I'd like to start my park ranger job now, please.
Well, ok, so I don't have it yet; haven't even applied, though I'm thinking of doing so very soon with a well-written cover letter explaining my moving sitch. But right now, the 10-hour days are enough trouble without the clients being complete boneheads.
Maybe I'm missing something...
Coupon for a general contracting firm—Receive FREE heat loss with coupon offer
Maybe this one irks me because our apartment leaks energy like a sieve, so I wouldn't mind a discount on my electric at all, if that were an option.
It turns out that they're advertising a free heat loss evaluation of your home with the coupon, but the client, when asked, wanted to leave the above coupon on the home page as is. Sorry, not on my watch; sometimes you have to save these clients from themselves.
What's more frustrating though, are the blatantly incorrect items that make it through design. I completely understand that things can get lost in translation. Our sales team is in Spokane, WA, so it stands to reason, especially with the southern clients, that they're not always going to understand what the person's saying. That's where phonics comes in. However, our design team is under such pressure to crank out sites, they don't even bother trying to translate, and some of the mistakes don't take a rocket scientist. Did I mention the convenience store that sold bold peanuts last week?
Speaking of Peanuts, Charlie Brown Christmas tonight at 8!! JC may be just a man in my book, but I get the greatest warm fuzzy every year, when Linus quotes from the Book of Luke.
Anyway.....was reading one of the family websites yesterday, and I think it's wrought a bit of a change in me. One of my cousins is enjoying her 4th year of sobriety...only 30 years old, bless her heart! She mentioned it in a blog-type setting where my uncles and aunts were mentioning what they were thankful for this Thanksgiving. I'm not sure what her particular poison was, but that's not what's important...Her obvious pride got me thinking...and thinking...about the legacy of "controlled alcoholism" in our family. Yes, I know that's a statement of denial and a contradiction in terms, but it's also the best way to describe my dad. Plus if you believe the possibility of inherited alcoholism, then half my genes have that potential because both of my mom's folks were alcoholics. What's tricky is that I'm certainly not a fall-down drunk, not a party-til-you-puker, not one to wake up in an alley with no memory of the last 3 days. Money's usually so tight, that whether or not there's booze in the house isn't even an issue. But then when a little dough does sneak in for me to buy a six-pack or a bottle of wine, it gets drunk in one sitting easily. I can't have "just a beer or two" or just a glass of wine; where's the point in that? I want the buzz, and I want it to stick around for as long as possible; and unfortunately, I've got a damn fantastic constitution for the stuff. There's a line from West Wing, when Leo's confessing to his attorney about the time he slipped off the wagon on Johnny Walker Blue, and he says something like, "I don't understand how anybody can have 'just one drink'..." I understand that sentiment all too well.
I've only seen this cousin like, twice in our lives, when we were kids, because they live out in California, but I've thought of her often, because I'd heard the lightest of rumblings along the family grapevine that she was enjoying her 20s in a rather Lil Bro-esque fashion. Reading that statement yesterday really got me thinking about the kind of person I am, the kind of person I want to be for Les and our kids. How badly I want to go back to school someday, and how I want other careers, ones that don't involve a cubicle. How I don't want to be craving beer while I'm pregnant if/when...because unfortunately I'm also one of those people who plain enjoys the taste of beer. And I realized I need to find some tools to address the issue.
It's tricky, even with their editing, to adapt the ideas of the AA Big Book to a pagan mindset, so I'm also throwing myself back into the teachings of Reclaiming and Feri. Some would say that trying to start this right before the holidays is like starting a diet on Halloween, but I'm feeling a kind of strength and knowledge that this is the right time to soul search and move forward. Between my delightful chemical deficiencies, my extra-large body, my filthy house, and my treadmill-esque job, I'm usually not a big fan of me. I think that's definitely part of what attracted me to going clean, now; that element of self-pride that was evident in her writing. I want that. I want that even if I never lose a pound or never make it back to school. I need to learn to define myself. Never too late, right?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
Back to the grind...
But man, what a nice weekend!
With the exception of some fantastic food and a skein of White Buffalo, I got very little accomplished this weekend, and I'm ok with that. Thanksgiving was nice...the sweet potatoes gave me some trouble and turned out rather unremarkable, but everything else kicked ass! Husby roasted the turkey to perfection out on the grill, I made chocolate mousse and apple butter pumpkin pie, and Les complimented me all weekend by hoovering the leftovers. We stayed in, and miraculously I don't feel like a closet case as a result.
The White Buffalo cape is going to be Seal Heather Brown only...I looked at it last night and realized a) solid stripes of the different colors would be unflattering and bland, and b) the colors themselves could coordinate better than they do. So I'm on my last puck, and starting to decrease, praying that I've given myself enough room to do so, because I shudder at the idea of frogging back with this yarn. I'll think on closure options this week - right now, the toggle button idea is still front and center - and it should be done in time for Meara's graduation, not that I'll be able to wear it because she lives in frickin' Orlando.
Other random thoughts:
—Christmas presents rock! Went wandering with Mom and Meara on Saturday night and ended up at one of the local Vera Bradley outlets. Grabbed their last On the Go model in New Hope for 20% off, because New Hope is retiring. It's a beauty!
—Gotta dig up the cash for one more Rosebud doll. Holly Hobbie lunchbox came in this weekend.
—Company Christmas party this Friday...barely worth writing about, just a chance to dress up and grab some free country club food
With the exception of some fantastic food and a skein of White Buffalo, I got very little accomplished this weekend, and I'm ok with that. Thanksgiving was nice...the sweet potatoes gave me some trouble and turned out rather unremarkable, but everything else kicked ass! Husby roasted the turkey to perfection out on the grill, I made chocolate mousse and apple butter pumpkin pie, and Les complimented me all weekend by hoovering the leftovers. We stayed in, and miraculously I don't feel like a closet case as a result.
The White Buffalo cape is going to be Seal Heather Brown only...I looked at it last night and realized a) solid stripes of the different colors would be unflattering and bland, and b) the colors themselves could coordinate better than they do. So I'm on my last puck, and starting to decrease, praying that I've given myself enough room to do so, because I shudder at the idea of frogging back with this yarn. I'll think on closure options this week - right now, the toggle button idea is still front and center - and it should be done in time for Meara's graduation, not that I'll be able to wear it because she lives in frickin' Orlando.
Other random thoughts:
—Christmas presents rock! Went wandering with Mom and Meara on Saturday night and ended up at one of the local Vera Bradley outlets. Grabbed their last On the Go model in New Hope for 20% off, because New Hope is retiring. It's a beauty!
—Gotta dig up the cash for one more Rosebud doll. Holly Hobbie lunchbox came in this weekend.
—Company Christmas party this Friday...barely worth writing about, just a chance to dress up and grab some free country club food
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Home stretch already!
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving? When did that happen?
I'm getting psyched. We shopped last night and got almost everything, and I think I picked up the last few items on my break today. Hope so, 'cause I'd really rather not darken the doorstep of another store until this holiday is past us. How people head out at the crack to shop the day after Thanksgiving and brave the malls and WalMarts without firepower is beyond me.
Brunch tomorrow is pumpkin bread and bacon biscuits (both from Southern Living; can't get the links to come up). Dinner is Grilled Turkey Breast, Crockpot Sweet Potatoes with Apples (subbing apple pie filling where it calls for peach), Cauliflower Gratin, and Sauteed Green Beans with Bacon (having trouble getting that link, but it's from http://www.southernliving.com too). Dessert is chocolate mousse and/or Apple Butter Pumpkin Pie. I can't wait for that last one. I grew up enjoying apple butter on my Thomas' English muffins, and haven't had it in an age. I knew I wanted to do something else harvesty for dessert, but hadn't decided, when I caught Paula Deen's Southern Thanksgiving on the Food Network this past weekend and saw this recipe. I found a nice white zin from Biltmore Estates to have with the meal, and I'm hoping there'll be just enough brandy left over from the cauliflower recipe to have with my coffee at dessert. :)
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
I'm getting psyched. We shopped last night and got almost everything, and I think I picked up the last few items on my break today. Hope so, 'cause I'd really rather not darken the doorstep of another store until this holiday is past us. How people head out at the crack to shop the day after Thanksgiving and brave the malls and WalMarts without firepower is beyond me.
Brunch tomorrow is pumpkin bread and bacon biscuits (both from Southern Living; can't get the links to come up). Dinner is Grilled Turkey Breast, Crockpot Sweet Potatoes with Apples (subbing apple pie filling where it calls for peach), Cauliflower Gratin, and Sauteed Green Beans with Bacon (having trouble getting that link, but it's from http://www.southernliving.com too). Dessert is chocolate mousse and/or Apple Butter Pumpkin Pie. I can't wait for that last one. I grew up enjoying apple butter on my Thomas' English muffins, and haven't had it in an age. I knew I wanted to do something else harvesty for dessert, but hadn't decided, when I caught Paula Deen's Southern Thanksgiving on the Food Network this past weekend and saw this recipe. I found a nice white zin from Biltmore Estates to have with the meal, and I'm hoping there'll be just enough brandy left over from the cauliflower recipe to have with my coffee at dessert. :)
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Holy frick, there's a chill!
Normally, I race open-armed into ANY cold weather, but my recent mood swings wrought a little cynicism on this subject, the upshot being the mindset of 'why wear the heavy coat to go to work if it'll be 80 by lunchtime.' The past 2 days though, Jack Almost-Frost snuck in and stuck around. So I leave to grab sundries at lunchtime and the chill whips right into my overshirt. Woke me up the rest of the way at least...my butt was dragging this morning because I didn't rinse out my coffee mug enough, so my coffee had this lovely, light flavor of Publix's Antibacterial Dish soap. Yuck! Luckily Les's jacket was in the backseat, though I had to reconcile myself to the fact that it's too small for my shoulders and upper arms. ::sigh:: We're almost exactly the same size (though he'll say he's taller), but I've got 40 pounds on him. grr...
Speaking of mood swings, yesterday we in Jacksonville played a game called "Ways to Tell a Relative Is Off Their Meds." A woman went to the Shands Hospital pharmacy, decided she'd had enough of this waiting-in-line shit, pulled out her gun, and shot the pharmacy manager point blank 3 times. The pharmacy manager later died, leaving behind a husband, 2 kids, and the beginnings of a third. Happy Thanksgiving. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate this city?
Jags won last night; that was cool. We needed the ego boost, but it's still gonna be an uphill climb to the playoffs. And with Indianapolis in our division, it's hard to even take the road to the playoffs seriously. The Colts' loss on Sunday was delicious, but they're still easy contenders for the #1 or #2 spot overall this year. Bastards.
Got half the laundry done and rotated the dishes, so even though it's a drop in the bucket where that apartment is concerned, it feels less cluttered. Tonight we'll food-shop; hopefully the shelves won't be bare yet. There was still plenty of everything last night, but it was also frickin' busy.
We interrupt these mundane reports for a mini-rant: Back in August, our team leader told us that they wouldn't be measuring revenue month-by-month anymore, rather it would be more day-to-day, thus eliminating the mad rush to get sites out at the end of each month. That seems to have been a pipe dream. By September, they were leaning on us again for OT at the end of the month to get sites out the door. I figured they were doing it because it was end of quarter; now that we have an IPO, it's all about the money: positive revenue=positive stock future. Alas, October brought the same type of rush, and would've put a damper on Halloween except for sales taking a dip. Which brings us to November and that inconvenient holiday giving us a 4-day weekend. To remedy the time loss, our Op Mgr decided to initiate mandatory 10-hour days from the 27th to the 29th. It's barely a big enough deal to whine about, but I'm still ticked. It's just a little harder to enjoy a 4-day weekend, when you know you're going to go right back to being strung out and bleary eyed from too much computer time the minute you get back. And why bother telling us about the day-to-day concept if they had no intention of following it?
But I know that it really stings because I'm just barely making it through my 8-hour days at present. I'm not sleeping well lately; I switched pillows and it's gotten a little better, but still has me a bit on edge from that raw feeling you get from not sleeping well or enough. I get done with work and I could skip to the car for the feeling of freedom it gives me. I get home and pile on the husby to get my hugs, and then dive into some knitting or reading, lose myself in a world away from the Internet and the vapid commercialism that permeates our society. The Christmas commercials on TV are really pissing me off this year too. I can tell that my ways of celebrating Yule are going to change this year. Not sure how yet...
Got my Scarlet Rosebud doll in the mail yesterday, and the Love Notes doll - both in really nice condition! Still doing the bid dance with another doll and a Holly Hobbie lunchbox. eBay's disturbingly addictive, and I haven't even gone into the yarn areas. If I'm going to buy yarn over the web though, I want it to be from the fantastic bargains at KnitPicks, but eBay is loaded with hidden treasures - you've just gotta know where to look.
Speaking of mood swings, yesterday we in Jacksonville played a game called "Ways to Tell a Relative Is Off Their Meds." A woman went to the Shands Hospital pharmacy, decided she'd had enough of this waiting-in-line shit, pulled out her gun, and shot the pharmacy manager point blank 3 times. The pharmacy manager later died, leaving behind a husband, 2 kids, and the beginnings of a third. Happy Thanksgiving. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate this city?
Jags won last night; that was cool. We needed the ego boost, but it's still gonna be an uphill climb to the playoffs. And with Indianapolis in our division, it's hard to even take the road to the playoffs seriously. The Colts' loss on Sunday was delicious, but they're still easy contenders for the #1 or #2 spot overall this year. Bastards.
Got half the laundry done and rotated the dishes, so even though it's a drop in the bucket where that apartment is concerned, it feels less cluttered. Tonight we'll food-shop; hopefully the shelves won't be bare yet. There was still plenty of everything last night, but it was also frickin' busy.
We interrupt these mundane reports for a mini-rant: Back in August, our team leader told us that they wouldn't be measuring revenue month-by-month anymore, rather it would be more day-to-day, thus eliminating the mad rush to get sites out at the end of each month. That seems to have been a pipe dream. By September, they were leaning on us again for OT at the end of the month to get sites out the door. I figured they were doing it because it was end of quarter; now that we have an IPO, it's all about the money: positive revenue=positive stock future. Alas, October brought the same type of rush, and would've put a damper on Halloween except for sales taking a dip. Which brings us to November and that inconvenient holiday giving us a 4-day weekend. To remedy the time loss, our Op Mgr decided to initiate mandatory 10-hour days from the 27th to the 29th. It's barely a big enough deal to whine about, but I'm still ticked. It's just a little harder to enjoy a 4-day weekend, when you know you're going to go right back to being strung out and bleary eyed from too much computer time the minute you get back. And why bother telling us about the day-to-day concept if they had no intention of following it?
But I know that it really stings because I'm just barely making it through my 8-hour days at present. I'm not sleeping well lately; I switched pillows and it's gotten a little better, but still has me a bit on edge from that raw feeling you get from not sleeping well or enough. I get done with work and I could skip to the car for the feeling of freedom it gives me. I get home and pile on the husby to get my hugs, and then dive into some knitting or reading, lose myself in a world away from the Internet and the vapid commercialism that permeates our society. The Christmas commercials on TV are really pissing me off this year too. I can tell that my ways of celebrating Yule are going to change this year. Not sure how yet...
Got my Scarlet Rosebud doll in the mail yesterday, and the Love Notes doll - both in really nice condition! Still doing the bid dance with another doll and a Holly Hobbie lunchbox. eBay's disturbingly addictive, and I haven't even gone into the yarn areas. If I'm going to buy yarn over the web though, I want it to be from the fantastic bargains at KnitPicks, but eBay is loaded with hidden treasures - you've just gotta know where to look.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Patience.........again........
Cubicle life is interesting to tolerate when you're flying just below the sanity radar. Elizabeth Wurtzel described life off meds once as where your whole body feels like one big nerve ending, or like you're walking around without skin. While I tend not to identify with her experiences anymore, because she personifies a "me!me!me!" whiny personality that no amount of therapy is ever going to relieve her of, I still admit to appreciating her flair for description. You've got the A/C hum, coaches and team leaders talking to coworkers around you, people coughing without covering their mouths because they figure they don't have to since they're in cubes, and you're trying to focus on what feels like your 20th Herbalife site of the day without letting something mundane slip by, like spelling receive/recieve. The majority of my coworkers listen to music with headphones/earbuds, but I have to be in the right frame of mind to do that. I'm ready to fly outta here, but I've got an hour to go, and going home means doing laundry when I'd rather spend a little time under the covers. S'pose I could pull off both, but I really need to get the laundry and cleaning done tonight, because tomorrow night will be shopping for Thanksgiving.
Restless, but not wanting to do anything...that's the way I was last night...banging around the apartment because there wasn't enough on TV and I wasn't motivated enough to clean. I know when I get home tonight, I'll sit still initially, maybe re-sort the laundry or tuck into the dishes to avoid starting the laundry, and I've got decent TV tonight (Charlie Brown, Heroes, Studio 60) so I'll be able to focus on that while I knit or fine-tune the shopping list for tomorrow, but getting to that point...this is a tough time. I think about asking Doyle for an increase in my Paxil, and then I remind myself that I've only been back on it for going on 3 weeks, so I need to take this as the growth opportunity that it is, head down, push on...drink water, drive on, private, as Cyril would say, the mantra of Army basic training...similar idea in about the only funny part of an old Anthony Michael Hall movie, Johnny Be Good:
Johnny: Coach, I broke my dick.
Coach: Well, throw some dirt on it and get back in the game, son!
I put chocolate on the hurt spots, and my butt stays big. I need to get outside as much as possible when the temps are down like they are at present. I think it's the only thing that kept me hinged last time we were in SC, that and Kylie, my beautiful, dark-eyed niece. I set her on my chest and look into those inquisitive eyes. She has a full head of dark brown hair that takes on an adorable punk-rock look, and holding her gives you that "all's right with the world" feeling.
But my biological clock's not outta control...
Restless, but not wanting to do anything...that's the way I was last night...banging around the apartment because there wasn't enough on TV and I wasn't motivated enough to clean. I know when I get home tonight, I'll sit still initially, maybe re-sort the laundry or tuck into the dishes to avoid starting the laundry, and I've got decent TV tonight (Charlie Brown, Heroes, Studio 60) so I'll be able to focus on that while I knit or fine-tune the shopping list for tomorrow, but getting to that point...this is a tough time. I think about asking Doyle for an increase in my Paxil, and then I remind myself that I've only been back on it for going on 3 weeks, so I need to take this as the growth opportunity that it is, head down, push on...drink water, drive on, private, as Cyril would say, the mantra of Army basic training...similar idea in about the only funny part of an old Anthony Michael Hall movie, Johnny Be Good:
Johnny: Coach, I broke my dick.
Coach: Well, throw some dirt on it and get back in the game, son!
I put chocolate on the hurt spots, and my butt stays big. I need to get outside as much as possible when the temps are down like they are at present. I think it's the only thing that kept me hinged last time we were in SC, that and Kylie, my beautiful, dark-eyed niece. I set her on my chest and look into those inquisitive eyes. She has a full head of dark brown hair that takes on an adorable punk-rock look, and holding her gives you that "all's right with the world" feeling.
But my biological clock's not outta control...
Not enough hours in the day
Another weekend bites the dust.
I should've seen this coming. ruthee's warned me before about Paxil taking longer to work when you go back on it after coming off it, but it's moot because at the time I was weaning, I had no intention of ever going back on it. How f*cking naive is that?!
So the house is still filthy, the grocery shopping and laundry didn't get done, and Thanksgiving is in 3 days. Luckily I'm putting all this pressure on myself, given that we're not entertaining family, so I can take it with a grain of salt. Should probably buy more salt.....
I've fine-tuned the menu, changed the sweet potato dish, added another side (cauliflower gratin), and gone lazy on the bread (I'm thinking Publix Italian sandwich bread—it kicks ass!). Was watching Paula Deen yesterday and snatched up her recipe for Apple Butter Pumpkin pie—that sounds like heaven! Still gonna make chocolate mousse sometime this weekend too, as well as those chocolate mint cheesecakes, probably a chocolate pudding pie for my folks, snickerdoodles for my sis, and for Thanksgiving morning, pumpkin bread, and if I can procure the magazine I saw it in, bacon biscuits, which are actually bacon, egg, and cream cheese in biscuit muffin cups...kind of like a slap-dash mini quiche. Took us 3 stores to find the indirect BBQ racks for the grill...you'd think a state like Florida would keep that stuff in stock year-round...yeah, not so much...
Work's gonna be grueling this week, because the sales have seesawed so badly this month, that the higher-ups made a goal that we zero out the queues by Wednesday. So I can't really enjoy the short week until Wednesday night. Screw that! In my head, I'm already cleaning, baking, shaking the dust out of that apartment, letting the fresh air blow through. Technically, we've had the windows open since Friday, which means the apartment gets up to the low 70s in the late afternoon, but the nights have been in the high 30s/low 40s, so it cools back down, and lemme tellya, it's making a difference, however small. I love my husby, but he is so smoking outdoors wherever we land in SC. The smell in that apartment is one of several reasons I don't invite people over. I mean, I'm no social butterfly to begin with, but when your pride keeps it from even being an option...
Anyhoo, started the fresh puck of White Buffalo last night, 3 down, 2 to go. It's already to the point of decrease if I were to follow the pattern, but I'm sticking with my decision to go long. Could've used it this morning (36!), and the change in the weather's definitely motivating me to work on it; I'd love to be able to wear it a little this winter.
I should've seen this coming. ruthee's warned me before about Paxil taking longer to work when you go back on it after coming off it, but it's moot because at the time I was weaning, I had no intention of ever going back on it. How f*cking naive is that?!
So the house is still filthy, the grocery shopping and laundry didn't get done, and Thanksgiving is in 3 days. Luckily I'm putting all this pressure on myself, given that we're not entertaining family, so I can take it with a grain of salt. Should probably buy more salt.....
I've fine-tuned the menu, changed the sweet potato dish, added another side (cauliflower gratin), and gone lazy on the bread (I'm thinking Publix Italian sandwich bread—it kicks ass!). Was watching Paula Deen yesterday and snatched up her recipe for Apple Butter Pumpkin pie—that sounds like heaven! Still gonna make chocolate mousse sometime this weekend too, as well as those chocolate mint cheesecakes, probably a chocolate pudding pie for my folks, snickerdoodles for my sis, and for Thanksgiving morning, pumpkin bread, and if I can procure the magazine I saw it in, bacon biscuits, which are actually bacon, egg, and cream cheese in biscuit muffin cups...kind of like a slap-dash mini quiche. Took us 3 stores to find the indirect BBQ racks for the grill...you'd think a state like Florida would keep that stuff in stock year-round...yeah, not so much...
Work's gonna be grueling this week, because the sales have seesawed so badly this month, that the higher-ups made a goal that we zero out the queues by Wednesday. So I can't really enjoy the short week until Wednesday night. Screw that! In my head, I'm already cleaning, baking, shaking the dust out of that apartment, letting the fresh air blow through. Technically, we've had the windows open since Friday, which means the apartment gets up to the low 70s in the late afternoon, but the nights have been in the high 30s/low 40s, so it cools back down, and lemme tellya, it's making a difference, however small. I love my husby, but he is so smoking outdoors wherever we land in SC. The smell in that apartment is one of several reasons I don't invite people over. I mean, I'm no social butterfly to begin with, but when your pride keeps it from even being an option...
Anyhoo, started the fresh puck of White Buffalo last night, 3 down, 2 to go. It's already to the point of decrease if I were to follow the pattern, but I'm sticking with my decision to go long. Could've used it this morning (36!), and the change in the weather's definitely motivating me to work on it; I'd love to be able to wear it a little this winter.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Restlessness
I may start whining. Just giving you fair warning.
My life feels like it's in a holding pattern. I'm waiting for several things to fall into place, so that we can move forward a notch, and gathering the patience to endure said holding pattern is a little trying when your body chemistry is still getting back on happy meds. It's only been 2 weeks, so even though the difference was fairly immediately noticeable, it's still going to take awhile for me to feel "normal" again. Anyone who's dealt with waiting for the effects of psychotropic meds to take hold knows just how excruxiating it is. Luckily, we've been so busy at work lately that I'm usually too distracted to notice, but that also means that I shut down fairly completely when I get home, clinging to knitting like a liferaft because it's a part of my life I have control over.
The holidays are galloping toward us. My brain shorts out just thinking about it.
They'll be pushing OT at work again this weekend, but I swear if I don't get some cleaning done in that apartment soon, the cats are gonna move out on our asses. Les tries, but I completely understand his inability to do much - I'm just as useless when I have a headache, and his are so much worse, it's not even a comparison.
We're knitting in the park this weekend if the weather clears; that'll be nice. I have 3 WIPs grabbing my attention at present, the 2 wraps and the White Buffalo cape, which snuck back into my consciousness this week. Was thinking of giving it sleeves or arm holes, but it doesn't entirely fit around me, so I'm sticking with the Cape May pattern. I'm worried about the shoulder shaping; it absolutely needs it because the White Buffalo's so heavy, and I'm not planning to do a large ribbon to close it, like they have in the pattern. Rather, I'm thinking of a couple of toggle buttons at the top, or maybe something with an Asian influence. Do they make giant hook-n-eyes? Plus I'm thinking of doing it longer than they have in the pattern. I mean, no matter how you slice it, unless you're a twig, you're gonna look big in a cape, so I might as well make it long. Besides, I want to use all of the White Buffalo in this one project, I think. I have 2 more pucks of Seal Heather Brown, then 3 Teal, and 1 Slate - the Slate may end up being a collar. We'll see...
My life feels like it's in a holding pattern. I'm waiting for several things to fall into place, so that we can move forward a notch, and gathering the patience to endure said holding pattern is a little trying when your body chemistry is still getting back on happy meds. It's only been 2 weeks, so even though the difference was fairly immediately noticeable, it's still going to take awhile for me to feel "normal" again. Anyone who's dealt with waiting for the effects of psychotropic meds to take hold knows just how excruxiating it is. Luckily, we've been so busy at work lately that I'm usually too distracted to notice, but that also means that I shut down fairly completely when I get home, clinging to knitting like a liferaft because it's a part of my life I have control over.
The holidays are galloping toward us. My brain shorts out just thinking about it.
They'll be pushing OT at work again this weekend, but I swear if I don't get some cleaning done in that apartment soon, the cats are gonna move out on our asses. Les tries, but I completely understand his inability to do much - I'm just as useless when I have a headache, and his are so much worse, it's not even a comparison.
We're knitting in the park this weekend if the weather clears; that'll be nice. I have 3 WIPs grabbing my attention at present, the 2 wraps and the White Buffalo cape, which snuck back into my consciousness this week. Was thinking of giving it sleeves or arm holes, but it doesn't entirely fit around me, so I'm sticking with the Cape May pattern. I'm worried about the shoulder shaping; it absolutely needs it because the White Buffalo's so heavy, and I'm not planning to do a large ribbon to close it, like they have in the pattern. Rather, I'm thinking of a couple of toggle buttons at the top, or maybe something with an Asian influence. Do they make giant hook-n-eyes? Plus I'm thinking of doing it longer than they have in the pattern. I mean, no matter how you slice it, unless you're a twig, you're gonna look big in a cape, so I might as well make it long. Besides, I want to use all of the White Buffalo in this one project, I think. I have 2 more pucks of Seal Heather Brown, then 3 Teal, and 1 Slate - the Slate may end up being a collar. We'll see...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Tuesday...
I just wrote on my SCMoving blog, so my head's a little dry now...just the usual stuff of life going on...
eBay's a little addictive. This isn't news, but what is, is the weird stuff I've been finding and purchasing. I'm going through a strangely nostalgic phase that has to be connected to my desire to have a child. When I was little, Santa discovered Rosebud dolls, which was incredibly cool because my nickname was Rosebud. I owned like 5 or 6 of them; wouldn't look twice at a Barbie, but I adored these little baby dolls. My sis probably inherited them, and lord only knows where they are now. So I'm goofing off on eBay the other day, and sure enough, there's doll collectors and antique stores out there selling them. I've got 3 waiting for me in apparently good condition. Yes, she's 37 years old, folks!
I'm thinking Pepperidge Farm stuffing at Thanksgiving. Lazy, I know. May have to wait on the pumpkin banana mousse tart...can already tell that I'm going to run out of money before I have all the ingredients purchased for this meal. They won't accept our rent for December until we pay the blasted water bill, so this check's going to go damn fast. Maybe I could make it at Christmastime; Les's mom is a pecan pie goddess - it's the requisite dessert at Christmastime. She makes a dozen or more, gives them to neighbors and friends, sells them to her brother to give to his clients/friends...it would make a nice contrast. Ah, we'll see...
Been watching Season 7 of X-Files, borrowed it from Lil Bro. If he thinks he's getting it back.....had to have been the best damn season of that show, so much feeling.
eBay's a little addictive. This isn't news, but what is, is the weird stuff I've been finding and purchasing. I'm going through a strangely nostalgic phase that has to be connected to my desire to have a child. When I was little, Santa discovered Rosebud dolls, which was incredibly cool because my nickname was Rosebud. I owned like 5 or 6 of them; wouldn't look twice at a Barbie, but I adored these little baby dolls. My sis probably inherited them, and lord only knows where they are now. So I'm goofing off on eBay the other day, and sure enough, there's doll collectors and antique stores out there selling them. I've got 3 waiting for me in apparently good condition. Yes, she's 37 years old, folks!
I'm thinking Pepperidge Farm stuffing at Thanksgiving. Lazy, I know. May have to wait on the pumpkin banana mousse tart...can already tell that I'm going to run out of money before I have all the ingredients purchased for this meal. They won't accept our rent for December until we pay the blasted water bill, so this check's going to go damn fast. Maybe I could make it at Christmastime; Les's mom is a pecan pie goddess - it's the requisite dessert at Christmastime. She makes a dozen or more, gives them to neighbors and friends, sells them to her brother to give to his clients/friends...it would make a nice contrast. Ah, we'll see...
Been watching Season 7 of X-Files, borrowed it from Lil Bro. If he thinks he's getting it back.....had to have been the best damn season of that show, so much feeling.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
New word/phrase
My job's fun sometimes. Discovered a misspelling today, and thanks to my knowledge gleaned from L&O: SVU (pause while ruthee laughs at me), came up with a suitable definition for this new word/phrase...
Homeymoon packages—Vacation deals for men on the down-low
Whaddaya think?
Homeymoon packages—Vacation deals for men on the down-low
Whaddaya think?
Too many desserts!!!
I can't decide what to bake for dessert on Thanksgiving. I usually try for something traditional from the pumpkin or apple families, but Les put in a request for chocolate mousse in the near future, because it's been absolute ages since I did that. I think I've only done it twice, but both times it was heaven! I'm still thinking of the pumpkin banana mousse tart too, but today I also discovered a Nestle recipe for Chocolate Mini Mint Cheesecakes (see piccie courtesy of http://www.verybestbaking.com) that looks really easy and delicious, so you know what? There's gonna be some baking in the near future, regardless of the holidays. I'm in the zone...was hunting around the store yesterday for something sweet for us and was just gonna grab some Snack Packs or something, when I noticed that Nestle semisweet chocolate chips are on sale for $2 a bag from now til New Years', and it dawned on me that I had all the other ingredients at home, for once. Made Toll House last night at friggin' 10 at night, the actual cookies, not the bars, and man, were they a treat! I'm never going to lose this weight.
That's not true, of course; I am trying to eat healthier outside of this baking phase, and I'm trying to get walking again. Been working longer hours lately though, so it's hard to pencil in the time without getting up at frickin' 5 a.m. Like today, Saturday, I'm stuck at the office til 2, and then I'm going home with the hopes of tearing into the house, because it's reached epic proportions of filth yet again, plus I want to rearrange the dining room. Was thinking of getting the computer off the makeshift table and onto the real one, but then again, I'd really like to actually like, eat at that table come Thanksgiving. There's a corner of the bedroom that needs work too, plus I need to dig out some winter clothes now that the temps are dropping, but they're in the walk-in closet, so when I say dig, I mean DIG. I need to pare down my cleaning hopes for this weekend, because reading that last paragraph is already making me tired! Les will probably be sleeping off the migraine when I get home; I'll start with the bedroom and work my way out.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Musings of a Friday
If you find the right pattern, there's something strangely addictive about lace.
Can't be too repetitive or it gets boring; that's the fatal flaw of the SSS. It's going to be beautiful once it's done, but getting there is a long, drawn-out process; I mean, depending on your needle size, by the end of the sucker you're doing something like 500 or 600 stitches to a row! zzzzzzz
Cozy, however, is nifty, I'm finding. It's an 8-row pattern that's not nearly as intimidating once you get going on it, and it works up fast. Not only did I work on it, and ONLY it, at KB last night, but I laid in another 8 rows when I got home, staying up til midnight because I hate stopping mid-pattern; it's too easy to screw it up that way, even if you mark where you stopped. I know my limitations. Working on only that at KB is noteworthy, because I normally bring several projects, work on something for like, 2 rows, get bored, and switch to another project. I've never considered myself to have ADD, but there's definitely a short-attention-span thing going on usually, where my knitting is concerned. But last night, getting past that first set of 8 rows and seeing it actually look like it was supposed to, was a warm fuzzy. I'm using the blasted Wool Ease so it won't block up exactly like it's supposed to when it's done, but there's definitely some definition to the lace, and if I keep at it, I could even have it done in time for Meara's graduation. Then there's the whole issue of whether or not I want to do that to myself because it could make it less fun of a project though, so I'm just playing it by ear.
It's just cool enough in the mornings now to wear my light jackets, though today's supposed to get up to 81, and it's been a little rainier lately so the humidity's up. Still, it's not as bad as summer, and I'm trying to appreciate it so that this time next year, I won't be whiny about the more autumnal climate of SC, if that's possible.
Knitting was nice last night, just ruthee, Dana, Spence, and I and some extended family members. I got to sit next to ruthee's younger goddess in training, who has a smile that lights up her whole face every time you speak to her. Her daughters are 4 and 14ish, I believe, and I couldn't get over the differences in the older girl. I didn't think it'd been that long since I'd seen her, but it has to have been at least a year, because now her hair is long, her face has cleared up considerably, and she's easily taller than me. At 5'8", I'm no slouch, but ruthee's a 6-footer, so this is to be expected. While I'm sure the poor girl is still one big willowy ball of insecurity, as most teenagers are, to the outside spectator, I witnessed her carrying herself with a sort of inborn grace; it was a pleasure to watch her, though I could tell it still needed to be done surreptitiously, as she's not crazy about being looked at. I could hang out with that family all day. I don't call people, so I don't usually see them beyond Thursday nights, but I really ought to get a little more social in the coming months; pack in as much time with these amazing people as I can before we move north.
Can't be too repetitive or it gets boring; that's the fatal flaw of the SSS. It's going to be beautiful once it's done, but getting there is a long, drawn-out process; I mean, depending on your needle size, by the end of the sucker you're doing something like 500 or 600 stitches to a row! zzzzzzz
Cozy, however, is nifty, I'm finding. It's an 8-row pattern that's not nearly as intimidating once you get going on it, and it works up fast. Not only did I work on it, and ONLY it, at KB last night, but I laid in another 8 rows when I got home, staying up til midnight because I hate stopping mid-pattern; it's too easy to screw it up that way, even if you mark where you stopped. I know my limitations. Working on only that at KB is noteworthy, because I normally bring several projects, work on something for like, 2 rows, get bored, and switch to another project. I've never considered myself to have ADD, but there's definitely a short-attention-span thing going on usually, where my knitting is concerned. But last night, getting past that first set of 8 rows and seeing it actually look like it was supposed to, was a warm fuzzy. I'm using the blasted Wool Ease so it won't block up exactly like it's supposed to when it's done, but there's definitely some definition to the lace, and if I keep at it, I could even have it done in time for Meara's graduation. Then there's the whole issue of whether or not I want to do that to myself because it could make it less fun of a project though, so I'm just playing it by ear.
It's just cool enough in the mornings now to wear my light jackets, though today's supposed to get up to 81, and it's been a little rainier lately so the humidity's up. Still, it's not as bad as summer, and I'm trying to appreciate it so that this time next year, I won't be whiny about the more autumnal climate of SC, if that's possible.
Knitting was nice last night, just ruthee, Dana, Spence, and I and some extended family members. I got to sit next to ruthee's younger goddess in training, who has a smile that lights up her whole face every time you speak to her. Her daughters are 4 and 14ish, I believe, and I couldn't get over the differences in the older girl. I didn't think it'd been that long since I'd seen her, but it has to have been at least a year, because now her hair is long, her face has cleared up considerably, and she's easily taller than me. At 5'8", I'm no slouch, but ruthee's a 6-footer, so this is to be expected. While I'm sure the poor girl is still one big willowy ball of insecurity, as most teenagers are, to the outside spectator, I witnessed her carrying herself with a sort of inborn grace; it was a pleasure to watch her, though I could tell it still needed to be done surreptitiously, as she's not crazy about being looked at. I could hang out with that family all day. I don't call people, so I don't usually see them beyond Thursday nights, but I really ought to get a little more social in the coming months; pack in as much time with these amazing people as I can before we move north.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Hump day
http://www.starhawk.org/activism/activism-writings/brad_will.html
Starhawk wrote a rather beautiful essay on Samhain that speaks to the activist heart of the Reclaiming tradition. It got me thinking. The general midterm elections were yesterday, and we stand to enjoy a gridlocked Congress for the next 2 years. I get desperately bored with my current job and have to fight the feeling that I'm letting life pass me by. I remind myself that it won't always be this way, but in truth, I don't do enough to ensure that that's the case. Reading an essay like that motivates me, stirs things in my belly, gets me thinking about my voice and how I want to use it in this life.
I started knitting again last night. Yanked out the Wool Ease for the umpteenth time, because I didn't like how dark the 2 colors were together. Started a rice stitch wrap with the Blue Mist, and trying my hand at Cozy again with the Heather Rose. Felt good to be knitting.
Starhawk wrote a rather beautiful essay on Samhain that speaks to the activist heart of the Reclaiming tradition. It got me thinking. The general midterm elections were yesterday, and we stand to enjoy a gridlocked Congress for the next 2 years. I get desperately bored with my current job and have to fight the feeling that I'm letting life pass me by. I remind myself that it won't always be this way, but in truth, I don't do enough to ensure that that's the case. Reading an essay like that motivates me, stirs things in my belly, gets me thinking about my voice and how I want to use it in this life.
I started knitting again last night. Yanked out the Wool Ease for the umpteenth time, because I didn't like how dark the 2 colors were together. Started a rice stitch wrap with the Blue Mist, and trying my hand at Cozy again with the Heather Rose. Felt good to be knitting.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
The usual grumblings...and then a lotta food!
Rain, rain, stick around
Make the bad guys all go drown!
120 homicides! Can ya tell I'm a little tired of this city? Not of the rain, we certainly need that; for a tropical state, seems we're always bitching about the lack of H2O. But the crime around Jax is just silly. Some poor 20-year-old late last week decided to commit suicide by ramming his car into 3 police cruisers on a high-speed chase in Tinseltown, and then get out of his car with a replica pellet gun and start shooting at the cops. They took him down during rush hour, about a mile from our place. About 2 weeks ago, somebody cut off a police cruiser on a narrow road, causing him to roll his car, and last night some guy goes to check his mail and finds a body in a field. Those 2 gems were within a mile or so of where my folks live. And now I just read about a 13-year-old who may lose his leg after being shot in a drive-by while walking home from the Raines football game last Friday. 13. It boggles the mind.
Well, at least the Jags won on Sunday :) Gotta look at stuff like that or you'll go nuts. And it looks like we'll have Garrard in the QB slot for the rest of the season. Sweet.
Still feeling kind of nutty around the edges, still sleeping a bit too much, stopped knitting. Have tried reading again...got a bunch of stuff out of the library last week on health, fitness, etc., but it's a little hard to make changes with no money and a cabinet stocked with carbs. Also went looking for some fiction b/c I haven't read anything for fun besides Interweave Knits in an age.
I planned my Thanksgiving menu today; that's always fun. Tried to make it a little more realistic this year, maybe cut out the stuffing altogether, gonna see if I can talk Les into a pan gravy instead of his mom's giblet gravy, which is so thick and loaded with protein it's a friggin' side dish by itself. We're talking about a gravy that includes a small pressure-cooked chicken and 1 dozen hard-boiled eggs in its ingredients; your farts color the air for about 3 days afterwards! Well, I suppose I could do a small dish of stuffing and that'll justify the gravy; I'm going to cut all the recipes in half anyway so that we don't throw out as much. That's why we only do a breast; he's a leg man, but we don't want to end up wasting food.
Thanksgiving during the day, while I'm cooking and alternately watching the Macy's parade, the dog show, and whatever the most interesting football game is:
Terra's hummus with pita bread
Benedictine sandwiches (basically cucumber and cream cheese - keeping it light)
Dinner:
Roast turkey breast cooked indirectly on the grill
Smashed sweet potatoes and apples
Green beans with bacon
Cream cheese biscuits
Not sure on the stuffing, if I do it at all; was going to do something with turkey sausage, cornbread, and apples, but I hate doubling ingredients anywhere, so I'll be investigating further
Dessert:
Pumpkin Banana Mousse Tart and maybe a fresh apple pie
Can'ya tell I love Thanksgiving? Add some spiced wine or cider, a day in the 50s tops with a decent breeze, but not so breezy that we can't keep the sliding glass door open, me not burning anything, and the cats behaving, and I've got myself a pretty perfect day. Not too much to ask. Just keep the alcohol consumption to a dull roar, and steer clear of any family drama.
Thanksgiving is mine. Christmas means family with Les's crowd, and my family's investment in holidays unfortunately depends on Dad's mood, which is usually something like, ok, we'll put up the train set, but do we have to do all that goddamn present shit this year?! My mom and sis actually begged me not to get him anything last year, because of the trouble it would've caused. The man's not normal. But he's also increasingly aware of his fragile mortality, and just as likely to suddenly grow a wild hair and decide to celebrate this year. There's no way to know; just gotta roll with it. Luckily we've gone to SC every year for Christmas since I found Les, so we've gotten used to a quickie gift exchange come Santa-time.
We tried Thanksgiving once or twice when C and K were still together; I got to treat the folks to Mom J's twice baked potatoes and a rather sad attempt at pumpkin cheesecake. And Dad's a sucker for a chocolate pudding pie. But they won't plan anything until the weekend before, or worse right before, so Les and I do our own thing. With both Lil Sis and Lil Bro home this year, I'm thinking a dessert invite is in order, but we ain't going over there. By dessert time I intend to be too exhausted, full, and tipsy to do anything but put my feet up and relax with a cup of warm cider or coffee and my best guy.
Make the bad guys all go drown!
120 homicides! Can ya tell I'm a little tired of this city? Not of the rain, we certainly need that; for a tropical state, seems we're always bitching about the lack of H2O. But the crime around Jax is just silly. Some poor 20-year-old late last week decided to commit suicide by ramming his car into 3 police cruisers on a high-speed chase in Tinseltown, and then get out of his car with a replica pellet gun and start shooting at the cops. They took him down during rush hour, about a mile from our place. About 2 weeks ago, somebody cut off a police cruiser on a narrow road, causing him to roll his car, and last night some guy goes to check his mail and finds a body in a field. Those 2 gems were within a mile or so of where my folks live. And now I just read about a 13-year-old who may lose his leg after being shot in a drive-by while walking home from the Raines football game last Friday. 13. It boggles the mind.
Well, at least the Jags won on Sunday :) Gotta look at stuff like that or you'll go nuts. And it looks like we'll have Garrard in the QB slot for the rest of the season. Sweet.
Still feeling kind of nutty around the edges, still sleeping a bit too much, stopped knitting. Have tried reading again...got a bunch of stuff out of the library last week on health, fitness, etc., but it's a little hard to make changes with no money and a cabinet stocked with carbs. Also went looking for some fiction b/c I haven't read anything for fun besides Interweave Knits in an age.
I planned my Thanksgiving menu today; that's always fun. Tried to make it a little more realistic this year, maybe cut out the stuffing altogether, gonna see if I can talk Les into a pan gravy instead of his mom's giblet gravy, which is so thick and loaded with protein it's a friggin' side dish by itself. We're talking about a gravy that includes a small pressure-cooked chicken and 1 dozen hard-boiled eggs in its ingredients; your farts color the air for about 3 days afterwards! Well, I suppose I could do a small dish of stuffing and that'll justify the gravy; I'm going to cut all the recipes in half anyway so that we don't throw out as much. That's why we only do a breast; he's a leg man, but we don't want to end up wasting food.
Thanksgiving during the day, while I'm cooking and alternately watching the Macy's parade, the dog show, and whatever the most interesting football game is:
Terra's hummus with pita bread
Benedictine sandwiches (basically cucumber and cream cheese - keeping it light)
Dinner:
Roast turkey breast cooked indirectly on the grill
Smashed sweet potatoes and apples
Green beans with bacon
Cream cheese biscuits
Not sure on the stuffing, if I do it at all; was going to do something with turkey sausage, cornbread, and apples, but I hate doubling ingredients anywhere, so I'll be investigating further
Dessert:
Pumpkin Banana Mousse Tart and maybe a fresh apple pie
Can'ya tell I love Thanksgiving? Add some spiced wine or cider, a day in the 50s tops with a decent breeze, but not so breezy that we can't keep the sliding glass door open, me not burning anything, and the cats behaving, and I've got myself a pretty perfect day. Not too much to ask. Just keep the alcohol consumption to a dull roar, and steer clear of any family drama.
Thanksgiving is mine. Christmas means family with Les's crowd, and my family's investment in holidays unfortunately depends on Dad's mood, which is usually something like, ok, we'll put up the train set, but do we have to do all that goddamn present shit this year?! My mom and sis actually begged me not to get him anything last year, because of the trouble it would've caused. The man's not normal. But he's also increasingly aware of his fragile mortality, and just as likely to suddenly grow a wild hair and decide to celebrate this year. There's no way to know; just gotta roll with it. Luckily we've gone to SC every year for Christmas since I found Les, so we've gotten used to a quickie gift exchange come Santa-time.
We tried Thanksgiving once or twice when C and K were still together; I got to treat the folks to Mom J's twice baked potatoes and a rather sad attempt at pumpkin cheesecake. And Dad's a sucker for a chocolate pudding pie. But they won't plan anything until the weekend before, or worse right before, so Les and I do our own thing. With both Lil Sis and Lil Bro home this year, I'm thinking a dessert invite is in order, but we ain't going over there. By dessert time I intend to be too exhausted, full, and tipsy to do anything but put my feet up and relax with a cup of warm cider or coffee and my best guy.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Flawed
Justice is such a pure thing, it's no wonder it doesn't occur that often. My feelings against the death penalty up against a monster like Saddam Hussein...well, let's just say that I thought that after my contradictory feelings about Danny Rolling, that the Butcher of Baghdad would be an easier sell in my head. Nope. In fact, it's easier to justify my anti-death penalty stance; all you have to do is read Amnesty International's website.
First, my self-righteous stance: Saddam Hussein was found guilty and sentenced to death by hanging for crimes against humanity. Sorry, that sentence is just a contradiction in terms.
But the truth is that the Iraqis were over their head from the start, and the trial had no business making it to this point. Attorneys and their families on both sides were threatened, injured, or killed in the process. In America, that'd be a mistrial faster than you can say intimidation. With this particular trial, since it dealt specifically with issues within Iraq, I guess I can understand their reluctance to go outside their borders for assistance. But as his trials continue for crimes above and beyond Iraq, TPTB would do well to recognize where they need help, because to do otherwise is to set a dangerous precedent in a country that's just getting a taste of life beyond dictatorship. They've already got the fundies' view of the Koran dictating justice in certain respects; if they have any hope of retaining a glimmer of human rights, they need other viewpoints. If that means beyond Bush, so be it...right now, that guy wouldn't know human rights if it kicked him in the face. The fact that our Guatanamo detention facility still exists is proof of that.
Enough of that...I'm doing my Samhain ritual tonight. I smelled Half Mile Road today in my bedroom, which makes me think that the veil's really thin and that Nanie's taking a little walk around there. Gonna see if my visualization turns into a visit.
First, my self-righteous stance: Saddam Hussein was found guilty and sentenced to death by hanging for crimes against humanity. Sorry, that sentence is just a contradiction in terms.
But the truth is that the Iraqis were over their head from the start, and the trial had no business making it to this point. Attorneys and their families on both sides were threatened, injured, or killed in the process. In America, that'd be a mistrial faster than you can say intimidation. With this particular trial, since it dealt specifically with issues within Iraq, I guess I can understand their reluctance to go outside their borders for assistance. But as his trials continue for crimes above and beyond Iraq, TPTB would do well to recognize where they need help, because to do otherwise is to set a dangerous precedent in a country that's just getting a taste of life beyond dictatorship. They've already got the fundies' view of the Koran dictating justice in certain respects; if they have any hope of retaining a glimmer of human rights, they need other viewpoints. If that means beyond Bush, so be it...right now, that guy wouldn't know human rights if it kicked him in the face. The fact that our Guatanamo detention facility still exists is proof of that.
Enough of that...I'm doing my Samhain ritual tonight. I smelled Half Mile Road today in my bedroom, which makes me think that the veil's really thin and that Nanie's taking a little walk around there. Gonna see if my visualization turns into a visit.
Friday, November 03, 2006
It's a Winnie-the-Pooh day!
Blustery, that is. And not getting any warmer, today, at least. I'd like to move my computer outside now please.
It's hard to get jazzed about a Friday when you know you have to work Saturday. I'm normally a 9-to-5er (well, actually, an 8-to-4:30er), so regardless of how delightful the extra money is, weekend work is still disconcerting. But it's a necessity; our queues have reached beastly levels and the threats are out. Wah!
Still tiring pretty easily, which is frustrating; by the end of the day, my brain is oatmeal. I'm ok during the regular day, but when it catches up to me, it's like being hit by a truck. Patience...
Haven't been knitting much, just a row here, a row there. UFOs include a pink hat, green fingerless mitts, grey scarf, and pink and blue stole, all for me. And of course, the SSS and the cape. Would love to get the cape done for this winter, but don't know how realistic that is. Saw a blog yesterday declaring Lacevember, which has me thinking about tucking into the SSS again.
Have a good weekend, y'all!
graphic snuck from http://www.winniethepoohbear.net
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Random thoughts and better feelings
Y'ever have a relative (or actually, for the case we're describing, it's usually an ex-relative) who makes you so nuts with their transparent attempts at emotional blackmail, that you'd just like to go over to their house, rip the front door off with your bare hands, and give them a stern talking-to?
But you know you can't do that, and so you stew and think about writing them an eloquent email that would tell them in no uncertain terms that if they don't grow the hell up and knock that shit off, that there's a definite chance that the first option will occur.
But you know that that's passive-aggressive, and so you plan fresh protection spells around your loved ones instead and feel like you're doing nothing.
That's all the time I'm going to waste thinking about my cunt ex-sister-in-law. What else is new?
I'm back on my meds. I'm a happy camper. I guess when your body's used to X med, it's easier for your brain to come around when you go back on it. You know how TPTB say that antidepressants can take up to 4 or 6 weeks to do some good? Well, it's been 5 days for me, and the difference is marked. I'm not 100%, but my energy level has returned, I can accomplish normal everyday things again, and I don't feel like gum on the bottom of a sneaker. And even better, I'm finally reconciling myself to the fact that I could be on this med or something like it for the rest of my life. Well, it's only been 8 or 9 years; about time I gave that concept some thought.
It's Halloween, or Samhain, depending on your philosophy. The distractions of the past month kept me from pulling off any sort of costume for work, so I'm wearing black to honor my ancestors. Samhain is a time to honor the past and look to the future; it's a witches' new year. I burn the old resolutions and write new ones, and meditate hard on how the last year went and what I want to accomplish in the new one. It's a pretty tall order this time, and I can't decide when to do it. When I remember to celebrate the sabbats, I usually do them astrologically, meaning when the sun hits the next sign on or around the known day of the holiday. In Samhain's case this year, it's on Tuesday, November 7 (sun reaches 15 degrees Scorpio), but the full moon is Sunday and I don't think I want to do this ritual on a waning moon, so I'll probably do something this weekend instead. The sad thing is one of the reasons I'm not just doing it tonight, on Halloween, is because I've got 3 solid hours of decent TV on tonight. Religious dedication requires some wiggle room in the distractions of the present.
Ripped out all of Beach this past weekend to start an afghan instead and get rid of the blasted Wool-Ease once and for all, but I can already tell it's going to need modification. I tried to do a seed stitch border with leftover Jiffy, but I'm using size 13s and it's just too damn stretchy. Stupid thing is I just remembered that I have a skein of Wool Ease in the same color beige as the Jiffy border, so I think I'll rip it all out when I get home and start fresh using double-strand Wool Ease throughout on like, size 10s. Actually, may not use the beige at all; the body is one strand dark blue, one strand dark pink, and it's coming out darker than I'd originally planned - would look better with just a blue or just a pink border.
Otherwise, have small projects in the works (hat, scarf, mitts), but I oughta finish them soon, because the crazy part of me has one (only ONE!) project planned for a family member for Christmas, and that'll take some time and effort.
Did I mention I'm feeling better? :)
But you know you can't do that, and so you stew and think about writing them an eloquent email that would tell them in no uncertain terms that if they don't grow the hell up and knock that shit off, that there's a definite chance that the first option will occur.
But you know that that's passive-aggressive, and so you plan fresh protection spells around your loved ones instead and feel like you're doing nothing.
That's all the time I'm going to waste thinking about my cunt ex-sister-in-law. What else is new?
I'm back on my meds. I'm a happy camper. I guess when your body's used to X med, it's easier for your brain to come around when you go back on it. You know how TPTB say that antidepressants can take up to 4 or 6 weeks to do some good? Well, it's been 5 days for me, and the difference is marked. I'm not 100%, but my energy level has returned, I can accomplish normal everyday things again, and I don't feel like gum on the bottom of a sneaker. And even better, I'm finally reconciling myself to the fact that I could be on this med or something like it for the rest of my life. Well, it's only been 8 or 9 years; about time I gave that concept some thought.
It's Halloween, or Samhain, depending on your philosophy. The distractions of the past month kept me from pulling off any sort of costume for work, so I'm wearing black to honor my ancestors. Samhain is a time to honor the past and look to the future; it's a witches' new year. I burn the old resolutions and write new ones, and meditate hard on how the last year went and what I want to accomplish in the new one. It's a pretty tall order this time, and I can't decide when to do it. When I remember to celebrate the sabbats, I usually do them astrologically, meaning when the sun hits the next sign on or around the known day of the holiday. In Samhain's case this year, it's on Tuesday, November 7 (sun reaches 15 degrees Scorpio), but the full moon is Sunday and I don't think I want to do this ritual on a waning moon, so I'll probably do something this weekend instead. The sad thing is one of the reasons I'm not just doing it tonight, on Halloween, is because I've got 3 solid hours of decent TV on tonight. Religious dedication requires some wiggle room in the distractions of the present.
Ripped out all of Beach this past weekend to start an afghan instead and get rid of the blasted Wool-Ease once and for all, but I can already tell it's going to need modification. I tried to do a seed stitch border with leftover Jiffy, but I'm using size 13s and it's just too damn stretchy. Stupid thing is I just remembered that I have a skein of Wool Ease in the same color beige as the Jiffy border, so I think I'll rip it all out when I get home and start fresh using double-strand Wool Ease throughout on like, size 10s. Actually, may not use the beige at all; the body is one strand dark blue, one strand dark pink, and it's coming out darker than I'd originally planned - would look better with just a blue or just a pink border.
Otherwise, have small projects in the works (hat, scarf, mitts), but I oughta finish them soon, because the crazy part of me has one (only ONE!) project planned for a family member for Christmas, and that'll take some time and effort.
Did I mention I'm feeling better? :)
Friday, October 27, 2006
Distraction
A fresh meme to distract me from the fact that I've been feeling like poop on toast this week...
48 things you probably never wanted to know in the first place:
1. FIRST NAME? Melanie
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My folks discovered the name thanks to Melanie Chartoff, popular singer from around, oh, 1969. They didn't expect the nickname issues or that it would get as common as it has.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Crocodile tears over something on TV the other day, can't remember what...
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Only when I work at it.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Boar’s Head Deluxe Ham
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Wow, that's a good one...I think I would.
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? You're reading it. This computer age has made me too lazy to keep a handwritten journal, with the exception of my spell grimoire.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes, unfortunately. They cause sore throats several times a year now.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No. Never. I also won't jump out of a plane or even ride a decent roller coaster in this lifetime; I'm quite secure in my chicken-ness.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cheerios & butter...yes, I know, sounds gross, with the addition of taking a perfectly healthy cereal and destroying it with half a stick of fat, but it's SOOOO good!!!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not lately, though I always untie them to put them back on.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically I've turned into a marshmallow. Mentally, when I'm medicated, absolutely. Actually, mentally, strong all the time; you have to be to survive the serotonin and lithium deficiencies I've been saddled with.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Coffee, Mint Chocolate Chip, Haagen Daz Chocolate Chocolate Chip, aaahhhh.....damn, now I'm hungry...
14. SHOE SIZE? 11 ::sigh::
15. RED OR PINK? Depends on the shade; dark pink's my favorite (I hate the name mauve), but I really like barn or brick red too.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? See the last part of Question #12.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Nanie. She hasn't passed yet (95!), but I fear I won't get to see her again before she does, so I think about her A LOT!
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Well, doesn't apply as much on a blog, and most of my knitting blog pals have become COMPLETE SLACKERS, so...
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue jeans, grey shirts, light blue NB sneaks.
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Just polished off the morning Eggos with peanut butter
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The hum of the office
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Mauve, but I'd call myself Dark Pink :)
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Cedar mulch, fallen leaves, pine, cinnamon, the house when I'm baking, my husband when he wears Drakkar, the list goes on....
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Husby. I needed advice; one of our car tires is low.
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Sounds really shallow, but good looks first and then a good heart.
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? I don’t know her, but she seems like a pretty prolific knitter, so I'm a little jealous.
27. FAVORITE DRINK? Barq's root beer.
28. FAVORITE SPORT? Watching: football, especially our boys (Jax Jags), preferably with a beer in one hand and a bag of regular Lays in my lap ::sigh::. Playing: not sure...I've gotten big and it's been a while. I never was a runner, but I still dream of running cross country, and possibly trying a triathlon in the future. Still loathe volleyball with every ounce of my being :)
29. EYE COLOR? Blue
30. HAT SIZE? Don't know but it's a big sucker...the average Betmar hat is too small :(
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes.
32. FAVORITE FOOD? Chocolate.
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings.
34. IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD THAT BE? Cabin in the Blue Ridges
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter, hands down. I've been in Florida too long.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? That's almost too personal, because Les's self-consciousness about his teeth has changed our kisses, and our hugs are a full-body, squeezing-together-on-the-couch experience, so while I love me some sloppy snogging, the hugs are winning at present.
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Too many to name; SERIOUS sweet tooth.
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Meara, if she needs a distraction too.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Everyone else.
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Just pulled a fresh batch of overwhelm-ment (yes, that word is an MJ original) from the library, dealing with health, fitness, and yoga, as it has dawned on me that any PCOS symptoms that I've recently been admitting to, are very likely entirely self-inflicted by my out-of-control weight, so if I don't want to completely screw up my fertility, I need to do something about it. Haven't dipped my toes into any novels lately, and I miss that.
41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A faded, threadbare surface, and waffle crumbs probably.
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? I indulged in Ugly Betty and some Grey's Anatomy repeats.
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Just about anything in nature...farts...baby sneezes.
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Sacrilege, I know, but I never really got into either of them.
45. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? England
46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I'm a font of useless entertainment trivia, and a decent Six Degrees player.
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Norwalk, CT.
48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I snuck it from Maureen of Flower City Knits.
48 things you probably never wanted to know in the first place:
1. FIRST NAME? Melanie
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My folks discovered the name thanks to Melanie Chartoff, popular singer from around, oh, 1969. They didn't expect the nickname issues or that it would get as common as it has.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Crocodile tears over something on TV the other day, can't remember what...
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Only when I work at it.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Boar’s Head Deluxe Ham
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Wow, that's a good one...I think I would.
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? You're reading it. This computer age has made me too lazy to keep a handwritten journal, with the exception of my spell grimoire.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes, unfortunately. They cause sore throats several times a year now.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No. Never. I also won't jump out of a plane or even ride a decent roller coaster in this lifetime; I'm quite secure in my chicken-ness.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cheerios & butter...yes, I know, sounds gross, with the addition of taking a perfectly healthy cereal and destroying it with half a stick of fat, but it's SOOOO good!!!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not lately, though I always untie them to put them back on.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically I've turned into a marshmallow. Mentally, when I'm medicated, absolutely. Actually, mentally, strong all the time; you have to be to survive the serotonin and lithium deficiencies I've been saddled with.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Coffee, Mint Chocolate Chip, Haagen Daz Chocolate Chocolate Chip, aaahhhh.....damn, now I'm hungry...
14. SHOE SIZE? 11 ::sigh::
15. RED OR PINK? Depends on the shade; dark pink's my favorite (I hate the name mauve), but I really like barn or brick red too.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? See the last part of Question #12.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Nanie. She hasn't passed yet (95!), but I fear I won't get to see her again before she does, so I think about her A LOT!
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Well, doesn't apply as much on a blog, and most of my knitting blog pals have become COMPLETE SLACKERS, so...
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue jeans, grey shirts, light blue NB sneaks.
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Just polished off the morning Eggos with peanut butter
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The hum of the office
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Mauve, but I'd call myself Dark Pink :)
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Cedar mulch, fallen leaves, pine, cinnamon, the house when I'm baking, my husband when he wears Drakkar, the list goes on....
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Husby. I needed advice; one of our car tires is low.
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Sounds really shallow, but good looks first and then a good heart.
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? I don’t know her, but she seems like a pretty prolific knitter, so I'm a little jealous.
27. FAVORITE DRINK? Barq's root beer.
28. FAVORITE SPORT? Watching: football, especially our boys (Jax Jags), preferably with a beer in one hand and a bag of regular Lays in my lap ::sigh::. Playing: not sure...I've gotten big and it's been a while. I never was a runner, but I still dream of running cross country, and possibly trying a triathlon in the future. Still loathe volleyball with every ounce of my being :)
29. EYE COLOR? Blue
30. HAT SIZE? Don't know but it's a big sucker...the average Betmar hat is too small :(
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes.
32. FAVORITE FOOD? Chocolate.
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings.
34. IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD THAT BE? Cabin in the Blue Ridges
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter, hands down. I've been in Florida too long.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? That's almost too personal, because Les's self-consciousness about his teeth has changed our kisses, and our hugs are a full-body, squeezing-together-on-the-couch experience, so while I love me some sloppy snogging, the hugs are winning at present.
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Too many to name; SERIOUS sweet tooth.
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Meara, if she needs a distraction too.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Everyone else.
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Just pulled a fresh batch of overwhelm-ment (yes, that word is an MJ original) from the library, dealing with health, fitness, and yoga, as it has dawned on me that any PCOS symptoms that I've recently been admitting to, are very likely entirely self-inflicted by my out-of-control weight, so if I don't want to completely screw up my fertility, I need to do something about it. Haven't dipped my toes into any novels lately, and I miss that.
41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A faded, threadbare surface, and waffle crumbs probably.
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? I indulged in Ugly Betty and some Grey's Anatomy repeats.
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Just about anything in nature...farts...baby sneezes.
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Sacrilege, I know, but I never really got into either of them.
45. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? England
46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I'm a font of useless entertainment trivia, and a decent Six Degrees player.
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Norwalk, CT.
48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I snuck it from Maureen of Flower City Knits.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
I found the contradiction
Blast! Just had this all written out and my blankety-blank dial-up connection 86d it. Let's see what I can salvage from my earlier thoughts.
First, a tangent: if instead of the death penalty, I would rather Danny Rolling live the rest of his life in prison, preferably in Gen Pop being butt-surfed on a daily basis by an extremely large inmate who goes by the name of Shirley, then is my personal humanity any better off?
So I'm a bit prolific today. The lack of Paxil in my system has my mind scattered and my butt dragging. I came home, turned off the brain, turned on the tube, and just vegged. 6:00 came and went. Husby's sleeping off the weekly migraine, so I'm alone with my thoughts. Never a good thing; planning to distract myself with knitting and a pedicure later.
6:27, I'm flipping around because Everwood's on commercial and I have no patience, and I happen upon my old faithful, Law & Order. Van Buren's trying to coax a confession out of a guy who murdered a woman because she was financing some fairly Mapplethorpian art. The LT's saying stuff like it was biblical justice that he enacted on the lady, an eye for an eye, and it hits me: he's probably gone. He was, at 6:13, as it turned out. And the contradiction hits me: it's illegal to murder, but it's legal to murder those who murder. How the f*ck did we manage to rationalize that into law? And all I can think is that it's wrong, that no matter how much he deserved to die, it's not for us as humans to say. We shouldn't have that level of power, and yet we've enacted it into law. In lots of states.
I'll grant you, the carnal part of me still thinks that as long as we were going to do it, we should have done it the way he murdered Christa Hoyt, with the segue of relieving him of his balls and shaft while he was still conscious, but above that is this knowledge inside of me that it's wrong and that I do believe that unequivocally. He's not special. He deserved to die, but we had no business killing him.
First, a tangent: if instead of the death penalty, I would rather Danny Rolling live the rest of his life in prison, preferably in Gen Pop being butt-surfed on a daily basis by an extremely large inmate who goes by the name of Shirley, then is my personal humanity any better off?
So I'm a bit prolific today. The lack of Paxil in my system has my mind scattered and my butt dragging. I came home, turned off the brain, turned on the tube, and just vegged. 6:00 came and went. Husby's sleeping off the weekly migraine, so I'm alone with my thoughts. Never a good thing; planning to distract myself with knitting and a pedicure later.
6:27, I'm flipping around because Everwood's on commercial and I have no patience, and I happen upon my old faithful, Law & Order. Van Buren's trying to coax a confession out of a guy who murdered a woman because she was financing some fairly Mapplethorpian art. The LT's saying stuff like it was biblical justice that he enacted on the lady, an eye for an eye, and it hits me: he's probably gone. He was, at 6:13, as it turned out. And the contradiction hits me: it's illegal to murder, but it's legal to murder those who murder. How the f*ck did we manage to rationalize that into law? And all I can think is that it's wrong, that no matter how much he deserved to die, it's not for us as humans to say. We shouldn't have that level of power, and yet we've enacted it into law. In lots of states.
I'll grant you, the carnal part of me still thinks that as long as we were going to do it, we should have done it the way he murdered Christa Hoyt, with the segue of relieving him of his balls and shaft while he was still conscious, but above that is this knowledge inside of me that it's wrong and that I do believe that unequivocally. He's not special. He deserved to die, but we had no business killing him.
A vent for humanity
At 6:00 p.m. tonight, I'll close my eyes and say a prayer for myself and for the families of the victims of Danny Rolling. He's scheduled to die by lethal injection later today. I'm glad. That's why I'm praying for myself.
It's a very tough sell, and it crops up in what has been a rather remarkable turnaround of philosophy over the last couple of years. Back in 1990, it wouldn't have even been a question. I was the secretary of the USF College Republicans, a hard-core, pro-defense, pro-death penalty conservative. To be sure, I didn't give the issues the thought they deserved back then, but I was clinging hard to a little piece of stability in my life, which was pretty solely grounded in my friendship with a certain guy and my social networking with the CR crowd. I wasn't medicated yet, and life was quite painful, so I forgive myself now for blindly following the Right the way I did.
I was a student at USF in Tampa in 1990, living on campus, so I saw and felt firsthand some of the fear that Gainesville experienced. Since it took a while for Rolling to be captured, we all lived in some fear, taking safety precautions, not going out alone at night, and such. I met students who transferred to USF from UF, either because they were in fear for their lives or because their parents had made them. A year prior, I had bunked with CRs at the Williamsburg Village apartments on a junket; the first victims were found there. You look back on things like that and enjoy a little "there but for the grace of God..." moment. Rolling was most certainly Gainesville's Bundy, and I don't recommend reading the online information that you'll find about the killings, like CourtTV's Crime Library; it's graphic and nightmare-inducing in the details of his depravity.
About half a dozen years ago, maybe more, the tide turned in my philosophical beliefs. I discovered witchcraft, Unitarian Universalism, and became a granola-eating, nuke-protesting bleeding heart liberal in the best senses of those terms. I mean, I don't even believe the US has any right to sanction or dictate limits in North Korea's arms race until we disarm ourselves. Naive, probably, but not hypocritical.
A biggie in my turnaround is my opposition to the death penalty; I see it as a detractor in our humanity and an act that only brings us to the level of the criminal. It's not a deterrant, and it lessens the human race every time we strap somebody in for it. The fact that Florida retired Old Sparky means nothing; it's still an eye for an eye at the expense of mankind. Like I said, this is a vent.
But Danny Rolling? That crazy sonofabitch didn't even bother to mount a psych defense. Heh, contradiction in terms...oh, he talked of multiple personalities at times and tried to string together a nut persona that turned out to be cribbed from Exorcist II, but before the lawyers could even start posturing, he changed his plea to guilty and admitted that he murdered the Gainesville 5. He wasn't devious or calculating like Bundy, spinning stories left and right to keep himself from the needle. He admitted it. Period. Felt like it, wanted to make a name for himself, no remorse. From there, the lawyers doing the appeals dance was academic, an exercise for Con. Law class.
Maybe I can't change my mind on him because I was stupid and morbidly curious enough to read the true crime websites about the crime scenes and the mutilations awhile back. Maybe I'm clinging to some 15-year-old fear. All I know is I'm still against the death penalty, and I'll be happy and relieved come 6:01 tonight. And it doesn't feel contradictory.
It's a very tough sell, and it crops up in what has been a rather remarkable turnaround of philosophy over the last couple of years. Back in 1990, it wouldn't have even been a question. I was the secretary of the USF College Republicans, a hard-core, pro-defense, pro-death penalty conservative. To be sure, I didn't give the issues the thought they deserved back then, but I was clinging hard to a little piece of stability in my life, which was pretty solely grounded in my friendship with a certain guy and my social networking with the CR crowd. I wasn't medicated yet, and life was quite painful, so I forgive myself now for blindly following the Right the way I did.
I was a student at USF in Tampa in 1990, living on campus, so I saw and felt firsthand some of the fear that Gainesville experienced. Since it took a while for Rolling to be captured, we all lived in some fear, taking safety precautions, not going out alone at night, and such. I met students who transferred to USF from UF, either because they were in fear for their lives or because their parents had made them. A year prior, I had bunked with CRs at the Williamsburg Village apartments on a junket; the first victims were found there. You look back on things like that and enjoy a little "there but for the grace of God..." moment. Rolling was most certainly Gainesville's Bundy, and I don't recommend reading the online information that you'll find about the killings, like CourtTV's Crime Library; it's graphic and nightmare-inducing in the details of his depravity.
About half a dozen years ago, maybe more, the tide turned in my philosophical beliefs. I discovered witchcraft, Unitarian Universalism, and became a granola-eating, nuke-protesting bleeding heart liberal in the best senses of those terms. I mean, I don't even believe the US has any right to sanction or dictate limits in North Korea's arms race until we disarm ourselves. Naive, probably, but not hypocritical.
A biggie in my turnaround is my opposition to the death penalty; I see it as a detractor in our humanity and an act that only brings us to the level of the criminal. It's not a deterrant, and it lessens the human race every time we strap somebody in for it. The fact that Florida retired Old Sparky means nothing; it's still an eye for an eye at the expense of mankind. Like I said, this is a vent.
But Danny Rolling? That crazy sonofabitch didn't even bother to mount a psych defense. Heh, contradiction in terms...oh, he talked of multiple personalities at times and tried to string together a nut persona that turned out to be cribbed from Exorcist II, but before the lawyers could even start posturing, he changed his plea to guilty and admitted that he murdered the Gainesville 5. He wasn't devious or calculating like Bundy, spinning stories left and right to keep himself from the needle. He admitted it. Period. Felt like it, wanted to make a name for himself, no remorse. From there, the lawyers doing the appeals dance was academic, an exercise for Con. Law class.
Maybe I can't change my mind on him because I was stupid and morbidly curious enough to read the true crime websites about the crime scenes and the mutilations awhile back. Maybe I'm clinging to some 15-year-old fear. All I know is I'm still against the death penalty, and I'll be happy and relieved come 6:01 tonight. And it doesn't feel contradictory.
Maybe next year...
So the Avon walk didn't exactly happen :( I didn't raise enough money to walk, and I wasn't in any position to potentially put myself in debt while I tried to raise it, so I bailed and volunteered instead. We drove up Friday with a detour at the inlaws, then I went the rest of the way to Charlotte. Got up at the crack on Saturday and jumped in, organizing paperwork for them, making signs for the cheering stations, loading up trucks with water and gatorade for the rest stops. The crew folks do the heavy lifting and the driving of sweep vans and stuff, though I could've helped pitch tents and stuff, but we were planning to get another look at Columbia on Sunday, so I bailed. I will do more of these, and I'll damn sure be in better shape and not go at them so half-assed in the future. The cause didn't deserve the way I slapped it together this time.
It was a good trip from several angles though; the weather was absolutely incredible, I had some wake-up calls, and we both had an unfortunate big one...Les's grandma is reneging on her promise to help with his teeth. It makes me livid to think about it, and I won't air the family's dirty laundry here...suffice it to say it's got me really motivated to get him into dentures. Cheapies, dental college work, anything. Especially after yesterday...I went to the dentist myself to get a double cavity issue taken care of, one that was near the front and had spent the last 2 years working itself into a nice big black hole. My dentist did an amazing job; there's like, no way to tell that there's fillings there! I feel tons better, self-image wise....just gotta shave 100 pounds off my ass and I'll be a new woman. But seriously folks...that was a wake-up call too, because I know no one likes time in the dentist chair, but it's like, seriously motivating me. My teeth have gotten way sensitive in recent years, and I have a real issue with the iron hook, as I call it. I swear she did more scraping away at the decay yesterday than drilling, and it drove me up about three walls. It is a shivers-down-my-spine, fingernails-on-a-blackboard issue for me; I really can't stand it. I have 1 fresh cavity and 3 old fillings to take care of, and then I don't want to have to be in one of those chairs for anything other than cleanings for a very long time. I went out right after the appointment yesterday and bought fresh floss, a mouth guard (I'm a night grinder), and a nifty gum brush, because they keep talking root planing at me and that's another something I have no desire to investigate further. ::shudders::
Finished the cheater fingerless gloves this past weekend; they're so easy I may have to make several pairs in different colors...I was kicking myself for not having something this morning - it was frickin' 40 degrees out! Washed the soaker and it is SO soft, but didn't shrink much, so will still fit a toddler. Turned the Harlot scarf into a Harlot washcloth (lacking patience lately...tried a leafy lace scarf pattern this weekend too, and didn't get past the 2nd batch of rows), and started a new basic rib scarf with the dark grey Wool Ease T & Q. That one's gonna be soft and warm! Started another hat last night...the dark grey hat didn't come out nearly the way I wanted it to...I'm ticked that it wasn't knitted in the round because I'd really like to pull the whole thing out and start from scratch. I'm focusing on wintery projects for me only right now, with the possible exception of a pair of Pippi Longstockings for my younger sisinlaw, because she expressed interest in something like that when I was showing off my Thujas up there (which incidentally aren't going to last, I can tell, because of the shitty yarn I used...already found a spot that needs darning...live and learn).
Random stuff:
Les and I are going to start walking in the evenings. I caught a side glance of myself in a glass door this weekend that's still haunting me, never mind that my hormones are outta whack again, and that Wellbutrin is a bastard stepchild of antidepressants. Never thought I'd miss Paxil as much as I do, but I'm determined to stay off of it until my unborn, unconceived small person detaches from the boob.
Can anyone tell me what the f*ck happened to our Jaguars this past weekend? I am so glad I was out of the area and couldn't watch that fiasco.
It was a good trip from several angles though; the weather was absolutely incredible, I had some wake-up calls, and we both had an unfortunate big one...Les's grandma is reneging on her promise to help with his teeth. It makes me livid to think about it, and I won't air the family's dirty laundry here...suffice it to say it's got me really motivated to get him into dentures. Cheapies, dental college work, anything. Especially after yesterday...I went to the dentist myself to get a double cavity issue taken care of, one that was near the front and had spent the last 2 years working itself into a nice big black hole. My dentist did an amazing job; there's like, no way to tell that there's fillings there! I feel tons better, self-image wise....just gotta shave 100 pounds off my ass and I'll be a new woman. But seriously folks...that was a wake-up call too, because I know no one likes time in the dentist chair, but it's like, seriously motivating me. My teeth have gotten way sensitive in recent years, and I have a real issue with the iron hook, as I call it. I swear she did more scraping away at the decay yesterday than drilling, and it drove me up about three walls. It is a shivers-down-my-spine, fingernails-on-a-blackboard issue for me; I really can't stand it. I have 1 fresh cavity and 3 old fillings to take care of, and then I don't want to have to be in one of those chairs for anything other than cleanings for a very long time. I went out right after the appointment yesterday and bought fresh floss, a mouth guard (I'm a night grinder), and a nifty gum brush, because they keep talking root planing at me and that's another something I have no desire to investigate further. ::shudders::
Finished the cheater fingerless gloves this past weekend; they're so easy I may have to make several pairs in different colors...I was kicking myself for not having something this morning - it was frickin' 40 degrees out! Washed the soaker and it is SO soft, but didn't shrink much, so will still fit a toddler. Turned the Harlot scarf into a Harlot washcloth (lacking patience lately...tried a leafy lace scarf pattern this weekend too, and didn't get past the 2nd batch of rows), and started a new basic rib scarf with the dark grey Wool Ease T & Q. That one's gonna be soft and warm! Started another hat last night...the dark grey hat didn't come out nearly the way I wanted it to...I'm ticked that it wasn't knitted in the round because I'd really like to pull the whole thing out and start from scratch. I'm focusing on wintery projects for me only right now, with the possible exception of a pair of Pippi Longstockings for my younger sisinlaw, because she expressed interest in something like that when I was showing off my Thujas up there (which incidentally aren't going to last, I can tell, because of the shitty yarn I used...already found a spot that needs darning...live and learn).
Random stuff:
Les and I are going to start walking in the evenings. I caught a side glance of myself in a glass door this weekend that's still haunting me, never mind that my hormones are outta whack again, and that Wellbutrin is a bastard stepchild of antidepressants. Never thought I'd miss Paxil as much as I do, but I'm determined to stay off of it until my unborn, unconceived small person detaches from the boob.
Can anyone tell me what the f*ck happened to our Jaguars this past weekend? I am so glad I was out of the area and couldn't watch that fiasco.
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