Trying my hand @ Write on Edge

I've talked here before about having a novel in the can. Actually, it's trapped on a 3½" floppy, but that's beside the point...the point is I consider myself a writer and I haven't put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard for my own "stuff" in years.

I have a coworker who's a writing machine. She edits sites for 8 hours a day, then goes home and works on her freelance business, pinch-hits articles for the local papers, and tucks into her own novel. This girl has the bug, and it bit hard. I used to think that would be me.

Do I still want it to be? And if so, how do I bring it back into the light?

Found one way, maybe. This isn't anything yet...it's the seed of a story I've had rattling around in my head for ages. Girl on a train, going where? But I cranked out 350 words like it was nothing, which begs the question, why the blank aren't I writing more?! If I don't consider myself a storyteller, then cheat, use prompts, and see where it leads.

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Prompt: Introduce an element of romance.

He’s really not coming…


The train lurched forward and I grabbed at the bunk to catch my balance. My stomach hurt with the weight of the words we had thrown at each other as the taxi had honked for me outside the house. I blinked back tears and shifted my shoulders, so the heavy knapsack could slide off. I swung it up to the top bunk and placed my duffle on the lower bed.

Maybe he’ll meet me up there?

We’d been planning this trip for months, a nice break from reality before we both start grad school and new jobs. I hadn’t found a solid gig yet, but was freelancing. He’d found a job this past week. The downside: they wanted him to start now. Since he’d been out of work for years prior to this, he was afraid to tell them no, to say he needed the customary 2 weeks.

I’d been unfair, and I blinked back tears now, thinking about how we’d argued. We never argue, never-ever, and the foreignness of these feelings made me break down now, as I crumpled into a sitting position on the uncomfortable couch opposite the bunks. The rhythm of the train increased, but the sound of it didn’t soothe me as it normally would have. I grabbed at my cell phone to call him, but of course, there was no signal.

There was a knock on the cabin door. I assumed it was the conductor, so I wiped frantically at my face and ran my hands through my hair as I got up to open the door.

He took me in his arms as I gasped out “I’m sorry.” The tears came back in a rush, and we kissed and embraced as I sobbed. I pulled him into the cabin and tossed his bag on the couch in a single movement as my hands moved over his body. His hands reached up to cup my face as he kissed me tenderly and said “please don’t cry, it’s OK. I’m here.”

Button from here.

Still wouldn't mind taking that Carpentry class...

So last night I was attending a high school open house of sorts and attempting to register for classes, in spite of the fact that I'm 42 years old and have no business going back to high school. I was trying to do it on the sly and not have them figure out that I'm already a graduate, while simultaneously trying to figure out how I was going to finagle carrying a full load of classes while still maintaining my full-time job of website editing. Was going to have to shift my schedule around some at work. So I'm going over that in my head, while signing up for junior classes (English, Algebra II, US History, Chem) when I realize that I left my grey sweater in the gymnasium on the bleachers somewhere. So I go back to look for it, but someone's already taken it to lost and found, and when I stand in line there to retrieve said sweater, I'm told they're closed already and that I need to come back tomorrow. Since the weather is inclement, I decide to hang around until people have dissipated enough and then sneak back in and grab it from the rather massive warehouse area where lost and found items are being kept. This area, it turns out, is being managed/overseen by Shohreh Aghdashloo, whose acting and voice I love...but something was a little off about her here, which no one was eager to share with me. They turned me out again, but I snuck back in to grab my sweater, and that's when I saw that she had been turned into a malevolent red-eyed, dragon-like creature...looked like a dragon that had survived a holocaust, burnt to a crisp, but still alive. I hid as it soared out of the building and then landed not far away, and appeared to be sniffing/sensing my presence. It terrified me, but that was also when I discovered that I had the sword in my hand that was meant to kill it, a heavy, fancy hilted thing with a stone in the pommel. I stood, repositioned the sword in my hand, and walked slowly toward the creature...

The scene shifted and suddenly I was back in the school, explaining to the old, imposing woman in registration that I needed my new schedule, so that I could coordinate my work schedule with it, and she tells me that I still have to choose one elective. Most of the electives are weak or things I have no interest in (jewelry making, basket weaving, pottery), but when she mentions carpentry, I'm on it like white on rice. To be able to make my own bookcases! We need those so damn much! So I head right to the classroom/workshop where the carpentry classes are going to be held, so I can meet the teachers, learn more about what we'll be learning, and I meet Beau and Jeff Bridges (yes, the actors) both working on something in the workshop. They're not the teachers, he's a no-face behind a drafting table covered with supplies that fascinate me, and as he starts to go into all that we'll be learning, I wake up.

Glad this weekend's Easter. I think I need to lay off the jellybeans.

Image from here.

I really should Twitter, but I haven't the attention span.....

I get my best material (in my opinion, and let's face it, that's who matters here, she says with tongue planted firmly in cheek) while iChatting with my Lil Sis throughout the workday. It's a means of staying sane while trapped in cubicle world, chained to a keyboard. Quite a life raft actually, as there's only so much bad writing one can stomach about paving contractors and auto repair shops before you find yourself wondering just how far the monitor would soar if you heaved it across the cubes...

I talk about missing that filter that people have, the one that allows people to succeed in politics and the law, or at least keeps you from calling people douchebags in public. But I do maintain some remnants of it, I guess, because I am able to hold down a job outside of the house. The urge to burn off steam by skipping down the aisles mid-afternoon while playing with my own boobs in my professional office environment is kept in check by the occasional rant or quip to Lil Sis. We bitch about first-world problems, ponder the Darwin award winners that surround us on a given day, and occasionally exchange actual information about family.

"Pretty sure the girl in the next cube just coughed up a hairball."

"Niiice...offer her a breath mint."

"Wasn't Mom's doc appt today?"

"Yea, but call her tomorrow, we have church tonight."

"I'll never understand what phone call is so important it can't wait until a person is done propelling 1500 pounds of metal and fiberglass through the streets of Jacksonville..."

"It's called speakerphone...embrace it."

"NEVER!!!"

"Old fart."

And so on...nothing to write to the NY Times about, but I do find myself nailing the occasional quip and going, damn, I should put that on the blog. Because I dream of opening that filter just a bit more and unleashing the Bloggess'-style wit that I have buried somewhere. In the meantime...

"Pretty sure my grades would've been better in college if there'd been Starbucks in the '90s..."

"I really think I should be allowed to go home early because I just realized my chin hair grew back..."

Eh...it's a start.

Taking Stock

Doesn't feel quite like Wednesday, thanks to my day off Monday. Not complaining.

The pic is a nod to the fact that every time I think that keeping sheep might be too much trouble down the road, I find another shepherding blogger who makes it sound amazing...I know, I know, I have almost no clue, it's a long way off, allow me my dreams...

Woke up grumpy, but I appear to be rallying. Just the usual restlessness, which started last night when I had to do a quick load of laundry amongst my colorful neighbors in a laundry room that smelled like someone else's feet...and continued as I trudged to work today at a job that tends to bore the crap outta me...

8. More. Months. Dang.

It's quite tenuous still, the move. We are going to have to sweet talk someone into renting to us. I have to find a job up there. Les finding a job would be nice too. He's talking about it more, again. I'm patient. He's quite limited in what he can do, both because of his health sitch and his education; but we'll figure something out.

Then there's the finances...the unforeseen bills that we were saddled with via my flexible spending account came at exactly the wrong time (thanks again, IRS, for systematically punishing us a little more each year for being able to save that money pre-tax). My custom orthotics are only half paid for, and I still need new sneakers. The car's OK for now, but I'm not relaxing on that; so there's additional costs to anticipate. I'm squirreling money like never before, which is a good thing; but I hate it being so earmarked, so already spent. Silly adulthood. Such is life.

Outside: tempering just a smidge, thank goodness...nearly hit 90 for 2 days there. Too dang early in the year to be sweating.

Inside: sterile.

Wearing: Husby calls 'em my Frankenstein shoes. I call 'em comfy.

Creating: hmm...muffins? Homemade pizza?

Reading: Outlander, the Terry Walters books, Encyclopedia of Country Living.

Going: yea, right...you seen those gas prices?

Hoping...
Since there's no point in killing myself for OT this week (would have to work 8 extra hours just to get into OT range, and I'm not feeling it), I'll use the time to relax and regroup. The silly intestinal distress of last weekend meant the dining area got ignored, and it's bad again...like, good thing it's nowhere near an exit, cuz it's a fire hazard over there...time to repack some boxes, purge some others, and generally keep myself busy so I don't get depressed over the fact that there's no point in spending money on dirt and seeds because the ducks keep flying up to our porch and knocking shit over.

Image from here.

Bit of a pensive week here...listening to myself a bit.

The weekend was OK. Slipped off the rails a bit as both the Hubs and myself dealt with a touch of food poisoning. Nothing too awful, but an interesting reminder about the state/perils of the food industry. We think it was the catfish from Publix, but we're not sure. Luckily, it was really mild, as food poisonings go, but still, made me very glad I've adopted this eat-from-home approach. Even though we made the meal in question, I've been feeling nothing but good about having homemade meals/snacks at hand. We're spending a pinch more money on food that's SO much better for us, and we're not spending at all during the week as a result.

Still, with OT on Saturday and a seriously out-of-sorts Sunday, I woke up Monday CRAVING sleep and still feeling bleh, so I called into work and crashed til noon (something I rarely do). Then I puttered, grocery shopped, and puttered some more, and I feel way refreshed today, thank goodness. It was a wake-up call that while I may put my brain on an autopilot of sorts to get through these OT sessions, that coping mechanism ain't exactly the healthiest state to stick around in for too long.

Made blueberry maple muffins ala Eating Well, that came out surprisingly good. Overcooked my first try at granola, but I'm sure it'll be OK with milk or yogurt accompanying. Have meal ideas in the hopper for the week, and I froze half the shepherd's pie I made last night, so it wouldn't go to waste. Haven't eaten out in more than a week. The Domino's crave hit for a short time on Sunday night, but I shoved it aside and made a barley/red bean concoction instead that ain't great, but will suffice for lunch a couple of times this week. And then I bought the fixings for homemade pizza.

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Fast week here...OT (thank goodness), good food, pokin' along...

Outside: Florida...near-record highs apparently, pretty gorgeous. Makes it harder to hate it here, but I manage...

Inside: biz cashz...partners touring today.

Wearing: my darn Eastland loafers are too large, hoping the new orthotics will help. Maybe some lamb's wool too?

Creating: did 12 rows on the cowl last night and managed to remedy a screw-up (I think), when my broken stitch marker fell off. It's for me, so I'm not overly bent if I didn't catch it exactly at the right spot, but I found I cared enough to try and get it right...about time I had some pride in my knitting for me. This weekend, different batches of muffins and cookies, and a lentil/sweet potato stew.

Reading: goodness, so much! I have 2 Gene Logsden books waiting on me @ the library, Clean Start and Clean Food arrived, and all my latest mags. My weekend is set!

Going: nowhere special...prayers that my MIL has a good visit with her SIL and that things stay OK at home. It's a horrible pressure-cooker there.

Hoping...
Have some OT to knock out Saturday, then we'll hit the dining area, sort and purge time. Hopefully. In between relaxing and cooking and enjoying life n' stuff...we've been eating better this week and it feels great, so I plan to make some meals ahead of time again. SUCH a difference having food and ideas at the ready like that.

Image from here.

Living Simpler

More than a little funny how different my weekend looked from that last post...

Friday at 4-freakin'-PM, the .com offered OT. To borrow a phrase from The Bloggess, douche canoes! It's no longer becoming a case of me not being able to say no, though...the plain truth is that we barely make ends meet with my normal checks, and every little bit helps. There's the move to save for, Les's birthday coming up, I still haven't bought sneakers...there's always room for more dough. So I snatched up 4 hours and elected to go home that night, grab dinner, and then run back to the office to get it over with....thinking that way I'd still have a full weekend.

So naturally Murphy made Saturday fly by...I'm trying to remember what I accomplished, if anything. I jumped into the dining room just long enough to make it unmanageable and then abandoned it; it's still a disaster area that I'll rearrange several times this week to make it manageable and keep paring down. I puttered a bit. I took a seriously nice nap. Don't mind really, because the sun barely made an appearance that day, lots of rain, in fact. Can't complain, we always need it. Tropical state, my arse, it's forest fire season here (dear spring breakers, please stop throwing your lit butts into our national forests, and I won't have to test out my knife-throwing skills on your tires...).

Sunday, got up, puttered. Husby was awake so he made French toast, because I wasn't sure we had enough milk for pancakes. I took advantage of his awake state to discuss the week's meals with him and made the grocery list. Hopped out to do the shopping...which was fun, because I was following the list carefully and indulging in more organic labels and no junk. Yes, I bought milk too, organic even. Quite proud of myself.

Got back home, put everything away, chilled for a bit, then got cooking. Made banana muffins, chicken pot pie, and chocolate chip cookies, all from Eating Well recipes. The muffins and cookies were great; I want to tweak the chicken pot pie some. I've made incarnations of that for years, using store-bought pie crust, Heinz gravy, Veg-All, and chicken...it's delicious, but there's a lotta "middle aisle" stuff in the mix, if you know what I mean. Since I'm getting us away from so much processed food, I used frozen veggies instead of canned and made the sauce using broth and sour cream. Eventually I intend to make my own broth, sour cream, and pie crusts, but this was a nice start. Husby liked it, said it tasted fresher.

The irony of "living simpler" is that it actually means, "spend a little more money and work your arse off,  but know you're doing better for yourself and the planet as a result." My back still aches today from all the walking and kitchen standing I did, but I feel prepared for the week and really confident that we're starting to eat better. My baking included more whole grains, less sugar. When I measure the convenience of buying garbage in a box against the satisfaction of home cooking, it's no contest, backaches and all. And it blows my mind how few people in our culture get that.

Image from here.

Full of Promise Friday

Random stuff...

Have definitely reconciled myself with not seeding just yet...will probably try herbs later, out of stubbornness, but need to do a major purge/cleaning of the apartment and porch to make it feasible. Have been poring through the Encyclopedia of Country Living, and this morning I started The New Organic Grower (not so new, 1st edition - 1989, but still way informative - I grabbed it at that goldmine we call Chamblin here in Jax). I'm in, soaking up the information like a sponge, and if my attentions continue in this manner, I'll return Outlander to the library and pick up that series another time.

Spring has me wanting to learnlearnlearn, and get my arse outdoors. Even if I can't plant, I need sun on my skin (with a healthy layer of SPFdon'tgivemyIrisharsecancer). Will be reading and knitting out on my porch this weekend, when I'm not cooking. Planning to try a muffin recipe or two, and a meal recipe or two for the week. So tired of life living me, supposed to be the other way around...

No OT this weekend...hate not having the money opp, but love the free time it allows me. I'll get up at a decent hour tomorrow morning and expend a little gas to hit RAM and Native Sun for a little produce stocking-up. Then I'll hop home, change, and hit the Y before the urge to nap hits. Gonna be a good weekend!

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Day late, dollar short...what's new?

One of those weeks where on the surface I'm ornery, because the daily grind makes me feel like life is passing me by.....but I'm actually not that discontented on the inside, because I've purchased some books and done some online research that are going to help me make better decisions and get me closer to better health and the life I want.

I'm cooking up a storm this weekend, found some great recipes that I want to try out, and started a list of dinners we've made in the past that were successful. It was larger than I thought, the list of viable meal options, and as I looked at it, I cringed to think of the money we've wasted on bad food due to laziness. I know everyone does it sometimes, but when you're a 1-income family and trying to move...just ridiculous. And then I wonder why we never get there?

I'm determined to create a meal plan weekly, so that we can get off junk/fast food for good and not be sitting on the phone when I get off work going back and forth with "I don't know, what do YOU want for dinner?" conversations. Over that with a capital O!

I'm postponing the camping trip in May, I think. Gas prices being what they are, it's not feasible, plus camping always shells out just as much dough or more than if we'd grab a hotel (food, charcoal, new tarps or tent, etc...never mind the fact that my sleeping bag has been around since junior high...). OT is drying up at work, and the next 3 months of paychecks fall at times that require belt tightening and careful spending. It's hard, this knowledge, because I want to get up there and show Les that it's feasible, when in reality I don't even know if it is...

However, I'm damn sure taking those days off in May and spending them outside, at parks, at the beach, or maybe we'll take a day trip. Can't believe it's been 5 years...

Outside: Spring in Florida, 80s with a breeze

Inside: thankfully cool enough where I can still get away with wearing my mock turtlenecks to work...

Reading: The Encyclopedia of Country Living by Carla Emery, The New Organic Grower by Eliot Coleman, and Outlander by Diana Gabaldon.....admittedly, Outlander falling aside in the wake of my latest homesteading urges...

Creating: ideas, meals, more "game planning" for the move...not sure what else...I'd love to do seed starts, but it's just so unfeasible. If I start something in the apartment, the cat will knock it over or eat it, and if I start them out on the porch, the GD ducks and squirrels will knock them over or destroy them within the first day...never mind the lack of pollinators because we live "in the city" and are surrounded by feral wildlife...It makes me sad to have to wait another whole year, but I'd rather wait than waste money. The knitting has fallen to the wayside too, but Cowl de Printemps should get some attention this weekend.

Going: nowhere this weekend, but SC trip probably soon.

Hoping...
We can get some real purging done this weekend. We own so. damn. much. stuff. and there comes a time when you have to look at all that crap and ask yourself, what will you ACTUALLY USE when you have a house?

Image from here.

It Could Happen...

This one's rather apropos. I mean, of course, the underlying theme should be "be happy with yourself" or "give yourself a break"......but this phrase nails something that's been rattling around in my brain, that I didn't quite realize was in there til I read it.

I have bloggers whom I admire, big-time, because they are living their lives the way I'd like to. Jenna, Amanda, and Ashley are definitely my top three. I wish to emulate them all in different ways, and I pore over their blogs and archives almost daily trying to glean the secrets to how they are able to pull it off, the homesteading dreams that I desire. None of these folks are independently wealthy; they all work very hard to achieve their respective dreams. So how come when push comes to shove, I get lazy and don't do what's necessary to move forward in those directions? I mentioned last week how I'm not into self-fulfilling prophecies...what a load of crap!

When I read that Ashley and her boys were going up to Maine to meet Amanda and her brood (and celebrate the beginning of Taproot), I was over the moon. My gods, to be a fly on the wall, while they were chatting, getting to know each other, watching their little ones play! I think they are both amazing ladies, with deliciously intelligent brains, who are living the dream...little homestead, some critters, and a creative life. I'd so love to meet them both someday...I content myself occasionally with the dream that I'll get to know Ashley someday by attending one of her classes, when we move closer to her neck of the woods.

But when I think of those two ladies together, I wonder what I would bring to the conversation. Yea, yea, I know, I'm a catch...but seriously! And I wonder what the hell is still holding me back? From canning and eating smartly and getting more animals and organizing my life andandandandand.....

I wandered through Walmart on Saturday night, and I remember passing the area in kitchen supplies where the canning jars are kept, and thinking, nah, don't need those right now, who are you kidding anyway? Since when do I let that kind of talk slip through my bean?! When I'm so damn concerned about where my food is coming from lately, that I'm having trouble making ANY decisions about meals, I can't find the gumption to buy canning jars and create strawberry jam that will save me $2.50 a week? I'm so frickin' over myself!

So my studies.....took a backseat to starting the Outlander series this weekend. And that's OK, because if the above is any indication, I'm readjusting my ever-changing, neverendinglyfluid priorities. I bounced off the walls literally this weekend, getting up to look around the apartment, feel overwhelmed by the mess, and sit back down to play Mah Jong and avoid it, thus perpetuating my discontent. I was downright ornery at times this weekend, and there's so much I could be doing to remedy that.

Image from here.

Full of Promise Friday

I'm alternating today between strong and sad, but I'll try to keep it upbeat here...

The weather continues to be obnoxiously beautiful in FL. Been brushing my bangs to the side, which is compelling me to wear my hair down more, cuz it looks better that way. We'll see how long that lasts, if this 80s nonsense keeps up.

Payday brings promise, potential...there are bills to pay, sneakers to buy, and plenty to squirrel away hopefully thanks to OT. I'm planning a trip to upstate SC in May that we need to start saving for. There are other things to save for too....the move, potential baby making, I always have an eye trained down the road.

At least the sad is getting me thinking.....about procreating the species, and how if I haven't really given up, then I better get my ass in gear and do what's necessary to get myself in a position to realistically attempt it. See Melanie's Head for more on that.

Chipotle for lunch and OT later and tomorrow morning...we're getting closer to not needing the OT, so gotta enjoy it while it lasts. Have a great weekend, y'all!

Image from here.

Random Thursday

No matter the fact that I tell myself I only have 6½ readers...I do hold myself back on this blog. Which is hilarious, since it has no real purpose other than as a vent for me. I'm not trying to raise money for anything or knit caps for babies in Haiti, or sweaters for penguins. I'm not a stay-at-home mom with tons of adorable child-antic stories. I'm just a semi-fertile 40-something with a semi-couch husband who's my everything, and a cat who waited 9 years before deciding that maybe, she'd deign to enjoy our laps every now and then. But I put this URL in other places, like the Facebook, so there's the occasional concern that someone, a boss or something, at my work, will happen upon this little blog and get more than they bargained for.

That said, I find myself a bit jealous of the Bloggess. This is a lady who obviously ain't taking enough meds, but that's OK, because she probably wouldn't be nearly as funny if she were. She's a wonder...it's as though you took my personality, my friend R's personality, put them in 1 person, and removed any and all filters from our conversations. Jen's "conversations with Victor", her husband are hysterical, and remind me of myself, when I'll go off on a rambling tangent that causes Les to kind of sigh and mumble to himself about how special I am...

But she's a mostly SAHM and newspaper columnist, so to the outsider, it appears that she doesn't have to go work in an office everyday and put on appearances. And that's where my jealousy kicks in, because she's found a way to work from home and find success. I work in a corporate atmosphere and don't always hold my tongue, largely in part due to my lithium deficiency, which I'm still not medicating while we attempt a few more years at getting into the baby game. And I'm starting to see how, at least in this company, it's going to hold me back, that inability to think before I speak.

Thing is, I don't dislike that about myself. It's honest, albeit at times brutally honest; but after a childhood and adulthood of keeping certain things from my dad in order to keep the peace, I have no real desire to become too much of a person who's careful when they speak. So I'll never make it in politics, oh well. And my family's still speaking to me, so....

But it may hold me back from management positions. For now, I'm completely OK with that, but down the road, who knows? It'll depend on the job, I guess; and with my dreams, my "career" is pretty destined to be "12 roads diverged in a wood, and I..." so for now, I'm not worried. And if I want success, I just need to explore more of those paths...I do worry about how the frick I'm going to find work to keep us in mac & cheese when we move to Spartanburg, especially since I want to get Husby back in school (now that he's finding some focus). But I'll punch up my writing and start submitting it, outside of here, and researchresearchresearch. We've made it this far. As for whether or not I unclench a little more on here...

Taking Stock

Having a really decent week. Kind of weird to feel this way when my circumstances haven't changed. Nifty what a little focus and positive thinking can produce. Looking forward to an OT check and more OT on the way helps too.

Outside: obnoxious...in other words, gorgeous. It's March in Florida out there.

Inside: little noisy, little boring

Wearing: hair down...it's getting delightfully unruly. May as well enjoy it...once it gets stupid-hot, I'll wear it back or up more.

Creating: Cowl de Printemps in KnitPicks Stroll in Pumpkin, and a curriculum of study.

Reading: The Creators, Heart of Darkness, College Algebra, and Human Antiquity.

Going: nowhere for now, but SC trip coming up soon.

Hoping...
Don't really need this category this week. To say I'm hoping to stick with my studies or eat better or exercise, implies I'm expecting failure...and I'm all about eliminating self-fulfilling prophecies.

Last night I unwound with my usual Kindle solitaire and mah jong...but then I cracked the College Algebra, determined I need a calculator to maintain sanity while studying that, set it aside and cracked the Anthro text, reviewed the first chapter and read the second, and put myself to sleep knocking out the 2nd chapter of Boorstin. It feels fantastic to be feeding the brain this way.

Don't grownups use calculators? The Texas Instruments website was educational...I guess since most adults only need basic math functions, they just use computers (and computer calculators) now, for bills and such. The TI store is geared to the needs of high school age and under. Makes sense, I guess, since engineering and business students and the like just do everything by computer now...but it was an eye-opener about how I need to shift my thinking. I graduated college in 1993 without ever using a computer. The simple act of learning is entirely different now, different resources to work from, different ways of using technology to assist in the process.

Great example: Encyclopedia Britannica just announced that they're going out of print, that the 2012 edition of their printed encyclopedias will be their last. This made me sad and nostalgic at first. My folks had Colliers in the house, but the schools I grew up in relied on Britannica and World Book as a key reference/resource. So I asked my Lil Sis, semi-recent MA, what she'd used for an encyclopedia in college, Britannica, Encarta? Her answer: nada...she worked in primary research, first-hand interviewing with compare/contrast against other resources (online articles, periodicals, journals, etc.). And I was reminded of how very different my schooling was from hers, how we weren't allowed to question anything or accept viewpoints outside of our textbooks. The first time I skimmed Howard Zinn's History of the US, it blew my mind, because it was so far afield from what I'd been told in public school. How sad that I had to get the hell out of school to become more of a free thinker, but that's exactly what happened. But the old ways of thinking are still set in my head, so that when I dip my toes back into the academic world, in however small a way, I'm greeted with a wall to scale first. I'm really looking forward to the climb.

Image from here.

No more excuses?

I completely adore this laptop skin, and it's not even "me".

They announced the new manager of my work team. Emotions are mixed.

Actually, emotions are full-on annoyed...mostly with myself. I made the mistake of watching the 2nd half of the Brooke Ellison story (curse you, Lifetime channel, when there's nothing else on!)...and am feeling very held-back. You can't watch movies like that when you're already feeling like you're not accomplishing enough in your life. It must've been a theme for the day, because before that, they had played the Liz Murray story, which I've watched more than once, both for the excellent acting and the hopeful story. Liz Murray managed to finish high school at Bronx Science while homeless and was later accepted to Harvard. Brooke Ellison became a quadraplegic at age 11 and with the help of unyielding family support, graduated summa from Harvard and is currently working on her Ph.D.

I can't begrudge my current career. Its "safety/stability" were necessary for the particular time in our lives. But how much am I giving up if I continue playing it safe? And what the hell do I really want to do with my life? And am I letting the things that are holding me back become excuses not to push harder to achieve those dreams?

So this week will be spent looking at the move, our lives, what kind of schooling Les might be interested in (in relation to where I want us to move), what kind of schooling I'm interested in, and how we can make all that happen. It really pisses me off how shut out we are from opportunities, just because we've learned to pay cash for stuff. Our credit hasn't suffered the last couple of years; it's flatlined...and building it back up is a royal bitch. But it's going to have to happen, because I'm realizing I absolutely want back into school too, that the dreams I have in mind require it.

I removed myself from the Independence Days Challenge for now. It's just not happening.

Yesterday was a rather delicious puttering-around day. As I woke up in the morning, got coffee, woke up my brain with the Kindle and the Sunday L&Os, I realized I had zero desire to go outside...that I needed to stay in my PJs and get small things done around the house. So I did, and I'm better for it today.

Image from here.

Taking Stock

 

And the wheel turns...and very little changes...re: that last post...and since there's nothing I can do about it, I give it to the gods and move on.

Having a pretty nice week. I need to get back to the Y, still avoiding that, but otherwise, little things getting accomplished, not too tired, some thinking going on up in the ole attic.....we celebrated 13 years of marriage yesterday. So blessed.

Outside: overcast, but pleasant temps...

Inside: meh.

Wearing: new Eastlands...such a damn relief to have comfortable shoes...ridiculously eye-opening...

Creating: a cowl here, a wrap there...ignoring socks...

Reading: Twelve Wild Swans ... getting back to my religious roots.

Going: hopefully nowhere...

Hoping... sigh...see Dark Meadow...

Image from here.

Vent

I'm safe venting here, I think...the only family member on that side that might read this, empathizes/feels similarly.....

When you have people addicted to prescription medication in your family, you have 3 choices: enable them, force rehab, or set them free and pray. There really isn't a middle ground, and in some states, the 2nd isn't even an option once the parties in question (PIQs) are over 18. Took me forever to understand why we didn't just Baker Act the PIQs....turns out it was because SC doesn't have anything like that. (Florida does...and if you ask me, it oughta be nationwide.) They don't even do 24-hour holds. When one crisis occurred involving the person being a danger to him/herself, they were released from the hospital in less than 12 hours. Blew. My. Mind. Yes, it could've been a side effect of Lyrica. So not the point.

So the family in question chose option 1 for years. Maybe I'll understand it better when I have my own kids, but I come from more of a tough-love family dynamic, so maybe not. All I know is the situation has been toxic for far too long, and now that Dad's gone, it's going to implode. And I pray that things resolve themselves without my "help," because I'm really done being nice about the whole situation. There's a child in the middle of all of it, and that makes the behavior of the PIQs reprehensible. Yes, I get that I feel it more succinctly because I don't have children of my own. Yes, I fully expect to have that thrown in my face if I stick my nose in. But I'll be able to laugh that off pretty easily, I think, because neither of them are model parents with a leg to stand on.

In Utopia, where I have legal standing to do anything regarding the situation, I'd be putting our entire dining room in storage, moving our niece down with us, and getting her set up in therapy immediately to try and undo some of the emotional damage that her parents have wrought on her. I'd set her up in public school (until we moved to SC at least), and I'd trim my hours by 5, so I could spend more time @ home and still keep health benefits for now. I'd make the necessary sacrifices without thought, because I understand what it means to be a parent. Neither of her actual parents have a fucking clue.

But I know that will never be. And so I keep silent, and ache, and pray for things to become different without any intervention needed on our parts. Mom wants Les up there again for support. I wish they could send me instead, because I'm enough of an outside influence to give them all the perspective they so desperately need for the situation. And if that didn't work, we could abscond the niece and run for the border....just kidding....

Prayers for a resolution.

Just an update...nothing witty ;)

As I reconcile myself with getting turned down for the promotion, one thing keeps sneaking up on me...

The lithium deficiency is a viable excuse. It helps me recognize certain limitations. But while it justifies a scaling-back of certain areas of my life, it also forces me to examine my life more fully, to figure out the areas where scaling-back isn't an acceptable alternative. I have dreams that aren't going to get accomplished without some serious sucking-up, head-down, nose-to-grindstone work. I'm no stranger to hard work; keeping my little family afloat all these years is proof of that. But I need to take it a step further, or we're never getting out of Florida/I'm never getting published.

Husby will do his share; I know this. Folks who know us may look on that statement with skepticism, but a person's share has so many more facets than just money. He's slowly becoming healthier, physically and emotionally, and that's more important than any job he could hold right now. He came out of his Reiki class this past weekend more at peace than I've seen him in ages. And his support and faith in me speaks volumes, keeps me chugging along toward our goals.

This weekend was...good. Worked OT at o-dark-thirty on Saturday morning, had a follow-up eye appointment, and then went home for napping and puttering. Sunday I moved stuff around in the bedroom just enough to make myself think I'd reorganized and purged a little. Then I read, played, and knitted, frogged 2 old projects, and gave myself a mani-pedi, all while the windows were open and the breeze and sun streamed through our little apartment. I felt contentment. Such a damned precious thing.

Image from here.

Independence Days

So what do you do when you can't realistically grow things outside without it being an exercise in futility? You find another way, because to not grow stuff just won't do...

Not that I've found that way yet...just that I ain't giving up.

So I didn't get the promotion. Interestingly, I wasn't relieved or disappointed with the outcome. Can't decide if that means I really oughta try harder to improve myself, to further myself career-wise, because by not being disappointed, I'm only enabling my mediocrity. See, thing is though, I'm not a person who's overly concerned with "having a career." When it comes time to move, I'll be looking in my field, certainly, because that's where the bulk of my experience lies, but I also won't be disappointed if I have to try something completely new. So am I selling myself short by not being disappointed? Or do I just think too much?

So, still a HUGE work in progress on the Indy challenge...not a whole lot of actual effort occurring yet : (

Plant something: this weekend.

Harvest something: the menu plan concept this weekend

Preserve something: my sanity?

Waste not: recycling

Want not: finally stopped spending money willy-nilly

Eat the food: epic fail, lot of eating out this week

Build community systems: nada, but I've been a little more sociable (though my knitting pals would disagree), in light of the potential for bossdom earlier this week.

Skill up: this weekend....maybe I should start reporting this on Mondays, since those darn weekends are always so full of promise....

Image from here.

Taking Stock & Food for Thought

Turning over another leaf...

I'm sitting in the parking lot of KFC last night, waiting on dinner because we haven't planned any meals yet this week. I'm reading the 12 Steps of Overeaters Anonymous and chuckling to myself at the irony. Oh-ho-ho, I'm so clever.....until I realized I no longer saw humor in it.

This was coupled with the news that Paula Deen has dropped 2 pants sizes recently, thanks to portion control and exercise. Paula Deen...a woman whose obsession with butter borders on the disturbing.

Also coupled with the fact that while the tax return money has been burning a hole in my pocket (as evidenced by the number of pairs of shoes arriving in the mail that I've "invested" in), I've been looking at health books and thinking, don't spend the money, you already have the knowledge that's in them. And this from someone who never met a book she didn't want to buy.

What follows will read like some rationalizations, but I swear they aren't intentional cop-outs designed to give me an excuse to eat poorly. It's about preparation, which today I didn't perform. So lunchtime...wasn't in the mood for a Panera salad, so grabbed a half sub at Publix instead. Allowing myself this today, because we need to go food shopping. I'm well-aware I need to wean off the cold cuts and the soda that accompanied it. Today I allow myself the soda, because I'm recognizing how deprived I'll feel without some sweet (can't cold turkey a 40-year addiction, folks...I've got physical, chemical, and emotional blood sugar to reconcile with in this process), and it reminds me to purchase those Back to Nature juice pouches for my lunches. Yea, I'm rationalizing, but most of this lunch was about making better choices than normal. Like half sub vs. whole one and the ensuing discomfort that comes with it.

Then I look at the Baked Lays, and realize this will be my last bag of those for the foreseeable future. Why? Aren't they "healthy"? Yea, right...those delectable slices of dried potato also contain soy, sugar, and 3 different incarnations of corn. It's a friggin' poster child for why it's important to eat non-GMO products, because you just don't know what you're getting otherwise. I can't stand those corn sugar commercials that the food industry is desperately foisting on us lately, in a vain attempt to relieve themselves of some of the bad press...saying there's no difference between regular sugar and corn sugar. OK, true...but then why is it necessary to put regular sugar, corn sugar, maltose, fructose, and lordknowswhatelse into my store-bought granola bars? You're telling me there aren't other ways to attain sweetness....yea, nice try. Even if the corn wasn't genetically modified, my argument's valid. I'm so glad I finally get that. If it means reading every damn ingredient list before food passes my lips, then great - at least I'm going in with eyes open.

See, just writing about it here is making me want to make just oooooooone more purchase: Clean Start or Clean Food. Because Terry Walters does appear to provide excellent guidelines on how to get the hell off the processed food. So many vegetable-centric cookbooks contain flavors I need to ease into slowly...Kind Life for example, great resource, but I'm not a huge fan yet of Indian food or sauteeing bok choy and fennel with my kombu. But the Clean books by Terry have interesting recipes that I look forward to trying. Husby's a veggie guy, but he grew up eating them Southern-style...fry 'em up in fatback and where the hell's the cheese? So shaping the recipes to stuff we both might enjoy will take some effort. Should be a little easier though, because he's lost weight again, and with losing Dad to cancer, he's getting gung-ho about trying to eat healthier too.

So, now that I've bored you-all with food talk...

Outside: I can't complain. It would be unseemly. Florida shed the overcast this morning with the fog and is dumping obnoxiously beautiful warmth and sunshine all over us today. High 80ish. Feels nice.

Inside: vanilla...wouldn't mind knowing about the promotion so I can get on with my life...

Wearing: who gives a crap...think I'll ditch this topic...

Reading: see above reading material from KFC parking lot.

Creating: started a cowl, ignoring UFOs.

Going: out and about in town...OT, New Balance, the Y, Husby has a class on Saturday afternoon...

Hoping...I can get off my butt this weekend and make bread, granola, healthy meals and snacks.

Image from here.

Mental floss...with an eclair

Sigh.....

I miss New York-style eclairs. They're harder to come by down here.

I know, I know, how do I expect to ever lose the weight if I'm obsessed with bad food....? But you're listening to someone who tucked her Starbucks donut into her purse next to her copy of the 12 Steps of Overeaters Anonymous this morning, so obviously there's still some work to be done in this area...

Strange winter in Florida...surprised people aren't grouchier here. I certainly am. We've had overcast conditions for most of February, which while totally normal north of the Mason-Dixon line, is completely out of the ordinary down here. Considering how easy it is to get used to all the damn sunshine here, I'm surprised more people aren't heading up to bell towers by now.

Side note: lousy week to make a bell tower joke. My prayers and sympathy go out to the community of Chardon, Ohio.

I'm shopping for sneakers this week and contemplating a haircut. Trying my damnedest not to buy the other 2 pairs of shoes I have my eye on, until we've bought food this week and other sundries...pretty sure they'll need to wait til the next OT check, which thankfully has been getting offered again...shouldn't get my hopes up, though; if I get the job, I switch to salary, which may not be a good thing. Wish I knew what they were willing to pay for that dang position...I'd hate to have gone through the interview process and end up turning them down because there's a chance I could make more money where I'm at. Frustrating prospect, but possible...this company is nice to work for, but the pay is still below the industry norm. They get away with it by a combination of how we produce the sites (the assembly line nature of the biz) and the fact that we're located in Jacksonville, which isn't a real city and never will be. I hate not knowing...

So I have a dentist appointment today, a bird decided to crap rather gloriously all over my car this morning, and we're heading back into the 80s tomorrow...whinewhinewhine. Hate when I get like this.

I can feel us sliding in rut territory at home. Might be just me, but I'm having another "gods, but I hate where we live" moment. We're so in-between...and I've been mentioning to Husby that if by some fluke, it's just smarter to stay in Jax even longer than December (gods please help my sanity if that turns out to be the case!), then we're moving anyway, to a rental house. So I have trouble seeing the point in unpacking any of the current boxes in the place, except for the fact that it absolutely needs to occur again, so we can purge more STUFF! I'm just restless, and not crazy about how Section 8 the neighborhood's starting to feel. I guess I don't do well in limbo.

Image from here.

Regroup (and Independence Days Challenge)

I think I need this notepad for the weekends.

I have weekends where not much gets done. This was one of them.

And yes, I slacked on the Independence Days Challenge again, but in my defense, those interviews kinda sucked my brain dry. The first interview was Thursday with my boss, a VERY organized lady who I've known for years; and the 2nd interview on Friday was a panel with one guy I've known for years and 2 strangers (all directors within the company). The panel interview was actually easier, because gods bless them, they followed a script pretty strictly and I had ready-made answers in my head to quite a few of their questions. The first interview was tougher.

So now I wait. I'll be freaked, excited, and a little baffled if I get the job and a combo plate of disappointed and relieved if I don't...and I was really jazzed after that 2nd interview because I knew regardless, I'd done my best.

Worked a pinch of OT on Saturday, then relaxed. Saturday evening, the tax return arrived (hello friend!), so we went out Sunday to buy a new vacuum cleaner, bed sheets, and wiper blades. I'm stocking up on decent shoes and Husby's rifle shopping. So nice to have a little dough to work with.

Plant something: have to really rethink this category, because I was reminded this morning that the ducks STILL use our back porch as a stopping-off point and potential nesting area, the bastards.

Harvest something: myself, in those interviews this week.

Preserve something: nothing literal, but we did eat in even after discovering the tax return on Saturday night, because the food needed to be cooked. Baby steps.

Waste not: Took bins to recycling center. Old vacuum heading there too.

Want not: yea, epic fail, but everything we bought yesterday was needed...our old vacuum died like, 2 months ago, and with the cat's flea issues, it's not something we could go without any longer. All our sheets developed irreparable holes around the same time, the bastards, and wiper blades aren't something you can drag your feet on long in Florida...on my shoe purchases, I'm trying not to go nuts but the plain truth is I need shoes that will last me for years, so I'm trolling the web for sale prices and making investments.

Eat the food: heh...yea, really need to study these categories more. See "Preserve something". Also, eating Saturday's dinner as lunch leftovers today.

Build community systems: insert laugh track

Skill up: I wish...definitely need to study these more this week. Will keep my mind busy, maybe I won't spend the whole week worrying that I'll actually get the job...

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Woke up this morning with no neck pain!!!

Outside: Overcast, almost warm. Bleh.

Inside: a touch noisy...they've been breaking down cubes and building 'em back up, to make room for more employees. Third floor is busting at the seams.

Wearing: beige slacks, sea green top, oxfords, awesome beige overshirt from Dad J.

Reading: not much this week...gotta renew/return a pile of library books, see where my interests are. Depending on how the interviews go, I may have to dive into Dad J's MBA texts this weekend, bone up on my business/management knowledge.

Creating: found a nice cowl pattern, and an earflap hat that's getting started as soon as I can buy the yarn with the tax return (to the detriment of all my current UFOs, of course).

Going: the recycling center. The pile's getting unruly.

Hoping...I'd like the QC Manager job. I'm pretty scared of failing, certainly, but I'm totally skilled for it and bored outta my skull. This position would give me some much-needed responsibility and a stronger role in communications. Since we got off front-facing phone work in QC, I've been a closet case...just let me do my work, don't bother me, I'm in my shell...doesn't make for the healthiest or most productive work relationships. And the company has grown exponentially in the last couple of years, so there are plenty of holes in the process that need plugging. I'm so ready for more of a role in making that happen.

Otherwise, Les is talking a bit more about his dad, which is good, and he's taking a Reiki class next week that will give him a bit of knowledge that should kick-start more study. I'm not eating right this week, but I'm thinking hard about what we can afford and where healthy and convenient need to meet at our house. Such a balancing act...realized it when I wanted to buy rice (for cooking), almond (for coffee, oatmeal), and cow's milk (for Les) this week and just couldn't justify the expense, not even for possible improved health. One day at a time.

Image from here.

Random Tuesday Brain Wanderings

 

Since my musings on Tuesdays and Thursdays tend to be rather scatty/random, I actually grabbed my paperback Roget's just now to see if I could find a synonym for "random" that started with T, so I could be alliterative with my subject line.....further proving what a big ole grammar nerd I am. Alas, Roget's crapped out on me...

Quarter past noon and I'm finally awake....all hail coffee!

Been married almost 13 years now, and for a good chunk of those years, dear Husby has spent them on the couch, because his darn head/pain issues screw up his sleep patterns, or he gets dozing and forgets to come to bed. This means I've had the big king-size bed all to myself. Comfy, but lonely.

However, his time at the family house in SC on various beds and couches brought home to him just how godawfulfriggin' uncomfortable our couch is for sleeping, and he's been making an effort to hit the sack, in the actual bedroom, ever since. This makes me over-the-moon happy (sleeping together?! like a "real" married couple?! eeeeeeeeee!!!), but also means I usually nudge awake when he finally climbs in, and my brain turns on. I don't even mind that, or that he needs to drift off with the TV on...but I'm realizing it may mean a smidge less sleep for me until we both get used to the new arrangement. Hilarious that this is a new arrangement after 15 years of living together, but hey, it is what it is...and so long as those big brown eyes still greet me every morning, I'm happy.

I'm reacquainting myself with the concept of "to do" lists. Between interviewing for the manager position and dragging my feet on planting anything (because I don't want to start anything unless I can also spend the money on a mini-greenhouse set-up that will keep out the squirrels, feral ducks, and other critters that obtain access to my tiny porch, as well as shield it from the damn Western exposure), I was a little discouraged recently about how far off my little homestead still seems. But Jenna's been yelling at us quite a bit lately in a rather "Nike" tone of voice about how nothing's gonna get started until you, y'know, frickin START already!, so I brought the Backyard Homestead to work today to read on my lunch again and get my brain wheels turning...

Besides, the sense of accomplishment when you cross stuff off a "to do" list is so satisfying...I may not have fresh eggs or even a backyard yet, but I'm still on my way.

This was brought home to me early this past weekend as well, on a different topic. I've been wanting to get back into sewing, maybe quilting, maybe garments, maybe home decor stuff, who knows. I have 2 frickin' sewing machines collecting dust and quite a few books on the subject. But reading about quilting, you quickly become aware that that line of thought has its own language attached, and I realized I needed to re-educate myself, because with the exception of the occasional hem or patch job, I really haven't studied or performed sewing, oh, since my 7th grade Girl Scout sewing badge, for gosh sakes! So the idea would get set aside, again and again and again. Until my inner voice said, hey dummy, don't you already have books on the subject? Like The Sewing Bible, which is rather perfect for reacquainting oneself with the craft?

Pull from shelf, crack open, sigh, self-flaggellate some more, finally get reading...

Why is it that most often, WE are what's standing in our way...?

Image snitched from here.

Recharge

That's how the weekend looked. I had no idea how badly I needed it.

The TNT and USA networks aided and abetted my slackerism with the usual marathons, the Kindle got so much use on Saturday I'm pretty sure my continued neck ache is caused by Mah Jong, and I napped both days and was still tired at the end of the night. My body needed a recharge badly, and thanks to my Husby's enabling attitude (go relax! take a nap!), I did just that and feel better for it.

We Lyons' don't do relaxing well....always gotta be goinggoinggoing...the Energizer™ neurotic. But the kitchen still got tidied, the laundry still got done. There's a lesson there.

I completely blew off the Independence Days Challenge on Friday. Not going to make that a habit, but also not going to even try to record what, if anything, occured in that arena last week. My body was still going through the shingles recovery process, and my heart wasn't in much of anything. This week will be busy; I'm interviewing for a promotion so I doubt there will be much to report this Friday either...but I'm thinking with a clearer head this week and that's what counts.

Happy Monday, y'all!

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Food photography is evil. And apparently I'm in the mood for self-flaggellation. Dear gods, those look good!

Outside: overcast, threatening rain next couple of days. Determined to ignore thermometer.

Inside: boring. Blogger is sleepy.

Wearing: beige slacks, red sweater, oxfords.

Reading: Backyard Homestead, Amish Knitting Circle series, Clean Food, Rodale's Whole Foods Cookbook...list not comprehensive. Nose in book or magazine constantly these days.

Creating: nada...juju has been temporarily misplaced. And this is also practically the first day in 2 weeks that I've wanted to lift my arms anywhere.

Going: nowhere. For at least a month. Hibernation time.

Hoping...
Wow, is this the first time I've taken stock since Dad J. passed? : (
This section had taken on a theme of prayer for him in recent months. Reminded me of the nightly prayers I'd say as a kid, that roteness: God bless Mom and Dad and Cyril (pre-Meara)...and Grandma and Grandpa and Nanie...and all my relatives and friends...and help me to be a good girl tomorrow with school...
What do I hope for today? I hope I'm there emotionally and physically for Husby whenever he needs me, as his brain processes his loss. I hope the shingles continues to heal, and I can get back to more activity. Energy level is still sapped. I hope I can get back into yoga and meditation; those activities have slipped big-time. I hope I can dig into the apartment without it making me too nutty. Such first-world hopes, I know, but that can't be helped.

Image from here.

The random ramblings of a shingles-addled web editor

Valentine's Day. It's definitely easier to handle when you wake up to yellow roses, a box of chocolates, and the sweetest guy in the world in your house. SO good to have him home!

Interesting, learning how your body reacts to stress. Yesterday I took the day off to recover from the driving back and forth to SC. I puttered, watched the tube, read, played, and reveled in the fact that Husby was home. Neck and shoulders felt considerably better, both when I initially woke up and as the day progressed.

Today I'm back at work, the sledgehammer is back resting on my right shoulder, and it's making me grumbly.

I'm pretty sure if I cut repeats out of my TV watching, I'd be down to 2 shows: House and NCIS. And House is done after this season. Food for thought, to be sure...

I'm definitely a student of religion right now. Glad I've reached a point where I accept the Christianity of others without feeling like they drank the Kool-Aid and need to try out free will sometime. But I'm definitely a Unitarian in my own beliefs. Been researching Hinduism, because I've watched/read Eat Pray Love one too many times, and my Lil Sisinlaw's study of the craft has me digging back into the works of Scott Cunningham and Margot Adler, while also keeping a hold on my Buddhism studies, seeing how I can blend Hindu/Buddhist meditation into a daily practice in my own life. This kind of needs to occur, I think. I'm in the right place for it right now.

I couldn't make it into Heather's workshop in time. Was disappointed briefly, but it's OK. That money can be spent buying Terry Walters' books, maybe another whole foods cookbook, and investing in kitchen appliances that will assist me in my clean, healthy food endeavors. Like an electric rice cooker, so I can stop having to steel wool my medium-sized pot, because I've become rather skilled at burning rice, beans, anything I'm not steaming, b/c I'm too scatty to keep an eye on it.....sigh.....also want an air popcorn popper, one of those easy onion choppers, and I'm hopefully inheriting a waffle iron from Lil Sisinlaw. There's some serious weekend food prep and menu planning in our futures.

Been having delusions of grandeur about the dang tax return, thinking of ways to spend the sucker. I know how precious the extra dough is though (OT is a faint memory here unfortunately), and it'll probably go right into the savings account once it arrives, until we determine what things we need vs. what things we just want. I'm getting a lot better at that, and the purse moratorium I declared this year helps. Still...

Image from here.

Independence Days Challenge Week 1

Man, pancakes on the brain this week! Still haven't made 'em...hopefully Monday...

Oh nutterbutters! Amazing how selective our memories can be. Was just saying that to Lil Sis today, because I was craving one of those heavenly artisan sandwiches from Starbucks. I've been trying to remove dairy (or switch to organic) and factory farmed foods from my diet and I've had at least one of those suckers this week. Habit is a serious bitch.

So I kind of already forgot about Independence Days, though in my defense, it's been really hard to focus on stuff this week; so I'm giving myself a half-pass on account of the shingles. My shoulders and neck have been a new experience in pain for me this week, and not much home preparedness has been occurring at all. Still, gonna go through the motions, because it'll be good for me to see all the places where I want to improve.

Plant Something: not a darn thing, but thinking about a pizza garden to start...tomatoes, peppers, and basil. Cuz I heart pizza and REALLY want to be making it from scratch rather than via Domino's. Supply buying hopefully next week.

Harvest Something: hmm...kind of have to have stuff planted to harvest anything. I'm counting the purchase of carrots and cukes under here, because I did juice with them this week, which is a step in the right direction.

Preserve Something: not yet. Until the Florida strawberries show up, I'll content myself with reading Ashley's book to learn how, and buying the needed supplies (the Ball beginner's kit, more mason jars, etc.).

Waste Not: I did pack lunch at the beginning of the week, then backslid (though I count eating @ Chipotle as a good step too), but again, the damn shingles has me barely wanting to lift my arms, let alone cook for myself. I have been working from the cabinets...only thing I bought this week after the big shop was shampoo. I'm determined on this one though, and I have plenty of beans, rice, and veggie options in the larder to feed myself with right now.

Want Not: yea, this is kind of a biggie...the impending tax return has me thinking about shoes, big time. Again, this can be explained though, and it's not really a rationalization...I want to spend more money on shoes now that will last me for several years, rather than spend money on crap shoes that will last a year at most and make my arthritis worse in the process (a cycle that has been the norm up until now). I have my eye on more Eastlands and a pair of dress sneaks from LLBean, and I'm planning to call the new podiatrist and spend the money on fresh orthotics, so I won't have anything to bitch about as it gets warmer (my current orthotics can't be worn for long periods without socks, because the top's separating from the bottom and could cause blisters...but this is Florida, where socks are barely worn, so...). I'm also planning to register for Heather's workshop the minute the tax return comes in...I'm SO ready for her knowledge in my life!!!

Eat the Food: yea, another one that won't be worked until the planting and preserving really begins...

Build Community Systems: thoughts only, no action. I am thinking of calling RAM on the carpet for advertising Reed's Groves as a "local" farm source; pretty sure the only thing local about them is their citrus - they're really a distribution company.

Skill Up: nothing...blame the shingles...things on this list for future attention include bread baking that doesn't produce a brick, the preserving (salsa! strawberry jam! tomato sauce from scratch!)...hmm, what else?...refinishing the Dad cabinets, that's been on the back burner for like, ever...

Man, I'm so glad I'm doing this! Great ideas and progress in store this year! Have a great weekend, y'all! Kidnapping the husband back to Florida this weekend, yay!

Image from here.

Taking Stock

Comfort food. Could def use some of that.

Outside: pleasant, not too warm.

Inside: meh.

Wearing: remember the crazy patterned sweaters that Cosby used to wear on the Cosby Show? Inherited one of those from Dad J. So. Comfy! Jeans and oxfords.

Reading: Clean Food by Terry Walters. Def need to own both of her books.

Creating: not much this week, shoulder/neck pain heeding desire/progress.

Going: prob SC to pick up Husby this weekend.

Hoping...
So rash plus neck/shoulder pain equals shingles. Fantastic. I'm sitting there in the doc's office, not surprised by the diagnosis really, but when he said it was a mild case, I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying "so you're not going to give me the good stuff, huh?" I haven't been with this doc office long enough for them to know I'm not normally a drug seeker, so I stayed quiet. Being the spouse of a pain management patient, I'm used to the dance that's required with medical professionals, the need to tread lightly if you're gonna get any relief from them. But goddamn, the pain sucks! He did give me antibiotics and steroids, and I have some supplemental sources of relief beyond ibuprofen that should get me through the next few days. Say some prayers that this resolves itself quickly though. I'm annoyed, grouchy, and mopey.

Image from here.

Coming back to me

I hate when it seemingly takes me forever to ramp up and get moving on a day, but damn, it feels good once I'm there. Coffee and vegetables...

Today's shaping up nicely. I'm eating healthy (well, except for the coffee, but baby steps), because I'm tired of feeling like crap. My neck's still sore, but I'm taking Advil and getting the hell off the foods that could be causing excess inflammation. I know I can't stop arthritis from traveling to other parts of my body, but if that's what this neck pain is, I'm over it already! Gotta slow that shit to a crawl...and pondering a Sobakawa pillow purchase too, cuz I'm curious about the hype.

Vitamin E appears to be helping the pain of those weird sores on the back of my neck at the hairline. I'm getting off dairy and simple carbs. I'm reading Clean Food by Terry Walters (another one for my bookshelf someday soon), and I'm hoping Heather will accept late admissions to her workshop, because I want to register for her course the minute the tax return comes in.

I've been trolling the web for a decent menu planner page to handwrite on weekly and place on the fridge or other common area. I'm sitting here at work with at least 3 ideas for dinner, but by the time 5:30 p.m. rolls around, I'm so emotionally hungry I always look for the quick feed instead, regardless of nutritional value. So the OA books that I bought and have been ignoring have to get some read time tonight. Also, working the menu plan before the week arrives may help Husby, since he gets way indecisive on food with his sketchy appetite, plus the fact that I'll be trimming the amount of meat I eat again. Unless it's grass-fed/organic, I don't want it in me, so that cuts a LOT out, given our budget. And planning on the weekends means more food prep on the weekends, so I can grab stuff out of the freezer or jars for quick heat on the weekdays.

LOVE how strong I feel once I make some healthy choices! Today I juiced my lunch and followed it with a banana, and I think I can steer clear of the vending machines and rampant chocolate nearby with the snacks I still have to go through (orange, baby carrots).

Image from here.

Homesteading, Independence Days Challenge

LOVE those bread bins...

Full of promise Monday...been a while since I've felt one of those...

Weekend was OK, almost satisfying. Relaxed quite a bit, enjoyed some loneliness without my man. Watched Super Bowl last night, ate lousy food. Today, another leaf turns...my body's actually craving healthy after all the crap I ate yesterday, I'm drinking water instead of soda, packed my lunch. Gotta love the seesaw.

My thoughts are spring-like...it's early, but given I've never done some of the projects I hope to do this spring, not inappropriate to plan ahead. I read Sharon Astyk's blogs; her brain intimidates me, but her stuff is interesting as hell, and she started up the Independence Days Challenge again. Feels right, so I'm going to try it. I'll report on Fridays how it's going, and hopefully have more to report than: "still recycling." See link on the right for more info.

Reading glasses take some serious getting-used-to...was thinking I didn't need them for standard computer work, until I started to get a headache that went away almost immediately when I put the damn things back on. Highly annoying.

Image from here.