Taking Stock

So apparently I'm going through a phase where I only post on Wednesdays...

That leaf greeted me as I walked into the office this morning. For leaves to change color down here before like, November, is rare. It sits on my desk now, a reminder of what I want to move toward.

Life hasn't been that much busier. Well, I hit the Y a couple of times a week after work, am going through another knitting drought, and spent last weekend cleaning, doing laundry, shaking off the mopes...in other words, the usual.

Labor Day weekend was uneventful...Mom went to Charlotte to visit Lil Sis, we cleaned her apartment and car for birthday money and transported her to and from the airport.

How the hell is it my birthday tomorrow? I know it's stupid to obsess about a number, but I'm not crazy about the age I'm turning, so it's hard to get excited about it. I'm taking tomorrow off work, hoping to hit the arboretum...

Mom's gained some needed focus this week...the visit to Charlotte was good for her, and yesterday's doc appointment gave us (Lil Bro and I accompanied her for support and education, and I'm so glad we both were there) the information and perspective we needed to OK pain management for her back, rather than major surgery. It's still hard to accept, because I'm a fixer...and the idea of not being able to do anything to slow down or fix the degeneration of her disks is a little scary. But she has a goal now, of moving out of Florida in April 2011, and her actions are starting to be dictated by her desire to reach that goal.

I'm recognizing that the same thing needs to happen here. I look at Crystal and Jenna and SouleMama, women like me, same types of dreams, only they're walking the talk, finding their little patches of land. Granted, our situations are all different...Crystal, gods bless her, is being shoved onto hers by circumstance; Jenna lives alone and is able to spend her income on herself (though I'm sure she'd scoff at that and say, yeah, take a look at my mortgage, lady!); and SoulePapa must make an OK living to support 4 small peeps and allow Amanda to write and raise them...I get that since we're still a one-income household, I'm going to have to work incredibly hard to even get up to NC, never mind finding a place to truly call home a year or more later...but you have to start somewhere, and I've been spending way too many weekends adrift, not working toward that goal, letting myself think I have time. Time for what? To dream and wish and feel sorry for myself? Bullshit.

Outside: the slightest shift in temperatures continues, but it's still too bloody hot out if you're outside for long...

Inside: I really wish someone would tell my chatty coworkers to shut the f*ck up...I can't do it, because that's the only way I can think to communicate how I feel about it...

Wearing: delightfully noisy pink paisley highwaters with a green top...hair down, trying to enjoy the natural waves that are presenting themselves since I got it trimmed on Saturday...

Creating: starting a work apron for projects, and I HAVE to get back on the MIL sock...do NOT want that sucker taunting me throughout autumn...also making roast chicken tonight and frying up some round steak to eat off of the next couple of days...

Going: well, like I said, to the arboretum tomorrow to hike the trails...Les wants to come with, I can tell...he was asking me about how undercover it is. I'd love him to come, but I'm afraid it'll knock his ass out the rest of the day afterward...

Reading: discovered the Lumby series by Gail Fraser and a couple of other farm/small town novels at the library, trying to get into the Harmony series by Phillip Gulley too...

Hoping: I have a nice birthday tomorrow (I think there may need to be cake!) and a productive weekend. It's all up to me, right? :)