have weird dreams or anything. On the upside, the cherry cobbler I made was edible, but damn, way too much butter! Gotta stop pulling recipes from Southern magazines....I swear any recipe created south of the Mason-Dixon needs a disclaimer and a link to Paula Deen's diabetes story.

No traveling this weekend with money being so tight, but we're planning a trip mid-September.

Doc upped my Paxil. I love my fast metabolism...already feeling the difference. I acknowledge I'll be on some form of this type of med for my lifetime, but it does beg the question that if I'm increasing the dosage to the max, am I just delaying the inevitable (time to change meds)? We're giving it 3 months.

Outside: tails of Isaac...

Inside: chilly...quiet...

Wore: more exciting than "Wearing"...yesterday was Pajama Day at work, got to wear my footie pajamas. They were a hit, but I confess I was ready for regular clothes by days' end.

Creating: handmade foods...and thinking about picking up yarn this weekend. It's been WAY too long.

Reading: 206 Bones by Kathy Reichs, September Vogue, Mother Earth News, and checking the mailbox for the new issue of Taproot.

Going: see above.

Hoping...
It's going to be a weekend of quiet projects, of computer time spent outlining the different facets of the move, of budgeting and planning. I'm hoping to purchase more boxes, do more organizing around the house...might get really anal and catalog the boxes with like, labels and a spreadsheet. There's so much...probably a good idea, just time-consuming. Well, no time like the present, when I'm burning a pinch of PTO and have a holiday on the other end of the weekend...

Safe Labor Day, y'all!

Image from here.

Navigating August's End

I'd love to indulge in more autumn shots, but I just can't feel it when we're still dealing with high 80s and more humidity than you can shake a proverbial stick at. Isaac may have largely passed us by in favor of smacking New Orleans, but we won't feel Fall here til it almost won't matter...

I ache for Asheville (or nearby parts north) and it was in that frame of mind that I tucked into projects this past weekend. Had Friday and Monday off, originally because we were going to visit Hubs' folks, but it fell through because a) really would've only been a 1 day visit because they were returning from vacations of their own, b) we REALLY didn't have the gas money to jaunt up there (and won't for another 3 weeks), and c) on the eve we were thinking of leaving, another back window motor died and there was much turmoil for a pinch because we weren't sure that sucker was going to go back up, or if we were going to be another car of several in our apartment driveway with a taped plastic bag protecting the interior from the elements. Yes, we live in a classy neighborhood (winkwink)...but hey, in this economy, people are running their cars into the ground before investing in new. We did manage to get the window up; they're both taped shut now...

It was a pokey, at-home weekend. Friday, I dragged most of our belongings out of the bedroom closet and managed to rearrange it in a manner that's slightly more organized. Saturday was laundry day. Sunday, I hit the dining room for a spell. That area's the toughest, because while I'd like to pack ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING in that area, I know it's still too early....so instead I pack a little, clear some paths, organize a bit. We did a Goodwill trip on Sunday when we went to drop the recycling, and I did purge quite a few old boxes or downsize 'em. Hey, whatever keeps me sane.

Yesterday was a rest day...I depitted cherries while watching a Mentalist marathon, made a cobbler, some mediocre butterscotch bars, and the week's waffles. Had a doc appt that involved good news (see weight loss # at right...plus lowered cholesterol, no trace of prediabetes, normal triglycerides...hot damn!). I think the minute September hits, I'll start job hunting...the stock's been dropping and a decision will need to be made very soon.

Soapbox: the Israeli court's decision in the Rachel Corrie case is reprehensible. It's a clear case of political and religious agendas overriding basic human rights. I can't care that they don't have the same freedoms of speech as we do, and I'm not learned enough on the topic to engage in debate over whether Palestine should ever become a real nation. All I know is that there was nothing "accidental" at all about that bulldozer driver running her over, stopping, and then backing over her again. She was murdered for voicing her beliefs, and I pray that her voice will continue to be heard.

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Sometimes it's a good thing that money is tight. I'm having an early autumn jones lately, and these boots above (as well as these) are on my list of potential purchases, if I can't wrangle them out of family members as birthday pressies next month. Patience, Melanie...

Been quiet again...work is work, we're traveling this weekend, and I'm stressing because the company stock is taking a dip right when I'd like to be liquidating it and getting a move on this move.

Outside: not-quite August, that's for sure...enjoying a week of overcast that has brought with it an almost-cool to the air...

Inside: sharing room with 3 copywriters...thank goodness they're quiet workers!

Wearing: cuffed jeans and clogs because I'm just that stylin'...

Creating: nada...I have ideas for knitting a winter set (scarf, hat, fingerless gloves) out of the Ireland yarn, but have yet to cast anything on.

Reading: Devil Bones by Kathy Reichs and the September Vogue

Going: SC tomorrow for the weekend...Labor Day weekend will be spent purging apartment.

Hoping...
I have some days off coming up for this trip and Labor Day weekend, and I don't intend to waste 'em...this weekend will be relaxing, visiting, and doing laundry, but next weekend...I need to start making lists.

Stuff rolling around the ole brainpan....
I've been enjoying The Mentalist on repeats this summer, and last night, I realized something...I relate to Simon Baker's character, because he tends to say what he's thinking without appearing to give it enough thought first. I do that too (thank you, lackolithium), just enough for it to keep me from getting supervisor posts at my company. But the difference is that he does it to gauge people's reactions to what he's saying, because he's a people watcher and profiler, and their reactions help narrow down suspects in an investigation. I do it because of this subconscious need for the people around me to live as authentically as I've decided to live. But most folks need a level of deception in their lives, whether it's office politics or family secrets, and so my way of communicating becomes off-putting. If I can study my communication and learn to measure what I say when I say it, I may not come off as brusque as I actually am....and I'll still be living authentically. So that's my new area of study...cuz I'd like to make some friends when we move, without having to apologize for how I speak...

Have a great weekend, y'all! Be safe!

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Went quiet this week. Nothing wrong, quite a bit of good actually...we're healthy, Hubs hasn't lit up in over a week (!!!), we're visiting SC family next weekend...just lots going on in the ole brainpan. When you're looking ahead to a move with a VERY mediocre credit score, it brings up quite a bit of worry. I can't just sit back and rely on prayer that everything's going to work out OK...because I've done that too many times already and had the move fall through on us. We're older now, and smarter, and we have a nest egg (hopefully), and it still may not be enough. But you can be damn sure I'm going to exhaust every alternative before I'll think about us staying in Florida any longer than December.

Brazenly stealing from Ashley's Friday format this week, because it just feels right. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? More importantly, there are things I discovered online that bear notice, and that I want to remember.

Stuff that caught my eye this week...

• Got reacquainted with Habit and it's SUCH a nice respite...has me wanting to dig out the camera. And since there are a TON of guests who contribute to Habit, there's more new blogs to check out!

• This step-by-step almond butter recipe that is so timely...I'm switching over from peanut to almond, but the price for the over-the-counter stuff makes me want to burst out crying in the store...

• Ashley's been gifting us with recipes to celebrate and promote her new book, A Year of Pies. Her Lattice Top Triple Berry and her Peaches & Cream Crumble Top are both making appearances in my kitchen...as soon as I can find decent fruit. Thank the gods it's payday!!!

• Furthering my quest to make food from scratch, found what looks like a simple recipe for corn tortillas (like I need an excuse for another kitchen implement...brainstorming a tortilla press using stuff around the house this weekend...maybe the Corningware electric frying pan?).

I inherited a serious pile of Corningware blue flowers ceramics when Mom downsized homes; they're awesome...it's OK to be jealous...

• Tucking into the latest issue of Mother Earth News and can't wait to have the space and vegetables to need this article.

• An extremist's viewpoint, but still an excellent reminder of how even my beloved Chipotle has its flaws, and how far I still have to go to get off processed food...

• As if I wasn't drooling over Asheville enough, I found out this place exists. Thanks again, Ash!

This harvest time has me thinkingthinkingthinking...about how I'd like to be pulling things out of the ground, out of pots, canning and freezing...I can't enjoy eating out lately, because it's a lazy stop-gap for us, when I'm learning to make better at home. Learning to recognize how my body feels after a salad vs. say, the proverbial pint of Haagen Daz. Plus, I read stories that the media puts out there about how food prices will go up thanks to the drought conditions the farmers have endured this year, and it brings home hard, how very much I don't want to have to rely on others for my food. There's a lot of facets to that soapbox...that's a post for next week maybe.

I've plateaued this week on the weight loss, because I'm not watching portions, and I was dealing with another complex ovarian cyst, I think, so I had to take it easy for a week. But my time at the Y is already changing my body for the better, and that feeling just slops over to everywhere else in your life when you let it. The energy, the kindness toward yourself...I may be stressing over how the frick the move is going to happen, but I'm in a really good place right now.

Image from here.

Making Lists

Learning to make lists again...how in the world did my strict Virgo nature fall out of that habit? Organizing my thoughts into a list of things to do...actually doing those things...crossing things off the list...there's such a sense of accomplishment, especially for Virgos, I think. Anyway, I'm seeing how frayed around the edges I get when things go undone.

The kitchen's piled up again, and I'm actually looking forward to tearing into it when I get home, if Hubs doesn't beat me to it. He's home all day, but if his head's hurting, I cut him some slack. I've had pain of my own the last 24 hours...the Wednesday workout did a real number on my stomach muscles, so much so that I'm taking an extra day off, my first break in the regimen in 2 weeks. It's easing up, the discomfort, but it's been a good reminder of just how out of shape I am, and just how my body reacts when I overdo it.

Hubs quit smoking! He's easing into it, using electronic cigs for now, but I realized I'm already noticing the difference in the air around the apartment. Granted, I don't think we'll get the smell out of all our stuff until we a) move, and b) steam clean everything to within an inch of its life (which he's planning to do end of month when we borrow his Mom's cleaner)...still, it's a welcome change, and I'm trying to be supportive...y'know, without exclaiming "oh thank GOD!" every 10 minutes.

I'm making more homemade stuff here and there, to get us off the processed food, and I'll be diving into more recipes this weekend, for variety. He's worried about gaining weight as his body adapts to the not smoking, and I want us off the junk food anyway. But we def need variety. He LOVES those energy bars I make (from Terry Walters' Clean Start), but I'm making them every other week so we don't get sick of them...so I need more recipes, and they need to be soft stuff, since his teeth are still a nightmare.

We have tickets to the Jags tonight, first preseason game, but I'm pretty sure we're blowing it off. Money's tight and parking could be a prohibitive expense, never mind drinks while we're there, never mind the gas to get downtown. I'd like to thank OPEC for forcing me into that kind of thinking, because it's only going to help us travel smarter. They're still douchebags though.

The plan this weekend...mainly reorganizing the dining area, making it a little more manageable. I'm opening boxes, going through them, getting serious about purging. Have 2 full book boxes already for Chamblins or the library, and I know there's a lot of desk-type stuff that really needs to go, and binders full of paper to be recycled because I can find the material online (and if I haven't gone looking for it before now, how badly do I really need it?)...it's hard, the purging, and there's some stuff that's just gonna have to take up space, because we will use it once we have a house and more room and a presentable place to perform social functions, holidays, inviting people over...but it's still a real project of reckoning.

Left the TV off this morning and read in the quiet while I enjoyed breakfast. Definitely gotta make that a habit.

Image from here.

Taking Stock (on an itty-bitty soapbox)

Don't know how I can manage it, given the money we need to stay afloat, but I think my next job maybe doesn't need to involve a cubicle. Just a thought...

Outside: beats me...no windows here. I'm determined to survive the dog days of August by acknowledging the outdoors as little as possible. Also explains my recent image shifts...not that I'm ready for it to be autumn yet, but it's my fave season, so I'm indulging some early enjoyment.

Inside: resembles a Lucy sketch...every hour or so, the lights go off in my little office and I have to wheel to the middle of the room and wave my arms around....gotta love technology.

Wearing: capris, sneaks, large shirt...having pants fit loosely again...there's nothing like it!

Creating: energy bars...which the Hubs gremlin dug into with zeal last night :) Later in the week, I'll split the holycrapit'sstillgood cauliflower in half and roast one half for me, while souffle-ing the other for Hubs. Last night's dinner was so crazy simple and tasty: roasted, diced sweet potato over green leaf with ginger dressing. I'm so frickin' in the zone right now.

Reading: Bare Bones when the mood strikes, but mostly blogs and starting to sneak onto the employment search engines...

Going: SC in 2 weeks for a family visit...

Hoping...
The current strength and good mood I'm enjoying stem from several places. It's the exercise, the smart foods I'm eating, the B12, the possibility of the move. It's taking time for me in the mornings while I eat breakfast, as well as in the evenings when I'm winding down with a little tube or Kindle. There's more I could be doing...after the first month of every-other-day working out, I plan to integrate yoga into the off days, and I should be meditating in the mornings instead of turning on the tube. But I'm headed in the right direction.

Oddly, this surge of good feeling and strength is occuring during my moon cycle...very unusual for me. Normally, I'd be mainlining McD's french fries by now and giving myself permission to grab their chocolate chip cookies for the afternoon slump. But when you break down exactly what goes into those things, how much better those things would taste if you made them yourself, using less ingredients.....well, let's just say I'm drinking Michael Pollan's Kool-Aid right now, and damn, is it tasty!

Most important right now is maintaining that consistency, because as history has shown, once I let one thing slip, several other things are close behind ready to fall. I don't want that. Right now, there's no danger of it...because these food and lifestyle choices I'm making have more behind them than just the benefit of losing weight. I'm choosing kinder foods, more whole foods, and steering away from the food industry's idea of what I should be eating. There's so much great information on the Web about this; you just have to know where to look.

And I'm not afraid to try new things. I'm not much of a raw tomato eater, for example, but they had organic grape tomatoes for an OK price at Native Sun yesterday, so I grabbed a box on a whim. Trying them in my salad today, I realize I'm still not a raw tomato person that much, but that dicing those for an impromptu salsa will lend such fresh flavor to meals...and I know they won't go to waste. I was all set to toss the old romaine when I was cleaning out the fridge yesterday, because I haven't been in the mood for romaine in weeks for some reason. Instead I examined it, 86d the bad layers, and ate the rest at dinner.

Dad used to crack wise about the Army's attitude on food, the "take what you want, but eat what you take" mentality. But after so many years of letting the food in the fridge go to seed and then emptying it out and giving your garbage disposal something to do (because we're still city-apartment bound and can't compost yet)....and shelling out my hard-earned dough on food we end up wasting....I'm finally developing respect for food, I guess because I'm finally developing respect for me. When you overeat as I do, you don't even think about what's going in usually, just about stuffing your face and the good feeling it's going to give you, however temporary. Learning to appreciate food, how it's grown, how it gets to us when we're unable to grow it ourselves...it forces you to slow down big-time, and be present in the process of preparing food and then consuming it. Not quite a Buddhist-style meal yet, but I'm getting there.

Image from here.

Things I'm learning......

In no particular order.....

I totally dig working in a room by myself. I don't need to work in PJs, just in quiet.

I feel much better when exercise is a consistent activity in my life. Like, seriously. Only 2 weeks in, and I'm feeling the difference, especially in my legs, knees, feet...I feel stronger, I'm in less pain, and the relief extends to other areas of my life.

Easing into it through moderation appears to be working fine, which is also a relief. Had to knock out grocery shopping last night after work, and I could tell Hubs didn't expect me to have the motivation/energy/etc. to work out after that, but I wasn't letting my program slip, so I threw on the workout clothes and hit the Y. Still glowing with pride on that one...

There's no way I'm cutting dairy out completely. But I am, quite thankfully, hooked on almond milk.

I may be (once again) weaning off coffee, due to studies that suggest that it, and other fun foods like peanuts, spinach, chocolate (SIGH!!!) actually leach minerals out of your body, and that these foods are therefore contraindicated for folks with arthritis.

When you suck on fruit leather, it fools your brain into thinking you're getting a sweet treat...proving to be a surprisingly effective afternoon snack.

Terry Walters' Energy Squares from her Clean Start book are awesome! Hubs was blown away!

I'm completely off pork, unless it's humanely raised. Bacon be damned, I can't justify that indulgence anymore against the food industry's reprehensible growing techniques.

The urge to stuff my face isn't quite so vehement when the scale starts dipping a bit and my jeans fit. That most recent pound loss took me to my first goal, which has me quite motivated, over the moon, annoyingly cheerful, etc.

I'm developing an aversion to packaged, processed food. This is not a bad thing. Realizing you can make something better yourself, without all the scary preservatives of processed food, is hilariously mind-blowing. I didn't have waffles made recently, and still walked past the Eggos section, because I knew mine would taste just as good, cost less, and be better for us. Hubs likes 'em too!

Not going crazy about it yet though...example, planning to grab a Boca burger for dinner after tomorrow night's workout. And there's some tater tots that need to be purged from the fridge. We'll call it toddler steps.

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Mediocre week, hence the lateness of this post.

Was working in a made-over conference room with a couple of newbies, and they got new desks yesterday. So today I had the room to myself. I'm sure it won't last; space is definitely at a premium right now as we hire so many new folks. But today. was. AWESOME! It was quiet, I got more work done than normal, and for my socially awkward self, it was HEAVEN not having to deal with people, even teammates. I know that probably sounds a little anti-social (a little, Melanie? def time to revisit how well the Paxil's actually working), but I still have a warm-fuzzy feeling from it.

My workout goal for the next 3 months is consistency. I'm working out every other day; cardio 1 day, strength the next. My food intake still needs work, but I'm not as tired, so it's definitely a win.

Outside: Grumbly...we're gonna get rain.

Inside: snoring...Hubs is headachy. Disney on the idiot box. Me contemplating as simple a dinner as possible, because I did weights tonight and my body will crash soon.

Wearing: sweaty workout clothes.

Creating: lists...

Reading: Bare Bones by Kathy Reichs and the latest issue of Mother Earth News.

Going: RAM and Native Sun...determined to get fresh veggies and fruit this weekend. Thinking about canning. Going to the grocery store lately is an exercise in frustration, all the foods I shouldn't be eating or don't want to be eating because they're part of the problem (read: food industry, not my obesity).

Hoping...
I have grand ideas for this weekend. No OT thankfully, and the organizing and planning for the move is officially ON!

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Really must own this bumper sticker. Not even sure what a couple of those symbols stand for...gotta look 'em up.

Time flies when you're working a plan. Not feeling like Wednesday yet, but the past 2 days have been busy. Did laundry and shopping Monday night, and last night hit the Y. Not sore today, so doing cardio tonight, then a little OT tomorrow. Work is steady and different, and ironically, my current responsibilities are a pinch less stressful (oughta be more stressful, but it hasn't hit me yet).

Last night's workout was GOOD. I went into it planning to do only 1 set of weights. It was my first day back to weight training in months, hell, the better part of a year; so the last thing I wanted to do was overdo it. There are 13 machines I focus on there, and I split them into 2 workouts with an even amount of upper and lower body so that I can alternate and one area never feels too shredded. So I did 1 set last night after a 10-minute bike warm-up and realized it really didn't feel like enough. So I hopped on the treadmill for 10 minutes to stay warm/get warmer and then did another set. So. Frickin'. Smart. Cooled down with another 10 on bike and woke this morning feeling stronger and not sore.

Sad how mind-blowing these little successes are. I have the brains to create my own plans to improve my health without causing myself pain. Whodathunkit.

Outside: Summer in Florida...just as well I no longer have windows in my work area, cuz I'd love to be out getting sun...this way, I can focus without pining.

Inside: chilly...not complaining, except when my toes are cold (and I don't wear sandals to work, y'all...silly circulation).

Wearing: Jeans cuffed with Danskos...yes, large women can be stylin'! Well, that's what I tell myself anyway...

Reading: Kathy Reichs' Fatal Voyage

Creating: the usual lists, piles, brainstorms...

Going: Y, OT, Y, Y.....hmm...what else...out on my deck :)

Hoping...
July is screeching to a close here. My fear is being replaced by resolution. I want to start looking. Initially, that will mean punching up the resume and creating different cover letter scenarios. Also, making lists of companies that I'm going to try for, as well as trolling the ones that are actually hiring. Also, hitting every university and college in that area, looking for their employment opps. That will at least make me feel proactive, even if I know I shouldn't act yet.

We're hopefully only a week and a half away from 2Q results from my company, so my hoping also includes the prayers that those results will create a slight uptick in my company's stock, so that we can nab most of that nest egg before the market drifts down again.

Image from here.

Using the Ole Brainpan

Irony. I really dig the simplicity of the Nike slogan, and I can't wear their sneakers. They've always been too narrow, and with my arthritis now, I'm a hard-core New Balance gal.

Something weird happens when I take lithium. My brain gives me permission to take a day off. I spent yesterday doing a whole lot of nothing, and didn't even have any decent marathons on the idiot box. Instead I watched movies. Caught X-Men: Wolverine for some Hugh Jackman eye candy, then Batman Begins b/c I hadn't seen it yet and wanted to give Christian Bale a chance, and then The Dark Knight, which I watched in deeply sad awe at Heath Ledger's performance. My god, but what a gift he had. Commercials make me ridiculously impatient, but I toughed it out...and played on the Kindle, read a little, and ignored my urges to feel bad about being a slack.

It must have worked, because while I hate that a whole weekend day is gone, leaving me with today (Sunday) to pull off quite a few domestic projects, I woke up this morning with a clearer head. Made my coffee and breakfast, jumped on the computer for a bit, and laid out a fresh exercise plan. The Arthritis Foundation created a new website dedicated to folks with OA, offering tips and basic knowledge on how to make your life better if you have it. (side note: how sad is it that I was delightfully surprised that it was actually an informational website and not a site trying to sell Celebrex or something...so used to Big Pharma being media whores...). With that fresh knowledge in my head, I realized the major flaw in my current plan: I had none. I was killing myself with each workout, thinking my body could handle it, when in fact it was shredding me and forcing me to take 2 or 3 days off between workouts (which is not a great way to establish consistency), while also flaring up my OA in my knees, big time. Silly human.

Created a plan, plus a spreadsheet to start strength training again, then put on my workout clothes and hit the Y, smartly. I'm so NOT-exhausted after today's workout, I want to smack myself. But that's counterproductive, so instead I'll skip the nap I would have needed after a regular Melanie workout, grab lunch, and either go shopping or start laundry. Still plenty of Sunday to play with.

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Bit of an odd week. Getting up an hour earlier is no sweat, but there's still a rhythm to the day that I haven't quite attained yet. I'm exhausted by the end of the day, which I can blame on not eating right and overexerting the 2 times I've exercised this week, but still...it's annoying. Add to that, that I volunteered to move my desk to a remodeled conference room at work. No biggie...I jumped at the chance, and I'm glad I did because I had way too much crap in my old desk anyway, so it was a great opportunity to purge, but still...

Heh...2nd "but still"...must be feeling whiny....while I'm at it, my knees are bitchy this week too.

I think I'm going to find myself job hunting up there by like, mid-August...just for sanity's sake. This treading water thing is killing me...the whole, can't look now cuz what if I get a nibble, we can't move early BS...feels a little like fear doing the dictating.

Outside: summer in Florida...almost mild for us...not much above 90 because rain threatens and then barely falls. We won't discuss the irony of having a mild summer while our corn crops go to shit in the midwest thanks to the droughts.

Inside: 3 new coworkers in the remodeled conference room with me...one's fine, one's standoffish, and one's a complainer...it's an interesting mix. I'm the den mother, answering their questions with more social aplomb than I actually possess.

Wearing: slacks today...Fridays are usually jeans days in Melanie's world, but I ate too much yesterday and knew they'd be uncomfortable.

Creating: ..... yea, i got nothin'...

Reading: a little Kathy Reichs, a little Ashley English...

Going: nowhere! Was lovely visiting with C last weekend, but man, I covet those weekend days! The dining room needs attention, and I have to spend time cooking this weekend too. So frickin' tired of eating out because I didn't prep well enough on the weekend...

Hoping...
Too many things!

Image from here.

Monday

A good weekend. Small headways. Some impromptu friend visiting, shop wandering, a little sun on my shoulders. New work schedule. Trying to get back on the eating smart bandwagon. Exercise after work. Got those first letters written and sent. Medical flexible spending finally reactivated, thank the lord. Life is good.

Image from here.

Summer weekend

Friday. And there was much rejoicing.

Laundry. Farmer's market. Pulling things out of boxes. Putting things into boxes. Throwing things into piles of Goodwill, toss, and keep. Creating lists. Writing letters. Taking the recycling to the place on Philips. Showing the cat some love even though she's a standoffish little snot. Enjoying some Firefly out on the porch in our new deck chairs. Thinkingthinkingthinking. Clearing off the desk AGAIN. Baking, cooking, and creating in the kitchen. Trying to stay the hell off the Kindle and ignore the marathons on the idiot box (really, Melanie, haven't you seen all those NCIS episodes by now?). Y time and getting back on track with food intake. Being kind to myself.

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Image from here.

Taking Stock

I ache for the weekend. This week has been hard. Not sure if it's hormones, my body finally developing a tolerance for Paxil (been wondering that for a while now, will revisit the issue next month with my GP), or just the blues, but this week at work....I've had such anger. The little black cloud took up residence over my head this week, and I'm tired of having it around.

The work itself is actually groovy. I'm on a new project that isn't measured like regular editing, so my paycheck isn't regulated by my speed right now. That's a blessed relief, and I'm enjoying it while it lasts. But around me, the old-timers like me are heavy with discontent, because the company is growing too fast and the ways that they are finding for dealing with that growth bring much unfairness to our positions and the way we're paid. Never mind the fact that they've started outsourcing to the Phillipines...

Outside: summer holding pattern

Inside: tense around the edges

Wearing: the style is casual slob today...capris with deck shoes, green top...

Creating: still need to crank out that damn realtor letter...

Reading: Deadly Decisions by Kathy Reichs (I started the series over, for a distraction), The Dead and the Gone by Susan Beth Pfeffer (Book 2 of her depressing dystopia series)

Going: Y and RAM

Hoping...
The company's stock rallies.

Image from here.

Tackling Monday with Faux Energy

Suck it.

I so love when I have all these grand plans for the weekend and real life gets in the way and craps all over them.....

Ah, it's not as bad as all that. Saturday was spent puttering and then shopping...I didn't actually get out of the house til like, 3PM, but picked up food, got a load of dishes done, did my nails...the little things. Sunday was the first day of the monthly hormonal enslavement though, so other than grabbing a nap and being pissy, nothing got accomplished. We were both down for the count (Hubs had a migraine), so we ate pizza 2 nights in a row and slept a lot (though in our defense, if you haven't tried Freschetta's Brick Oven with 25% extra cheese, you're missing out)...

That's not so bad, I mean, I get when my body and mind need down time and tell me in no uncertain terms.....it's when I wake up Monday ready to conquer the world and have zero spare time to do it in that I get ornery. Tonight I'll be writing lists in between knocking out the laundry that didn't get done yesterday, thinking about tearing into the bedroom closet (because I bought some large boxes and that area is crying out for purging), and treating myself to 1 new show on TNT...luckily I can pack/write while watching.

So in other words, laundry and that show @ 10...

Too hard on myself? Maybe, but I'm also looking at the calendar, seeing that it's actually July, and then allowing myself small panic attacks. This week I'll be writing the letters/emails that I wanted to write last week, to realtors/property management companies up in Asheville, the letter that says "so we're planning to move in December, my credit sucketh, what do we need to get a roof over our heads?" I'm thinking ahead to mundane stuff too, like how I always say I'll do holiday cards (for xmas/yule/etc) and then never do them, but THIS YEAR, I definitely want to do them, but in order to make that happen, I really oughta like, create something now, since we'll be moving right on the holidays this year (please gods!)...

I'm also thinking about books I want, to expand my farming library. My time in Kate's blog has re-engaged my desire for a milk cow when we have our little patch of land, so there's learning about that. Lil Sis would say move first, think about that stuff later...but it's that stuff that's helping to drive the move, so it all helps. I was in traffic this past weekend and it hit me how badly I want to be further away from a big city, how over being around so many people I am. Sounds misanthropic, I know, but it's about wanting the work that goes into a life further away from civilization...I'd rather shop on the weekends than hit the store every damn day after work. I'd rather eat from the cabinets and the freezer. I ache to nail that level of organization in my life. It's as simple as cooking on the weekends to make the weeks easier, and doing more stuff from scratch. It's baking your own bread. I made waffles from scratch using a whole wheat recipe, and I'll never buy Eggos again...they were excellent! I'm starting to digress.....I'll shut up for now.

Image from here.

Laptop in the sun

This is where I'll be this weekend, when I'm not making lists, budgets, and timelines...when i'm not throwing things around and into boxes and into Goodwill piles and into the trash in the dining area.....when I'm not at the Y or out walking and feeling the sun on my arms.....I'll be here, deep in a new blog, trolling the archives, and dreaming of my own farm...

Happy Friday, y'all!

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Brain's pretty jumbled this week, so I'm stealing from my Tumblr to take stock...

Outside:

Inside:

Wearing:

Creating:

Reading:

Going:

Hoping:
I can get my thoughts organized and really lay into the timeline for the move, because this summer is going to FLY by...

Images from here.

Can't think of a subject line...

It's one of those "in way too good a mood to be at work" days.

Saturday was actually kind of meh. I woke up slowly and was ornery, which I realized I could blame on the pizza we'd indulged in the night before...just a brick-oven Freschetta with cheese, but definitely too many fat and carb calories for this gal. It was quite interesting to listen to my body that morning, see how it was affecting me...call it a cheese hangover. Reminded me why I've been getting off dairy. But I learn lessons slowly, so I coupled that indiscretion with pasta later that day and popcorn with butter for lunch.

So this week is going to be about what's in the calories, learning more discretion in that area. Because Sunday, I had popcorn without butter and spent the entire snack kicking myself, because white corn is perfectly tasty without 300 calories of solid fat poured on top of it.

I haven't gotten the OK yet to shift my schedule earlier, but I'm not letting that stop me. There's quiche leftovers in the fridge for Hubs, so I'm walking tonight. Yesterday was better, both eating and exercise-wise. I kept my portions under control, and worked off calories doing laundry and cleaning off our back porch (probably mostly water weight, as we've definitely hit July here, but still...). Today my legs are just a little achy...it feels terrific.

I'm holding myself accountable (see widget to the right), but don't expect that number to move for at least a month now. I just couldn't resist seeing how the first week of the rest of my life had gone. And that's a perfectly respectable number, especially when you consider I haven't held onto any kind of food/exercise regimen since oh, 8th grade? I'm not looking for Biggest Loser numbers; I'm looking to change my life. I made intelligent choices about my food intake for an entire week. I'm rather immeasurably proud of myself.

I'm educating Hubs on Asheville, and his initial reactions are favorable. Gotta plan our trips now, working them around family visits, figuring out what entities to visit while we're up there...this week, I'm writing emails to property management companies so they can give me a clue about what they'll need from me, given my less-than-optimal credit. I'll also be compiling lists of potential employers in the area, and shopping for a laptop and Photoshop, I think. I really can't imagine doing remote work on our home system; it's just too slow. So much to research.....

Image from here. Also, with apologies to Ashley, I've found that I've been thinking of Les as "Hubs" in my head lately, so it's rubbing off here. Wasn't trying to snitch a moniker, just happened...

Listening to signs...

I got turned down for the supervisor position today. I didn't want the spot in the first place; it's a goddamn relief to have that nonsense past now, but it brings up conflicting feelings anyway that make me grumpy. About how I'm not management material. About how my interpersonal skills could use some work. About how I don't take enough initiative.

The irony is that this criticism ends up being less than constructive (well, to "them" if they really knew me), because it highlights areas of my personality that I have become OK with. I'm never going to run a Fortune 500, or even a general store probably. I don't wish to shift my personality during the day to kowtow to some company's idea of a corporate culture. That's not what blows my skirt up. This opinion will shut some doors for me, I know...I'm pretty sure I'm OK with that. I'll find windows somehow.

Then I get a text from Husby letting me know that the Asheville relocation package came today. YES!

I am so sick of saying "IF we move when the lease runs out..." This weekend is going to be all about prepping for the move, credit be damned! Time to make things happen for me, the real me.

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Outside: an overcast holding pattern...but at least it stopped raining. There was some serious flooding in the Riverside/San Marco areas.

Inside: the usual...no word on the sup position, but I'm expecting a "thanks but no thanks".

Wearing: hilarious when your office is cold enough to warrant long sleeves, but your state isn't...i'm in a mock turtle today for probably the last time til frickin' October...we crank back up to 90s here tomorrow.

Creating: lists, lists, and more lists...

Reading: between books...so hitting old issues of Our State and the first issue of Taproot again. 2nd issue was much better than the first, so I'm giving SOIL another shot.

Going: maybe RAM on Saturday, then organizing, purging the apartment.

Hoping...
My Asheville relocation package comes in the mail this week and that I can make some more headways on the different lists that didn't get addressed last weekend. The kitchen's still clean and I'm working hard to keep it that way; but there's more, much more to be done to organize us for the move and make our living sitch better. Once Debby goes out to sea, I'll put Husby back to work on it too...this storm has been hell on his head and my knees.

I'm so used to being disappointed where the move is concerned, that I'm letting my credit keep me negative about the possibility of it. And that's just silly, when there's a chance we could get into an apartment or house by having Mom J. cosign, just as a guarantor. I need to educate myself on that.

Image from here.