Friday fog

Not outside, rather in my head...I'm having trouble getting out from under it today. Payday didn't bring good news...I got the quarterly bonus, but it's barely going to hold us for the next 2 weeks. It's not going to hold us actually; it'll mean embracing the beans and rice in the cupboards and borrowing from his folks again probably. I'm a little concerned about continuing to live this way if I don't get the promotion, never mind that in order to look my best for the interviews for said promotion, I need to sink money into a pair of pumps. Can't remember being this pissy on a friday...

Tonight will be nice and should lift me out of it a bit...I've known Christy since 6th grade; it's one of those friendships that manages to stay strong even when we take each other for granted (mainly me there). She's hopefully getting married this year, and I'm to be a bridesmaid...I wrote about the dress a while back, it's gorgeous, even on my bod...tried it on again last night and was surprised at how pretty I felt in spite of my size. I need to get it altered though, so hopefully we can start that process tonight, and then go to dinner and catch up.

Another thing that will help...getting out on my porch this weekend. Went outside last night to water and rearrange the plants and it got my brain working on how I need to clean and consolidate things. It was neat having those unexpected feathered guests on the porch for the last month and a half, but I'm glad that they're gone too, because I can actually move around out there again and get to planting more things now. I have some pretty specific tasks scheduled this weekend, but it's going to be broken up with frequent trips outside to work my body and get my hands back in the dirt.

Thursday home stretch

Thursday afternoons tend to drag...hoping that's not the case today, but it's so damn pretty outside, I'm thinking Murphy may let it drag just to spite me. Ya know, cuz I have that kind of control over time.

Weather: balmy, copious sunshine, 70s

Head: somewhere between editing and wanting to research the marketing job

Heart: walking outside in a field, dog at my side

Mood: somewhere between wired and freaked...got an email about the marketing job I'm trying for...they've expanded the responsibilities even more, which if I know my company means absolutely nothing where the pay scale is concerned. At least I'll have no problem asking for $40K now...the additional responsibility is media relations, so my weekend will now be spent acquianting myself with every press release I can get my hands on, to memorize their corporate tone, grammar/style, etc. I'm jazzed about this turn of events, but concerned too...I joke about going back on my lithium, but...also concerned about talking too quickly in an interview, rambling by mistake, or letting one of my personality quirks sneak out. Y'ever see the movie, Drop Dead Gorgeous? The scenes with Brittany Murphy's character, where she dissolves into maniacal giggles during the interviews.....yeah, well, would rather not recreate that scene in front of potential promoters.

Also, finishing up Les's SS disability paperwork this weekend...yes, he's helping, but I spearheaded it and I type much faster, so...lot of computer time ahead this weekend. Yuck!

Checked a pile of books out of the library about the food industry, and still haven't been near real fast food since my stomach trouble. It's been a tough week for figuring out dinners, but recognizing how much I like Chipotle has me more determined than ever to make that kind of food at home...

Christy's in town! We're going to dinner Friday night to catch up...she's trying to push up her wedding to this summer. I hate the idea of seeing this body in a formal gown, but it's a really gorgeous dress in a deep midnight blue, so maybe it won't be so bad...

Wednesday wanderings

I'm editing websites as quickly as I can, and wondering when/if I'm going to hear about an interview for the marketing manager job. But in my head, I'm on my knees in the dirt working the garden on my land. The air is balmy, I'm starting to sweat, and when I run my gloved hand across my forehead, it leaves a dirt streak. There's a large dog wandering amiably nearby, and I can hear the chickens feeding in their pen.

There's nothing wrong with these dreams, so long as I remember to live in the present. That's the tricky part, the part that keeps me from fully embracing Buddhism. They're all about the present, there is no past or future, only the now; and I just can't handle not having things to look forward to. Does that mean I'll always be searching for something else? What will I feel once I have our little patch of land? Cross that bridge when I come to it...it's still quite a few years away. They say you can't be happy in the present if you're always looking to the future, but I manage OK. Helps to be traveling with a soulmate.

The weather makes it very hard lately to work indoors. Today it's only getting up to 75F and the sunshine's just endless. I'll drive to grab lunch with the windows down and my hair blowing everywhere.

Tuesday

Weather: crazy-beautiful...80s with gusty breeze...serious sunshine...

Lunch: Chipotle chicken tacos >:)

Mood: dreamy...

Ducklings!

Little shits couldn't wait til I got home from work :(

I got an elated phone call mid-afternoon from Les. He awoke to frantic peeps, slipped outside to find that almost all of them had dropped off the porch already...grabbed the camera and got as many shots as he could. Momma left the porch, and all but one of the little guys followed her in short order. The last little guy had trouble getting out of the litterbox, so Les helped him as uninvasively as he could, picked him up ever-so-carefully and nudged him toward the edge, where he finally found the courage to drop. He then proceeded to wander completely around one of the HVAC units before hearing his momma's quacks and scurrying over to her.

We originally thought there were 17; now it's looking like 15. Nature may have already taken a few, but we're determined to believe that Norbert lived (yes, we named him...what of it?) and is the straggler in the pack. We just spent some more time on the porch watching the little guys below. They hung out on our neighbor's porch, where 2 mallards are regulars...the momma, all the babies, another probable female, and a big male. The other female's a bit mean, so after awhile, the momma took her little ones away. That really struck me, because they're all trucking along, as fast as their little legs will take them, but Norbert (hopefully) was just a bit slower than the others, so he'd plop down, let out about 3 big peeps to say "wait up!", and momma would turn and stop and wait for him to catch up. Did that a couple of times.

::sigh::

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go budget for the next 11 months, so we can get the f**k out of this apartment and onto my little patch of land...stirred such feeling in me, seeing life begin so close...

Ah, Monday

::grumble, grumble::

Idina Menzel rocked! What a delightful, down-to-earth lady :) Gotta get me a copy of Defying Gravity....note to self: you ever gonna get your iTunes store fixed?

Seeing Lil Sis was delightful too, always glad to have her in town. We hit Chipotle for lunch on Saturday, and I'm hooked. Good thing too, because after watching Food Inc. last week, I may never touch a fast food hamburger again. Or Zaxby's. Or most anything that resides in the aisles of a supermarket! I know, I know, it's not that bad, but man, it's tough, initially...I'm reading labels on everything, but I really have to get creative about my meals...can't live on green smoothies. Looking forward to shopping at Native Sun and Whole Foods this coming weekend.

Ducklings! Momma's being super-protective though, burying them underneath her, so pictures are hard to come by so far...can't wait to try again after work.

Started Les's social security disability paperwork again, very happy with myself about that. About GD time. And received my first email back about the management position I'm trying for...interviews should be happening next week. Thank goodness, gives me a week to research.

Spring to Summer

We're having a nice transitional time here in Florida this year, I guess because winter was so cold. When you live in Florida and hate it, there are only two seasons: godawful summer and not summer. So you don't appreciate the in-between times as much as you should. But while it's stretching into the 80s these days, it's not oppressive at all yet, and I find myself enjoying the warmth, the breezes, the sunshine bustin' out all over the place. Sure hope I can keep this good outlook when it's 15 degrees higher and I'm having to wear my hair up everyday. When I can still go outside at lunchtime, but I should really carry a spare deodorant in my bag. Ah, Florida.

Discussed with Husby, and we've entered reality. By some miracle, I'm not depressed by it, only hopeful and relieved. Can't force a dream if you're unable to finance it yet...period. Learn from it, store for future reference, continue moving forward. I'm a dream shark.

Spent this morning wondering and researching about finding a house to rent here, and got a lesson in the differences between Charlotte and Jacksonville. Perfectly respectable houses in Charlotte are going for at least $200 to $300 less in rent than here in Jax, and what passes for a house in Jax is laughable. I'm not a snob, but I just know I wouldn't be comfortable in a prefab, and down here, in this city, that's nearly all that's available in our price range...a decent house in a non-scary neighborhood in this area means a commute out of town to St. Augustine, Palm Coast, or some other satellite town at least 30 miles away. And we just don't have the savings anyway. So I'm through looking for places for now, and ready to concentrate on making our place liveable for another 10+ months. Having the extra time is really proving to be a relief. I know we'll get there somehow, and I'm finally recognizing the level of work required.

In the meantime, because I'm a glutton for punishment (JK), I'm applying for another management position within my company. It's in Marketing, and the first thing in ages (besides my current post) that I'm actually seriously qualified for...that all my experience in all my different jobs can play different roles for me to make that position mine. So I'm crossing my fingers for an interview, gearing up for it with note-taking about my experience/reacquianting myself with me, and possibly refilling my lithium for the next month so I can make it through said interviews without rambling incoherently or making an ass of myself. Wish me luck!

The ebb of denial, the flow of life

So I spent the morning dreaming and planning about NC (oh, and editing the occasional website), and I'm spending the afternoon recognizing that we can't move until next March.

What precipitated it was when I hit up Monster.com last night for potentials and saw that Johnson C. Smith University is looking for a web content editor. Talk about a trifecta! Academic setting in Charlotte working completely within my established skill set. Seriously droolworthy. I heart college campuses. Kind of stings now, since I'm recognizing how not-possible it is. Pause for zen mo: must not be right then...when it's right, you'll know....better to plan than rush.

So then lunchtime, I found a plum realtor's website, an agency with a site dedicated completely to rental homes in Charlotte. Goldmine! Was looking at several properties that were within our "price range" and not ugly or in horrific areas of town. I checked the application process and financially it seemed doable, but the credit requirements were probably a bit above average for this average credit gal. So I went online to the place where you can get your credit report for free annually from the government and was able to pull 2 of my reports.

ehem...umm, yeah...so anyway, I know it's better than it was, because I got my free credit score recently when I participated in a survey. But there's some work to be done, and management companies aren't going to take that report as-is. And the fact is that my report's the one that counts, because I'm the one working...heck, Les has been out of work for so long, we'll have to start putting stuff in my name only until we can get him back on his feet. And with no savings, it's just unrealistic to think we can clean it up enough in the next 4 months to move. Especially with the b*lls**t going on right now at my work (my pay's taking a hit and we barely live on a good check as it is).

Haven't discussed with Husby yet, so this is like more of me convincing myself of what's smart.

Random ramblings...

Ah, Tuesday, you tease, you soulless bitch. Get me in a good mood, feeling much better, getting energy back already, wanting to expend it in a constructive fashion, and then send me to work where I spend the morning on an editorial treadmill with an incline somewhere near 15 and a paycheck that's dwindling to base rate...

Politics:
Did we liberals whine this badly when Bush was in office? Seems to me we were so busy working our asses off to get Obama elected, we didn't have time to whine. I get that a portion of the sour grapes that we hear coming from the right side of the aisle is, of course, a deliberate plant by the fourth estate (the unbiased media...pause for hysterical laughter), but geez...I'm reading articles where conservatives are bitching about the cheap shot that was fired in the form of a Sarah Palin joke (yes, I'm aware that's redundant) on last week's Glee, and all I can think is, wow, you guys don't have anything better to whine about? Guess they finally figured out that the health care situation ain't going in their favor, so they're scrambling for new ammo. Kind of pitiful.

While I'm ranting about politics and media, can someone explain to me how Fox News gets away with the slogan "Fair and Balanced"? Talk about your staggering falsehoods! There's a false advertising lawsuit in there somewhere...

Animal Life:
Haven't been carrying the camera with me lately, in case the porch eggs hatch and Husby wants to take pictures, so less pics on blog again, sorry. Dear guy went outside this morning to check on our girl, refill her bowls (we've been supplementing her with bread and water), and water my plants. Brought watering can in to refill with intention of keeping it indoors, and had the crap surprised out of him when a tree frog flew out of the can and proceeded to hop all over the kitchen :) Was able to apprehend our little green friend without the cat's intervention, thank goodness, but when he tried to deposit it outside the porch door, the little dude kept hopping back in! So I guess I have to stop thinking about my apartment as being unfit for children and animals, because the cat's still quite alive and thriving, and we have amphibious creatures trying to room here too!

Entertainment:
Seriously obscure: I've decided that Ryan Phillipe's doppelganger is Christopher Egan and that Jodi Lyn O'Keefe's doppelganger is Alexa Davalos. Just sayin'...and yes, I watch too much TV. Although, now that I think of it, my TV watching has gotten pretty selective lately...it's just my brain retains the most mundane excrement sometimes.

Crafty Goodness:
I think I'm finally getting in the mood to pick up the needles again. It's been weird, haven't felt like knitting since Christmastime...it's like the disappointment of those ill-fitting mother-in-law-turned-niece socks sucked the joy of it out of me for a while. Still not really in a sock mood, but thinking of pawing through my hilarious amount of UFOs and taking stock. Also, I'm thinking this yarn in this colorway needs to be a gift to myself for some project, as a reward when I get us moved to NC.

Garden:
Don't tomatoes have to flower in order to bear fruit? Thinking of buying some wildflowers for the porch to encourage the pollinators, because I'm fearing my location ain't the best breeding ground for bees.

Gearing up for May and June with Goose Love:
Those 2 months are hard, the first for the anniversary of Dad's death, the 2nd for his birthday, Father's Day, and the anniversary of his first aortic dissection (not in that order). They emotionally shred me, so I'm taking steps to work through it, recognize it for what it is, move forward, grow, heal, etc. Hopefully I'll be so busy planning the move, it won't be as bad as last year (the philosophy that pain can't hit a moving target). But I've also decided something: that the spirit of my dad lives in Canada geese. I feel very blonde for thinking this now, nearly 3 years later, when the day after Dad's memorial in CT, we went to visit the gravesite and spent the time at the cemetery with a flock of at least 2 dozen of my favorite birds grazing quietly nearby. But we also have the small flocks that congregate around the retention ponds near my work and apartment complexes, and I'm finding comfort in seeing them almost daily. I may not even think of Dad each time, but they settle something in my soul when I see them. Nice.

Not entirely my fault!

Gotta give credit where credit is due. While I'm no doctor, my Internet research abilities are fearsome...and the latest intel suggests that my lousy diet was a factor certainly, but didn't kick-start the lousyness...the steroids the dentist gave me did! Steroids are known to strip the gut of good bacteria, just like certain antibiotics. Let the self-flaggelation cease!

First green smoothie was actually purple...frozen berries, banana, some juice, water, kale, and a touch of honey. Not bad at all, so this morning I continued the trend with apple, pear, banana, and kale...that one's definitely green and yummy as well. With the rest of my diet currently bland and my appetite on the sidelines, it's nice to have something so fresh, tasty, and new in the repertoire. Thank you, beauty that moves!

Back at work, taking a probiotic supplement, expecting exhaustion as the day progresses, taking care of myself...gotta try doing more of that when I'm not under the weather too.

Sidebar: definitely need to blend a bit more...tastes fine, but seriously sludgy.

Insanity

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...

Why can't I learn a lesson until it's been beaten over my head a couple of thousand times?

In my defense, it's been quite a while since my intestinal yeast acted up. Can't remember the last time...it may have been a year ago, at least. But when the headaches hit late last week, I knew exactly what it was, was able to distinguish it from the headaches I've been getting from my new crowns. So I flooded my system with water, took it easy, laid off the snacking and unhealthy foods, and was able to run errands yesterday, though it wiped me out at the end of the day.

Then I had dinner...mac and cheese. I rationalized it because the protein content was high and I was hungry after my errands, so I wanted an easy fix. I'm an idiot. It's pure carbs and preservatives, very little good in that box, and we won't go into what brand I bought; it's that embarassing. No headaches this morning, but my stomach's bothering me, which never happens, and I can tell I'm going to have to take it easy today. Great, except I'm running out of weekends where I can get away with that, and next weekend, at least part of it, will be spent with family...Lil Sis is in town and we have tickets to the Idina Menzel concert.

I'm so angry with myself. I'm going to stick to veggie meals mostly this week, and try my hand at green smoothies, but the damage is done, and I'm so f*ing sick of learning these lessons over and over again. I feel bloated and my stomach hurts, which makes me want to exercise it off, except I don't have the energy. I have to do laundry today, the dining room is its usual disaster area, and my last day of the weekend is going to be a real chore.

I won't look back at my archives to see how many other times I've whined like this...I'm not that self-flaggelating. But I really hope I can remember this feeling and grow from it this time, because it's hindering dreams that are very doable still...from organizing to making babies, everything hinges on personal health, because if you don't have that...I just got the all-clear from the cardiologist; it's about time I start earning that good news.

My muse in the form of a little 20-something farmer...

http://coldantlerfarm.blogspot.com/2010/04/closing.html

Why I won't give up my dream of owning a little patch of land to farm. I want a nice-sized garden, some chickens for eggs and meat, beyond that, who knows. I want the feel of a large dog walking beside me on this land. I want to learn to shoot a rifle again. It is possible. Requires hard, hard work and diligence, and the two are separate entities. But it's possible.

I thank Jenna for letting us into her life. I wish I could trek up to Vermont and help her move, even though I'm barely in any condition to move myself. Believe me, that's getting me off the computer and out into the sunshine this weekend, if I can keep the headaches at bay (my intestinal yeast has risen, which gives me blinding headaches...it's a dietary thing that's been taking turns with the headaches I'm still getting from my new crowns)...but it's not stopping me from finding a way to move us in August, in spite of the hysterical detritus that surrounds us in this tiny-assed apartment that we've been in for 11 years and the fact that I need to find a job and a house for us. I mention the physical logistics of the move too, because while we should be able to enlist the help of my quite-able-and-large Lil Bro for the move-out, he won't be there for the move-in, and we can't afford movers. Should be interesting. So it's a good thing that the headaches hit me when they did, because it's a big-assed wake-up call for me and Les to get exercising, so the move doesn't completely kill us both.

My brain's all over the place today, but I'm feeling better. Gotta go run errands. Just finished reading her Closing post and had to pass it on, because it speaks so clearly to anyone who suffers from Barnheart. Sending her virtual hugs of congratulations!

Staking the tomato this weekend, and I think I need to transplant the pepper; it's beautiful! Duck still sitting...ducklings should be happening soon! Lil Sis warned me that probably only 60% will hatch...I'll be delighted to see any new life on my dismal porch.

Nose...grindstone...

Can't wind down yet, so here I am. Old moon shot from Christmas in SC, I think. Good news is I used my TV time constructively tonight. Bad news is inability to string sentences together. So I'm starting with statements, which I'll put together tomorrow night.

Monday was grueling, workwise; my numbers are suffering. But my cardiologist follow-up appointment from the angiogram was great news: everything's clear, go away, no more tests for a year. I'm relieved more than I realized...it's been hitting me gradually all day and providing the motivation for the simplest things, like prepping snacks for during the day tomorrow, so I'm not reaching for the debit card and Zaxby's. And starting those letters of intent...I have what I'm calling a lousy, brilliant idea for how we can get moving money....gotta do some more research before I'll share it here.

I'm finding a comfort in refilling the bread and water bowls for the ducks and checking up on my plants in the evenings. Les roused awake tonight from my making noise with the vertical blinds and asked what I was doing. I told him I was putting the farm to bed :) You gotta start somewhere.

Denial as a motivator, or why it's sometimes obvious i have a lithium deficiency

So after an entire weekend of trying to be still and accept the fact that we probably can't move in August, I'm back of the opinion that we need to still try...

My unhappiness at work is fueling this denial. Also, my unhappiness with the apartment, the rut we're in, Florida in general...I can't stand the thought of being here almost another year. It's not moving forward, and it's about time I get resourceful and figure out how to make this move work, money be damned.

So, letters of intent this week and looking at the next 4 months to figure out how we can get up there to scope the joint in the cheapest way possible.

As for the pictures...heheh...

The first one was a rather hilarious hair day.

The second one...well, see, I knew I'd be needing to talk on my cell phone while working on the computer when I was getting rid of the virus, and I don't own a hands-free set, and I'm not a fan of speakerphones...so, umm, anyway...my dad would've liked that one :)

And the third pic is our porch neighbors, still safe in their shells though I'm hoping to see signs of life within another week or so...thankfully, their parents aren't disturbing my plants at all and the tomatos, peppers, parsley and basil are all thanking me for the fresh air and sunshine. Gotta stake the tomato already! More pics soon!

Contemplative

Wishing something with all your might can't make it happen. You'd think that after 40 years of life, that lesson would get easier.

I'm recognizing that it's not financially possible for us to move at the end of August. We can't save enough by then...it's not going to happen.

I'm just not wired to wallow about it...disappointed is certainly a hilariously inadequate adjective, but all I can do is press on. Figure out how to make it work in March of 2011; that would be another 7-month lease. That'll give us another tax return, more time to get to know the different cities up there, more time to improve our credit score...it'll be a damn sight cooler than end of August too. That shouldn't really be a factor in the grand scheme, but when you live in Florida, it comes up. I've moved in summertime, cleaned out garages in summertime, have solid memories of sweating myself dry in this godforesaken state while feeling bloated from too much gatorade...it's a blast. So March isn't a bad thing, lemme tellya...

Still, can't deny the ache. My work is currently exercising a level of unfairness in their treatment of us that has me itching to hunt, itching to get away, but what's the point of that...better to tough it out and get my ducks in a row to search up there. We want to start trying for a family again, as soon as he's feeling a pinch better, but with me being sole breadwinner, it gets tricky. This neighborhood gets worse, more instances of cops being called out, more gunfights right in our area of town, and another year of no yard, no dog, no real garden...motivators to be sure, but in the present, it's an ache.

My Morning Rally

My dad used to quote a comedian who said something to the effect that he couldn't understand people who didn't drink, because he couldn't handle the idea of recognizing that when you woke up in the morning, that was the best you were going to feel all day. It's kind of a joke grenade...anyone who's ever enjoyed a hangover will get that statement, because when you think back on hangovers, the light at the end of the tongue-shaving, head-pounding, dear-god-get-some-food-into-my-system tunnel is the knowledge that by afternoon, after fast food and a serious nap, you may be back to some semblance of human that can function in society. It's something to look forward to.

I was reminded of that line this morning, because it dawned on me as I plugged away on websites and noshed on a donut and coffee, that the little black cloud that was over my head when I came in was dissipating. It's Tuesday, it's gorgeous out, I want to be anywhere but here, and yet there's some lightness peeking out of my brain that will make the next 6 hours easier. The wheels slowly begin turning and I'm able to multitask, make lists for the move in between editing websites. This is good, because I'm scattered at home...I get there after 8 hours of rote brain activity and look around me at the monumental task I hope to accomplish for us, and I'm overwhelmed, and then mundane stuff falls to the wayside (like the cleanliness of the kitchen), which only scatters me more. Bit of a vicious circle...

Take last night...wanted to start long-handing cover letters to some potential employers up in NC...just hash out the basics. Could do that on the computer, but 10 hours a day on the blasted thing is quite enough lately...I burn off a pinch of steam on it when I get home (heh, like 2 hours' worth), but I'm currently in a phase where I'm recognizing that I'm spending too much time on the damn thing. Which sucks because there are real projects that I'd like to accomplish on the sucker naturally, like uploading my pictures to Shutterbug, reloading iTunes and completely organizing my playlists, and the nitty-gritty of researching for NC. So I finally go to watch some tube and my brain is mush and I can't sit still for my shows, so I'm bouncing off the walls and not writing or reading or anything. I haven't picked up knitting in months either, been too restless and scattered. So I woke up grumbly.

But I'm here now, waking up slowly, and there's the prospect of going home early because there's not enough work to go around, which is OK because I have PTO to spare, so I'll concentrate on that while I plug along, dreaming of a different job, a different city, and a fresh start.

Spring

Pictures soon, I promise...in process of transferring personal files to Shutterbug and want to take some new shots of this glorious weather.

Glorious is an adjective that covers it nicely...low 50s to mid 80s with abundant sunshine and light breeze. Spent a nice chunk of yesterday outdoors and am still feeling the positive effects of it. Such a treat to traipse around outside and not be completely dehydrated afterward. Shame that won't last. I figure we've got maybe 2 or 3 more weeks of tolerable before it starts to get good and sweaty around here. Ah, whatever, I'm ready for it...ready to slap on the sunscreen and get my big ass outdoors.

I cursed myself this weekend by making a crack on my FB that I'd love to get things accomplished that didn't involve computer viruses...then my mom called Saturday afternoon in a panic because something had invaded HER computer. ::sigh:: Armed with my knowledge of how to dial a phone and start a computer in Safe mode, I went to her place and got it scanned. Then I dropped by Sunday midday to see if it needed any further attention. The weather was amazing and I commented that I wished I had gas money because this was perfect weather for just going for a drive. She said why not the Arboretum, so we had a quick lunch, gathered her little runt dog, and drove to Arlington. The city created this space a couple of years back and it's a work in progress, but has several nice, easy trails that were surprisingly pretty and off-the-beaten-path enough where we didn't hear traffic. I was high on fresh air the rest of the night, and I'm still feeling it this morning...thinking of taking a walk after work.

I needed yesterday badly...been pretty ornery about Easter. It's hard for a childless pagan to know where to stand on the subject. I'd like to believe in an afterlife, though I admit it's based in fear of there being nothing after this, not in any actual faith in God, capital G. So I'd resigned myself to not feeling anything and mused that maybe if we have children, that'll change. But I do get the hypocrisy of believing in an afterlife, but not the resurrection; and after reading are so happy's post on Easter (and looking forward to rereading it), I'm shifting my thinking and relearning to embrace the different viewpoints like a good little unitarian.

Besides, the chocolate bunnies alone are enough reason to give that holiday a shot....we'll now pause so the Christians can pray for my soul after that crack :)

Blessed Friday

Les downloaded the Comcast Norton security yesterday and got the last dregs of the virus, we think...it's running much faster, and we're both breathing sighs of relief. Considering our solutions were a) fairly simple, and b) free, it's hard not to look around for another shoe to drop. This weekend, I'll transfer all my photos and organize the system some more. So, so glad it's OK.

The relief and energy I'm experiencing thanks to my dentist's Rx of a steroid to help my mouth pain, has me thanking the gods that my lil bro (with his penchant for physical fitness and addictive personality) never tried 'roids, because I gotta tell ya, I'm feeling SO much better. I need to convince myself that I could feel this way all the time if only I'd lose the weight, because damn, I'm invigorated. And it's different from an opiate high, because there's no crash. Yes, I recognize that I'm on a strictly measured regimen and the crash comes from abusing them, don't worry...I'm just enjoying feeling better, and recognizing how badly I'd like to feel less tired more often. There's plenty of ways to accomplish that...just gotta do the work.

So hopefully I'll be back to putting up images here this weekend, in between figuring out how the hell we're going to move in (ACK!) 5 months and tending my plants before they all stall on me. Another full-of-promise Friday :)

Quickie

78F and full sun...Weather Channel calls it "abundant sunshine." I'd have to agree. Gonna have to start bringing sunscreen in my purse if I go out at lunchtime.

Dentist put me on 'roids, headache's abated and chewing on my right side for the first time in 2 months...RELIEF!!!

Played on FB last night on the home system...order restoring itself in Melanie's universe. I'm a sad, tech-addicted creature.

Time to get some safe color on my arms and figure out different up hairstyles, cuz it's getting hot out there...so friggin' pretty though.

Pioneer Woman's coming to Orlando in May! May have to make the drive down for that; she's such a neat lady, and I'd love an excuse to buy her cookbook. Trying to encourage her to stay an extra day and take the punks to Universal :)